Season 56...Free Agents Abound prior to Season 56

 

Free agency will touch all 10 teams this coming season as 17 MBA players declared their intention to enter the Season 56 draft.

Los Angeles and Seattle are the only two teams who will not be losing starters.

The hardest hit team was the Philadelphia Phobia, who lost three starters, longtime Philly favorite guard Dick Papers and two of the better forwards in the league Leonard Pinth Garnel and Turk Attaturk. Add retired guard Splash Gordon to that total and Philly currently has just one starter, center Brother Jasper, back from its fourth-place (5-5) squad of last season.

Oklahoma City lost two starters from its 5-5 third-place team, including 8-season mainstay Handsy Joe Potatoe, the most tenured Lariat.

Milwaukee, sitting on three consecutive 2-8 last-place campaigns donated Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan, third on the all-time points list and the oldest active player ever.

Sacramento, last in scoring the in MBA last season, lost its top scorer and team MVP Karma Chameleon.

Gillette lost point guard Joey "Joe-Joe" Shamadu Jr., a reliable scorer, and San Jose lost starting small forward Scobee Bryant. 

Two-time All-MBA center Johnny Bananas, injured for the Finals last season, will also enter the draft.

And finally, the four-time defending champions from Dallas donated one of its starters, the superb power forward Satan Israel, to the proceedings. This marks the first time in five seasons the Demons have lost a player to free agency.

The breakdown by position is:

6 guards...5 of which were starters

8 forwards...5 starters

3 centers...2 starters

Dave teams lost 10 players (6 starters)

Tyler teams lost 7 players (5 starters)

The 17 free agents will join 16 rookies in the Season 56 draft...meaning that each team will be getting at least three draft picks and the three worst teams...Los Angeles, Milwaukee and Sacramento...will be getting four picks. 

NO TEAMS WILL BE MOVING JUST YET

Los Angeles and Milwaukee both rolled the cube of chance to see if they, based on recent records of futility, would move out of their respective cities. Neither will have to. But both are still in jeopardy if they again finish in last place this coming season, especially Milwaukee, whose odds increase to 50 percent with another cellar-dwelling campaign. 

Season 56...cut pile improvements and regressions and other MBA sundries

 

As can be seen by the above list, there was not enough improvement to get the MBA fandom to even take notice as far as cut pile players are concerned.

Guards Swifty Twitch and Tut Ankhamun each led the way with 3 improvements, but they still fall far short of MBA quality guards. Twitch got better against the dribble and pass (3+ on both now) and added a deny on 9, but he just cannot shoot. Ankhamun mirrored Twitch's improvements against the dribble and pass (2+ each now) and added a deny on 6 against the shot. He can shoot but fouls a lot. "The Pharoah" is probably the best guard in the cut pile, which is like saying he's the tallest midget.

The only other thing worth mentioning is in regards to forward Ichie Boobies, who in now a 7 passer and 7 dribbler. Impressive, but that's about the extent of his value.

In all 6 cut pile guys improved while 14 got worse and 6 stayed the same.

Other MBA tidbits

-- Wawa Wewa retires with the all-time record of playing in 132 consecutive games (which ended this season).

-- Ape Con Myth retires despite threatening Wewa's record. He leaves the game with 120 consecutive games played at the end of Season 55.

-- Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan of Milwaukee enters Season 56 with the record for most consecutive active seasons. Season 56 will be his 19th. He breaks the tie with Tubes Mullard, who had 18 seasons on the active list.

Mullard had 20 seasons altogether, counting his 2 in the cut pile. That is the third longest career in MBA history. He is only topped by Kirin Connor who had 24 seasons (10 in cut pile) and the almighty Pug Mahone with 29 seasons (and an extraordinary 22 of those in the cut pile). 

-- Oklahoma City's Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist captured his third shooting percentage title in Season 55, tying him with retired Hall of Fame forward Boone Doggle for the most ever in that department.

-- The Dallas Demons, with their 14-1 overall record in Season 55, now have overall winning records against every team in the MBA with the exception of Philadelphia. They surpassed Milwaukee and San Jose in that head-to-head department this past season.

-- In team news other than that involving Dallas, the Charleston Mountaineers have the longest streak of seasons without a losing record...7. Even more impressively, they have had just one losing season in the last 20 campaigns, which is somewhat amazing since its in the uber-competitive East Division. That explains why Charleston's head coach, Bill Rustler, is the dean of all imaginary leaders, with 38 consecutive seasons at the helm.

