Season 52 Featured Game No. 1...San Jose at Sacramento

 SACRAMENTO 80, SAN JOSE 68

R-DOGS COME BACK TO VANQUISH RIVALS

SACRAMENTO -- The Sacramento River Dogs, sparked by their brand new front line, out-scored their Highway 80 rivals from San Jose 18-8 in the fourth quarter to get the opening day win 80-78.

The league's only two active Hall of Famers loomed large in the game, with center J.J. Gargantuan blocking a shot, then slamming home what would be the game-winner, and San Jose's Jesse Shershot, on a scoring rampage, coming up just short at the buzzer with a 3-point shot that would have won it.

Points prevented by quarters

San Jose......0...4...5...5 Total of 14

Sacramento 5...0...2...4 Total of 11

Most Points Prevented (4 tied with 4 each)

Jesse Shershot and Charles Broccoli of San Jose

J.J. Gargantuan and Crentis Dentist of Sacramento

PLAYER OF THE GAME

46 GVP...San Jose's Hall of Fame guard JESSE SHERSHOT began his sixth season with a bang, scoring the second-most points of his career in one game by putting up 37 big ones on 13 of 22 shooting. Now playing the point guard position, Shershot bombed in 6 long ones in 13 attempts and went 5 for 6 from the foul line. This gets him well on the way to his fifth consecutive scoring title. The 6-5 Shershot muscled up for a game-high (tied) 6 rebounds and led everyone in the game with 3 assists. He also tied for most points prevented in this game.  His high scoring game came during the San Jose championship Season 49, when he went off for 39 against Philadelphia in the Finals.

Other 20-plus GVP performances

27 GVP...Two-time All-MBA forward Crentis Dentist had a superb debut for his new Sacramento team. The 6-6 small forward scored 15 points, tied for game-high in rebounds with 6, tied for game-high in steals with 2, had 2 assists, blocked 2 shots and tied for most points prevented in the game.

25 GVP...Rookie power forward Kevin Duran-Duran deliverd a perfect shooting day in his MBA debut, going 8 for 8 from the floor and 4 for 4 from the foul line for a team-high 20 points. He added 4 rebounds and a steal to his numbers.

23 GVP...Obviously happy to be seeing the court again, Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan scored 15 points, grabbed 3 rebounds, handed out 2 assists and blocked a game-high 3 shots. He tied for the most points prevented in the game. And, he dunked home the game-winning shot.

23 GVP...Another longtimer getting his shot in a starting role, San Jose guard Otto Palindrome was better than solid, scoring 13 points, tying for game-high in rebounds with 6, tying for game-high in steals with 2 and accounting for 2 assists.

MBA Standings … Season 52

EAST DIVISION

OKLAHOMA CITY…..1-0

DALLAS………………….1-0

PHILADELPHIA………1-0

MILWAUKEE……….. 0-1

CHARLESTON………..0-1

 

 

WEST DIVISION

SACRAMENTO…1-0

LOS ANGELES…..0-0

SEATTLE…………..0-0

SAN JOSE………….0-1

GILLETTE………….0-1

 

NEXT UP:  Seattle at Los Angeles as the two-time defending champion Big One begins its season against a forelorn Stampede team.

Playoff MVPs through the years

 

Season 52 preview and predictions, draft, improvements and first bracket of games

 

THE WEST (all unanimous picks)

First –SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS

A fourth straight playoff appearance is predicted for the finalists from last season. Hall of Fame guard Jesse Shershot is back, going after his fifth straight scoring title. With the retirement of Cremeofsum Yunguy, Shershot will move to the point, where he will dominate the show even more. Four-time All Star Charles Broccoli adds scoring and muscle, replacing retired Lupalin Greenbeard at forward.

 

Second –SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS

Thanks to a fruitful draft, the R-Dogs appear to be back as serious playoff contenders after a three-season post-season absence. They replaced retired Hall of Fame center Tree Fiddy with another Hall of Fame center, trading for J.J. Gargantuan who will play beside two-time All-MBA forward Crentis Dentist and much-heralded rookie Kevin Duran-Duran.

