Season 59 MBA Draft

 TYLER TEAMS DOMINATE

At the risk of sounding like a sour grapes assessment, Tyler's teams once again defied the odds and crushed Dave teams in this very talented MBA draft. 

There were five franchise-changing players in the draft, and Dave teams were unable to claim even one of them. 

-- Juzan Djinn, arguably the greatest player the league has ever produced, went back to the Dallas franchise. This is the second time Djinn has been a free agent draft pick and has returned to the Demons. It is all the more unbelievable because it was the only pick Dallas had...a number 9 random pick.

-- All-MBA guard Pinky Toe, last season's league scoring leader, returned to his Los Angeles team. Toe was out there for the taking until the 18th pick, a random pick, when The Big One finally re-claimed him.

-- Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick was claimed by Milwaukee with the 11th overall pick (the third prime pick). 

-- The top rookie prospect, multi-talented guard Braddah Wayne, went to Los Angeles with the 8th overall pick (the second prime pick), giving L.A. a potent one-two punch at guard again after two seasons of Pinky Toe and Vicious Hick.

-- All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000 went unclaimed until the 24th pick (there were 26 picks total), when he went randomly to Seattle, seemingly setting the Stampede up for a serious championship run.

He was one of three players left in the draft, with Seattle getting the first random pick and Dave teams lined up for the next two in a row. That meant that if 3000 did not go randomly to Seattle, he would have to go to either Oklahoma City or Gillette. So the odds were seemingly with the Dave teams. Well...bang...Seatle landed him

Dave teams, shut out totally as far as the top draftees are concerned, managed to add some talent to their squads, but paled in comparison to the selections described above. For example, Dave teams got what might be considered the next five best players after the top five, and in a very talented draft, that was some consolation.

Bad luck plagued Dave teams throughout. One of the worst examples was Sacramento, which was the only team in the draft to hold two prime picks, coming away with two bottom-of-the-barrel rookies, guard Penile Blood and forward Gokie Throat. 

Random selections for Dave teams failed to land any of the top five players, and the prime picks (determined by rolling a 1 or 6 once a player is named by the team doing the drafting) averaged 4.7 rolls of the dice for Dave teams compared to 3.5 rolls for Tyler teams.

RATING THE DRAFT BY TEAMS

Milwaukee...B+

Added superstar Hick, who will team with Famichiki Whiskey for a superb scoring guard duo. Also added Joey "Joe Joe" Shamadu, Jr. as an excellent backup guard.

San Jose...C+

Nabbed top rookie forward Waialua Blobtop to its crumbling, ancient roster.

Charleston ... C-

No apparent starters added, but rookie center Jizz Drizzler gives Mountaineers some flexibility as a defensive stopper who could surprise as a scorer. Their first pick, rookie center Curtis E. Flush is solid, but redundant in this instance.

Seattle...A

Big upgrade at the center position with All-MBA Poop-Rupiah 3000 unseating Hooza Goodboi. Veteran forward Dark Urine and rookie forward Ryan Burner will see action due to starters Erik A. Crocidale and J.J. Pickle's tendency to foul.

Oklahoma City...B

Rookie guards Shelly Bogturtle and Super Daddy Pancakes will likely push league steals leader Oblio Assbag to the back of the rotation. 7-1 rookie center Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury is the projected starter by default, but lacks any virtues besides being an animal on the boards.

Gillette...C

The draft got them the smallest player in league history, 5-7 guard Officer Poundcake, who will likely replace Seeyalater Scronto in the starting lineup. Poundcake can pass and shoot but plays no defense and will get very few boards.

Sacramento...C+

None of their three picks are projected starters, but rookie guard Bygones B. Bygones looks like a very capable backup when Rabbit Munchers and Bellybutton Inquisition have to sit. They needed some help in the front court and got none.

Los Angeles ...A+

You can't get much better in a draft when your only two picks both have Hall of Fame potential. Guard Pinky Toe led the league in scoring and returned to the team while rookie guard Braddah Wayne, a 6-7 gem, was the prize of the rookies. 

