Season 59 Retirees announced

 VERY FEW RETIRING AFTER THIS SEASON

The cut pile took the brunt of those players designated for retiring following the end of this season, with the active roster guys clinging to their MBA playing career like so many dingleberrys.

Ten of the 15 cut pile guys up for retirment decided to give up the ghost, calling it quits at an odds-defying (33 percent is normal) 66.7 percent rate.

That rate was reversed in the active roster retirements, where 38 players faced retirement but only 5 decided that this would be their final campaign. That's just a 13.2 percent rate of retiring. This was, perhaps, the lowest rate ever for one season.

As far as starters go, the retention rate was even better. Out of 22 starters up for retirement, only 2 will be leaving the game...both on Seattle.

Six teams were totally untouched by retirments. Dave teams lost just one player, Oklahoma City substitute forward L.S. Island. But Tyler teams, with the exception of Seattle, were almost as lucky, losing just 4 players.

None of the league superstars were lost. Couple that with the super low retirment rate, and we might be seeing one of the more talented versions of the MBA next season with the introduction of the 16-player rookie class.

Season 59 Featured Game 5...Philadelphia at Milwaukee

 

PHILADELPHIA 78, MILWAUKEE 72

PHOBIA OUTLASTS GRITTY GUARDS

MILWAUKEE --  Shooting a blistering 71.4 percent as a team, the Philadelphia Phobia (now 4-1) withstood a 44-point barrage by Milwaukee's guards to capture a 78-72 road win and sweep the season series. 

The Greyhounds are now 2-3.

Led by Famichiki Whiskey, the home team Greyhounds closed an 11-point gap to just 3 points at the 7 time unit mark, only to have substitute Philadelphia guard Sweet Sweety Dee bury his third trey of the game on the next time unit to seal the deal.

PLAYERS OF THE GAME

28 GVP...It's highly unusual for a losing team to get two POGs in the same contest, but its difficult to deny Milwaukee guards VICIOUS HICK and FAMICHIKI WHISKEY their just rewards. Hick, the Hall of Fame point guard, scored 21 points on 7 of 11 shooting, going 6 for 8 from deep while tying for team high in rebounds with 5 and adding a pair of assists. He was 1 for 1 from the foul line. This was his first POG this season and upped his scoring average to 18 points per game, good for fourth in the league. 

Meanwhile, Whiskey led all scorers with 23 points, also tying for team-best in boards with 5. The fouryth-year shooting guard was 8 for 21 from the floor, connecting on 3 of 7 from long range and going 4 for 5 from the foul lline. Like his running mate at guard, Whiskey is also averaging 18 points per game, giving Milwaukee two players in the top 5 in scoring. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

24 GVP...Philadelphia center Blob Dylan...13 points...6 rebounds...2 assists...2 steals...1 block.

23 GVP...Philadelphia point guard Tut Ankhamun...18 points...2 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal.

23 GVP...Philadelphia forward Leonard Pinth Garnel...12 points...5 assists...4 rebounds...1 steal...1 block.

MBA Standings … Season 59

EAST DIVISION

PHILADELPHIA………4-1

DALLAS………………4-1

MILWAUKEE………..2-3

CHARLESTON……….1-4

OKLAHOMA CITY….0-4

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES….4-0

SAN JOSE…………3-1

SEATTLE………….2-2

GILLETTE…………1-3

SACRAMENTO…1-3

NEXT UP:  It’s Gillette at Seattle in the next contest, as the Stampede gets ready to hunt down second-place San Jose. But then again an upset win by The Humps could move them past the Stampede in the West standings.

BONUS: Ten MBA observations (made prior to this Featured Game)

1)The league has gone defensive thus far in Season 59, with three teams (Philadelphia, Los Angeles and San Jose) currently holding opponents under 70 points per game. Last season only the champions from Philadelphia turned that trick. San Jose is the real puzzle. Last season they were dead last on D, yielding a sieve-like 85.8 points per game. The lineup is the same this season with the exception of rookie forward Waialua Blobtop who took the place of Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer.

2) As one might expect, the increased defense has left the league without even one team scoring at 80 points per game. Last season, three teams turned the trick.

3) Five teams are scoring less than 70 points per game...only Charleston did that last season.

4) Two of those five low-scoring teams, San Jose and Philadelphia, are currently holding playoff positions.

5) The Rookie of the Year race right now looks like this:

Guard Shelly Bogturtle of Oklahoma City ... 24.6 GVP

Guard Braddah Wayne of Los Angeles...21.7 GVP

Forward Waialua Blobtop of San Jose...18.4 GVP

6) The MVP race right now looks like this:

Forward Leonard Pinth Garnel of Philadelphia...33.1 MVP pts for defending MVP

Guard Pinky Toe of Los Angeles...31.6 MVP pts

Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn of Dallas...29.2 MVP pts

7) Dallas, always in the hunt, is tied for the best record in the East despite it putrid 14 rebounds per game, which is last in the league. The next worst team is Sacramento at 18.5.

8) In this defensive season, five players have already scored 30 or more points in one game, and we haven't quite hit the halfway mark yet. In all of last season, only 6 players reached the 30 or more mark in a game.

9) There were 9 barn-burners all of last season (games won by 3 points or less or overtime games). This season we have already had 8. 

10) The West is ahead of the East in cross-over wins for the first time in memory...3 to 1. Let's see if that holds up.