 

Third – LOS ANGELES BIG ONE

Playoff MVP star forward Crentis Dentist exited via free agency and star center Quick Tink retired, so a historic three-peat seems out of the question for the two-time defending champions. Still, they have the maestro point guard Great Gruncle Terry and a new defensive bent to push for the post-season.

 

Fourth – GILLETTE HUMPS

After a franchise-best third-place finish, the still-youthful Humps added just one new player to the roster and will start the same five as last season, almost, to a man, improved.

 

Last – SEATTLE STAMPEDE

Half the roster changed, but none of the five newcomers are starters. Lost best player, forward Charles Broccoli, to free agency and San Jose.

 

 

THE EAST (all unanimous with the exception of third and fourth place)

First – DALLAS DEMONS

With its third consecutive stunningly outstanding draft, the Demons have amassed by far the youngest and most talented starting lineup in many a moon. Add the best rookie guard (Kopi Luwak) and dominant-looking rookie center (Biggus Dickus) to All-MBA guard Juzan Djinn and last season’s Rookie of the Year Satan Israel and you have a prospective undefeated squad and possible dynasty. Rookie forward Pete Marzano, an elite defender completes the ridiculously talented starting lineup, where the oldest player is third-year man Djinn.

 

Second – PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA

Likely the second best team in the MBA, the Phobia have had three consecutive 7-3 seasons and are again serious title contenders this season. That’s despite the loss of shooting guard Vinny Zazeech to free agency (Charleston). Fan favorite and longtime starter Dick Papers replaces Zazeech as Philly takes aim at a 17^th title.

 

Third and Fourth – CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS (Tyler picked them fourth)

After finishing 5-5 the last two seasons, Charleston will need to add one more win to get to the post-season in the tough East. To that end they filled holes at point guard (getting Vinny Zazeech in the draft) and center (trading for Johnny Bananas). They should be competitive, but may fall short yet again.

 

Third and fourth – OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS (Dave picked them fourth)

Fourth on offense last season but league worst defense at 82.5 ppg. Added two star centers, Chochky Galumpkus via trade and rookie Chat Bot in draft. Last time Galumpkus and Handsy Joe Potatoe played together, Lariats made the Finals.

 

Last – MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS

After making playoffs four of last five seasons, the good times appear to be over. The Greyhounds are not awful, but the East is unforgiving.

All MBA from Dave

Guard – Jesse Shershot, San Jose

Guard – Handsy Joe Potatoe, Oklahoma City

Center—Biggus Dickus, Dallas

Forward – Satan Israel, Dallas

Forward – Crentis Dentist, Sacramento

 

All MBA from Tyler

Guard – Jesse Shershot, San Jose

Guard – Ehhy Table, Philadelphia

Center – Biggus Dickus, Dallas

Forward – Satan Israel, Dallas

Forward – D. Fenestration, Philadelphia

 

MVP unanimous

Jesse Shershot, San Jose

 

Rookie of the Year unanimous

Biggus Dickus, Dallas

TEN OR MORE SEASONS

15^th – J.J. Gargantuan (HOF), Sacramento center

15^th—Peter Pizza (cut pile) forward

 

14^th – Ape Con Myth, Milwaukee forward

 

12^th – Wawa Wewa, Philadelphia forward

12^th – Cat Timol, Los Angeles guard

12^th – Bouganvillea Hedge, Sacramento forward

12^th – Al A. Orden, Dallas forward

 

11^th – Spicey Chicken Choop-Choop, (cut pile) guard

 

10^th – Hurricane Furrwizard, Oklahoma City guard

10^th – James “Cherry Challenge” Payne, Milwaukee forward

10^th – Mortimer Masterson, (cut pile) forward

 

 

HALL OF FAME WATCH (5 or more awards)

14 – Jesse Shershot, San Jose (HALL OF FAME)

 

12 – J.J. Gargantuan, Sacramento (HALL OF FAME)

 

9 – Great Gruncle Terry, Los Angeles

 

8 – Crentis Dentist, Sacramento

 

6 – Frog Morton, Charleston

6 – Chochky Galumpkus, Oklahoma City

 

