TYLER TEAMS DOMINATE
There were five franchise-changing players in the draft, and Dave teams were unable to claim even one of them.
-- Juzan Djinn, arguably the greatest player the league has ever produced, went back to the Dallas franchise. This is the second time Djinn has been a free agent draft pick and has returned to the Demons. It is all the more unbelievable because it was the only pick Dallas had...a number 9 random pick.
-- All-MBA guard Pinky Toe, last season's league scoring leader, returned to his Los Angeles team. Toe was out there for the taking until the 18th pick, a random pick, when The Big One finally re-claimed him.
-- Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick was claimed by Milwaukee with the 11th overall pick (the third prime pick).
-- The top rookie prospect, multi-talented guard Braddah Wayne, went to Los Angeles with the 8th overall pick (the second prime pick), giving L.A. a potent one-two punch at guard again after two seasons of Pinky Toe and Vicious Hick.
-- All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000 went unclaimed until the 24th pick (there were 26 picks total), when he went randomly to Seattle, seemingly setting the Stampede up for a serious championship run.
He was one of three players left in the draft, with Seattle getting the first random pick and Dave teams lined up for the next two in a row. That meant that if 3000 did not go randomly to Seattle, he would have to go to either Oklahoma City or Gillette. So the odds were seemingly with the Dave teams. Well...bang...Seatle landed him
Dave teams, shut out totally as far as the top draftees are concerned, managed to add some talent to their squads, but paled in comparison to the selections described above. For example, Dave teams got what might be considered the next five best players after the top five, and in a very talented draft, that was some consolation.
Bad luck plagued Dave teams throughout. One of the worst examples was Sacramento, which was the only team in the draft to hold two prime picks, coming away with two bottom-of-the-barrel rookies, guard Penile Blood and forward Gokie Throat.
Random selections for Dave teams failed to land any of the top five players, and the prime picks (determined by rolling a 1 or 6 once a player is named by the team doing the drafting) averaged 4.7 rolls of the dice for Dave teams compared to 3.5 rolls for Tyler teams.
RATING THE DRAFT BY TEAMS
Milwaukee...B+
Added superstar Hick, who will team with Famichiki Whiskey for a superb scoring guard duo. Also added Joey "Joe Joe" Shamadu, Jr. as an excellent backup guard.
San Jose...C+
Nabbed top rookie forward Waialua Blobtop to its crumbling, ancient roster.
Charleston ... C-
No apparent starters added, but rookie center Jizz Drizzler gives Mountaineers some flexibility as a defensive stopper who could surprise as a scorer. Their first pick, rookie center Curtis E. Flush is solid, but redundant in this instance.
Seattle...A
Big upgrade at the center position with All-MBA Poop-Rupiah 3000 unseating Hooza Goodboi. Veteran forward Dark Urine and rookie forward Ryan Burner will see action due to starters Erik A. Crocidale and J.J. Pickle's tendency to foul.
Oklahoma City...B
Rookie guards Shelly Bogturtle and Super Daddy Pancakes will likely push league steals leader Oblio Assbag to the back of the rotation. 7-1 rookie center Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury is the projected starter by default, but lacks any virtues besides being an animal on the boards.
Gillette...C
The draft got them the smallest player in league history, 5-7 guard Officer Poundcake, who will likely replace Seeyalater Scronto in the starting lineup. Poundcake can pass and shoot but plays no defense and will get very few boards.
Sacramento...C+
None of their three picks are projected starters, but rookie guard Bygones B. Bygones looks like a very capable backup when Rabbit Munchers and Bellybutton Inquisition have to sit. They needed some help in the front court and got none.
Los Angeles ...A+
You can't get much better in a draft when your only two picks both have Hall of Fame potential. Guard Pinky Toe led the league in scoring and returned to the team while rookie guard Braddah Wayne, a 6-7 gem, was the prize of the rookies.
Dallas...A
Amazingly, the Demons were again able to lure the great Juzan Djinn back into the fold for the second time. And they did so with their only pick; a random one.
Philadelphia...C
Neither of the forwards they picked with their two picks will crack the starting lineup for the champs. The Phobia needed to replace top scorer Itstha Bishop at guard, but didn't.
NEXT UP: Player improvements and regressions.
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