- Cut pile crap
- Meh nench player
- Good bench / Poor starter
- Good starter
- Elite Championship Piece
C - Dead Dreadmore, ⭐⭐.5
This guy wouldn't be half bad, and actually would be staring quality if he didn't hack so much. As it stands he's an average quality bench player. He'll make the league, he'll score a few buckets, get some boards, hack and then come out
F - Booty Swish ⭐
He sucks. Cant ball handle, defend, shoot, and is a wild man shooting the ball. Absolute crap, will hurt a team if he ends up in the MBA
G - Ehhy Table (as in "A Table for 2" when taking a jumper), ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The obvious pick of the rookie crop, and possibly the best player, considering youth, in the draft. Ehhy Table will be in contention for all-league every year, and will make any team he ends up on dramatically better. He comes into the league as already one of the best defensive players in the MBA, and is one of the rare cards that has all the tools. A top 1% rebounder, a top defender, a deft ball handler, can drain the three, can dish the ball, can shoot at a high clip from every zone. This guy is the next big thing. Only drawback is he will miss time for fouls occasionally and he probably doesn't shoot enough for how great he can score.
F - Billie Be Bop Bauer - ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Probably one of the more interesting forwards in a weak forward draft. This guy, like all the forwards in this crop, is small and cant rebound well (though he won't kill you at the Small F). His claim to fame is his midrange-sharp shooting and gunner tendency. He may even shoot around 70% from the floor. His defense is serviceable, though not strong. His ball-handling will hurt you which keeps him from being a top-tier player. Coming into the league he's a top bench quality player, but with some improvement, he's a solid piece for any team. I wouldn't be surprised if he starts and scores 17 a game.
F - Ichie Boobies - ⭐⭐stars
He cant rebound or play D like all the F's in this draft, but his dribble ability and deadeye short jumper will keep him in the league as the last man off the bench. Not a great player, itching his sweaty manboobs too much.
C - Rockin Dopesie ⭐⭐⭐
In a league suddenly starved for solid talent at center, and 3 teams with a cut pile quality center penciled in to start (including the defending champions), Dopesie's value goes up. Rockin, in any MBA environment, would be a serviceable bench Center, with a great dribbling ability and decent moves around the rim. He struggles with defense and rebounding, but I could see him starting on the right team this year and playing OK.
G - Thomas T. Thomas⭐⭐⭐.5
Thomas T Thomas, a CFO of a public company, rolled by MBA guest David Payne (of Max Payne Lore) is a solid guard, that will probably start on some team and prove whether he's a 4 star or a 3.5 star player this year. Hes a great pickup for any team, and would be a delight if you had him coming off the bench. Solid card across all areas except defense against the shot, but he makes up for it by being a ball hawk in the passing lanes. I might be under scoring Thomas.
G - Splash Gordon ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Splash Gordon is what you get when you take Thomas T Thomas and make him one of the best guard defenders against the shot in the league. A shut down guard that is lights out from mid range. He is going to take a few too many 3's and he's going to hurt you dribbling and missing layups down low but he'll make up for it by holding his man to 10 pts or less.
F - Mic Mac Moose ⭐
A zero. Literally can't do anything that makes him interesting.
G-King Czardines 3 stars
C-Uncle Dave Tesh 2.5 stars
F-Jimmy Potsandpans 2.5 stars
G-Flufferton Springs 4 stars
F-Doodly Squat 3 stars
G-Juzan Djinn 5 stars
C-John John Grubb 1 star
Dave Rookie review
for Season 50 from the coach who has won 10 of last 15 Titles.
Guards
This is the deepest crop of rookie guards we’ve ever had.
Six guards, six winners. Not a bum in the lot, and at least half have a chance
at stardom.
Grade A guards
6-5 Ehhy Table
6-4 Splash Gordon
6-0 Thomas Thomas Thomas
6-2 Juzan Djinn
Grade B guards
6-0 King Czardines
6-0 Flufferton Springs
Forwards
A terrible rebounding group and small. Most of these guys
will have trouble getting into a lineup. No Grade As.
Grade B forwards
6-7 Doodly Squat
6-7 Billy “Be-Bop” Bauer
Grade C forwards
6-5 Booty Swish
6-6 Jimmy Potsandpans
Grade F forwards
6-7 Mick Mack Moose
6-6 Ichie Boobies
Centers
In the first season in memory where fresh blood at center is
truly needed, these guys answered with garbage.
Grade C Centers
6-9 Dead Dreadmore
7-0 Dave “Uncle Dunk” Tesh
6-7 Rockin’ Dopsie
Grade F centers
6-9 John-John Grubb
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