5 – Eddie “The Milkman” Creamer, San Jose

5 – Flufferton Springs, Los Angeles

5 – Wawa Wewa, Philadelphia

5 – Cat Timol, Los Angeles

 

 

 

CONSECUTIVE GAMES PLAYED

120 – Raisin Sport, retired Hall of Fame

114 – J.J. Gargantuan, Sacramento and Hall of Fame…string ended

 

110 – Wawa Wewa, Philadelphia…can tie record this coming season

 

80 – Great Gruncle Terry, Los Angeles

80 – Ape Con Myth, Milwaukee

 

60 – Frog Morton, Charleston

60 – Chochky Galumpkus, Oklahoma City

 

 

next up: Season opener with Gillette visiting Philadelphia in a cross-over contest.

First bracket

Gillette at Philadelphia

Milwaukee at Dallas

Charleston at Oklahoma City

San Jose at Sacramento (Featured Game)

Seattle at Los Angeles

 

40 or more blocks in one season

(last updated in calendar year 2017)

59 -- by 6-8 Hall of Fame center Tom "the Bomb" Kondla for Dallas in Season 31 (led the league)

54 -- by 6-5 forward Jimsy Redfern of Charleston in Season 33 (led the league)

53 – by 6-8 forward Chip Battoe of Dallas in Season 43 (led the league)

52 -- by 6-8 Hall of Fame center Tom "the Bomb" Kondla for Houston in Season 29 (led the league)

52 -- by 6-5 forward Jimsy Redfern of Charleston in Season 34 (led the league)

46 -- by 6-7 forward Kush Kush Hotahey of Seattle in Season 28 (led the league)

46 -- by 6-5 forward Jimsy Redfern of Charleston in Season 32 (led the league)

44 – by 6-8 forward Chip Battoe of Dallas in Season 47 (led the league)

42 -- by 6-7 forward Kush Kush Hotahey of Sacramento in Season 32

41 -- by 6-8 Hall of Fame center Tom "the Bomb" Kondla of Chicago in Season 30 (led the league)

41 -- by 6-5 forward Jimsy Redfern of Charleston in Season 31

40 -- by 6-5 forward Jimsy Redfern of Charleston in Season 30

40 -- by 6-7 forward Looky Whos of Houston in Season 33

Season 52 Rookie Game vs. (what's left of) Sacramento River Dogs

 

Rookies 72, Sacramento 62

ROOKIES TAKE CARE OF RIVER DOGS

SACRAMENTO -- A lot of rookie talk has centered on the talent of the front court players, but it was the back court newcomers, led by Kofi Luwak, who did most of the scoring in the 72-62 Rookies win over the River Dogs.

The game started out as a rout for the rookies as they out-scored Sacramento 24-10 in the first quarter, but the home team straightened itself in the second half to close things out within 10 points of the victors.

The rookies dominated the boards 25-14 and out-shot Sacramento 56.6 percent to just 46.9 to get the win.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

31 GVP...KOFI LUWAK, the 6-2 rookie guard, tied for game-high in scoring with 21 points, spending time at both back court positions. The smooth-shooting Luwak dominated "the Stankpig," Buddy Pigglesworth, sinking the first 8 shots he took and going 9 for 11 for the ballgame. His scouting report calls him a leaper, and he proved that in this outing, grabbing a game-high 9 boards. He went 3 for 4 at the foul line and added 1 assist.

 

OTHER 20-PLUS GVP PERFORMANCES

28 GVP...Freddy Chepuzzo, Sacramento's point guard, who was once Rookie of the Year, tied Luwak for game-high scoring honors, racking up 21 points on the way to dominating his man Joey Joe Joe Shamadu Jr. Before fouling out late, Chepuzzo added a game-high 2 steals, grabbed 3 boards and handed out 2 assists. He also potted a trio of treys. 

21 GVP...Veteran Sacramento forward Bouganvillea Hedge scored 17 points, pulled down 3 boards and had 1 assist.

20 GVP...Much-heralded rookie center Chat "GPT3" Bot replaced equally promising pivot Biggus Dickus early in the game and rarely came out afterward. The 6-9 Bot scored just 8 points, but registered game-highs in blocked shots with 2 and in assists with 3. Dominating Doli Doli Firenze of Sacramento, the Bot also pulled down 7 rebounds. 