-- Along those same lines, only one head coach will be replaced going into Season 56. It was a good news, bad news off-season for Pap Smearz, who earned Hall of Fame honors but was replaced as Milwaukee;s head coach after just one season by Pietro Destroyer. 

Head Coaches going into Season 56 (unless Milwaukee or Los Angeles moves or is disbanded)

Dallas Demons...Buzzy Bazinski...four titles in four seasons at the helm...going into 5th as coach.

Charleston Mountaineers...Bill Rustler...going into 39th consecutive season.

Oklahoma City Lariats...Grady Booch...going into 7th season

Philadelphia Phobia...Stu Nod...going into 20th 

Milwaukee Greyhounds...rookie head coach Pietro Destroyer takes over for Pap Smearz.

Seattle Stampede...Ray Blaze...going into 5th season

San Jose Fighting Amigos...Louie Subgum goes into 2nd season after getting team into playoffs.

Gillette Humps...Otto Palindrome goes into 4th season.

Sacramento River Dogs...Theta Ty is on the hot seat as he heads into his 5th season at the helm

Los Angeles Big One...Naceg Gecan is hanging on going into his 10th campaign. 

NEXT UP: The announcement of free agents.

Season 55...Their Place in the MBA Universe...plus other important MBA observations

GARGANTUAN MOVING UP

Still active Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan, currently of Milwaukee, completed his 18th MBA season and will be in his 19th starting the next campaign.

-- With Season 55 in the books, he moved from 7th place in all-time total points to third place all time behind only Momadou Zongo and Ching-Chong Chung. Gargantuan has amassed 1,961 points over his career.

The top 10 in all-time points are as follows:

1. Momadou Zongo...2,606...17 seasons...15.7 ppg

2. Ching-Chong Chung...2,016...12 seasons...16.8 ppg

3. J.J. Gargantuan...1,961...18 seasons (still active)...11.5 ppg

4. Hrundi V. Bakshi...1,980...13 seasons...16.5 ppg

5. Doug Fresh...1,904...15 seasons...13.3 ppg

6. Max Payne...1,881...17 seasons...12.5 ppg

7. Uncle Bob Masterson...1,872...10 seasons...19.1 ppg

8. Steve Carter...1,727...16 seasons...11.7 ppg

9. Naf Naf...1,648...7 seasons...24.2 ppg

10. Tree Fiddy...1,580...13 seasons...13.5 ppg

Note: Only Carter is not in the Hall of Fame

Additionally, Gargantuan moved up the ranks in the Hall of Fame listing after adding another All Star Game appearance to his awards total, now numbering 14. 

Gargantuan went from number 25 to number 19 in HOF rankings, passing Raisin Sport, Guru Gannon and Tommy Zoop. He is now tied with Conquitt Croix, Dan Mann, Cheetos Jones and Cam Bodia for 19th.

As far as all-time Hall of Fame center awards goes...J.J. is fourth...and rising?

1. Max Payne...22 awards

2. Diamond Dallas Paige...16 awards

2. Jonny Cockaroo...16 awards

4. J.J. Gargantuan...14 awards (still active)

5. Tree Fiddy...12 awards

5. Bill Rustler...12 awards

5. Rip Slamjam...12 awards

8. Tom "the Bomb" Kondla...11 awards

9. Bart Pitbull...10 awards

10. Mable Reed...9 awards

10. Diss Reflexia...9 awards

10. Ama Spikie...9 awards

All Time All Star Game Appearances

Gargantuan is now tied for first place all time in All Star Game Appearances with fellow Hall of Fame center Max Payne. 

The list goes:

1.Max Payne...11

1. J.J. Gargantuan...11 (active)

3. Uncle Bob Masterson...10

3. Momadou Zongo...10

5. Curly Hogbottom...9

Note: active Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist of Oklahoma City is tied for 10th with 7 

Other Hall of Fame advancements

Having garnered 4 more awards in Season 55, Juzan Djinn of Dallas has moved into a tie for 12th most awarded player of all time, which is amazing since he just completed only his sixth season. He will be back for number 7. 

