Season 51 Free Agents, Rookies and their rankings and draft order as well as rookie game

Free agent summary: Not much talent is testing the free agent market this season, with only three starters opting to enter the draft. The best of these is San Jose point guard Cremeofsum Yunguy, who will be entering his 15th season. Only 10 total free agents, with 7 coming from Dave teams. Once again, hapless Gillette loses the most players to free agency, including starter Helmut Nudels and the last original franchise player Hi-Ho "Trailus" Bootwhip. Three teams, Seattle, Dallas and Charleston, lost nobody. The champs from L.A. lost a starter in forward Turk Attaturk, but he was the most expendable among The Big One starters. Add the 16 rookies to the 10 free agents and you have 26 players in the draft, meaning every team will get three picks except for the four playoff teams, who will each get two. (There are some exceptions due to trades made last season).

SEASON 51 ROOKIES

This is a fine rookie crop this coming season, with at least one very good player at every position and about 11 of the 16 pretty much assured of making an MBA squad. Forwards seem to have the most depth. Here's the way I (Dave) rank them going into the upcoming draft.

Grade A players

6-9 center Johnny Bananas

6-0 guard Lefty Scavenger

6-8 forward Satan Israel

Grade B players

6-8 guard Vinny Zazeech (ties for the tallest guard to enter the MBA...other Julio Ganatra

Grade C players

6-7 forward Buba Lipa

5-9 guard Fuck Mountain

6-6 guard Ol' Roy

6-8 forward Zippy Wunderslug

6-7 forward Idna "The Lazax" ValSid

6-7 forward Dark Urine

6-7 center Izzy Mandelbaum

Grade D players

6-7 center Juan Fellswoop

6-5 forward Anthony "Fish Face" Finseca

Grade F players

6-2 guard Anthony "Coldcut" Gabagool

6-5 guard Jake "Next Door" Koors

6-10 forward Rattles Ithome

The Rookie Game

(free agents vs. the rookies)

The Rookies outlasted the Free Agent players in a double-overtime thriller by a score of 88-84.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

6-7 rookie forward BUBA LIPA was outrageous in this game, especially on the boards where he gathered a game-high 12 caroms. Lipa, who accumulated 42 GVP, also tied for high scorer in the contest with 23 points on 10 for 16 shooting, with many coming on offensive rebound putbacks. He was 1 for 2 from deep and 2 for 4 from the foul line with a trio of dunks. Additionally, he led everyone with 4 blocked shots and topped his team with 3 assists. He also snatched one of the two steals by the rookies.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

29 GVP--Cremeofsum Yunguy, free agent guard, 23 points, 4 assists, 1 steal, 1 rebound

27 GVP--Bouganvillea Hedge, free agent forward, 18 points, 5 rebounds, 4 assists

25 GVP--Satan Israel, rookie forward, 18 points, 7 rebounds

22 GVP--Dead Dreadmore, free agent center, 16 points, 6 rebounds

21 GVP--Fuck Mountain, rookie guard, 16 points, 4 rebounds, 1 block

21 GVP--Turk Attaturk, free agent forward, 8 points, 7 assists, 2 steals, 3 rebounds, 1 block

 

The Season 51 Draft Order

(prime picks can change)

 

MBA Feature...top combos for Season 50

 TOP 3 GUARD COMBOS BY GVP FOR SEASON 50

1. SAN JOSE...44.5...CREMEOFSUMYUNGUY AND JESSE SHERSHOT

2. Los Angeles...43.0...Great Gruncle Terry and Flufferton Springs

3. Oklahoma City...41.9...King Czardines and Handsy Joe Potatoe

Worst guard combo

10. Seattle...27.5...Wolfie Gutenabend and Andamian Wayne

TOP 3 FORWARD COMBOS BY GVP FOR SEASON 50

1. PHILADELPHIA...44.8...D. FENESTRATION AND WAWA WEWA

2. Charleston...42.8...Frog Morton and Sheetrock Hudson

3. Los Angeles...40.9...Turk Attaturk and Crentis Dentist

Worst forward combo

10. Seattle...31.0...Charles Broccoli and Jimmy Potsandpans

TOP 3 FRONTCOURT COMBOS BY GVP FOR SEASON 50 (adding center to forwards)

1. LOS ANGELES...67.4...QUICK TINK (C), TURK ATTATURK AND CRENTIS DENTIST

2. Philadelphia...63.5...Taco Toosdae (C), D. Fenestration and Wawa Wewa

3. Charleston...63.1...Papa Popcorn (C), Frog Morton and Sheetrock Hudson

Worst frontcourt combo

10. Oklahoma City...47.8...Carga Larga (C), Toilety T. Paper and Doodly Squat

Season 50 Wrap-up...Their place in the MBA Universe...retirees

 

Season 50 Playoff Wrap-up...Leaders and MVP

I knew coming into the Finals that Great Gruncle Terry had a great shot (considering the match-ups and how he performed in the SemiFinals) at the Playoff MVP award. It's very fitting that he did, gaining his third championship ring (two with Sacramento) in the balance. Oft-times overlooked for awards because he is not a big-time scorer, Terry now has 8 honors on his card, two short of Hall of Fame status. If he hangs on for two more seasons, he should make it. He can take a few deprovement hits and still be a vital cog for L.A. or some other team. Maybe the best pure point guard the MBA has ever seen and a sure difference maker. The epitome of a two-way player.