Dallas...A

Amazingly, the Demons were again able to lure the great Juzan Djinn back into the fold for the second time. And they did so with their only pick; a random one.

Philadelphia...C

Neither of the forwards they picked with their two picks will crack the starting lineup for the champs. The Phobia needed to replace top scorer Itstha Bishop at guard, but didn't.

NEXT UP: Player improvements and regressions.

Season 59 Rookie Report

 This is going to be a memorable rookie class in the MBA, with all kinds of talent and size at every position. 

You want height? There are three guards 6-6 or better, a 6-10 forward and a 7-1 Squirrel. 

You want a dwarf? Officer Poundcake is the smallest player ever made.And he's the best passer in the draft.

Half of the rookie class is projected to make a positive impact on whatever team drafts them. And in 6-7 guard Braddah Wayne, you have a player who teams will be tempted to go after first with their prime picks. 

Why is that so outrageous? Because among the free agents in the draft are three of the five First Team All-MBA players, including two Hall of Fame players (Juzan Djinn and Vicious Hick) and two more on the verge of the Hall (Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000). And Djinn is already tied for the most honored player ever with Curly Hogbottom.)

There are less players (26) in the draft than usual this coming season, but in rookies and free agents, the talent is among the best ever.

The ratings are as follows with 10 being the maximum score:

GUARDS

6-7 Braddah Wayne..10 

5-11 Shelly Bogturtle 8

6-7 Bygones B. Bygones 7 1/2

6-2 Super Daddy Pancakes 7 1/2 

5-7 Officer Poundcake 6 (this is the smallest player ever in MBA history)

6-1 Jimmy "the Chipmunk" Hoover 5 1/2

6-6 Penile Blood 4

FORWARDS

6-10 Waialua Blobtop 10

6-9 Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner 7

6-7 Gokie Throat 6

6-9 Ben Benjanto 4

6-7 Bigbad Wolf 3 1/2

6-8 Whitey Coathair 3

CENTERS

6-8 Jizz Drizzler 9 1/2

6-9 Curtis E. Flush 7 1/2

7-1 Bobby "the Squirrel" Diggenbury 5 1/2

ROOKIES ROUT REJECTS

As expected, the talented rookies of Season 59 laid waste to the lowly rejects of the cut pile, thrashing them 81-56 in a game that was barely contested.

Total points prevented 

Rookies...7

Cut Pile Guys...8

Individual points prevented leaders

1. Count Sackula, Cut Pile...8 

2. Jizz Drizzler, Rookies...4

3. Shelly Bogturtle...3

PLAYER OF THE GAME

39 GVP...The most highly rated rookie did not disappoint in his MBA tabletop debut. 6-7 guard BRADDAH WAYNE started the game with a 7 for 7, 15-point first quarter that included a trey, then went on to lead everyone in scoring with a 28-point performance. The smooth and lanky Wayne was 12 for 17 from the floor (2 for 4 from deep) while handing out 3 assists and snagging 5 rebounds. He also showed off his defensive prowess that has MBA scouts drooling, swatting away 3 in the blocked shots department. His only downside was the 2 for 6 free throwing, but we'll chalk that up to a fluke. The guy guarding him, Swifty Twitch, went back to the shadow realm of the Cut Pile doubting his own existence.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

32 GVP...Rookie guard Shelly Bogturtle...25 points (4 treys)...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Cut Pile center Juan Fellswoop...15 points...4 rebounds...1 assist...1 steal.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Ryan "Dungeon Master" Burner...12 points...7 rebounds...1 assist.

NEXT UP: The Season 59 MBA Draft

Season 59 Free Agents

 Huge Talent in Free Agents

  The free agent class of Season 59, boasting such stellar stars as Juzan Djinn, Vicious Hick, Pinky Toe and Poop-Rupiah 3000, has already established this coming draft as potentially game-changing for any or all franchises...and that's without even considering the rookie additions to the league.