Season 59 Featured Game No. 4...Sacramento at Seattle...plus Bonus

SEATTLE 94, SACRAMENTO 60 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

STAMPEDE TRAMPLES DOGS 

SEATTLE -- This was a massacre in every sense of the word as Seattle, minus two starters (Juggleboy still injured, Crocidale misses second half with injury), shows off its depth and humiliates visitng Sacramento 94-60.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

38 GVP...Seattle center POOP-RUPIAH 3000 became the third MBA player to register multiple POGs this season as he ran rampant against both River Dogs pivots on the way to his second of the season. The 6-9, fifth-year man, who has either finished first or second in All-MBA teams at his position, powered his way to a game-high 24 points while snagging a game-high 7 rebounds and swiping a game-high 2 steals. He tied for game-high in blocked shots with 3 and handed out a pair of assists. He was 10 for 14 from the field with a couple of slams and a perfect 4 for 4 from the foul line. On his third team now in as many seasons, the former Rookie of the Year has been in three straight Finals but has yet to get a championship ring. He's now scoring at a 17.5 per game clip, his top career average, which puts him fourth in the scoring ranks this season.

Other 20-plus GVP performers (none from Sacramento)

25 GVP...Seattle small forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...19 points...3 assists...2 rebounds...1 block.

21 GVP...Seattle point guard Ehhy Table...11 points...6 rebounds...4 assists.

21 GVP...Seattle substitute forward Dark Urine...13 points...3 rebounds...3 blocks...2 assists.

MBA Standings … Season 59

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………3-1

PHILADELPHIA………3-1

MILWAUKEE………..2-2

CHARLESTON……….1-3

OKLAHOMA CITY….0-4

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES….3-0

SAN JOSE…………3-0

SEATTLE………….2-2

GILLETTE…………1-3

SACRAMENTO…1-3

NEXT UP:  Bracket 4 concludes with a game between the MBA’s only two unbeaten teams, as the shocking seniors from San Jose visit the powerful Los Angeles Big One.  Vegas has L.A. by 12 points.

BONUS

THE WINNERS OF EVERY REBOUNDING TITLE IN MBA HISTORY

Season 59 Featured Game 3...Oklahoma at Dallas...plus bonus

DALLAS 77, OKLAHOMA CITY 71 (OVERTIME)

DEMONS 'D' WINS THE DAY

DALLAS -- The difference in this hard-fought overtime win for Dallas (now 2-1) was its superior defense, which most notably showed up in the short overtime period where the Demons completely shut out the visiting Lariats (now 0-3), leading to a 77-71 triumph.

These two teams came into the game as the two top scoring teams in the MBA, but it was Dallas preventing 11 points overall to just 2 for Oklahoma City, that made all the difference. Ten blocked shots by the Demons to just 2 for the Lariats told part of the story, as did 9 turnovers caused by the victors to just 3 by the visitors. Meanwhile, Oklahoma City held a gigantic rebounding advantage in the game (29-10) to keep them in contention. But the only points prevented by the Lariats (2) came in the first quarter.

The biggest defensive play came at the horn in regulation, when Dallas power forward Nick Kenpoop blocked what would have been a game-winning basket by Kevin Duran-Duran. It was Kenpoop's game-leading 6th blocked shot of the day.

As has been its unfortunate wont...Oklahoma City played another tough team close...coming back from a 10-point deficit...only to watch victory elude them again.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

34 GVP...Five-year Dallas veteran MINI CARFARTT and Oklahoma City rookie Shelly Bogturtle had a point guard battle royale, with the 5-10 Carfartt and company edging his opponent for POG honors. Carfartt was too much to handle offensively, becoming the third player this season to top the 30-point mark as he did so on the dot. His 30 points came on 13 for 19 shooting (2 for 3 from deep and 2 for 2 at the foul line). He added 2 assists, 1 rebound and 1 steal and was tied for second in causing turnovers. Plus, he scored 4 of the 6 Dallas overtime points. He's now averaging 16 points a game for the campaign.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

33 GVP...Oklahoma City rookie point guard Shelly Bogturtle...first triple-double...21 points...5 rebounds...6 assists...1 blocked shot.

31 GVP...Dallas power forward Nick Kenpoop...first triple-double...16 points...6 blocks...5 assists...3 rebounds...1 steal...tops in points prevented and tops in turnovers caused.

26 GVP...Oklahoma City rookie center Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury off the bench...16 points...8 rebounds...2 assists.

22 GVP...Oklahoma City small forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...12 points...8 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist...second in turnovers caused.

20 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame two guard Juzan Djinn...14 points...4 blocked shots...1 rebound...1 assist

Points prevented by quarters and overtime

Oklahoma City...2...0...0...0...0  Total=2

Dallas.................3...0...4...4...0  Total=11

Top players in points prevented

1. Nick Kenpoop, Dallas...8

2. Juzan Djinn, Dallas...2

2. Kevin Duran-Duran, Oklahoma City 2

Turnovers caused by quarters and overtime

Oklahoma City...0...0...2...1...0  Total=3

Dallas.................4...1...1...3...0  Total=9

Top players in turnovers caused

1. Nick Kenpoop, Dallas...4

2. Mini Carfartt, Dallas...2

2. Rumpy Pumpy Lewis, Oklahoma City...2

BONUS

ONE OBSERVATION ABOUT EACH TEAM SO FAR

LOS ANGELES…leads the league in points differential at plus 11.5 in 2 games

SAN JOSE…has yielded just 63 points per game compared to league-worst 85.3 last season.

SEATTLE…after being a preseason playoff favorite two seasons in a row, has again started 1-2

SACRAMENTO…pitiful free throwing at 53.3 percent (58.2 last season) hasn’t hurt….yet.

GILLETTE…worst point differential in the league at minus 13.5.

PHILADELPHIA…Best defense last season (65.3 per game) is even better at 58.2 per game.

OKLAHOMA CITY…offense is second in league but they can’t stop anyone…defense is worst in MBA.

MILWAUKEE…front court lacks even one player shooting at 60 percent clip.

