Season 57 MBA Draft Report

The Season 57 MBA draft started and finished heavily in favor of Tyler teams, with both available superstars (Dallas free agents Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn and league MVP and scoring champ Vicious Hick) both getting drafted by Tyler teams. 

The highlight for Tyler was Djinn returning to his home with the Dallas Demons, courtesy of the trade two seasons ago with Charleston that sent Kopi Luwak from Dallas to the Mountaineers. That trade gave Dallas rights to the first Charleston pick (which happened to be the second overall pick in the draft this season). As it turned out, the one in six chance for that pick to be a prime pick rolled the Demons' way. That made it a prime pick, in which the team doing the selecting names a player they are going after. They must then roll a 1 or 6 on one die. Tyler named Djinn, and the 33.3 percent chance went his way, so the five-time All-MBA star returned to Dallas.

Sacramento, which had the first pick in the entire draft, also rolled for and got a prime pick to start things out. They thus had shots at both Djinn and Hick, but had to name 10 different players before actually connecting on their man. 

Hick did not go until the 16th pick in the draft, where he was selected with a random roll by Los Angeles, where he will pair with another star guard, Pinky Toe.

With those picks, Los Angeles and Dallas became the most successful teams in the Season 57 Draft, with both being favorites to vie for the upcoming championship.

Add center Blob Dylan going from Gillette to Philadelphia, and Tyler teams got the concensus top three players in the drafrt.

Here's our ranking of how the teams fared in the draft.

1. Los Angeles

2. Dallas

a gap

3. Philadelphia

another gap

4. Sacramento

5. Oklahoma City

6. San Jose

7. Seattle

8. Gillette

9. Charleston

10. Milwaukee 

Philadelphia and Los Angeles both picked up two likely starters. Philly got both Dylan and the MVP of the Rookie Game, guard Mel A. Tonin. Los Angeles, nailed down Hick and rookie forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis.

Every other team, with the exception of Milwaukee, picked up at least one projected starter. The Greyhounds may be forced to start rookie center pick Dave Cowhand, since he is their lone center at this time. 

The top 6 players in the draft went to:

-- Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn...returned to Dallas with 2nd pick as described earlier.

-- League MVP and scoring leader guard Vicious Hick went to Los Angeles with random pick 16.

-- Center Blob Dylan went to Philadelphia with pick No. 23, which was the fourth overall prime pick...Tyler hit on his first roll for Dylan.

-- Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus went to San Jose with the 28th overall pick, which was the 8th prime pick. Dave hit on his first roll for Galumpkus. 

-- Two-time All-MBA center Johnny Bananas went to Oklahoma City with the fifth overall pick, a random pick, which was pretty much a waste since the Lariats' best player is All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000.

-- Third-year guard Donny Dupons went to Los Angeles with pick No. 26, which turned into the 6th prime pick...Tyler got him on his second roll.He won't even start for them, since they have Hick and Toe.

NEXT UP: Player improvements (and regressions) followed by the Cut Pile draft to fill out the rosters.

 

Season 57 Rookie Game

 

ROOKIES 69, CUT PILE 61

ROOKIES OUTLAST CUT PILE BOYS

WAUKEGAN -- Season 57 rookies used a strong third quarter to build a 10-point lead going into the final frame on the way to a 69-61 triumph over the still win-less representatives from the cut pile.

   The dregs of the MBA fought valiantly in the fourth quarter, getting within three points of the Rookies, but just could not overcome paltry 39.6 percent shooting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

31 GVP...The last rookie made in the 57th season crop, MEL A. TONIN, won game honors with a brilliant performance that included game-highs in both scoring and rebounding. SLEEPY started out like his nickname in the first half, accumulating just 4 points, but came on strong late to finish with 22 on 9 of 15 shooting, including 4 of 5 from the foul line. The 6-2 rookie demonstrated an uncanny knack for gathering rebounds, grabbing 9 caroms, including a couple over the cut pile's 7-foot center Dave Tesh. Tyler commented that Tonin could be Rookie of the Year if he lands on a team where he gets playing time, and Sleepy Mel justified that assessment in this outing.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

25 GVP...Cut pile guard Old Man Mahoffer...16 points...6 rebounds...3 assists.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...18 points...1 rebound...1 assist. 

NEXT UP: The 57th MBA Draft

 

Class of 57 Rookies Atrocious

 Let's not pull any punches. MBA franchise owners agree that this is the most appallingly repulsive class of rookies in memory.

The players with size have very little skills and the players with skills have no size. There doesn't look to be a Hall of Fame berth in any of the new guys' futures.

As you can see...the forwards lead the way in the talent department, which would be welcome in a league looking for fresh forward ability. But even the best forward, J.J. "Jack" Pickle has glaring rebounding and passing deficiencies, although he's projected to be a fine scorer.

