Season 58 Featured Game 1...Los Angeles at Dallas

 Defending champs slaughtered

DALLAS -- The new-look Dallas Demons got their head handed to them to open Season 58 as the visiting Los Angeles Big One slaughter-ruled the six-time defending champions 80-58.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

33 GVP...Fifth-year Los Angeles star PINKY TOE went off for 15 first-quarter points on the way to a game-high 26-point output, leading the visiting Big One to an opening night victory. Toe was 11 for 20 from the floor, despite being guarded by the defensive octopus that is Juzan Djinn (who blocked a game-high 6 shots). Toe was 1 for 5 from deep but a perfect 3 for 3 from the foul line. He also pulled down 5 rebounds and handed out 2 assists in a fine start to the season.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

24 GVP...Los Angeles Hall of Fame point guard Vicious Hick...16 points (4 treys)...4 rebounds...3 assists...1 steal.

23 GVP...Los Angeles free agent power forward Grand Demur Fuyacho...11 points...8 rebounds...2 assists...2 steals.

21 GVP...Los Angeles free agent small forward Phillip Mianus...14 points...5 rebounds...1 block...1 assist. 

21 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame two guard Juzan Djinn...14 points...6 blocks...1 steal.

MBA Standings … Season 58

EAST DIVISION

OKLAHOMA CITY…..

CHARLESTON……….

MILWAUKEE………..

DALLAS…………………0-1

PHILADELPHIA………

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES….1-0

SEATTLE………….

GILLETTE…………

SAN JOSE…………

SACRAMENTO…

NEXT UP:  Division play begins in the West as Seattle hosts San Jose. The home team Stampede will be the third championship contending team to debut this season and should make short work of San Jose, which is projected for last place.

Season 58 Preview and predictions

 (Keep in mind that I predicted all four playoff teams last season...Tyler predicted 2 of the 4)

THE EAST

1. DALLAS DEMONS: (Unanimous) Six-time champions lost two Hall of Fame starters but managed to get the best player in the draft, Playoff MVP center Poop-Rupiah 3000. The West offers two major championship contenders in Seattle and Los Angeles, but the Demons, with two new starters, should easily win the East in an otherwise down season for the division. I'm picking them to win it all once again behind another great season from Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn. Tyler agrees.

2. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA: (Unanimous) Last place last season, the Phobia will be in a dogfight with the other four teams for the second post-season berth in the East. They added All-MBA, league-leading scorer Itstha Bishop as a free agent to bolster what was the lowest-scoring team of Season 57. The addition of Philibuck Davia gives them a 6-10, 6-10, 6-11 front line and allows passing wizard Leonard Pinth Garnel to move to small forward at 6-10. Could end 6-season playoff dry spell.

3. OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS: (D-3rd, T-4th) Surprise team of last season lost its top two players to free agency (Poop-Rupiah 3000 and Bellybutton Inquisition) but may still be able to contend for post-season with two-time All-MBA center Johnny Bananas in the pivot and the addition of second-season free agent forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis.

4 MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS: (D-5th, T-3rd) Replaced free agent elite scorer Itstha Bishop with free agent gunner Famichiki Whiskey from Charleston and Gillette 3-point ace Joey Shamadu. Weak up front again with same trio as last season.

5. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS: (D-4th, T-5th) Lost top two scorers (Famichiki Whiskey to free agency and Kopi Luwak to retirement). Just missed playoffs last season. Shouldn't come close this time. Youngest starting lineup in the league.

THE WEST

1. (tie) SEATTLE STAMPEDE: (D-1st, T-2nd) Tyler thinks this may be the best Stampede roster ever, thanks to the addition of free agent veteran guard Ehhy Table, who will man the point, adding defense, rebounding and assists. Deep lineup features two All-MBA players from a season ago (guard Hilbee Juggleboy and forward Erik A. Crocidale) as well as last season's Rookie of the Year forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle. They led the league in scoring last season with 82.1 ppg but were bounced by Oklahoma City in the playoffs' first round. Table could put them in the Finals, at least, and may be the boost to win it all.

