SEASON 47 TEAM PREVIEWS
EAST DIVISION (All Predictions Unanimous)
1st-- DALLAS DEMONS
Last Season: First place, 9-1 (5-1 in playoffs) Champions
Last Time Missed Playoffs : Season 43
Last Title: Last season
Biggest Additions: Veteran forward Goodbar “Muddy” Masterson a solid addition
Biggest Losses: Second-leading scorer and league’s second-best 3-point shooter at guard, Bingo Bango (14.6 ppg) 55.6% from 3 with 25 made) retired.
Summary: Loss of Bango will hurt as far as scoring and rebounding goes, but he turned the ball over a lot too. Will not be as deep at guard, but will be deeper at forward with the addition of Muddy Masterson. The most important thing is that they still have Hall of Fame forward Chip “the Crip” Battoe who has four MVPs in four seasons. He does, however, have two chinks in his formidable armour…being prone to injury and a loss of passing ability. But they’re still favorites.
2nd-- MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS
Last Season: Fourth place, 5-5
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 40
Last Title: Season 18
Biggest Additions: Added two pieces to starting lineup, talented backup center Sabado Gigante in trade with Charleston and promising second-year forward Wardy Joubert III (10.3 ppg, 4.4 rpg, 12 blocks) in draft via Seattle.
Biggest Losses: Third-year center Papa Popcorn (10.1 ppg, 5.1 rpg, 17 blocks) to Charleston in Gigante trade. Forward Faku Sosume (10.8 ppg, 5 steals) to Charleston in same trade.
Summary: Milwaukee trades rim-protecting defense in Popcorn for potential big-time scorer at center in Gigante. It’s been a long drought since last playoff appearance and even longer since last title, but Greyhounds fans are catching post-season fever. Guard Lord Lannigan Hobo and his two consecutive All-MBA seasons (18.5 and 18.6 ppg) leads the way. They need Fatty McButterpants to snap out of his slumping season from a year ago.
3rd-- PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA
Last Season: Third place, 5-5
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 44
Last Title: Season 43
Biggest Additions: Rookie guard Dick Papers, who will run the point.
Biggest Losses: Hall of Fame point guard and league-leading scorer Colquitt Croix (19.6 ppg, 66.7% from 3-Point Land with 36 made)’
Summary: Philadelphia will sport the same lineup as last season with the exception of rookie Papers for one of the all-time greats at point guard. Papers looks capable but won’t score like Croix, so one of the four returning starters (or all) will have to pick up the loss of his offense.
4th-- CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS
Last Season: Second place, 6-4 (1-2 in
playoffs)
Last Playoff Miss: Season 44
Last Title: Season 42
Biggest Additions: Fifth-year guard Hurricane Furrwizard (16.5 ppg) in draft via Oklahoma City, forward Faku Sosume (10.8 ppg, 5 steals) and 7-2 center Papa Popcorn (10.1 ppg, 5.1 rpg, 17 blocks), last two in trade with Milwaukee.
Biggest Losses: All-MBA forward and leading scorer Flip Testerton (16.1 ppg, 5.9 rpg) to retirement. Point guard Lapiz Lapiz Boligrafo (15.0 ppg, 25 3s, 3.2 apg, 3.9 rpg) to retirement.
Summary: Mountaineers, always in playoff picture, will have a long haul to get there this season with loss of two of their best scorers. Ball movement with four good passers will hopefully get good shots.
Last-- KANSAS CITY BASTARD ANGELS
Last Season: Last place, 1-9
Last Playoff Appearance: Never
Last Title: Never
Biggest Addition: Rookie guard Joe Momsawhore is an exciting player who can score from everywhere, but is overly aggressive on defense and highly prone to fouling.
Biggest Losses: Rookie of the Year, top scorer on team and first franchise player to make an All Star Game, Freddy Chepuzzo (14.8 ppg, 68.0% shooting) lost to free agency. Starting point guard Con Gusto (10.0 ppg) retired.
Summary: Too much lost, not enough gained. They’ll be lucky to win a game this season and will be rolling for a new city at year’s end.
WEST DIVISION (All Predictions Unanimous)
1S 1st--SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS
Last
Season: First place, 9-1 (3-4, lost
in Finals)
Last Playoff Miss: Season 45
Last Title: Season 44
Biggest Addition: None—same exact roster
Biggest Losses: None—same exact roster
Summary: Unprecedented fourth consecutive season in which this team will feature the exact same starting lineup and even more rare, the exact same team roster. Against all odds, the R-Dogs, with the league’s oldest roster, once more saw three of their four older players improve along with their point guard leader Great Gruncle Terry. Almost a cinch to make the playoffs, they will have competition this season for the West Division’s top spot in San Jose. Golden Age of this franchise continues as they seek another championship.
