Season 59 Rookie Report

 This is going to be a memorable rookie class in the MBA, with all kinds of talent and size at every position. 

You want height? There are three guards 6-6 or better, a 6-10 forward and a 7-1 Squirrel. 

You want a dwarf? Officer Poundcake is the smallest player ever made.And he's the best passer in the draft.

Half of the rookie class is projected to make a positive impact on whatever team drafts them. And in 6-7 guard Braddah Wayne, you have a player who teams will be tempted to go after first with their prime picks. 

Why is that so outrageous? Because among the free agents in the draft are three of the five First Team All-MBA players, including two Hall of Fame players (Juzan Djinn and Vicious Hick) and two more on the verge of the Hall (Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000). And Djinn is already tied for the most honored player ever with Curly Hogbottom.)

There are less players (26) in the draft than usual this coming season, but in rookies and free agents, the talent is among the best ever.

The ratings are as follows with 10 being the maximum score:

GUARDS

6-7 Braddah Wayne..10 

5-11 Shelly Bogturtle 8

6-7 Bygones B. Bygones 7 1/2

6-2 Super Daddy Pancakes 7 1/2 

5-7 Officer Poundcake 6 (this is the smallest player ever in MBA history)

6-1 Jimmy "the Chipmunk" Hoover 5 1/2

6-6 Penile Blood 4

FORWARDS

6-10 Waialua Blobtop 10

6-9 Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner 7

6-7 Gokie Throat 6

6-9 Ben Benjanto 4

6-7 Bigbad Wolf 3 1/2

6-8 Whitey Coathair 3

CENTERS

6-8 Jizz Drizzler 9 1/2

6-9 Curtis E. Flush 7 1/2

7-1 Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury 5 1/2

ROOKIES ROUT REJECTS

As expected, the talented rookies of Season 59 laid waste to the lowly rejects of the cut pile, thrashing them 81-56 in a game that was barely contested.

Total points prevented 

Rookies...7

Cut Pile Guys...8

Individual points prevented leaders

1. Count Sackula, Cut Pile...8 

2. Jizz Drizzler, Rookies...4

3. Shelly Bogturtle...3

PLAYER OF THE GAME

39 GVP...The most highly rated rookie did not disappoint in his MBA tabletop debut. 6-7 guard BRADDAH WAYNE started the game with a 7 for 7, 15-point first quarter that included a trey, then went on to lead everyone in scoring with a 28-point performance. The smooth and lanky Wayne was 12 for 17 from the floor (2 for 4 from deep) while handing out 3 assists and snagging 5 rebounds. He also showed off his defensive prowess that has MBA scouts drooling, swatting away 3 in the blocked shots department. His only downside was the 2 for 6 free throwing, but we'll chalk that up to a fluke. The guy guarding him, Swifty Twitch, went back to the shadow realm of the Cut Pile doubting his own existence.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

32 GVP...Rookie guard Shelly Bogturtle...25 points (4 treys)...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Cut Pile center Juan Fellswoop...15 points...4 rebounds...1 assist...1 steal.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner...12 points...7 rebounds...1 assist.

NEXT UP: The Season 59 MBA Draft

Season 59 Free Agents

 Huge Talent in Free Agents

  The free agent class of Season 59, boasting such stellar stars as Juzan Djinn, Vicious Hick, Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000, has already established this coming draft as potentially game-changing for any or all franchises...and that's without even considering the rookie additions to the league.

  The aforementioned four players include Hall of Famers Djinn and Hick, with the former tied for the number 1 overall spot in MBA history. Meanwhile Toe and 3000 are both well on their way to Hall of Fame status.

  Three of those Big Four (Hick being the exception) were first team All-MBA last season.

 Both Dallas and Los Angeles were hit hardest by free agency, with each team losing their top two players.

 Hick and Toe were the main men on Los Angeles these past two seasons, but their potent abilities fell short of the championship, netting The Big One two playoff berths but zero post-season wins.

  Dallas, with free agents Djinn and 3000, could potentially be losing their best two players. We say potentially because Djinn was a free agent a few seasons back, only to return to the Demons. Both Djinn and 3000 are coming off  All-MBA seasons.

  Ten players total will be joining the draft as free agents. with 7 of the 10 being starters.

  Four teams...San Jose, Seattle, Sacramento and the champs from Philadelphia escaped free agency unscathed. All but San Jose are sitting in excellent position as the draft approaches.

 Milwaukee and Gillette both lost two players to free agency, with the Greyhounds losing starting guard Joey "Joe-Joe" Shamadu, Jr. and center Krackey Krakatoa and Gillette losing starting forward Dark Urine and veteran backup guard Hurricane Furrwizard.

  Charleston and Oklahoma City both lost one bench player each, so both are primed to improve their fourtunes.