NEXT UP: The Season 52 Draft

Superstar centers head superb Season 52 rookie crop

 There's something for everyone at every position in this Season 52 rookie crop, especially at the center position, where two of the three incoming centers, Biggus Dickus and Chat "GPT3" Bot, look like potential Hall of Fame, franchise-making stars. They will be welcome additions to the MBA, which, through retirement, was looking at a center shortage in the league.

Add to that dominant pair three outstanding-looking, defensive-minded forwards, Kevin Duran-Duran, Vuil'Raith Cabal and Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, and the league's front court scorers will be much harder pressed to put the ball in the hole this coming season.

The rookie guard crop is a little more questionable, but still features a pair of sharpshooters in Joey Joe Joe Shamadu Jr. and Kofi Luwak, who would be welcome additions to any team.

Here's how the scouts rank them going into the draft, combining star rankings of 1-5 by franchise owners Dave and Tyler. Listing among the tied players is not indicative of how they are ranked within that grouping.

10-point rookies 

-- 7-foot center Biggus Dickus

-- 6-9 center Chat "GPT3" Bot

-- 6-8 center Pete "The Steakman" Marzano

9 1/2-point rookie

-- 6-9 forward Kevin Duran-Duran

9-point rookies

-- 6-2  guard Kofi Luwak

-- 6-10  forward Vuil'raith Cabal

8-point rookie

-- 6-2  guard Joey Joe Joe Shamadu Jr.

6 1/2-point rookie

-- 6-7  forward Stiffly Stifferson

6-point rookies

-- 6-8 center Louie "Big Lunk" Lunkerson

4-point rookies

-- 6-6 guard Mojo Werkin

-- 6-2 guard Barfly Gigglewaters

3 1/2-point rookies

-- 5-11 guard Seeyalater Scronto

-- 6-6 guard Johnny Jazzhands

1 1/2-point rookies

-- 6-6 guard Al "The Annoyance" DiMeola

-- 6-7 forward Murmur Dipthong

1-point rookie

-- 6-4 guard Whitey "White Boy" White

Add to this fine group three outstanding free agents, including dominant young All-MBA forward Crentis Dentist, coming off a Playoff MBA, 6-10 four-time All Star Game selection Charles Broccoli and second-year monster (6-8) guard Vinny Zazeech, as well as a bevy of other solid veterans, and you have the makings of an excellent draft as well as a shot in the arm injecting some outstanding youth into the MBA.

Top All-Time Scoring Seasons

 

Top All-Time Scoring Seasons

1. 28.3 ppg…Naf Naf…G…Oklahoma City…Season 40

 

2. 26.4 ppg…Naf Naf…G…Oklahoma City…Season 38

 

3. 26.0 ppg…Cheetos Jones…G…Philadelphia…Season 31

 

4. 25.3 ppg…Naf Naf…G…Charleston…Season 42

 

5. 25.2 ppg…Tommy Zoop…G…Oklahoma City…Season 24

 

6. 24.4 ppg…Marshall Stax…F…Oklahoma City…Season 10

 

7. 23.7 ppg…Hrundi V. Bakshi…G…Milwaukee…Season 29

 

8. 23.5 ppg…Horn E. Goatweed…G…Milwaukee…Season 24

 

9. 23.4 ppg…Naf Naf…G…Charleston…Season 41

 

10. 23.2 ppg…Naf Naf…G…Oklahoma City…Season 39

 

11. 23.0 ppg…Uncle Bob Masterson…G…Philadelphia…Season 13

 

12. 22.9 ppg…Naf Naf…G…Oklahoma City…Season 37

 

13. 22.8 ppg…Dr. Marcus Brody…G…Los Angeles…Season 47

 

14. 22.6 ppg…Cheetos Jones…G…Sacramento…Season 29

 

Season 52 Free Agents Announced

Top forward Crentis Dentist of Los Angeles, forward Charles Broccoli of Seattle and young guard Vinny Zazeech of Philadelphia, all from Tyler teams, head the list of free agents who will be going into the Season 52 draft.