2nd--SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS
Last
Season: Last place, 2-8
Last
Playoff Appearance: Season 44
Last
Title: Season 25
Biggest Additions: Top-rated rookie Jesse Shershot, plus last season’s Rookie of the Year Freddy Chepuzzo (14.8 ppg, 68% shooter).
Biggest Losses: None
Summary: MBA’s youngest roster emerges from two-year coma of last-place finishes with enough talent to contend for first in the West and possibly, a championship. Getting Shershot was the big prize, but nabbing Chepuzzo means that the Amigos will combine the last two Rookie of the Year winners (Mister Methane the other) at the shooting guard spot and negate both of their foul-prone ways. The front line is not spectacular but solid. Will be a 3-point shower. Faces toughest cross-over opponents.
3rd-- LOS ANGELES BIG ONE
Last Season: Fourth place, 3-7
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 45
Last
Title: Season 45
Biggest Addition: Big-time rebounding rookie Sheetrock Hudson.
Biggest Losses: No starters, top sub guard Peeshie Pooshie
Summary: If Dr. Marcus Brody (13.4 ppg) stays healthy and Hudson lives up to rookie hype, they could squeeze pass San Jose for playoff spot. Had to resort to cut pile for starting center (Jonk Vanderdonk) for second consecutive season. May have trouble holding off Oklahoma City.
4. 4th-- OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS
Last Season: Second place, 5-5
Last Playoff Miss: Season 44
Last Title: Season 41
Biggest Additions: Veteran point guard passing wizard Red Reparee, shooting guard Peeshie Pooshie and rookie forward Entha Shortzone will all start.
Biggest Losses: Guard Hurricane Furrwizard (16.5 ppg) to free agency, forward Peter Pizza (12.8 ppg) to old age and cutpile, back-up center supreme Willie Carry McCoffee to free agency
Summary: Like L.A., turned over half their roster, mostly with trades, to get an outside shot at playoff contention. Miraculously lured second-year center star Chochky Galumpkus (12.8 ppg) back to squad from free agency pool. Counted out last two seasons, made playoffs both times.
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 42
Last Title: Season 37
Biggest Additions: Defensive genius center Willie Carry McCoffee and rookie guard Franswa Perfecto will add depth, but likely neither will start.
Biggest Losses: Both starting forwards, Pietro Destroyer (10.9 ppg) and Wardy Joubert III (10.3 ppg).
Summary: Unsettled lineup will take time to find right combo. Hurting at forward, strong at center.
ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS
Guard – Lord Lannigan Hobo, Milwaukee (unanimous)
Guard—Jesse Shershot, San Jose (unanimous)
Center—Chochky Galumpkus, Oklahoma City (Tyler), Tree Fiddy, Sacramento (Dave)
Forward—Chip Battoe, Dallas (unanimous)
Forward—Sheetrock Hudson, Los Angeles (Tyler), Doo-rag Dripp, Sacramento (Dave)
LEAGUE MVP
Jesse Shershot, San Jose (Dave)
Chip Battoe, Dallas (Tyler)
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Jesse Shershot, San Jose (unanimous)
MBA Veterans (10 or more seasons)
14th—Shag Bark, Milwaukee (oldest rostered player)
14th—Buzz Kill (cut pile)
12th—Louie Subgum, Dallas (oldest starter)
11th—Stu Gatz, Seattle
11th—Pap Smearz, Sacramento
11th—Cremeofsum Younguy, Sacramento
10th—J.J. Gargantuan, Charleston (Hall of Famer)
10th—Baskets Weaver, Philadelphia
ACTIVE HALL OF FAME PLAYERS
Chip Battoe, Dallas (15 awards)
J.J. Gargantuan, Charleston (11 awards)
HALL OF FAME WATCH (5 or more awards)
9 awards—Pap Smearz, Sacramento
8 awards—Tree Fiddy, Sacramento
6 awards—Dr. Marcus Brody, Los Angeles
5 awards—Lannigan Lord Hobo, Milwaukee
5 awards—Potus Obama, Sacramento
LONGEST CONSECUTIVE GAME STREAKS
90 games—Tree Fiddy, Sacramento
60 games—Brownie McShytles, Philadelphia
60 games—Wawa Wewa, Philadelphia
50 games—Potus Obama, Sacramento
50 games—Doo-rag Dripp, Sacramento
50 games—Chutcher Mouthchair, Philadelphia
NEXT UP: The Season begins with West favorite Sacramento at Oklahoma City
Followed by:
Los Angeles at Seattle
Kansas City at East favorite Dallas in a squash game
Milwaukee at Charleston
Featured Game: Philadelphia at San Jose in big cross-over
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