  The addition of 16 rookies makes for a 26-player draft, meaning each team will get two players in the draft, with all franchises except for the four playoff teams getting a third pick. Dallas, however, will be getting just one pick, since their trade with Sacramento gives the River Dogs the Demons' lone prime pick. (Meaning the R-Dogs are the only team in the draft with 4 picks). 

  Tyler teams took the biggest hit in free agency, losing 6 players, all starters, and the four best free agents.

   Dave teams lost four players, with just one starter.

JUST ONE COACHING CHANGE

  The last-place Milwaukee Greyhounds are the only team making a coaching change as we head into Season 59. They will replace coach Pietro Destroyer with first-time head coach Bisquero Cutoff.

  In his three seasons at the helm, Destroyer compied an 11-19 overall record (13-22 including the playoffs). He guided the Greyhounds to a 6-4, second-place finish in his initial campaign, which was on the heels of three consecutive last-place finishes. In that Season 56 playoff run, Milwaukee went all the way to Game Five in the Finals before finally bowing to the champs from Dallas.

  Cutoff, primarily known as a defensive-minded, shot-blocking forward, played 10 seasons in the MBA, making four All Star Games and starting for the Season 28 championship Dallas team. He played for Charleston, Milwaukee, Dallas and Sacramento before retiring.

  Next up...the making of the rookies. 

 

Some Franchise vs. Franchise updates

 

FRANCHISE VS FRANCHISE

Seattle does not have a winning record against any team…in fact, they are the only team to have a losing record against Kansas City/Gillette.

Dallas has a winning record against every team with the exception of Philadelphia

Philadelphia has a winning record against every team with the exception of Milwaukee, where the franchises are tied

Milwaukee has a winning record against everyone except Oklahoma City and Dallas; plus, they are even with Philadelphia

MBA All-Time Playoff Leaders

 Career Playoff

Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn is now in second place all time for playoff points scored and fourth all time in playoff games played...as follows:

ALL TIME PLAYOFF POINTS LEADERS

1. Dan Mann...768

2. Juzan Djinn...731 (still active)

3. Uncle Bob Masterson...650

4. Mamadou Zongo...599

4. Sagittal Occlusal...599

6. Max Payne...597

7. Boone Doggle...579

8. Naf Naf...571

9. Beezow Bop-Bop... 530

10. Doc Watson...511

ALL TIME MOST PLAYOFF GAMES PLAYED

1. Max Payne...51

2. Ed Masterson...49

2. Tug Hershorts...49

4. Raisin Sport...44

5. Juzan Djinn...43 (still active)

5. Cam Bodia...43

7. Mamadou Zongo...42

8. Boone Doggle...41

8. Funsy VanSlochum...41

10. Slats Southpaw...40

10. Al A. Orden...40 (still active)

TOP POINTS PER GAME IN PLAYOFFS (does not include active players with the exception of Djinn)

1. Naf Naf...24.8

2. Dan Mann...20.8

3. Marshall Stax...18.9

4. Jesse Shershot...18.7

5. Ching-Chung Chong...18.7

6. Cappy Gambol...18.1

7. Uncle Bob Masterson...17.6

8. Colquitt Croix...17.4

9. Juzan Djinn...17.0 (active)

9. Doc Watson...17.0

Dentist...16.9

Two-Tones...16.8

Hogbottom...16.8

Jones...16.6

Battoe...16.5 

Lennex...16.3

Paige...16.1

Reed...16.1

Occlusal...15.4

Zoop...15.4

Cockaroo...15.1

Pitbull...15.0

Duran...15.0

Dripp...14.9

T. K. Masterson...14.7

Fiddy...14.5

Gannon...14.4

Pal...14.4

Zongo ...14.3

Reflexia...14.3

Nod...14.2

Rustler...14.2

Doggle...14.1

Luwak...14.0

Vandalay...13.9

Masterfalcon...13.9

Bop-Bop...13.7

Marzano...13.6

Flatch ...13.5

Fresh...13.5

Gargantuan...13.4

Terry...13.3

Chamberlain...13.1

Dickus...13.0

Oyster...13.0

Gumm...13.0

Bakshi...12.8

Jell-o...12.8

Brinkman...12.2

Indice...12.2

Spikie...12.0

Bodia...11.8

DoMato...11.8

Payne...11.7

Kondla ...11.7

Smearz...11.1

Mudcat...10.9

Sport...10.8

Clutch...10.6

Hershorts...8.7

Slamjam...8.1

Mon-Mon...5.7

Wright...7.3

Season 58...Their place in the MBA Universe...retirees take their places of rest

 

Season 58 Post-Season Summary

BACK ON TOP

--Philadelphia becomes the 18th team to win the MBA title after leading the league in defense and the first since Dallas in Season 52. Nineteen teams have won the title after leading the league in offense.