Draft stats

-- 15 players declared for free agency...adding 16 rookies means that there will be 31 players in the upcoming season draft...meaning that each team will get at least 3 players in the draft and Sacramento will get 4.

-- 8 of the 15 free agents were starters for their team last season.

-- 8 free agents are from Dave teams; 7 are from Tyler teams.

-- Seattle and Charleston lost the most players to free agency, with 3 each

-- Seattle lost the most starters with 2

-- Gillette, San Jose and Los Angeles lost 2 players each

-- Sacramento, Dallas and Philadelphia lost 1 each

-- Oklahoma City and Milwaukee escaped unscathed

-- Charleston, despite losing 3 to FA, lost 0 starters, joining Oklahoma City and Milwaukee in that department.

-- 8 forwards, 6 guards and 1 center among the free agents

-- 4 teams lost their team MVP to free agency

Team by team

Sacramento: The league's worst team lost its MVP of last season, guard Buddy Flakes. Add 4 retirements, which included starters Tree Fiddy and Wardy Joubert and the R-Dogs resemble an expansion team. Currently just 5 players on roster. They will need that extra draft pick.

Oklahoma City: Untouched by free agency, the Lariats lost starting center Carga Larga to retirement. Only 1 center among free agents. They are on the bubble in the tough East and would have to roll the cube of chance to change cities (and possibly disband) with another last place finish.

Seattle: Lost just one bench player to retirement, but hit hard by free agents (as has been their custom forever). Mainstay forward Charles Broccoli leaving leaves a big gap in the Stampede lineup. He was the team MVP and its top scorer. Seattle traded to get Broccoli back when he was FA two seasons ago.

Charleston: Lost 3 bench players, the best being forward Turk Attaturk. No starters lost, which is good since the Mountaineers were already hit hard by the retirements of starting guard Don Barzini and starting center Papa Popcorn. 

Gillette: Yet another team that lost its team MVP of a year ago. In this case it was young forward Billy "Be-Bop" Bauer, who topped the team in 5 categories while leading the league in shooting percentage with an 83.6 percent mark. Replacing him is crucial if the Humps are to continue upward climb.

Dallas: Lost starting point guard O'l Roy, but there is still a lot of talent on this roster. Lost just 1 bench player to retirement and they have two of the best young players in the game in guard Juzan Djinn and forward Satan Israel, both of who made first-team All-MBA last season.

Milwaukee: No free agent losses for this playoff team, but they need to replace longtime point guard Fatty McButterpants, who retired, if they want to end what is currently the longest championship dry spell.

Philadelphia: Contributed the top free agent guard to this coming season's draft, as steady rookie Vinny Zazeech, the tallest backcourt player in league history at 6-8, decided to test the FA waters. Even if they get nothing in the draft, Philly has Dick Papers, a 4-season starter ready to step in.

 San Jose: In addition to losing two starters to retirement, the Fighting Amigos lost starting center Twinkles Spatula and top reserve forward Muscle Shoals to free agency. They keep draining the pool of talent that plays alongside league MVP and Hall of Famer Jesse Shershot. 

Los Angeles: The San Andreas Fault moved more than a little when star forward Crentis Dentist threw his hat into the free agency ring. A two-time All-MBA forward, Dentist finished runner-up in the last two regular season MVP tallies and was MVP of the Playoffs last season. Was the team MVP of the champions. The Big One, in addition to losing top scorer Dentist, lost second-leading scorer Quick Tink, to retirment.

MBA head coaching changes for Season 52

THREE COACHING CHANGES

Three MBA franchises have announced head coaching changes prior to Season 52, including the replacement of the longest-serving head coach and the most charismatic mobster coach in the league.

DALLAS DEMONS -- Country Slaughter, who was at the helm of this team for a record 35 seasons, was replaced by former Demons star Buzzy Bazinski. 