MOST RECENT PLAYOFF MVPS

Season 50 Finals Game 3...Philadelphia at Los Angeles

Los Angeles 76, Philadelphia 75

TERRY'S TOSS TAKES TITLE

LOS ANGELES -- With no time left on the clock and the score tied 75-75 veteran point guard Great Gruncle Terry missed, then made the game-winning free throw to give the Los Angeles Big One the Season 50 MBA title.

The second straight one-point Finals win for the Los Angeles team saw The Big One come back from a 2-point deficit with 5 ticks left to win the game. L.A. forward Crentis Dentist tied the score on a short, swishing jumper over the tough defense of Wawa Wewa. 

Philadelphia, with a chance to win, missed on a medium jumper by Little Dickie Papers but a doot-doot-doot on the play froze the action before a rebound could be made. A forced rest took Philly forward D.Fenestration out of the game and a jump ball was called.

The advantage on the jump leaned Philly's way, but the shorter 6-8 Quick Tink of Los Angeles out-jumped 6-11 Taco Toosdae of the Phobia and the home team had the ball with 3 time units remaining and a chance to win it all. 

Dentist drove to the hole but was fouled by Wewa, leaving 1 time unit left. The ball went out to Terry for a buzzer-beating 3-point shot. The 7-year star missed, but was fouled by Papers. L.A. fans held their collective breath as he clanked the first of two free throws, then exploded (the fans did, not Terry) when the second toss nestled securely in the net, finishing the 3-game sweep and securing the championship. 

The win was the 13th consecutive triumph for The Big One and gave the franshise its second championship since moving to Los Angeles, the first coming in Season 45. They finished with a regular season record of 9-1 and a perfect 5-0 record in the post-season, for a sparkling combined slate of 14-1, one of the five best seasons in MBA history.

Congratulations to owner Tyler Masterson and the team's fourth-year coach, Naceg Gecan.

It is the sixth title for the franchise, the first four coming in Houston, where the Iguanas won in Seasons 1, 10, 12 and 34. They move ahead of Charleston's five titles and are now just one behind the Milwaukee Greyhounds and their 7 championships. 

Philadelphia was gunning for title numer 17.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Point guard supreme GREAT GRUNCLE TERRY of Los Angeles not only delivered the game-winning/title-clinching  free throw, he came up huge all game long in the biggest game of all in Season 50 to win Player of the Game. The 6-5 Terry was the only player on either side to dominate his man (in his case, Dick Papers). He did so with a 17-point performance that, as usual, saw the maestro direct his team with a game-high 9 assists. Additionally, he tied for game-high in blocked shots with 2 and pulled down 3 rebounds. He was 7 for 12 from the floor and 3 for 5 from the foul line.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Regular season MVP Quick Tink of the champion Big One saved his best Finals game for last, scoring a game-high 22 points, pulling down 4 rebounds and tying for game-high in blocked shots with 2. The fifth-year man will be long remembered in the annals of L.A. hoops for winning the crucial jump ball for his team in the waning moments of the championship-clinching game.

-- Although frustrated at times by the tough defense of his opponent Wawa Wewa, Los Angeles' All-MBA forward Crentis Dentist still fought through for 14 points, a team-high 5 rebounds, a steal and 2 blocked shots (which tied for game-high). 

-- Rookie guard Ehhy Table of Philadelphia played a fine game in a losing cause. He scored 17 points, led his team in assists with 6 and grabbed 2 boards.

-- Philly center Taco Toosdae was the game's top rebounder with 6 and scored 12 points, while getting 1 blocked shot, 1 steal and 1 assist.

-- 10-year veteran Philly forward Wawa Wewa made just about every important basket for his team down the home stretch, finishing with a team-high 18 points. The 6-7 Wewa also grabbed 5 rebounds, had 1 steal and 1 assist while holding down fellow All-MBA player Crentis Dentist defensively.

NEXT UP: Tabulation of the stats and the naming of the Playoff MVP.

 

The Big One Ready to Join Elite Teams of All Time

 If they win their next game to capture the MBA Season 50 Championship, Los Angeles will join this list of elite teams who have posted the best single-season records in history.

Top Seasons by overall record

1.    1. DALLAS DEMONS, Season 47…15-0…10-0 regular season, 5-0 in playoffs

Featured League MVP and Hall of Fame forward Chip Battoe, who was also the Playoff MVP and All-MBA

Starters were:

G-Louie Subgum

G-Meat Pants Masterson

C-GoToo Grot

F-Tiger Masterson

F-Chip Battoe

Commentary: This was a freakish team, made up of players, with the exception of the great Battoe, who had very unusual cards that were both wildly good and bad

 

2.    2. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS, Season 42…15-1…10-0 in regular season.         5-1 in playoffs.