CHARLESTON…MBA’s smallest lineup leads the league in rebounding.

DALLAS…Lost top scoring center in league to free agency, but leads the league in scoring.

 

Season 59 Featured Game 2...Oklahoma City at Sacramento

 SACRAMENTO 81, OKLAHOMA CITY 79

R-DOGS HANG ON IN THRILLER

SACRAMENTO -- The home team River Dogs (now 1-1) withstood a furious comeback rally by the visiting Lariats from Oklahoma City (now 0-2) to win a classic 81-79 cross-over contest.

Sacramento led by 13 early in the fourth quarter when Oklahoma City, led by veteran power forward Kevin Duran-Duran went on a tear to close within a point with 16 ticks remaining. A rare bucket by defensive ace Harrison Buttcracker at the 10 mark got the lead back to 3 for the home team, but Duran-Duran brought the Lariats to within 1 again with 4 time units remaining. 

That's when the chief R-Dog, Rabbit Munchers buried his 7th trey of the game, giving Sacramento a 4-point advantage. A game-ending basket by Oklahoma City merely brought the Lariats to within 2 for the final score.

The win by Sacramento gives the West a 2-0 early advantage in cross-overs. 

And Oklahoma City, a preseason playoff favorite is 0-2, having suffered  4- and 2-point losses.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

40 GVP...After getting booted from the game early in the first quarter for fighting in the season opener, Sacramento's star point guard RABBIT MUNCHERS let it all hang out in this one, potting 7 bombs on the way to a game-high 31 points, including the deciding trey to finish off the Lariats. Munchers destroyed Oklahoma City's promising rookie Shelly Bogturtle, playing outstanding defense that negated multiple baskets. The 6-3 Munchers was 12 for 22 from the floor, going 7 for 14 from beyond the arc (0 for 3 from the foul line), while tying for the team lead in rebounds (5), blocked shots (2) and assists (2). So despite getting just 4 points in the few time units he played in his first game, Munchers is averaging 17.5 ppg in this young season.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

36 GVP...Oklahoma City power forward Kevin Duran-Duran...29 points...5 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

25 GVP...Oklahoma City small forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...19 points...4 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

MBA Standings … Season 59

EAST DIVISION

PHILADELPHIA………2-0

CHARLESTON……….1-1

DALLAS…………………1-1

OKLAHOMA CITY….0-2

MILWAUKEE………..0-2

 

WEST DIVISION

SAN JOSE…………2-0

LOS ANGELES….1-0

SEATTLE………….1-1

SACRAMENTO…1-1

GILLETTE…………0-1

NEXT UP:  The second bracket concludes with Gillette visiting Los Angeles. The Big One pulled out a 3-point win against Sacramento in their initial outing and Gillette was the first ambush victim of the Ancient Ones from San Jose. This game features the point guard battle of Pinky Toe for L.A. and Maboroshi No Hotcake from Gillette.

Season 59 Featured Game No. 1...Dallas at Seattle

SEATTLE 81, DALLAS 79

STAMPEDE HANGS ON AGAINST DEMONS

SEATTLE -- The preseason favorite Seattle Stampede, leading by 11 down the home stretch, withstood a furious comeback attempt by visiting Dallas and escaped with a season-opening 81-79 cross-over triumph.

Points Prevented by Quarters

Dallas...2...0...3...2...Total=7

Seattle..5...2...2...0...Total=9

Points Prevented Leaders

1. Juzan Djinn, Dallas 4

2. Ehhy Table, Seattle 3

2. Johnny Cumlately, Dallas 3

Turnovers Caused by Quarters

Dallas...2...2...0...2...Total=6

Seattle...0...1...5...1...Total=7

Turnovers Caused Leaders

1. Hooza Goodboi, Seattle 4

2. St. Ides, Dallas 3

PLAYERS OF THE GAME

25 GVP...It's very unusual for the losing team to have two players represented as Players of the Game, but we're not going to argue with the GVP system in this tight contest. 6-10 Dallas power forward NICK KENPOOP led all scorers with 18 points while pulling down 4 boards and handing out 3 assists. The fifth-year veteran was 8 for 10 from the floor with 3 slams and 2 of 4 from the foul stripe.

25 GVP...Picked up by Dallas in the cut draft, veteran center ST. IDES actually dominated last season's All-MBA pivot Poop-Rupiah 3000 in his debut for the Demons. Ides scored 14 points on 4 of 8 shooting with 2 slams while going a perfect 6 for 6 from the foul line. He led the Demons with 5 rebounds and also led everyone in both assists with 4 and steals with 2. The 6-9 Ides caused 3 turnovers, good for second-most in the game. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

22 GVP...Seattle small forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...15 points...3 rebounds...3 assists...1 block

22 GVP...Dallas small forward Venial Sinn...16 points...3 rebounds...2 assists...1 block.

20 GVP...Seattle point guard Ehhy Table...16 points...3 rebounds...1 assist...3 points prevented.

Check out those East standings...you are not likely to see San Jose in first place again this season, but the old boys are reveling in it for now.

NEXT UP: Bracket 2 starts with Dallas trying to even up its record against Milwaukee, with the FEATURED GAME being the fourth one in the bracket...Oklahoma City at Sacramento.

Season 59 Preview

 THE WEST...Seattle looks like the class of the league and L.A. a solid bet for second.

1st (unanimous)--SEATTLE STAMPEDE (4th last season at 4-6)...Talented, deep roster is the favorite to win it all under rookie head coach Briscoe Darling. The key was adding two-time All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000, a major upgrade over Hooza Goodboi in the pivot. Add forwards Erik A. Crocidale and J.J. "Jake" Pickle and you have an extrordinary front line. Ehhy Table and Sleepy Mel A. Tonin are solid guards. Adding veteran forward Dark Urine gives capable back-up at all three positions. First title since the only one in Season 37?