He is now among the seven best guards of all time as far as awards go. That list is as follows:

1. Naf Naf...23 awards

2. Uncle Bob Masterson...21 awards

3. Cappy Gambol...19 awards

3. Hrundi V. Bakshi...19 awards

5. Jesse Shershot...18 awards

5. Momadou Zongo...18 awards

7. Stu Nod...17 awards

7. Juzan Djinn...17 awards (active)

Oklahoma City forward Crentis Dentist, active and back for his 8th season, is now tied for 23rd in Hall of Fame ranks, tied with Tommy Zoop, Guru Gannon and Raisin Sport...all have 13 awards. Dentist ranks tied for 7th all time in most awarded forwards. That list is as follows:

1. Curly Hogbottom...25 awards

2. Chip Battoe...22 awards

3. Saggital Occlusal...19 awards

4. Boone Doggle...18 awards

5. Link Lennex...17 awards

6. Cam Bodia...15 awards

7. Guru Gannon...13 awards

7. Raisin Sport...13 awards

7. Crentis Dentist...13 awards (active)

Season 55 Playoffs Summary

This was the closest Playoff MVP race ever. Vicious Hick and Biggus Dickus actually tied as far as GVP points goes, but Hick gets the nod for the second season in a row with the tie-breaker, which was points per game.

Amazing stat...Dallas' playoff points differential was 24.2 per game.

MOST TITLES

16...PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA

9.....DALLAS DEMONS

7.....LOS ANGELES BIG ONE / HOUSTON IGUANAS

7.....MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS

5.....CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS

LAST 10 CHAMPIONS

Season 55...Dallas 9-0, 5-0

Season 54...Dallas 10-0, 5-0

Season 53...Dallas 8-2, 5-2

Season 52...Dallas 8-2, 5-2

Season 51...Los Angeles 6-4, 5-0

Season 50...Los Angeles 9-1, 5-0

Season 49...San Jose 6-4, 5-1

Season 48...Sacramento 9-1, 5-3

Season 47...Dallas 10-0, 5-0

Season 46...Dallas 9-1, 5-1

Note...Dallas is the only franchise to run the table. They have done it twice. 

LAST 10 PLAYOFF MVPS

Season 55...Vicious Hick, Dallas guard (only player to win playoff MVPs in first two seasons)

Season 54...Vicious Hick, Dallas guard (rookie)

Season 53...Juzan Djinn, Dallas guard

Season 52...Juzan Djinn, Dallas guard

Season 51...Crentis Dentist, Los Angeles forward

Season 50...Great Gruncle Terry, Los Angeles guard

Season 49...Jesse Shershot, San Jose guard

Season 48...Doo-rag Dripp, Sacramento forward

Season 47...Chip Battoe, Dallas forward

Season 46...Chip Battoe, Dallas forward 

Veterans Committee names Pap Smearz to Hall

After retiring from the MBA following Season 47, veteran forward and five-time All Star Game selection Pap Smearz waited eight seasons to get the call from the Hall of Fame. 

Following Season 55, the Veterans Committee finally named this well-traveled champion the 60th member of the MBA Hall of Fame.

The 6-8 Smearz played for eight different franchises in his 11-season career, finally settling down to play the last five for the Sacramento River Dogs.

He started his career in Chicago, where, after his first two campaigns, he became the face of free agency, playing for six different teams in six seasons. 

In addition to his identity as a vagabond, Smearz was known for attracting championships wherever he went. He was a member of four different championship teams, an unmatched distinction.

It was in Season 38, in Chicago, where he gained his first championship ring for the Gale's final title season. The next season, Season 39, he garnered his second ring in a row as a member of the Charleston

Mountaineers. He was coming off the bench for those first two championships, but in Season 41 for Oklahoma City and Season 44 for Sacramento he was a key member of the starting lineups that won it all.

Smearz could do it all as a player. He manned both forward positions with equal aplomb, could rebound with the best of them, was a fine defender and could shoot accurately from all four zones while posting superb numbers from the free throw line. Through 11 seasons he never lost his speed.

Unselfish to a fault, Smearz was an above-average, if not spectacular scorer. He led the league in rebounds once and led his team in that category twice. He also led his team in assists. At the charity stripe he was a league leader once, and led his team four times for a career percentage of 87.9 percent, putting together three seasons in which he did not miss. 

In the playoffs, "Pappy" put together an unmatched 33 for 33 perfect free-throwing mark over 38 post-season games.

His shooting percentage of 67.8 percent for his career resulted in four different team leadership campaigns. 