PLAYOFF MVP 

-- Juzan Djinn captures his unprecedented fourth Playoff MVP award, despite playing for the losing team in the Finals. He is the 17th player in history to do so. He moves past Cappy Gambol and Stu Nod, with 3 each.

-- This honor ties him with Curly Hogbottom for the top spot on the MBA pyramid...and his career continues next season.

-- His 6 overall MVP honors ranks third all time, tied with Cappy Gambol and trailing only Naf Naf and Chip Battoe, who finished with 7 each.

--He moves past Chip Battoe as the greatest player in the history of the Dallas franchise.

NEWEST HALL OF FAMER

-- Luwak becomes the 65th member of the MBA Hall of Fame -- elected by the Veterans Committee

-- He was a member of the most spectacular rookie class ever assembled in Season 52, when he and fellow teammates Biggus Dickus and Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, all future Hall of Famers, all ended up on the Dallas Demons via the draft and in Marzano's case, a trade that sent Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan to Sacramento. Luwak emerged as Rookie of the Year that season, which saw "the Whiz Kids" begin their string of a record six consecutive championships. He led his team in scoring his rookie year, followed by his All-MBA season in Season 53 in which he led the league in scoring. 

-- He lost his starting job to Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick in his third season, was traded in an unprecedented deal to Charleston where he was a main man on a team that challenged Dallas for championships but came up short each time. 

-- His short career still places him 52nd of the 875 players ever to suit up for the MBA. That's roughly the upper 6 percent of all players ever made.

NEXT UP: Their place in the MBA Universe ... retirees put to rest

 

Season 58 MBA Finals Game 5 Title Contest...Dallas at Philadelphia

PHILADELPHIA 63, DALLAS 52

PHOBIA RECLAIMS THE THRONE

PHILADELPHIA -- Using its league-leading defense to all of its smothering capability, the Philadelphia Phobia snuffed out the six-time-defending champion Dallas Demons 63-52 to capture the Season 58 title, 63-52.

The franchise-leading 17th championship in MBA history put an end to Philadelphia's longest championship drought...14 seasons. 

This title-winning Game 5 effort was the best defensive showing in the playoffs by the Phobia, as they held the league's No. 1 offense to a playoff-low 52 points and just 41.7 percent shooting. That included an 0 for 10 stat line for Dallas from beyond the 3-point line. 

Additionally, the new champions tied a team rebounding record for a single playoff game set by three other teams: Houston in Season 9 and Season 36, and Dallas in Season 52.

The front line of Philadelphia...Blob Dylan, Philibuck Davia and Leonard Pinth Garnel all dominated their respective opponents.

Dallas was somewhat within striking distance, down 7 going into the final quarter, but the Phobia strangled any hope for the Demons by starting the stanza with a 10-0 run. Halfway through the last frame the new champs held a 17-point lead and coasted home with number 17 secure in hand.

All five Finals games were won by the home team.

Meanwhile, let's acknowledge the amazing six-season run at the top of the heap by Dallas, who died defending their crown in the Finals.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

32 GVP...The MBA's regular season MVP, LEONARD PINTH GARNEL, waited until the final game of the playoffs to unleash his first post-season POG performance. The 6-10 Garnel put all of his assets on display in this winning effort, leading everyone in six categories: rebounding (13), steals (3), assists (4), blocked shots (4), points prevented (6) and turnovers caused (5). So, despite scoring just 8 points on 4 of 7 shooting, Garnel was easily the single-most dominant force in the game. The league's top rebounder came right out of the gate with 7 first-quarter rebounds, falling just one rebound short of Hall of Famer Raisin Sport's Season 9 playoff record of 14 for the game. He was magnifico at the exact right time.

Other 20-plus GVP performers (none from Dallas)

25 GVP...Philadelphia power forward Philibuck Davia...16 points (3 slams)....7 rebounds...2 assists

23 GVP...Philadelphia's retiring shooting guard ITSTHA BISHOP in his final game...18 points...4 rebounds...1 assist.

23 GVP...Philadelphia center Blob Dylan...15 points...5 rebounds...3 blocked shots.

POINTS PREVENTED BY QUARTERS

Dallas...2...2...6...3  Total=13

Philly....6...0...4...4  Total=14

POINTS PREVENTED LEADERS

1. Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia 6

1. Poop-Rupiah 3000, Dallas 6

TEAM TURNOVERS CAUSED BY QUARTER

Dallas...2...2...2...0  Total=6

Philly....0...0...3...3  Total-6

TURNOVERS CAUSED LEADERS

1. Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia 5

2. Nick Kenpoop, Dallas 2

2. Venial Sinn, Dallas 2

NEXT UP: Playoff stats leaders and the announcement of the Playoff MVP.