Featured Game Season 47 No. 10...San Jose at Dallas

Dallas 84, San Jose 67 (Tiger Masterson Day)

DEMONS GO PERFECT WITH A FLOURISH

DALLAS -- With its home crowd screeching its approval through the entire game, the Dallas Demons crushed the San Jose Fighting Amigos 84-67 to complete a 10-0 regular season, becoming only the fourth team in the MBA's 47-season history to do so. This comes on the heels of last season's championship in which they went 9-1 in the regular season before going 5-1 on their playoff run.

A check of the records indicates that not only did Dallas achieve perfection, but they tied Charleston's record for most consecutive regular seasons wins (13), established in Seasons 41 and 42.

(The record for most wins...including playoff games...in a single season is 14 by Charleston in Season 42.)

The Dallas cross-over win over San Jose, achieved on Tiger Masterson Day, was never in doubt after the first  quarter. The Demons victory made the final cross-over tally West 6, East 4.

San Jose, the youngest team in the league, finished the season 4-6 after a promising start that came crashing to a halt when its star center Hunk R. Down went down to injury for the second campaign in a row. 

The Dallas win gives them home court advantage throughout the playoffs.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Although he didn't officially sew up MVP No. 5, CHIP "THE CRIP" BATTOE'S performance in this historic contest will make it nigh-impossible for Dr. Marcus Brody of Los Angeles to catch him for the coveted honor. The Hall of Fame Dallas forward captured his seventh POG this season with a game that included the following: a game-high 25 points, tied for game-high 7 rebounds, a game-high 2 blocked shots (giving him a 5th consecutive league leadership in that category with 44. The 6-8 Battoe was 9 for 15 from the floor and a perfect 7 for 7 from the foul line. His 25 points gives him a season scoring average of 21.2 points per game, which is his personal best mark, exceeding the two 21.0 ppg averages he compiled to lead the league in scoring in his second and third seasons in the league. 

Other 20-plus GVP performances

-- He waited seven seasons to get a starting job on the Dallas Demons, but once given the position as shooting guard with the retirement of Bingo Bango, Meat Pants Masterson manned the post like a champion. In this game he scored 19 points, going a perfect 3-for-3 from deep and treating his opposite man Mister Methane like a bad aroma. He also pulled down 3 rebounds, had 2 assists and stayed in the top 3 in the league in blocked shots by adding one more, his 23rd of the season.

-- The Demons own ogre of the key, 7-2 center GoToo Grot was way too much for the 6-7 Benji Ballou. Grot scored 21 points, grabbed 6 rebounds, distributed a team-high 3 assists and swiped a game-high 3 steals to complete another beastly regular season for the defending champions.

-- Season 47's unofficial Rookie of the Year as well as All-MBA team guard Jesse Shershot of San Jose finished his virgin voyage through the league with a team-high 23 points, grabbing 5 rebounds and adding 1 assist as he blew Louie Subgum out of the water. 

NEXT UP:  The Sacramento River Dogs (8-1) can clinch another West Division first-place finish as they travel to Seattle (3-6) a team they beat 80-76 the first time out. It will be Stu Gatz Day in Seattle.

TIGER MASTERSON HONORED AT HALFTIME IN THE BIG D

Dallas fans paid tribute to one of its favorites, power forward Tiger Masterson, during a moving halftime ceremony in which the nine-year player was led to center stage by a leash and collar and told (in no uncertain terms) to "sit."

His deeds as an important piece of the Dallas dominance, where he came to life as a fine forward in his latter years after seven seasons as a journeyman, were recounted in detail. This included stops in five different cities and a short stint in the cut pile before being claimed prior to last season via free agency from lowly Kansas City...he then proceeded to score 17.1 points per game.

Following that career re-cap, Tiger then entertained the fandom with a bevy of tricks, discounting the old adage that new ones can't be learned by advanced-age performers who are about to retire from the game. 

Among those activities performed for the last time by the 6-8 Masterson were:

-- sprinting the length of the court to ring a small bell;

-- balancing a purple painted pig on his head FOR ONE SOLID MINUTE;

-- "speaking"...not just randomly...but on the emcee's command.

-- laying down when ordered, even though it was apparent he was not the least bit tired.

-- offering arbitrary members of the audience in the first row a rope, which he proceeded to successfully pull away from each of them, snarling and growling with intense fierceness.

But the pantomime that brought the entire crowd to its feet, roaring as one, was when Tiger Masterson, (up on his tip-toes now) responded to a fake gunshot sound by grabbing his chest, twirling  around like a dervish and dropping to the floor with a convincing thud that put the crowd in a concerned state of total silence before he jumped to his feet and bowed deeply.

Then came the traditional three retirement gifts: 

-- A Superhero Printable Cube of The Flash, which, according to his roommates, he loves to tear up upon having it pieced together.

-- A retirement plaque addressed to the new identity (Charles Minyard) he will assume at the end of  Season 47 in order to avoid the clamoring fans who have made his life pure dogshit.
 

-- Lastly, sponsorship of an acre of rainforest, purchased in his name in northwest Ecuador. Since Tiger is rarely able to visit the parks near where he lives due to any number of unspecified "incidents," this gift panders to his love of the great outdoors and love for the environment. Plus, the frequent rains will make plastic bags and gloves totally unnecessary.