NEXT UP: Playoff leaders

 

Season 55 Finals ... Game 3...Charleston at Dallas

DALLAS 82, CHARLESTON 60 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

DAZZLING DEMONS 4-PEAT

DALLAS -- The Dallas Demons, demonstrating that they are in a league of their own, captured their fourth consecutive MBA title, doing so by sweeping their way through the playoffs for the second straight season.

The crowning contest was an 82-60 victory before their home fans, during which the team was never really threatened. It was the seventh straight Finals win for what many consider the best starting lineup in the history of the league. 

Only one team, the Philadelphia Phobia of Seasons 29 through 33, with five straight titles, can challenge that distinction. Those Philly teams featured a starting lineup of five Hall of Fame players, giving this Dallas aggregation something to shoot for next season and the seasons to come. 

This latest Dallas championship saw the Demons hold Charleston, which was the second-highest scoring team in the league at 78.9ppg, to just 61.7 points per game. Meanwhile, Dallas averaged 86.7 per game in the Finals. 

As is their pattern, the Demons exploded for an 11-0 run to end the first quarter, holding Charleston to just 7 points in the first frame and setting off an early celebration. The fans in the stands were going so wild, it was like a thousand pogo sticks on a trampoline party with a side of confetti cannons and a marching band of chimpanzees playing vuvuzelas!

Points prevented by team

Dallas...14

Charleston ...4

Tops in points prevented

Biggus Dickus of Dallas with 6

6 others tied with 2

PLAYER OF THE GAME

33 GVP...Charleston guard KOPI LUWAK...The highest scorer in this game, fittingly, was the former Dallas star who the Mountaineers mortgaged their future to acquire. The fourth-year sharpshooter, who missed the previous game due to injury, knocked down 5 treys in 12 tries on the way to a 27-point performance. The 6-2 Luwak was 9 for 18 from the floor and 4 for 6 from the foul line while tying for game-high in assists with 3. He added 2 rebounds and 1 steal. When he left the floor late in the game, the Dallas crowd acknowleged his effort with warm applause (or was that apple sauce?) 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...18 points...7 rebounds...3 assists...3 blocked shots...tops in points prevented. 

23 GVP...Dallas point guard Vicious Hick...14 points (4 treys)...7 rebounds...2 assists. 

20 GVP...Dallas two guard, Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn...14 points...3 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal. 

20 GVP...Dallas power forward Satan Israel...15 points...5 rebounds.

DALLAS' 9  CHAMPIONSHIPS THROUGH THE YEARS

Only Philadelphia, with 16 titles, has more.

It took 15 seasons for Dallas to win their first title, but since Season 20, no team has won more

SEASON 55...9-1.....5-0 in playoffs

SEASON 54...10-0...5-0 in playoffs

SEASON 53...8-2.....5-2 in playoffs

SEASON 52...8-2.....5-2 in playoffs

                                                          

SEASON 47...10-0...5-0 in playoffs

SEASON 46...9-1.....5-1 in playoffs

                                                         

SEASON 28...9-1...5-3 in playoffs

                                                          

SEASON 21...7-3...5-1 in playoffs

SEASON 20...7-3...5-1 in playoffs

note...Dallas finished in first place in their division in every championship season.

NEXT UP: Announcement of Playoff MVP...listing of playoff stat leaders and summary.               

 

Season 55 Playoffs...Finals Game 2...Dallas at Charleston

DALLAS 82, CHARLESTON 67

CHARLESTON NOT SLAUGHTERED

CHARLESTON -- The Dallas Demons, perhaps bored by the ease in which they were killing an undermanned Charleston squad, turned in their first non-slaughter rule win in these playoffs, still gliding to a comfortable 82-67 win.

The three-time defending champs are now just one victory away from capturing their fourth consecutive title. They have now won 12 games in a row and have been victorious in 29 of their last 30 games.

This latest win looked like another blowout, with Dallas jumping out to a 14-0 run to start things out. The barrage continued into the third quarter, where the Demons, controlling the backboards like they owned them, led by as much as 30 points.

But in the fourth quarter, Charleston pride kicked in, and led by two-time All-MBA forward Piping Plover, the Mountaineers kind of made a sort of game of it, reducing the deficit all the way down to 12 points with 19 ticks left before the big bad boys from D Town finally brought home the 15-point victory. 