Here's the breakdown according to Tyler's off-the-cuff rankings by position. (5 stars is best)

GUARDS

6-2 Mel A. Tonin "Sleepy"...3 stars

6-0 Lumpy Grits...2 stars

5-11 Mr. Poodie...2 stars

6-3 Peter Francis Geraci...2 stars

6-6 Dirt Mann...2 stars

6-2 President Comacho...1.5 stars

6-1 Pete Gushi...1.5 stars

FORWARDS

6-6 J.J. "Jake" Pickle...4.5 stars

6-7 Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...3.5 stars

6-9 Jack "Guzzler" Masterson...3 stars

6-5 Smirking Fuckface...2.5 stars

6-6 Cheech Aborte...2.5 stars

6-5 Count Sackula...2 stars

CENTERS

6-9 Doggie Barkinsons...2.5 stars

6-10 Krackey Krakatoa...2 stars

6-7 Dave Cowhand...2 stars

These guys will be taking on a team from the Cut Pile prior to the draft. Could the Cut Pile challenge for a change. It's dubious.

Season 57 Free Agents

DEMONS LOSE 2 SUPERSTARS

The prayers for breaking up the five-time defending champion Dallas Demons have apparently been answered as both All-MBA starting guards Vicious Hick and Juzan Djinn declared themselves free agents for the Season 57 draft.

Hick was the league-leading scorer and regular season MVP in Season 56 and Djinn, a Hall of Famer on track to become the best player in league history, was the Playoff MVP.

Seventeen players in all declared for free agency, with 8 of those players being starters. That means that, adding the 16 rookies, there will be 33 players in the upcoming draft...enough for three full rounds, with three teams getting a fourth player.

Only two teams; last-place Sacramento and Philadelphia, escaped unscathed in the free agent declarations. 

Six of the league's 10 teams lost valuable starters, with San Jose matching Dallas with two starters lost.

Dallas added the all-time championship ring winner Al A. Orden for a total of three free agents lost. Milwaukee and Gillette also contributed three. 

Three superb starting centers will be available in the draft as Hall of Famer Chochky Galumpkus leaves Seattle, Blob Dylan leaves Gillette (for the third time...they got him back twice) and Johnny Bananas departs Milwaukee after one season.

No matter what the caliber of incoming rookies, this upcoming draft will be well worth watching, thanks to the stars leaving their respective teams.

 

A LOOK AT LAST SEASON'S PREDICTIONS

Both Dave and Tyler got two correct in individual honors predictions. Each selected Juzan Djinn for All-MBA and Famichiki Whiskey for Rookie of the Year.

 ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS(from Dave)

Guard...Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn of Dallas

Guard...Rookie Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston

Center...Chochky Galumpkus of Seattle

Forward...Satan Israel of Sacramento

Forward...Hall of Famer Crentis Dentist of Oklahoma City

 

ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS (from Tyler)

Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Center...Biggus Dickus, Dallas

Forward...Satan Israel, Sacramento

Forward...Erik A. Crocidale, Seattle

 

Actual All-MBA team

Guard…Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Guard…Vicious Hick, Dallas

Center…Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City

Forward.Eddie “the Milkman” Creamer, San Jose

Forward.Piping Plover, Charleston

 

MVP Predictions

Center Chochky Galumpkus of Seattle (Dave)

Guard Pinky Toe of Los Angeles (Tyler)

 

Actual MVP

Vicious Hick, Dallas

 

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Guard Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston (both Dave and Tyler)

 

THE STEAKMAN MAKES HALL

 

Marzano gets "sneak" induction

While adding championship rings to the Dallas Demons individual cards, it was surprisingly determined that five-year forward Pete “the Steakman” Marzano has achieved Hall of Fame status.

The 6-8 defensive specialist has five championship rings, three all star game honors, a Season 53 All-MBA foil star and a Season 53 regular season MVP award, adding up to the required 10 to gain Hall of Fame status.

He snuck up on us, admittedly.

Marzano becomes the 62^nd member of the MBA Hall of Fame, joining Chochky Galumpkus as the Season 56 entries into the vaunted ranks.

He will join teammate Juzan Djinn as one of four active Hall of Fame players for Season 57, the others being Galumpkus of Seattle and Crentis Dentist of Oklahoma City.

This induction into the Hallowed Hall is the first time since Season 44 when J.J. Gargantuan and Colquit Croix went in, that more than one player has achieved Hall of Fame status in the same season. Strangely enough, Dallas got their hands on Marzano when Sacramento traded “the Steakman” to the Demons for Hall of Fame center Gargantuan.

The 10 most recent Hall of Famers are:

Season 56…Pete “the Steakman”Marzano and Chochky Galumpkus

Season 55…Pap Smearz (via veterans committee)

Season 54…Juzan Djinn

Season 53…Crentis Dentist

Season 52…Great Gruncle Terry

Season 51…Dr. Marcus Brody (via veterans committee)

Season 50…Jesse Shershot

Season 49…Doo-rag Dripp

Season 48…Tree Fiddy

Season 56 Their Place in the MBA Universe

 

Season 56 Playoffs Summary with MVP and stat leaders

-- Third Playoff MVP honor (in last 5 seasons) ties him for most ever with Cappy Gambol and Stu Nod

-- Jumps from 12th most-honored player of all time to tied for fifth with Uncle Bob Masterson...both with 21 awards...four players ahead of him are 1. Curly Hogbottom (25 awards) 2.Naf Naf (23) 3.Max Payne 22  3.Chip Battoe (23)

-- He now ranks 9th all time in playoff scoring with 513 points. First is Dan Mann with 768.

-- Al A. Orden now has the most championship rings in history with 7. He's also in 9th place for most playoff games, having participated in 40. Max Payne holds the record with 51 games.

NEXT UP: Season 56 retirees assigned their places in the MBA universe