2nd(unanimous)--LOS ANGELES BIG ONE (1st last season at 8-2)...Lost Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick but got the prize rookie Braddah Wayne to replace him. Pinky Toe moves to the point for a still-potent back court duo. It's imperative for oft-injured power forward Grand Demur Fuyacho to stay healthy and for defensive-minded Big Blue Bottle to play a solid small forward. Except for guard Donny DuPons, bench is weak.

3rd Dave, 4th Tyler--SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS (2nd last season at 7-3)...Jack "Guzzler" Masterson must replace retired star Satan Israel in otherwise unchanged lineup. R-Dogs will be tested right out of the gate in the opener against the team they have to beat out for playoffs, Los Angeles. Rabbit Munchers needs to be All-MBA.

4th Dave, 3rd Tyler--GILLETTE HUMPS (3rd last season at 4-6)...Star guard Maboroshi No Hotcake and center Brother Jasper will both score. But 5-7 rookie guard Officer Poundcake plays no D, and who starts at forward with Zach Zigler?

Last (unanimous)--SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS (Last last season at 2-8)...Added promising forward Waialua Blobtop to ancient lineup.

THE EAST...Playoff picks are surprisingly unanimous, with defending champs dropping down. Last-minute trade could be key for Oklahoma City.

1st Dave, 2nd Tyler--DALLAS DEMONS (2nd last season8-2)...Surprisingly the top pick in the East despite losing All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000. The roster appears less talented than last season, but they still have Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn and Mini Carfartt at guards to lead the way. Djinn, in 10th season, and coming off best scoring campaign, will have to shine brighter than ever. Forwards Nick Kenpoop and Venial Sinn are solid, if not stars. Veteran St. Ides takes over in the pivot.

1st Tyler, 2nd Dave-- OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS (3rd last season at 4-6) ...Replaced half the roster since last season, adding promising rookie guard Shelly Bogturtle and Harry "Big Stink" Merdaio at center to the starting lineup. The rental trade of Merdaio is huge for the Lariats, especially if last season's Rookie of the Year Bonafazio Spegatini matches or exceeds last season's production. Can Oklahoma City beat out Philly and Milwaukee for playoffs?

3rd Dave, 4th Tyler PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA (MBA champs last season at 9-1)...Retirement of leading scorer Itstha Bishop at two guard leaves gaping hole for champs who still have two of the league's best players in last season's MVP Leonard Pinth Garnel at forward and Blob Dylan at center.

4th (D picked them last, T picked them 3rd) MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS (last at 1-9 last season)... Guard combo of Hall of Famer Vicious Hick and Famichiki Whiskey will be exciging.

Last Tyler, 4th Dave CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS (4th last season at 3-7)...Not much hope.

The only TRADE this season....Oklahoma City traded its first pick (protected) in next season's draft to Philly for a one-season rental of their backup center Harry Merdaio, who returns to Philly after this season assuming he does not retire. Protected pick means that if the Oklahoma City first pick is a prime pick, Philly then gets Oklahoma City's second pick.

ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS

Dave

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Guard...Braddah Wayne, Los Angeles

Center...Poop-Rupiah 3000, Seattle

Forward...Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia

Forward...J.J. "Jake" Pickle, Seattle

Tyler

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Guard...Maboroshi No Hotcake, Gillette

Center...Poop-Rupiah 3000, Seattle

Forward...Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia

Forward...Erik A. Crocidale, Seattle

LEAGUE MVP...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles (unanimous)

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Dave--Braddah Wayne, Los Angeles guard

Tyler--Shelly Bogturtle, Oklahoma City guard

NEXT UP: The opening game of Season 59...Sacramento at Los Angeles...some might say a must win right out of the gate for the River Dogs.

Season 59 Improvements/Regressions

 IMPACTFUL IMPROVEMENTS IN THE CUT PILE

-- Third-year 6-5 forward COUNT SACKULA is the only real player worth reporting on in the cut pile. Already a defensive specialist against the shot, Sackula got better against the pass (+2) and the run(+2) while adding a good on 9 down low. His only miss down low is now on 5.

IMPACTFUL IMPROVEMENTS

-- Fourth-year 6-10 Charleston forward BIG BEN PETTIS...improved on both offensive rebounding (15) and defensive rebounding (10) which will likely earn him a starting spot on the Mountaineers.

-- Third-year 6-2 Seattle shooting guard "SLEEPY" MEL A. TONIN...went from a 6 passer to a 7 passer.

--Third-year 6-6 Seattle forward J.J. "JAKE" PICKLE...improved his dribbling to a 6 and defense against the dribble twice to a 3.

-- Second-year 6-5 Oklahoma City shooting guard BONAFAZIO SPEGATINI, last season's Rookie of the Year and top Lariats' scorer at 18 ppg, will take more medium jump shots as he improved his tendency to shoot in that area to a 4-6. That's huge for one of the top medium shots in the game.

-- Fourth-year 6-2 Gillette point guard MABOROSHI NO HOTCAKE, one of the MBA's top 3-point shooters became a 7 dribbler and filled in "the box" in his 3-point column, getting a good on 7. He now has goods on 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 11 (a swish).

--Sixth-year 6-8 Dallas forward VENIAL SINN...improved by one on both defensive boards (14) and offensive board (9) while upping his speed from slow to medium.

-- Sixth-year 6-8 Sacramento forward MORDLE SINN, twin brother of the above-mentioned Venial Sinn...also improved in both of his rebounding areas...he's a 13 on defensive boards and 5 on offensive boards. But his big improvement was filling in "the box" on his 3-point shot, which he has a 5-6 tendency to take and has made at over a 50 percent clip the past three seasons.