   Slaughter became the Dallas head coach in Season 17 and was at the mythical helm of the franchise for all five of their championships (Seasons 20, 21, 28, 46 and 47). Slaughter's teams made the playoffs 20 times, including a string of 7 in a row from Seasons 18 through 24 (which included 6 consecutive division titles, 2 league championships and 4 consecutive Finals appearances) and 7 post-season trips in a row again from Seasons 41 through 47 (which included titles in Season 46 and 47, the latter being the only unbeaten campaign in MBA history). 

  The Demons, however, have failed to make the playoffs the last four seasons, matching the longest post-season drought during Slaughter's tenure.

   Stepping into the head coach spot will be Bazinski, a key member (as center) of those 6 division championship teams that led to titles in Seasons 20 and 21). The 6-11 Bazinski started all 7 seasons for Dallas in his career, averaging 10.1 ppg and shooting 64.1 percent overall. He led the team in rebounding 3 times, in steals 2 times, in blocked shots 4 times. His standout passing was a mainstay on those teams, as the big man led the team in helpers 4 times, averaging over 3 assists per games in 5 of his 7 campaigns. He averaged an amazing 3.1 assists per game for his career. He was a standout Tier 2 player.

Slaughter's record

193-157 regular season record (55.1%)

44-45 in playoffs (49.4%)

237-202 overall (54.0%)

SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS -- Replaced popular mob boss Frankie Pantangeli when the latter was found dead in his bathtub with slashed wrists. "Frankie Five Angels" was at the helm for 13 seasons, including the best River Dogs stretch ever from Seasons 44 through 48, when they won their only 2 titles and went to the Finals four out of five years. 

   "We were thinking of drying Frankie off, pumping his body with formaldehyde and propping him up on a chair on the sidelines," said team owner Dave Masterson. "But instead, we'll keep him in the lobby where fans can see him during home games."

   Pantangeli will be replaced by frat boy Theta Ty, who has no previous ties to the Sacramento franchise.

   "We wanted to go the opposite direction from the Cosa Nostra thing," Masterson said. 'What could be more different than a fresh-faced kid with a pledge beanie."

   Theta Ty was in and out of the cut pile in four of his 6 seasons in the MBA, playing parts of two seasons with both Seattle and Charleston, then 3 straight campaigns with San Jose. A 6-8 center, his best season was Season 19 when he started 5 games at for the Fighting Amigos and averaged 15 points per game.

  "He's known for getting around the rules of the sport," Masterson observed of the Fifth Tier player. "We're hoping he can get around the expected losses in the next few seasons."

Pantangeli's record

71-59 regular season record (.54.6%)

15-11 in playoffs (57.7%)

86-70 overall (55.1%)

SEATTLE STAMPEDE -- Replaced 8-season coach Kingsford Briquettes with once-popular Stampede guard Ray Blaze.

  Briquettes managed two playoff appearances in his stint as main man for Seattle, with back-to-back second-place finishes in the West Division in Seasons 48 and 49. The Season 49 team made it all the way to the Finals before falling.  Half of his 8 seasons were 5-5 years, but he was never able to post a winning record in any campaign. 

  Blaze played his first four seasons of a 9-year career with Seattle. A reliable guard, he was a double-digit scorer and always a starter, shooting 59.8 percent for his career and making 3 All Star Game appearances. He led his team in scoring once, in rebounds once, in assists 7 times, in steals once, in shooting percentage once and in free throwing 5 times. He led the league in free throwing once. He is the number one player in the Tier Two retired envelope. He was a starter on the Season 10 Houston championship team.

Briquette's record

31-49 regular season record (38.8%)

3-6 playoff record (33.3%)

34-55 overall (38.2%)

THE REST OF THE MBA COACHES

LOS ANGELES--Naceg Gecan...entering 6th season

SAN JOSE--Augustus McCrae...entering 16th season

GILLETTE--Tiger Masterson...entering 2nd season

PHILADELPHIA--Stu Nod...enterin 16th season

MILWAUKEE--Frank Pettis...entering 3rd season

CHARLESTON--Bill Rustler...entering 35th season (now the dean of all MBA coaches)

OKLAHOMA CITY--Grady Booch...entering 3rd season