1. (tie) LOS ANGELES BIG ONE: (D-2nd, T-1st) Despite the power duo of guards Vicious Hick (a Hall of Famer) and Pinky Toe, L.A. barely snuck into the playoffs with a 6-4 record and was quickly eliminated by Dallas. They come back this season with upgrades at forward in free agents Phillip Mianus (All-MBA last season) and shot blocker Grand Demur Fuyacho. Can 7-1 center Otzi "the Frozen Hunter" Bolzano adequately replace retired rim protector Chat Bot? Guard Donny Dupons is a luxury off the bench.

3. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS: (unanimous) On the hot seat with two straight last-place finishes, the R-Dogs may be the best Dave team, but will have to have a super season from improved 3-point shooter Rabbit Munchers and continued fine play from free agent guard Bellybutton Inquisition.

4. GILLETTE HUMPS: (D-4th, T-4th) Finished 6-4 in four of last five seasons but twice aced out for playoffs. Lost scorer in free agent Joey Shamadu but added the Rookie of the Year favorite with newcomer Zach "Zing-Zing" Zigler, probably the best two-way player on the team. 

5. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS (unanimous): Oldest roster and starting lineup in MBA history still has punch on the front line. Needed guard help badly but could only add defensive-minded Freddy Gooch as an after-thought via a desperation trade with Los Angeles. Yielded league-worst 83.9 ppg last season.

ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS (between Tyler and Dave last season, we predicted no spots correctly last season)

Dave

G-Hall of Famer Vicious Hick of Los Angeles

G-Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn of Dallas

C-Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Dallas

F-Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer of San Jose

F-Erik A. Crocidale of Seattle

Tyler

G-Hall of Famer Vicious Hick of Los Angeles

G-Itstha Bishop of Philadelphia

C-Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Dallas

F-Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer of San Jose

F-Eric A. Crocidale of Seattle

LEAGUE MVP 

Dave picks Juzan Djinn of Dallas

Tyler picks Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Dallas

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

forward Zach "Zing-Zing" Zigler of  Gillette (unanimous)

Hall of Fame watch

ACTIVE HALL OF FAME PLAYERS

22 awards…Juzan Djinn, Dallas

13 awards…Crentis Dentist, Seattle

11 awards…Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose

10 awards…Vicious Hick, Los Angeles

 

CLOSING IN

9 awards…Satan Israel, Sacramento

9 awards…Eddie “the Milkman” Creamer, San Jose

8 awards…Al A. Orden, San Jose

6 awards…Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

6 awards…Poop-Rupiah 3000

6 awards…Piping Plover, Charleston

6 awards…Johnny Bananas, Oklahoma City

5 awards…China P.

5 awards…Blob Dylan, Philadelphia

Oldest Players Season 58

18^th…Al A. Orden, San Jose

16^th…Hurricane Furrwizard, Gillette

15^th…Chai Walla (cut pile)

14^th…Eddie “the Milkman” Creamer, San Jose

13^th…Chochky Galumpkus (HOF), San Jose

13^th…Ray “Big Ticket” Natuzzi (cut pile)

13^th…Charles “F.P.” Pompeo (cut pile)

13^th…Nicholas Pickles (cut pile)

12^th…Joe Momsawhore, San Jose

12^th…Jospah, Gecan, San Jose

11^th…Oblio Assbag, Oklahoma City

10^th…Crentis Dentist (HOF), Seattle

10^th…Spastic Colin (cut pile)

10^th…Freddy Gooch, San Jose

the schedule

NEXT UP: Season 58 starts out with a hum-dinger of a contest as the six-time defending champion Dallas Demons hosts a top challenger for the crown, the Los Angeles Big One in Bracket No. 1's FEATURED GAME. Dallas dispatched The Big One in the playoff semifinals last season 2 games to 0 by the scores 103-66 and 69-66.

