(Keep in mind that I predicted all four playoff teams last season...Tyler predicted 2 of the 4)
THE EAST
1. DALLAS DEMONS: (Unanimous) Six-time champions lost two Hall of Fame starters but managed to get the best player in the draft, Playoff MVP center Poop-Rupiah 3000. The West offers two major championship contenders in Seattle and Los Angeles, but the Demons, with two new starters, should easily win the East in an otherwise down season for the division. I'm picking them to win it all once again behind another great season from Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn. Tyler agrees.
2. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA: (Unanimous) Last place last season, the Phobia will be in a dogfight with the other four teams for the second post-season berth in the East. They added All-MBA, league-leading scorer Itstha Bishop as a free agent to bolster what was the lowest-scoring team of Season 57. The addition of Philibuck Davia gives them a 6-10, 6-10, 6-11 front line and allows passing wizard Leonard Pinth Garnel to move to small forward at 6-10. Could end 6-season playoff dry spell.
3. OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS: (D-3rd, T-4th) Surprise team of last season lost its top two players to free agency (Poop-Rupiah 3000 and Bellybutton Inquisition) but may still be able to contend for post-season with two-time All-MBA center Johnny Bananas in the pivot and the addition of second-season free agent forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis.
4 MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS: (D-5th, T-3rd) Replaced free agent elite scorer Itstha Bishop with free agent gunner Famichiki Whiskey from Charleston and Gillette 3-point ace Joey Shamadu. Weak up front again with same trio as last season.
5. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS: (D-4th, T-5th) Lost top two scorers (Famichiki Whiskey to free agency and Kopi Luwak to retirement). Just missed playoffs last season. Shouldn't come close this time. Youngest starting lineup in the league.
THE WEST
1. (tie) SEATTLE STAMPEDE: (D-1st, T-2nd) Tyler thinks this may be the best Stampede roster ever, thanks to the addition of free agent veteran guard Ehhy Table, who will man the point, adding defense, rebounding and assists. Deep lineup features two All-MBA players from a season ago (guard Hilbee Juggleboy and forward Erik A. Crocidale) as well as last season's Rookie of the Year forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle. They led the league in scoring last season with 82.1 ppg but were bounced by Oklahoma City in the playoffs' first round. Table could put them in the Finals, at least, and may be the boost to win it all.
1. (tie) LOS ANGELES BIG ONE: (D-2nd, T-1st) Despite the power duo of guards Vicious Hick (a Hall of Famer) and Pinky Toe, L.A. barely snuck into the playoffs with a 6-4 record and was quickly eliminated by Dallas. They come back this season with upgrades at forward in free agents Phillip Mianus (All-MBA last season) and shot blocker Grand Demur Fuyacho. Can 7-1 center Otzi "the Frozen Hunter" Bolzano adequately replace retired rim protector Chat Bot? Guard Donny Dupons is a luxury off the bench.
3. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS: (unanimous) On the hot seat with two straight last-place finishes, the R-Dogs may be the best Dave team, but will have to have a super season from improved 3-point shooter Rabbit Munchers and continued fine play from free agent guard Bellybutton Inquisition.
4. GILLETTE HUMPS: (D-4th, T-4th) Finished 6-4 in four of last five seasons but twice aced out for playoffs. Lost scorer in free agent Joey Shamadu but added the Rookie of the Year favorite with newcomer Zach "Zing-Zing" Zigler, probably the best two-way player on the team.
5. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS (unanimous): Oldest roster and starting lineup in MBA history still has punch on the front line. Needed guard help badly but could only add defensive-minded Freddy Gooch as an after-thought via a desperation trade with Los Angeles. Yielded league-worst 83.9 ppg last season.
ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS (between Tyler and Dave last season, we predicted no spots correctly last season)
Dave
G-Hall of Famer Vicious Hick of Los Angeles
G-Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn of Dallas
C-Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Dallas
F-Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer of San Jose
F-Erik A. Crocidale of Seattle
Tyler
G-Hall of Famer Vicious Hick of Los Angeles
G-Itstha Bishop of Philadelphia
C-Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Dallas
F-Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer of San Jose
F-Eric A. Crocidale of Seattle
LEAGUE MVP
Dave picks Juzan Djinn of Dallas
Tyler picks Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Dallas
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
forward Zach "Zing-Zing" Zigler of Gillette (unanimous)
Hall of Fame watch
ACTIVE HALL OF FAME PLAYERS
22 awards…Juzan Djinn, Dallas
13 awards…Crentis Dentist, Seattle
11 awards…Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose
10 awards…Vicious Hick, Los Angeles
CLOSING IN
9 awards…Satan Israel, Sacramento
9 awards…Eddie “the Milkman” Creamer,
San Jose
8 awards…Al A. Orden, San Jose
6 awards…Pinky Toe, Los Angeles
6 awards…Poop-Rupiah 3000
6 awards…Piping Plover, Charleston
6 awards…Johnny Bananas, Oklahoma
City
5 awards…China P.
5 awards…Blob Dylan, Philadelphia
Oldest Players Season 58
18th…Al A. Orden, San Jose
16th…Hurricane Furrwizard,
Gillette
15th…Chai Walla (cut pile)
14th…Eddie “the Milkman”
Creamer, San Jose
13th…Chochky Galumpkus
(HOF), San Jose
13th…Ray “Big Ticket”
Natuzzi (cut pile)
13th…Charles “F.P.” Pompeo
(cut pile)
13th…Nicholas Pickles (cut
pile)
12th…Joe Momsawhore, San
Jose
12th…Jospah, Gecan, San
Jose
11th…Oblio Assbag,
Oklahoma City
10th…Crentis Dentist
(HOF), Seattle
10th…Spastic Colin (cut
pile)
10th…Freddy Gooch, San
Jose
the schedule
NEXT UP: Season 58 starts out with a hum-dinger of a contest as the six-time defending champion Dallas Demons hosts a top challenger for the crown, the Los Angeles Big One in Bracket No. 1's FEATURED GAME. Dallas dispatched The Big One in the playoff semifinals last season 2 games to 0 by the scores 103-66 and 69-66.
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