-- Third-year 6-9 Sacramento power forward JACK "GUZZLER" MASTERSON improved his tendency to take short jump shots (his best zone) while adding to his offensive rebounding (now a 9) and improving his free throwing.

-- Fourth-year 7-1 Los Angeles center OTZI "THE FROZEN HUNTER" BOLZANO...is sure to get more steals after improving his ability against the dribble from a 2 to a 4. Also upped his speed from medium to fast.

-- Seventh-year 6-11 Philadelphia center BLOB DYLAN, already a defensive maestro, improved against the pass to a 3 while upping his passing rating from a 5 to a 6 after completing his best assist season last campaign.

REGRESSIONS WORTH NOTING

-- 13th-year 5-11 San Jose point guard JOE MOMSAWHORE loses his only positive move against the shot (a deny on 11) and goes from a 1 to a 0 against the pass. Plus, he's now slow.

-- 19th-year 6-8 San Jose forward AL A. ORDEN gets worse in passing (now a 5), offensive rebounding (now a 6) and against the dribble (now a 1).

-- 10th-year6-2 Dallas Hall of Fame guard JUZAN DJINN decreased his tendency to shoot in the medium zone (where he is excellent), lost a dribbling point (now a 6) sand is now a 0 against the dribble. Having said that, this decline in ability still leaves him with one of the best cards in the game.

Season 59 MBA Draft

 TYLER TEAMS DOMINATE

At the risk of sounding like a sour grapes assessment, Tyler's teams once again defied the odds and crushed Dave teams in this very talented MBA draft. 

There were five franchise-changing players in the draft, and Dave teams were unable to claim even one of them. 

-- Juzan Djinn, arguably the greatest player the league has ever produced, went back to the Dallas franchise. This is the second time Djinn has been a free agent draft pick and has returned to the Demons. It is all the more unbelievable because it was the only pick Dallas had...a number 9 random pick.

-- All-MBA guard Pinky Toe, last season's league scoring leader, returned to his Los Angeles team. Toe was out there for the taking until the 18th pick, a random pick, when The Big One finally re-claimed him.

-- Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick was claimed by Milwaukee with the 11th overall pick (the third prime pick). 

-- The top rookie prospect, multi-talented guard Braddah Wayne, went to Los Angeles with the 8th overall pick (the second prime pick), giving L.A. a potent one-two punch at guard again after two seasons of Pinky Toe and Vicious Hick.

-- All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000 went unclaimed until the 24th pick (there were 26 picks total), when he went randomly to Seattle, seemingly setting the Stampede up for a serious championship run.

He was one of three players left in the draft, with Seattle getting the first random pick and Dave teams lined up for the next two in a row. That meant that if 3000 did not go randomly to Seattle, he would have to go to either Oklahoma City or Gillette. So the odds were seemingly with the Dave teams. Well...bang...Seatle landed him

Dave teams, shut out totally as far as the top draftees are concerned, managed to add some talent to their squads, but paled in comparison to the selections described above. For example, Dave teams got what might be considered the next five best players after the top five, and in a very talented draft, that was some consolation.

Bad luck plagued Dave teams throughout. One of the worst examples was Sacramento, which was the only team in the draft to hold two prime picks, coming away with two bottom-of-the-barrel rookies, guard Penile Blood and forward Gokie Throat. 

Random selections for Dave teams failed to land any of the top five players, and the prime picks (determined by rolling a 1 or 6 once a player is named by the team doing the drafting) averaged 4.7 rolls of the dice for Dave teams compared to 3.5 rolls for Tyler teams.

RATING THE DRAFT BY TEAMS

Milwaukee...B+

Added superstar Hick, who will team with Famichiki Whiskey for a superb scoring guard duo. Also added Joey "Joe Joe" Shamadu, Jr. as an excellent backup guard.

San Jose...C+

Nabbed top rookie forward Waialua Blobtop to its crumbling, ancient roster.

Charleston ... C-

No apparent starters added, but rookie center Jizz Drizzler gives Mountaineers some flexibility as a defensive stopper who could surprise as a scorer. Their first pick, rookie center Curtis E. Flush is solid, but redundant in this instance.

Seattle...A

Big upgrade at the center position with All-MBA Poop-Rupiah 3000 unseating Hooza Goodboi. Veteran forward Dark Urine and rookie forward Ryan Burner will see action due to starters Erik A. Crocidale and J.J. Pickle's tendency to foul.

Oklahoma City...B

Rookie guards Shelly Bogturtle and Super Daddy Pancakes will likely push league steals leader Oblio Assbag to the back of the rotation. 7-1 rookie center Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury is the projected starter by default, but lacks any virtues besides being an animal on the boards.

Gillette...C

The draft got them the smallest player in league history, 5-7 guard Officer Poundcake, who will likely replace Seeyalater Scronto in the starting lineup. Poundcake can pass and shoot but plays no defense and will get very few boards.

Sacramento...C+

None of their three picks are projected starters, but rookie guard Bygones B. Bygones looks like a very capable backup when Rabbit Munchers and Bellybutton Inquisition have to sit. They needed some help in the front court and got none.

Los Angeles ...A+

You can't get much better in a draft when your only two picks both have Hall of Fame potential. Guard Pinky Toe led the league in scoring and returned to the team while rookie guard Braddah Wayne, a 6-7 gem, was the prize of the rookies. 

Dallas...A

Amazingly, the Demons were again able to lure the great Juzan Djinn back into the fold for the second time. And they did so with their only pick; a random one.