Season 58 MBA Improvements/Regressions

 

Gradual improvements and regressions to MBA players, as noted on these sheets, accounted for a vast majority of the changes going into the Season 58 campaign. But five players showed significant improvements that should show up on the tabletop this season. They are:

-- Guard Rabbit Munchers of Sacramento, who added a good in the 3-point column on number 10. As someone who shoots a ton of treys, Munchers will be relied on to carry a major offensive load as the River Dogs fight to stay out of the cellar. Another last-place would make them eligible for a roll to change cities (and possibly disband).

-- Center Blob Dylan of Philadelphia, already one of the top rim protectors in the league, filled in the blank against the shot with a deny shot on 9. Five through 11 are now defenses against an opponent's shot.

-- Longtime forward Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer of San Jose, entering his 14th season, continues to buck the odds. This off season he improved his rebounding in each area and is now a 19 defensive rebounder and 14 on offense. He already has one rebounding title to his credit and will definitely compete for another.

-- Los Angeles super substitute guard Donny Dupons, already a defensive ballhawk,improved his defense against both the pass and dribble and added a swish to his medium shot. Dupons is a 3 against the dribble and a 5 against the pass. He has already led the league in steals one time.

-- Another Los Angeles substitute, forward Big "Blue" Bottle, will shoot more in his best zone, the short shot, and block more shots thanks to changing a forced miss into a block on 8.

Sacramento had the most players improving by three or more times, with the aforementioned Munchers joined by free agent guard Bellybutton Inquisition and backup center Bing Bong.

TRADES

PHILADELPHIA AND OKLAHOMA CITY

Philly sends rookie guard Bonafacio Spegatini and forward Doodly Squat to Oklahoma City in exchange for veteran forward Philibuck Davia and Whitey "White Boy" White. Spegatini, a 6-5 guard will be a starter at the shooting guard for the Lariats while Davia will be the power forward for the Phobia, allowing Leonard Pinth Garnel, who was runner-up in the league in assists, to move to the small forward where his passing talent will be allowed to flourish even more. Add center Blob Dylan and the Phobia have a front line of 6-11 at center and 6-10 at both forwards. Squat and White are insignificant throw-ins in the trade.

SAN JOSE AND LOS ANGELES

San Jose sends guard Old Man Mahoffer to The Big One in exchange for guard Freddy Gooch. Mahoffer will be the fourth guard for L.A. while Gooch, in his 10th season, will start at two guard for the oldest starting lineup and overall roster in the history of the MBA. At this stage of his career, Gooch is all D and very limited O.

SACRAMENTO AND DALLAS

Sacramento sends guard Karma Chameleon to Dallas in exchange for the Demons' prime pick, no matter when it occurs, in the Season 59 draft. Chameleon, a mainstay for the River Dogs for the past five seasons, and the team's leading scorer twice in that span, was replaced in the starting lineup by free agent aquisition Bellybutton Inquisition. He will be the first guard off the pines for Dallas. Rookie guard Harrison Buttcracker was cut by Dallas to make room for Chameleon. Buttcracker was then picked up out of the cut pile by Sacramento to replace Chameleon on their roster. He will be a backup.

NEXT UP: Season 58 previews and predictions.

Season 58 MBA Draft

 TYLER TEAMS DOMINATE DRAFT

The 58th MBA draft again went heavily in favor of Tyler teams, which came away on first glance with title contenders in Dallas (yes, again), Los Angeles and Seattle.

Dallas, which lost MVP Hall of Fame center Biggus Dickus to retirement, miraculously ended up with the best player on the board, free agent center Poop-Rupiah 3000, last season's Playoff MVP, with the 10th pick. 

Even Tyler was amazed at getting what he considered 6 of the 8 top draft prospects: 3000 to Dallas; league-leading scorer at guard Itstha Bishop to Philadelphia; guard Famichiki Whiskey to Milwaukee; guard Ehhy Table to Seattle and forwards Grand Demur Fuyacho and Phillip Mianus, both to Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, Dave teams got star guard Bellybutton Inquisition to Sacramento and the top rookie prospect, forward Zach "Zing-Zing" Zigler to Gillette.

