Season 59 Rookie Report

 This is going to be a memorable rookie class in the MBA, with all kinds of talent and size at every position. 

You want height? There are three guards 6-6 or better, a 6-10 forward and a 7-1 Squirrel. 

You want a dwarf? Officer Poundcake is the smallest player ever made.And he's the best passer in the draft.

Half of the rookie class is projected to make a positive impact on whatever team drafts them. And in 6-7 guard Braddah Wayne, you have a player who teams will be tempted to go after first with their prime picks. 

Why is that so outrageous? Because among the free agents in the draft are three of the five First Team All-MBA players, including two Hall of Fame players (Juzan Djinn and Vicious Hick) and two more on the verge of the Hall (Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000). And Djinn is already tied for the most honored player ever with Curly Hogbottom.)

There are less players (26) in the draft than usual this coming season, but in rookies and free agents, the talent is among the best ever.

The ratings are as follows with 10 being the maximum score:

GUARDS

6-7 Braddah Wayne..10 

5-11 Shelly Bogturtle 8

6-7 Bygones B. Bygones 7 1/2

6-2 Super Daddy Pancakes 7 1/2 

5-7 Officer Poundcake 6 (this is the smallest player ever in MBA history)

6-1 Jimmy "the Chipmunk" Hoover 5 1/2

6-6 Penile Blood 4

FORWARDS

6-10 Waialua Blobtop 10

6-9 Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner 7

6-7 Gokie Throat 6

6-9 Ben Benjanto 4

6-7 Bigbad Wolf 3 1/2

6-8 Whitey Coathair 3

CENTERS

6-8 Jizz Drizzler 9 1/2

6-9 Curtis E. Flush 7 1/2

7-1 Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury 5 1/2

ROOKIES ROUT REJECTS

As expected, the talented rookies of Season 59 laid waste to the lowly rejects of the cut pile, thrashing them 81-56 in a game that was barely contested.

Total points prevented 

Rookies...7

Cut Pile Guys...8

Individual points prevented leaders

1. Count Sackula, Cut Pile...8 

2. Jizz Drizzler, Rookies...4

3. Shelly Bogturtle...3

PLAYER OF THE GAME

39 GVP...The most highly rated rookie did not disappoint in his MBA tabletop debut. 6-7 guard BRADDAH WAYNE started the game with a 7 for 7, 15-point first quarter that included a trey, then went on to lead everyone in scoring with a 28-point performance. The smooth and lanky Wayne was 12 for 17 from the floor (2 for 4 from deep) while handing out 3 assists and snagging 5 rebounds. He also showed off his defensive prowess that has MBA scouts drooling, swatting away 3 in the blocked shots department. His only downside was the 2 for 6 free throwing, but we'll chalk that up to a fluke. The guy guarding him, Swifty Twitch, went back to the shadow realm of the Cut Pile doubting his own existence.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

32 GVP...Rookie guard Shelly Bogturtle...25 points (4 treys)...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Cut Pile center Juan Fellswoop...15 points...4 rebounds...1 assist...1 steal.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner...12 points...7 rebounds...1 assist.

NEXT UP: The Season 59 MBA Draft