Philadelphia...C

Neither of the forwards they picked with their two picks will crack the starting lineup for the champs. The Phobia needed to replace top scorer Itstha Bishop at guard, but didn't.

NEXT UP: Player improvements and regressions.

Season 59 Rookie Report

 This is going to be a memorable rookie class in the MBA, with all kinds of talent and size at every position. 

You want height? There are three guards 6-6 or better, a 6-10 forward and a 7-1 Squirrel. 

You want a dwarf? Officer Poundcake is the smallest player ever made.And he's the best passer in the draft.

Half of the rookie class is projected to make a positive impact on whatever team drafts them. And in 6-7 guard Braddah Wayne, you have a player who teams will be tempted to go after first with their prime picks. 

Why is that so outrageous? Because among the free agents in the draft are three of the five First Team All-MBA players, including two Hall of Fame players (Juzan Djinn and Vicious Hick) and two more on the verge of the Hall (Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000). And Djinn is already tied for the most honored player ever with Curly Hogbottom.)

There are less players (26) in the draft than usual this coming season, but in rookies and free agents, the talent is among the best ever.

The ratings are as follows with 10 being the maximum score:

GUARDS

6-7 Braddah Wayne..10 

5-11 Shelly Bogturtle 8

6-7 Bygones B. Bygones 7 1/2

6-2 Super Daddy Pancakes 7 1/2 

5-7 Officer Poundcake 6 (this is the smallest player ever in MBA history)

6-1 Jimmy "the Chipmunk" Hoover 5 1/2

6-6 Penile Blood 4

FORWARDS

6-10 Waialua Blobtop 10

6-9 Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner 7

6-7 Gokie Throat 6

6-9 Ben Benjanto 4

6-7 Bigbad Wolf 3 1/2

6-8 Whitey Coathair 3

CENTERS

6-8 Jizz Drizzler 9 1/2

6-9 Curtis E. Flush 7 1/2

7-1 Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury 5 1/2

ROOKIES ROUT REJECTS

As expected, the talented rookies of Season 59 laid waste to the lowly rejects of the cut pile, thrashing them 81-56 in a game that was barely contested.

Total points prevented 

Rookies...7

Cut Pile Guys...8

Individual points prevented leaders

1. Count Sackula, Cut Pile...8 

2. Jizz Drizzler, Rookies...4

3. Shelly Bogturtle...3

PLAYER OF THE GAME

39 GVP...The most highly rated rookie did not disappoint in his MBA tabletop debut. 6-7 guard BRADDAH WAYNE started the game with a 7 for 7, 15-point first quarter that included a trey, then went on to lead everyone in scoring with a 28-point performance. The smooth and lanky Wayne was 12 for 17 from the floor (2 for 4 from deep) while handing out 3 assists and snagging 5 rebounds. He also showed off his defensive prowess that has MBA scouts drooling, swatting away 3 in the blocked shots department. His only downside was the 2 for 6 free throwing, but we'll chalk that up to a fluke. The guy guarding him, Swifty Twitch, went back to the shadow realm of the Cut Pile doubting his own existence.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

32 GVP...Rookie guard Shelly Bogturtle...25 points (4 treys)...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Cut Pile center Juan Fellswoop...15 points...4 rebounds...1 assist...1 steal.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner...12 points...7 rebounds...1 assist.

NEXT UP: The Season 59 MBA Draft

Season 59 Free Agents

 Huge Talent in Free Agents

  The free agent class of Season 59, boasting such stellar stars as Juzan Djinn, Vicious Hick, Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000, has already established this coming draft as potentially game-changing for any or all franchises...and that's without even considering the rookie additions to the league.

  The aforementioned four players include Hall of Famers Djinn and Hick, with the former tied for the number 1 overall spot in MBA history. Meanwhile Toe and 3000 are both well on their way to Hall of Fame status.

  Three of those Big Four (Hick being the exception) were first team All-MBA last season.

 Both Dallas and Los Angeles were hit hardest by free agency, with each team losing their top two players.

 Hick and Toe were the main men on Los Angeles these past two seasons, but their potent abilities fell short of the championship, netting The Big One two playoff berths but zero post-season wins.

  Dallas, with free agents Djinn and 3000, could potentially be losing their best two players. We say potentially because Djinn was a free agent a few seasons back, only to return to the Demons. Both Djinn and 3000 are coming off  All-MBA seasons.

  Ten players total will be joining the draft as free agents. with 7 of the 10 being starters.

  Four teams...San Jose, Seattle, Sacramento and the champs from Philadelphia escaped free agency unscathed. All but San Jose are sitting in excellent position as the draft approaches.

 Milwaukee and Gillette both lost two players to free agency, with the Greyhounds losing starting guard Joey "Joe-Joe" Shamadu, Jr. and center Krackey Krakatoa and Gillette losing starting forward Dark Urine and veteran backup guard Hurricane Furrwizard.

  Charleston and Oklahoma City both lost one bench player each, so both are primed to improve their fourtunes.

  The addition of 16 rookies makes for a 26-player draft, meaning each team will get two players in the draft, with all franchises except for the four playoff teams getting a third pick. Dallas, however, will be getting just one pick, since their trade with Sacramento gives the River Dogs the Demons' lone prime pick. (Meaning the R-Dogs are the only team in the draft with 4 picks). 

  Tyler teams took the biggest hit in free agency, losing 6 players, all starters, and the four best free agents.

   Dave teams lost four players, with just one starter.

JUST ONE COACHING CHANGE

  The last-place Milwaukee Greyhounds are the only team making a coaching change as we head into Season 59. They will replace coach Pietro Destroyer with first-time head coach Bisquero Cutoff.