  The aforementioned four players include Hall of Famers Djinn and Hick, with the former tied for the number 1 overall spot in MBA history. Meanwhile Toe and 3000 are both well on their way to Hall of Fame status.

  Three of those Big Four (Hick being the exception) were first team All-MBA last season.

 Both Dallas and Los Angeles were hit hardest by free agency, with each team losing their top two players.

 Hick and Toe were the main men on Los Angeles these past two seasons, but their potent abilities fell short of the championship, netting The Big One two playoff berths but zero post-season wins.

  Dallas, with free agents Djinn and 3000, could potentially be losing their best two players. We say potentially because Djinn was a free agent a few seasons back, only to return to the Demons. Both Djinn and 3000 are coming off  All-MBA seasons.

  Ten players total will be joining the draft as free agents. with 7 of the 10 being starters.

  Four teams...San Jose, Seattle, Sacramento and the champs from Philadelphia escaped free agency unscathed. All but San Jose are sitting in excellent position as the draft approaches.

 Milwaukee and Gillette both lost two players to free agency, with the Greyhounds losing starting guard Joey "Joe-Joe" Shamadu, Jr. and center Krackey Krakatoa and Gillette losing starting forward Dark Urine and veteran backup guard Hurricane Furrwizard.

  Charleston and Oklahoma City both lost one bench player each, so both are primed to improve their fourtunes.

  The addition of 16 rookies makes for a 26-player draft, meaning each team will get two players in the draft, with all franchises except for the four playoff teams getting a third pick. Dallas, however, will be getting just one pick, since their trade with Sacramento gives the River Dogs the Demons' lone prime pick. (Meaning the R-Dogs are the only team in the draft with 4 picks). 

  Tyler teams took the biggest hit in free agency, losing 6 players, all starters, and the four best free agents.

   Dave teams lost four players, with just one starter.

JUST ONE COACHING CHANGE

  The last-place Milwaukee Greyhounds are the only team making a coaching change as we head into Season 59. They will replace coach Pietro Destroyer with first-time head coach Bisquero Cutoff.

  In his three seasons at the helm, Destroyer compied an 11-19 overall record (13-22 including the playoffs). He guided the Greyhounds to a 6-4, second-place finish in his initial campaign, which was on the heels of three consecutive last-place finishes. In that Season 56 playoff run, Milwaukee went all the way to Game Five in the Finals before finally bowing to the champs from Dallas.

  Cutoff, primarily known as a defensive-minded, shot-blocking forward, played 10 seasons in the MBA, making four All Star Games and starting for the Season 28 championship Dallas team. He played for Charleston, Milwaukee, Dallas and Sacramento before retiring.

  Next up...the making of the rookies. 

 

Some Franchise vs. Franchise updates

 

FRANCHISE VS FRANCHISE

Seattle does not have a winning record against any team…in fact, they are the only team to have a losing record against Kansas City/Gillette.

Dallas has a winning record against every team with the exception of Philadelphia

Philadelphia has a winning record against every team with the exception of Milwaukee, where the franchises are tied

Milwaukee has a winning record against everyone except Oklahoma City and Dallas; plus, they are even with Philadelphia

MBA All-Time Playoff Leaders

 Career Playoff

Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn is now in second place all time for playoff points scored and fourth all time in playoff games played...as follows:

ALL TIME PLAYOFF POINTS LEADERS

1. Dan Mann...768

2. Juzan Djinn...731 (still active)

3. Uncle Bob Masterson...650

4. Mamadou Zongo...599

4. Sagittal Occlusal...599

6. Max Payne...597

7. Boone Doggle...579

8. Naf Naf...571

9. Beezow Bop-Bop... 530

10. Doc Watson...511

ALL TIME MOST PLAYOFF GAMES PLAYED

1. Max Payne...51

2. Ed Masterson...49

2. Tug Hershorts...49

4. Raisin Sport...44

5. Juzan Djinn...43 (still active)

5. Cam Bodia...43

7. Mamadou Zongo...42

8. Boone Doggle...41

8. Funsy VanSlochum...41

10. Slats Southpaw...40

10. Al A. Orden...40 (still active)

TOP POINTS PER GAME IN PLAYOFFS (does not include active players with the exception of Djinn)