It's going to be another long season for Dave teams, folks.

Tyler's assessment of the ratings are (best to worst)

1. Los Angeles

2. Dallas

3. Seattle

4. Sacramento

5. Milwaukee

6. Philadelphia

7. Gillette

8. Oklahoma City

9. Charleston

10. San Jose

1	la
2	dal
3	sea
4	sac
5	mil
6	phi
7	gil
8	okc
9	cha
10	sj

Season 58 Rookies Unveiled...Rookie Game...plus, a few more tidbits

WEAK ROOKIE CLASS 

Tyler and I agree that the loss of a number of fine MBA stars to retirement does not seem to be replenished with the incoming rookie class. Based on a five star rating, they are, as follows:

GUARDS

6-4 Bonafazio Spegatini (Tyler 3, Dave 3 1/2)

6-0 Ziggity Boo (Tyler1 1/2, Dave 1)

6-0 Philly Greenthumbs (Tyler 1, Dave 1)

5-9 Hum Apua (Tyler 3, Dave 3)

6-1 Harrison Buttcracker (Tyler 1, Dave 2 1/2)

6-4 Sweet Sweetie Dee (Tyler 2, Dave 2 1/2)

FORWARDS

6-8 Zach "Zing-Zing" Zigler (Tyler 4, Dave 4)

6-5 Aiewilgo SanFrancisco (Tyler 2 1/2, Dave 2 1/2)

6-7 Pete Zaparty (Tyler 3, Dave 3 1/2)

6-8 Fashion Boy Vuitton (Tyler 2, Dave 2 1/2)

6-10 Homina Homina Homina (Tyler 2, Dave 2 1/2)

6-8 Vorna'do "El Bonito" Spaceheater (Tyler 2 1/2, Dave 3)

6-5 Cookies Dog (Tyler 2 1/2, Dave 2 1/2)

CENTERS

6-9 Jim "Mr. Tedious" Boopsqueak (Tyler 3, Dave 3)

7-2 Fore Antz (Tyler 3 1/2, Dave 3 1/2)

6-8 Cash "The Mad Butcher" Cleaver (Tyler 2 1/2, Dave 2)

DALLAS -- After winning the last four rookie games (the last three against cut pile competition), this year's crop of newcomers was tasked with beating the six-time defending champions from Dallas.

They didn't, losing 69-55, finding it difficult to score (42.1 percent shooting) and confronting a balanced Demons attack that featured all five starters scoring from 11 to 13 points.

The rookies kept things sem-respectable early and doubled Dallas in the rebounding department, 36-18.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

23 GVP...Four seasons of coming off the bench netted him four championship rings, but Dallas forward VENIAL SINN will finally get a chance in the starting lineup this coming campaign. He showed he is ready in this contest, as the 6-8 twin to Sacramento's Mordle Sinn led the Demons in rebounding with 7 caroms while tying for team-high in scoring with 13 points (6 for 12 from the floor, 1 for 2 from the foul line, 1 slam, 0 for 2 from deep). He added 2 assists and 1 blocked shot. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

21 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn...11 points...6 assists...3 blocked shots...1 rebound.

21 GVP...Rookie guard Hum Apua...15 points...4 rebounds...2 assists.

 FRANCHISE VS. FRANCHISE NEWS

-- Seattle has a winning overall record against just one team...Gillette, which they lead 11-10

-- Charleston has a winning record over four teams...Seattle, Oklahoma City, San Jose and Gillette

-- Milwaukee has a winning record over every team with the exception of Oklahoma City and Dallas

-- Oklahoma City has a winning record over five teams: Seattle, Milwaukee, San JOse, Sacramento and Gillette

-- Los Angeles has a winning record over four teams: Seattle, Charleston, Oklahoma City and Sacramento

-- Philadelphia has a winning record over every team except Milwaukee (47-49)

-- San Jose has a winning record over four teams: Seattle, Los Angeles, Sacramento and Gillette (meaning every team in the West)

-- Dallas has a winning record against every team except Philadelphia (36-38)

-- Sacramento has a winning record against three teams: Seattle, Charleston and Gillette

-- Gillette has a losing record against every franchise, although they are tied with Los Angeles (10-10) and trail Seattle just 10-11.