  In his three seasons at the helm, Destroyer compied an 11-19 overall record (13-22 including the playoffs). He guided the Greyhounds to a 6-4, second-place finish in his initial campaign, which was on the heels of three consecutive last-place finishes. In that Season 56 playoff run, Milwaukee went all the way to Game Five in the Finals before finally bowing to the champs from Dallas.

  Cutoff, primarily known as a defensive-minded, shot-blocking forward, played 10 seasons in the MBA, making four All Star Games and starting for the Season 28 championship Dallas team. He played for Charleston, Milwaukee, Dallas and Sacramento before retiring.

  Next up...the making of the rookies. 

 

Some Franchise vs. Franchise updates

 

FRANCHISE VS FRANCHISE

Seattle does not have a winning record against any team…in fact, they are the only team to have a losing record against Kansas City/Gillette.

Dallas has a winning record against every team with the exception of Philadelphia

Philadelphia has a winning record against every team with the exception of Milwaukee, where the franchises are tied

Milwaukee has a winning record against everyone except Oklahoma City and Dallas; plus, they are even with Philadelphia

MBA All-Time Playoff Leaders

 Career Playoff

Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn is now in second place all time for playoff points scored and fourth all time in playoff games played...as follows:

ALL TIME PLAYOFF POINTS LEADERS

1. Dan Mann...768

2. Juzan Djinn...731 (still active)

3. Uncle Bob Masterson...650

4. Mamadou Zongo...599

4. Sagittal Occlusal...599

6. Max Payne...597

7. Boone Doggle...579

8. Naf Naf...571

9. Beezow Bop-Bop... 530

10. Doc Watson...511

ALL TIME MOST PLAYOFF GAMES PLAYED

1. Max Payne...51

2. Ed Masterson...49

2. Tug Hershorts...49

4. Raisin Sport...44

5. Juzan Djinn...43 (still active)

5. Cam Bodia...43

7. Mamadou Zongo...42

8. Boone Doggle...41

8. Funsy VanSlochum...41

10. Slats Southpaw...40

10. Al A. Orden...40 (still active)

TOP POINTS PER GAME IN PLAYOFFS (does not include active players with the exception of Djinn)

1. Naf Naf...24.8

2. Dan Mann...20.8

3. Marshall Stax...18.9

4. Jesse Shershot...18.7

5. Ching-Chung Chong...18.7

6. Cappy Gambol...18.1

7. Uncle Bob Masterson...17.6

8. Colquitt Croix...17.4

9. Juzan Djinn...17.0 (active)

9. Doc Watson...17.0

Dentist...16.9

Two-Tones...16.8

Hogbottom...16.8

Jones...16.6

Battoe...16.5 

Lennex...16.3

Paige...16.1

Reed...16.1

Occlusal...15.4

Zoop...15.4

Cockaroo...15.1

Pitbull...15.0

Duran...15.0

Dripp...14.9

T. K. Masterson...14.7

Fiddy...14.5

Gannon...14.4

Pal...14.4

Zongo ...14.3

Reflexia...14.3

Nod...14.2

Rustler...14.2

Doggle...14.1

Luwak...14.0

Vandalay...13.9

Masterfalcon...13.9

Bop-Bop...13.7

Marzano...13.6

Flatch ...13.5

Fresh...13.5

Gargantuan...13.4

Terry...13.3

Chamberlain...13.1

Dickus...13.0

Oyster...13.0

Gumm...13.0

Bakshi...12.8

Jell-o...12.8

Brinkman...12.2

Indice...12.2

Spikie...12.0

Bodia...11.8

DoMato...11.8

Payne...11.7

Kondla ...11.7

Smearz...11.1

Mudcat...10.9

Sport...10.8

Clutch...10.6

Hershorts...8.7

Slamjam...8.1

Mon-Mon...5.7

Wright...7.3

Season 58...Their place in the MBA Universe...retirees take their places of rest

 

Season 58 Post-Season Summary

BACK ON TOP

--Philadelphia becomes the 18th team to win the MBA title after leading the league in defense and the first since Dallas in Season 52. Nineteen teams have won the title after leading the league in offense.

PLAYOFF MVP 

-- Juzan Djinn captures his unprecedented fourth Playoff MVP award, despite playing for the losing team in the Finals. He is the 17th player in history to do so. He moves past Cappy Gambol and Stu Nod, with 3 each.

-- This honor ties him with Curly Hogbottom for the top spot on the MBA pyramid...and his career continues next season.

-- His 6 overall MVP honors ranks third all time, tied with Cappy Gambol and trailing only Naf Naf and Chip Battoe, who finished with 7 each.

--He moves past Chip Battoe as the greatest player in the history of the Dallas franchise.

NEWEST HALL OF FAMER

-- Luwak becomes the 65th member of the MBA Hall of Fame -- elected by the Veterans Committee

-- He was a member of the most spectacular rookie class ever assembled in Season 52, when he and fellow teammates Biggus Dickus and Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, all future Hall of Famers, all ended up on the Dallas Demons via the draft and in Marzano's case, a trade that sent Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan to Sacramento. Luwak emerged as Rookie of the Year that season, which saw "the Whiz Kids" begin their string of a record six consecutive championships. He led his team in scoring his rookie year, followed by his All-MBA season in Season 53 in which he led the league in scoring. 

-- He lost his starting job to Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick in his third season, was traded in an unprecedented deal to Charleston where he was a main man on a team that challenged Dallas for championships but came up short each time. 

-- His short career still places him 52nd of the 875 players ever to suit up for the MBA. That's roughly the upper 6 percent of all players ever made.