Featured League MVP and Hall of Fame guard Naf Naf, who also led the league in scoring and was All-MBA  as well as Hall of Fame guard Beezow Bop-Bop, who was also All-MBA that season and Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan

Starters were:

G-Naf Naf

G-Beezow Bop-Bop

C-J.J. Gargantuan

F-Pietro Destroyer

F-Wawa Wewa

Commentary: Maybe the best starting lineup of all time with three Hall of Fame players. Only loss was a wild-ass game played in Florida to Dallas in third game of Finals, 87-83.

 

 

2   2. HOUSTON IGUANAS, Season 34…14-1…9-1 in regular season,                            5-0 in playoffs

Featured League MVP and Hall of Famer Hrundi V. Bakshi who was also Playoff MVP and league-leading scorer. Team had three first-team All-MBA players: Hrundi V. Bakshi, Hall of Famer Ching-Chong Chung and Sanjay Patel.

Starters were:

G-Ching-Chong Chung

G-Hrundi V. Bakshi

C-Sanjay Patel

F-Stone Flinthorn

F-Looky Whos

Commentary: This team is a tad bit on the controversial side in that neither guard was qualified under today’s rules to play the point. Chung and Bakshi are 1-2 in career points, respectively, in MBA history

 

2.   2. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA, Season 15…14-1…9-1 in regular season,                     5-0 in playoffs

Featured Playoff MVP and Hall of Famer Stu Nod, who was also All-MBA, as well as All-MBA forward Mayor Quimby, Hall of Fame center Rip Slamjam and Hall of Fame forward Cam Bodia.

Starters were:

G-Stu Nod

G-Guytano Logiuduce

C-Rip Slamjam

F-Cam Bodia

F-Mayor Quimby

Commentary: Another powerhouse team with three Hall of Fame players in the starting lineup. Got Slamjam in the draft along with rookie sensation Bodia.

Season 50 Playoffs...Finals Game 2...Los Angeles at Philadelphia

Los Angeles 76, Philadelphia 75

BIG ONE HANGS ON BY A POINT

PHILADELPHIA -- The Los Angeles Big One warded off a determined Phobia bunch 76-75 to capture their 12th consecutive win and put them just one win away from the Season 50 MBA championship.

The teams now return to L.A. where a huge crowd of Hollywood weirdos and celebrities expect to see their team clinch the title and join the ranks of some of the historically great MBA squads.

After getting trounced in Game 1, Philly gave it all they had, but they are now looking at the wrong end of a broomstick as The Big One eyes a Finals sweep.

The final time units of the game went thusly:

-- Philly forward D. Fenestration hit a short jumper to pull his team within a point 74-73 with 8 ticks remaining.

-- Great Gruncle Terry of Los Angeles then drove past Dick Papers, stopped and popped an open medium jumper that increased his team's lead to 3...76-73 with just 3 ticks remaining.

-- Phobia center Taco Toosdae made a strong drive to the basket from the top of the key, only to have his shot blocked by L.A.'s Quick Tink who trailed the play, with the ball going out of bounds. Two time units remained.

-- This gave Philly a chance to tie things up with a 3-point bucket, but nobody could apparently get open beyond the arc and they were forced into a down-low shot by Fenestration, who converted, making the score 76-75, with L.A. still leading and in posession with one time unit left. Only a blocked shot, followed by a fast break basket from Philadelphia would save the home team.

-- Flufferton Springs of Los Angeles launched a no-good trey at the horn and The Big One escaped with the victory.

The Phobia led by a point with 35 ticks remaining during the  tense down-the-stretch action, but when L.A. took the lead by a point with 32 left, the home team never again re-gained the advantage.

One big moment came with 27 ticks left when Rookie of the Year Flufferton Springs of L.A. hit his only bucket of the game, a 3-pointer that fouled out Ehhy Table of Philadelphia. Springs hit the subsequent charity toss and The Big One was up by 5.

The Big One shot the eyes out again, making 69.6 percent of their shots after shooting 72.5 percent in Game 1. And while they were going 10 for 10 at the foul line, the Phobia kind of shot themselves in the foot with a 12 for 18 performance there.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Second-year Philadelphia forward D. FENESTRATION, who usually defers to the other big scorers on his team, turned up his game to lead everyone in scoring with 24 points. Fenestration, who was dominated by Turk Attaturk in the previous game, totally turned the tables on his opposite in this game. The 6-7 Fenestration went 10 for 13 including a pair of dunks and was 4 for 6 from the foul line. He also led everyone in rebounding with 7 caroms, led his team in blocks with 2 and dished out 3 assists. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Los Angeles point guard Great Gruncle Terry dominated his counterpart, Little Dickie Papers, for the second game in a row, out-scoring him 21-2 and tossing salt on that wound by dribbling past him and sticking what turned out to be the winning basket. Terry's 21 points led the victors. He also had the most steals in the game with 2 and paced his club with 4 rebounds. The 7-season star added a blocked shot and an assist. 

-- Crentis Dentis played his usual excellent game for L.A. The forward scored 17 points, grabbed 3 boards, had 1 assist and 1 blocked shot.

NEXT UP: Back to La La Land for what the odds-makers are predicting will be a clean playoff sweep for The Big One.