The Charleston fans, witnessing their first Finals home game in 10 seasons, never left their seats...standing and roaring as their Don Quixote team tilted at the monstrous windmill. Perhaps with the return to the lineup of Kopi Luwak in Game 3, the Mountaineers can make the Demons sweat a little more as Dallas moves unrelentingly toward another crown. 

Would a Charleston road win be asking too much? Probably.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

31 GVP...Two-time All-MBA forward PIPING PLOVER of Charleston showed why he has earned two foil stars in the past two seasons, putting together a game-high 28-point performance in the face of one of the MBA's top defenders, Pete Marzano. With Charleston missing two of its top scorers, the team leaned heavily on the 6-7, third-year man who delivered 12 buckets on 19 shots, including a trey in his lone attempt from beyond the arc. He also slammed one home, added 3 for 3 from the foul line to make him 12 for 12 in the post-season, tied for game-high with 2 steals and grabbed 1 rebound. "The Rare Bird" is now averaging 19.3 ppg in the playoffs. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

30 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...18 points...9 rebounds...2 assists...1 blocked shot. 

25 GVP...League MVP and Hall of Fame shooting guard Juzan Djinn...17 points...3 blocks...2 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal.

Points Prevented By quarters

Dallas...2...5...3...6  Total=16

Charl....3...1...3...6   Total=13

Tops in Points Prevented

1. Marzano, Dallas...7

2. Dickus, Dallas......6

3. Numdrum, Charleston...5

NEXT UP: The Dallas Demons return home just one win away from their 9th franchise championship and fourth in a row. This would be the sixth Dallas title in the past 10 seasons; a decade of dominance matched only by the Philadelphia super teams of Seasons 14 to 24, who delivered 7 in 11 campaigns.

 

Season 55 Playoffs...Finals Game 1...Charleston at Dallas

DALLAS 96, CHARLESTON 58 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

OH, THE HUMANITY

DALLAS -- The execution of the Charleston Mountaineers in this Season 55 Finals took one game as the three time-defending champion Dallas Demons rained down a bloodbath on the visitors in the Series opener, dominating with a 96-58 victory.

That makes three Slaughter Rule victories in three playoff games for the Demons this post-season.

A 24-8 second-quarter blitz by Dallas broke things wide open for the Demons who were never challenged thereafter. They led by 18 at the half, which happened to be the number of points accumulated to that point by last season's playoff MVP, Vicious Hick of the victors. 

Things got worse, as Charleston's main offensive threat, Kopi Luwak, became the second Mountaineers starter to be lost to injury. He was hurt halfway through the third quarter for the rest of the game and all of the next game, joining starting center Johnny Bananas in street clothes. 

The 38-point win was still well short of the 42-point victory playoff record set in Season 52 by Dallas over Milwaukee in the Finals. 

With the cut pile for guards at slim pickings, Charleston recruited third-year turd Swifty Twitch to replace Luwak on the roster for the next game.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

44 GVP...Making his bid for a second consecutive Playoff MVP award, second-year Dallas point guard VICIOUS HICK was a bombadier personified in this win, dropping in 7 long ones in 9 attempts on the way to a game-high 32 points. Let's be clear...there is nobody at the guard position on Charleston who can guard Hick when he sets up shop behind the arc. The 6-2 Hick notched the third triple-double of his career by adding a game-high 7 assists and pulling down 5 rebounds. Together with fellow guard Juzan Djinn, the Dallas guard tandem had as many rebounds as the entire Charleston team. Hick sank 12 of his 15 shots and was 1 for 1 from the foul line. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

27 GVP...Hall of Fame Dallas shooting guard and MBA MVP Juzan Djinn...16 points...6 rebounds...2 assists...2 blocked shots...1 steal.

25 GVP...Charleston rookie power forward Nick Kenpoop...17 points...4 rebounds...4 assists.

23 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...16 points...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 blocked shot.

20 GVP...Dallas power forward Satan Israel...16 points...4 rebounds.

NEXT UP: The teams travel to Charleston for what will be the only home game for Mountaineer fans. With two Charleston starters out, this is no longer a remotely competitive championship series. 

MOST PLAYOFF MVPS

3...Cappy Gambol

3...Stu Nod

2...Chip Battoe

2...Dan Mann

2...Curly Hogbottom

2...Saggital Occlusal

2...Jonny Cockaroo

2...Boone Doggle

2...Hrundi V. Bakshi

2...Cock A. Doodledoo

2...Beezow Bop-Bop

2...Diss Reflexia

2...Juzan Djinn (active