COMING SUNDAY: The 58th MBA draft

Season 58 Free Agents...and a few more tidbits

 22 FREE AGENTS JOIN DRAFT

* means starter.

-- 22 free agents, including 14 starters from last season, will join the 16 rookies for the Season 58 draft

-- That swells the draft to 38 players, meaning 8 teams will get 4 picks and 2 will get 3 picks.

-- This is the largest draft since season 54 when there were 39 players...there was 29 in Season 55 and 33 in both Season 56 and 57

-- Seattle is the only team to make it through free agency unscathed

-- By position: 10 guards (7 starters), 7 forwards (4 starters), 5 centers (1 starter).

-- Milwaukee and Gillette lost the most players--4...including three starters

-- The hardest hit teams were Oklahoma City, which lost its two top scorers,  Milwaukee, which lost its two starting guards and Gillette, which lost three starters.

-- San Jose, Seattle and Dallas lost zero starters to free agents (although Dallas lost two Hall of Fame starters to retirement).

-- Both Dave teams and Tyler teams lost 11 players and 7 starters each, although Dave teams were harder hit overall in the talent department.

-- Free agents include two All-MBA players from last season: Itstha Bishop of Milwaukee and Phillip Mianus of Philadelphia.

-- The biggest names declaring for free agency:

Playoff MVP Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City center, the best player from any of Dave's teams

League-leading scorer Itstha Bishop, Milwaukee star guard

League-leading shot blocker Phillip Mianus, Philadelphia forward

Oklahoma City guard Bellybutton Inquisition, who was 8th in overall GVP in the league

3000, Bishop and Mianus were all the MVPs of their respective teams.

Others well worth noting are: guard Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston, guard Ehhy Table of Milwaukee, guard Joey Shamadu, Jr. of Gillette, forward Grand Demur Fuyacho of Gillette, guard Karma Chameleon of Sacramento and Rumpy Pumpy Lewis of Los Angeles.

MORE BETWEEN-SEASON TIDBITS

-- Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City center, is the first Playoff MVP to come from a non-championship team in 13 seasons. The last one prior to 3000 was Hall of Fame guard Colquit Croix of Philly in Season 44, where the champion was Sacramento.

-- Chochky Galumpkus is one of just 7 Hall of Fame players who have never won a championship ring. He is the only active one.

-- This season's draft will include 7 rookie forwards, 6 rookie guards and 3 rookie centers

More MBA between-season Tidbits

 -- Season 57 was the first time in Seattle Stampede history that the franchise had two All-MBA players...Erik A. Crocidale and Hilbee "the Skinny German" Juggleboy.

-- Seattle also set a league record for assists per game as a team in Season 57 with 18.4 per contest.

-- No coaches lost their jobs following Season 57.

-- Two active members of the San Jose Fighting Amigos advanced into the Top Ten list of all-time point scorers in MBA history. They are Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus and forward Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer.

-- Chochky Galumpkus is now tied with Ape Con Myth and Raisin Sport for second place all time for consecutive games played at 120. He moves into second place by himself with the first game of Season 58. First place is Wawa Wewa with 132 consecutive games.

-- If he makes a team's active roster at the start of next season (which he surely will), San Jose forward Al A. Orden will be tied for the most active seasons in MBA history with 18. Others who are at the top of that list are Tubes Mullard, Achilles Heel and Moe Bandy.

-- A trio of Dallas players, all Hall of Fame members, tied for second place all time for most championship rings...Juzan Djinn, Biggus Dickus (retired) and Pete "the Steakman" Marzano (retired). They tie Cam Bodia, Max Payne and Tug Hershorts. Topping the list is the aforementioned Al A. Orden with 7 rings.