1. Naf Naf...24.8

2. Dan Mann...20.8

3. Marshall Stax...18.9

4. Jesse Shershot...18.7

5. Ching-Chung Chong...18.7

6. Cappy Gambol...18.1

7. Uncle Bob Masterson...17.6

8. Colquitt Croix...17.4

9. Juzan Djinn...17.0 (active)

9. Doc Watson...17.0

Dentist...16.9

Two-Tones...16.8

Hogbottom...16.8

Jones...16.6

Battoe...16.5 

Lennex...16.3

Paige...16.1

Reed...16.1

Occlusal...15.4

Zoop...15.4

Cockaroo...15.1

Pitbull...15.0

Duran...15.0

Dripp...14.9

T. K. Masterson...14.7

Fiddy...14.5

Gannon...14.4

Pal...14.4

Zongo ...14.3

Reflexia...14.3

Nod...14.2

Rustler...14.2

Doggle...14.1

Luwak...14.0

Vandalay...13.9

Masterfalcon...13.9

Bop-Bop...13.7

Marzano...13.6

Flatch ...13.5

Fresh...13.5

Gargantuan...13.4

Terry...13.3

Chamberlain...13.1

Dickus...13.0

Oyster...13.0

Gumm...13.0

Bakshi...12.8

Jell-o...12.8

Brinkman...12.2

Indice...12.2

Spikie...12.0

Bodia...11.8

DoMato...11.8

Payne...11.7

Kondla ...11.7

Smearz...11.1

Mudcat...10.9

Sport...10.8

Clutch...10.6

Hershorts...8.7

Slamjam...8.1

Mon-Mon...5.7

Wright...7.3

Season 58...Their place in the MBA Universe...retirees take their places of rest

 

Season 58 Post-Season Summary

BACK ON TOP

--Philadelphia becomes the 18th team to win the MBA title after leading the league in defense and the first since Dallas in Season 52. Nineteen teams have won the title after leading the league in offense.

PLAYOFF MVP 

-- Juzan Djinn captures his unprecedented fourth Playoff MVP award, despite playing for the losing team in the Finals. He is the 17th player in history to do so. He moves past Cappy Gambol and Stu Nod, with 3 each.

-- This honor ties him with Curly Hogbottom for the top spot on the MBA pyramid...and his career continues next season.

-- His 6 overall MVP honors ranks third all time, tied with Cappy Gambol and trailing only Naf Naf and Chip Battoe, who finished with 7 each.

--He moves past Chip Battoe as the greatest player in the history of the Dallas franchise.

NEWEST HALL OF FAMER

-- Luwak becomes the 65th member of the MBA Hall of Fame -- elected by the Veterans Committee

-- He was a member of the most spectacular rookie class ever assembled in Season 52, when he and fellow teammates Biggus Dickus and Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, all future Hall of Famers, all ended up on the Dallas Demons via the draft and in Marzano's case, a trade that sent Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan to Sacramento. Luwak emerged as Rookie of the Year that season, which saw "the Whiz Kids" begin their string of a record six consecutive championships. He led his team in scoring his rookie year, followed by his All-MBA season in Season 53 in which he led the league in scoring. 

-- He lost his starting job to Hall of Fame guard Vicious Hick in his third season, was traded in an unprecedented deal to Charleston where he was a main man on a team that challenged Dallas for championships but came up short each time. 

-- His short career still places him 52nd of the 875 players ever to suit up for the MBA. That's roughly the upper 6 percent of all players ever made.

NEXT UP: Their place in the MBA Universe ... retirees put to rest