SEASON 39 PRE-SEASON REPORT

Dallas, Milwaukee, Charleston look like class of league
A different team has won the MBA title in each of the past six seasons, and that string could continue this season.
Dallas and Milwaukee look like favorites, along with Charleston, and the first two mentioned teams have not won in 10 and 20 seasons, respectively.

Here’s the Season 39 predictions:

EAST DIVISION
1. Charleston Mountaineers (T-2nd, D-1st)(5-5, 4th in S38)—Beezow Bop-Bop returns from a season-long injury and the Mountaineers are instant contenders again. They added Chicago forward Art Vandelay, the MVP of last season’s playoff and depth at guard with Mel A. Noma from Philly and at forward with Pap Smearz from Chicago. Second-year center J.J. Gargantuan was the team’s leading scorer and rebounder in Season 38 and may be the best of the league’s brilliant centers. They start the season against Dallas, so hold onto your seats.
1. Milwaukee Greyhounds (T-1st,D-2nd)(6-4,3rd in S38)—This is a stronger team than last season’s bunch, thanks to a trade that brought them steady second-year guard Baskets Weaver, a big upgrade over the erratic Yu Raing at the point. Tea Time Typhoo acquired from Charleston, will also be an improvement over the retired Puddles Pondhopper at forward. Milwaukee currently has the longest playoff appearance drought and hasn’t won it all since Season 18. Hall of Famer Hrundi V. Bakshi and company could change that.
3. Chicago Gale (T-4th, D-3rd) (7-3, 1st in S38) – The defending champs lost their top two scorers in forward Art Vandelay and point guard Ginger Vampire to free agency, but replaced Vandelay with the talented, but injury-prone Reckless Abandon. Lots of pressure on second-year guard Chief Keef to deliver big time. The Gale still have Hall of Fame center Max Payne who continues to roll along.
3. Philadelphia Phobia (T-3rd, D-4th) (7-3, tied for 1st in S38)—Top scorer and two-time All-MBA scoring machine guard T. Kanes Masterson goes to Dallas and point guard Mel A. Noma goes to Charleston. Jitter Bugg acquired for the point from Houston, where he was team’s top scorer. Achtu Meinlieber could not start for Sacramento, but Philly will depend on him at the other guard. Diss Reflexia, going into his fourth season, is a monster.
5. Houston Iguanas (T-Last, D-Last) (2-8, last in S38) – One more last-place finish and Houston has to roll the die to see if they change cities. And last seems inevitable. Lost top scorer in Jitter Bugg and replaced with Guy “the Eye” Clark from San Jose, who has yet to prove himself.

WEST DIVISION
1. Dallas Demons (T-1st, D-1st) (7-3, 1st in S38) – Unanimous pick for first in the West and may be the best team overall. Dallas returns second-year point guard Bootlace Barnaby from injury and upgraded its overall roster talent in a huge way. T.Kanes Masterson, who can score like a madman and rebound as well, pushes last year’s top scorer Lemon Jell-o to the bench. Much-improved Sven Marquardt comes over from Houston and also relegates last season’s All-MBA forward Matthew Vanden Boogart to a substitute roll. Add rebounding madmen Naceg Gecan and Gulemon Mon-Mon and you have a dominant rebounding group that should easily make a return trip to the playoffs.
2. San Jose Fighting Amigos (T-2nd, D-2nd) (5-5, 3rd in S38) – Three new starters, all upgrades from last season, should get San Jose into the playoffs for the first time since Season 35. They still have rookie sensation and All-MBA center Pippi Pippistrelli as the main man, and added veteran Blue “Rondo” Alaturk and scoring forward Bruce Hammer down low. Watch for rookie shooting guard Dayshotta Leo to have a big impact. He’s big (6-5) and he can score.
3. Sacramento River Dogs (T-3rd, D-3rd) (3-7, 4th in S38) R-Dogs snared theguy considered the top rookie in the draft in 6-8 center Tree Fiddy, a fine all-around defender and scorer. They also picked up rebounding madman Harold “Farts” Arlen in a trade with Houston. And their bench is much improved.
4. Oklahoma City Lariats (T-4th, D-4th) (7-3, 2nd in S38) -- String of five consecutive playoff appearances appears to be over. Lost all three starters down low. But the good news is that they will be a fun team to watch. With the acquisition of Yipeekayee Masterfalcon, Oklahoma City boasts both All-MBA guards. Masterfalcon was third in the league in scoring and will pair with Naf Naf, league MVP and two-time scoring champ at guard.
5. Seattle Stampede (T-Lasth, D-Last) (1-9, Last in S38) – Three new starters, best being point guard Ginger Vampire from Chicago, won’t get the Stampede out of last Although they may win two games.

ROOKIE REPORT
Starters in their first year
6-8 center Tree Fiddy for Sacramento
6-5 guard Dayshotta Leo for San Jose
6-10 center Yo Noid for Oklahoma City

Made a roster—will come off the bench
6-4 guard Phil D. Buquette for Sacramento
6-10 forward Ape Con Myth for San Jose
6-5 forward Mike Hunt for Oklahoma City
6-9 center Indo Kazak for Charleston
6-3 guard Piggles Huckster for Chicago
6-5 guard Foor A. Verkmate for Houston
6-8 forward Tiger Masterson for Houston
6-5 forward Chavo Guerrero for Houston
6-3 guard Tatsuo Takamiya for Seattle

Straight to the cut pile
6-3 guard Basil “Toy Piano” Fomean
6-6 guard Jackson Galaxy
6-7 forward Bang-Bang Reiner
6-6 forward Tom “Fucking” Paddock


Tyler Record Predictions
Milwaukee 7-3
Charleston 7-3
Chicago 5-5
Philly 4-6
Houston 1-9

Dallas 8-2
San Jose 6-4
Sacramento 6-4
Oklahoma City 3-7
Seattle 3-7