NEXT UP: Their place in the MBA Universe ... retirees put to rest

 

Season 58 MBA Finals Game 5 Title Contest...Dallas at Philadelphia

PHILADELPHIA 63, DALLAS 52

PHOBIA RECLAIMS THE THRONE

PHILADELPHIA -- Using its league-leading defense to all of its smothering capability, the Philadelphia Phobia snuffed out the six-time-defending champion Dallas Demons 63-52 to capture the Season 58 title, 63-52.

The franchise-leading 17th championship in MBA history put an end to Philadelphia's longest championship drought...14 seasons. 

This title-winning Game 5 effort was the best defensive showing in the playoffs by the Phobia, as they held the league's No. 1 offense to a playoff-low 52 points and just 41.7 percent shooting. That included an 0 for 10 stat line for Dallas from beyond the 3-point line. 

Additionally, the new champions tied a team rebounding record for a single playoff game set by three other teams: Houston in Season 9 and Season 36, and Dallas in Season 52.

The front line of Philadelphia...Blob Dylan, Philibuck Davia and Leonard Pinth Garnel all dominated their respective opponents.

Dallas was somewhat within striking distance, down 7 going into the final quarter, but the Phobia strangled any hope for the Demons by starting the stanza with a 10-0 run. Halfway through the last frame the new champs held a 17-point lead and coasted home with number 17 secure in hand.

All five Finals games were won by the home team.

Meanwhile, let's acknowledge the amazing six-season run at the top of the heap by Dallas, who died defending their crown in the Finals.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

32 GVP...The MBA's regular season MVP, LEONARD PINTH GARNEL, waited until the final game of the playoffs to unleash his first post-season POG performance. The 6-10 Garnel put all of his assets on display in this winning effort, leading everyone in six categories: rebounding (13), steals (3), assists (4), blocked shots (4), points prevented (6) and turnovers caused (5). So, despite scoring just 8 points on 4 of 7 shooting, Garnel was easily the single-most dominant force in the game. The league's top rebounder came right out of the gate with 7 first-quarter rebounds, falling just one rebound short of Hall of Famer Raisin Sport's Season 9 playoff record of 14 for the game. He was magnifico at the exact right time.

Other 20-plus GVP performers (none from Dallas)

25 GVP...Philadelphia power forward Philibuck Davia...16 points (3 slams)....7 rebounds...2 assists

23 GVP...Philadelphia's retiring shooting guard ITSTHA BISHOP in his final game...18 points...4 rebounds...1 assist.

23 GVP...Philadelphia center Blob Dylan...15 points...5 rebounds...3 blocked shots.

POINTS PREVENTED BY QUARTERS

Dallas...2...2...6...3  Total=13

Philly....6...0...4...4  Total=14

POINTS PREVENTED LEADERS

1. Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia 6

1. Poop-Rupiah 3000, Dallas 6

TEAM TURNOVERS CAUSED BY QUARTER

Dallas...2...2...2...0  Total=6

Philly....0...0...3...3  Total-6

TURNOVERS CAUSED LEADERS

1. Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia 5

2. Nick Kenpoop, Dallas 2

2. Venial Sinn, Dallas 2

NEXT UP: Playoff stats leaders and the announcement of the Playoff MVP.

The MBA Pyramid of Greatness as it currently stands

NEXT UP: THE GAME 5 CHAMPIONSHIP CONTEST...PROBABLY MONDAY OR TUESDAY

 

Season 58 Finals...Game 4...Philadelphia at Dallas

DALLAS 83, PHILADELPHIA 67 (Slaughter Rule Enforced) Series tied 2-2

DEMONS FIGHT BACK

DALLAS -- Showing the resilience of a champion, the Dallas Demons sent this Finals to a showdown Game 5 with a Slaughter Rule 83-67 thumping of the visiting Philadelphia Phobia.

On the verge of giving up the MBA title they have held for six straight seasons, the Demons defended their home court with a fury, leading from start to finish. 

Philadelphia mounted a push in the fourth quarter, cutting a 15-point lead to 6, but Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt ended the Phobia's hopes by delivering three consecutive 3-point bombs.

The game was not without incident, as Philly coach Stu Nod was hit with a technical foul in the first quarter as Dallas got off to a big lead. Then in the second quarter Venial Sinn of Dallas and Itstha Bishop of Philadelphia got into a fight in which both drew technicals, but Sinn was ejected from the game. That meant Dallas rookie Fashion Boy Vuitton was pressed into action for more than half of the game. He ended up scoring 9 points and tying for game-high in assists with 4.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

36 GVP...It became apparent early that the greatest Demon of all time, JUZAN DJINN, was not going to let his team yield its title on its home court. The Hall of Fame two guard rose to the occasion with his first POG of the Finals and second of the playoffs, following his 20-point Game 3 performance with a 21-point effort in Game 4. He delivered the 9th triple-double of his career and his first since the Season 56 playoffs, blocking a game-high 8 shots and pulling down 5 boards while adding a pair of assists. Djinn was 7 for 14 from the floor, connecting on 3 of 7 from deep and going 4 for 4 from the foul line. He is very much in the running to snag a record fourth Playoff MVP honor. He's currently averaging 15.7 points per game in the playoffs with 19 blocked shots.

Other 20-plus GVP performerws

33 GVP...Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt...29 points (3 killer treys)...2 rebounds...2 assists.

26 GVP...Philadelphia point guard Tut Ankhamun...22 points (3 treys)...4 assists.

24 GVP...Philadelphia's retiring shooting guard Itstha Bishop...17 points...6 rebounds...1 assist.

22 GVP...Dallas center Poop-Rupiah 3000...10 points (3slams)...8 rebounds...3 blocked shots...1 assist.

NEXT UP: The Game 5 decider. The second season in a row the Finals have gone the distance. In this one, the home team has won every game. Philadelphia is the home team.

ALL OF THE PAST PLAYOFF MVPS