Top Career Scoring Averages All Time (Retired Only)

1. Naf Naf................................guard..........7 seasons..........24.2

2. Tommy Zoop.......................guard..........7 seasons..........20.8

3. Colquitt Croix.....................guard..........7 seasons...........20.4

4. Chip Battoe.........................forward.......6 seasons...........19.4

5. Uncle Bob Masterson..........guard..........10 seasons..........19.1

6. Diamond Dallas Paige..........center.........7 seasons...........18.8

7. Cheetos Jones.......................guard..........7 seasons...........18.7

8. Joey Two-Tones....................guard..........6 seasons...........18.5

8. Marshall Stax........................forward.......7 seasons...........18.5

10. Didger A'doo.......................guard...........6 seasons..........17.4

Note: Only active player who would be on this list is San Jose guard Jesse Shershot, who has a 19.5 per game scoring average after two seasons.

Season 49 Rookies Report

 

This rookie crop, according to Tyler, is crap. I don’t quite agree with that, although I will say that there is an extraordinary amount of players who do a lot of fouling on defense.

But, having said that, there are, in my opinion, at least 10 of 16 rookies who will contribute to teams, either as starters or first-off-the-bench guys

One very good player at guard, forward and center.

Deep at forwards and guards as far as “good” players go.

Nobody taller than 6-9, which is unusual…and the 6-9 guy sucks.

Here’s the rookies, according to my grouping, with Tyler’s 5-star rating system in parenthesis.

 

 

Best Guards

6-2 Freddy Gooch (****)

6-4 Ed Balls (***)

6-3 Wolfie Gutenabend (**1/2)

 

OK Guards

5-9 Happy Chanooka (*)

6-0 Jeez O. Mann (*)

6-7 Cheddar Witkowskiski (***)

 

 

Shit Guards

6-1 Benny Underthings (*)

 

Best Forwards

6-7 D. Fenestration(*****)

6-8 Toilety T. Paper (***)

6-6 LaJon Brames (***)

6-6 Turk Attaturk (***)

6-6 Crentis “The” Dentist (****)

 

Crappola Forward

6-7 Spastic Colin (*)

 

Best Center (by far)

6-8 Sky Masterson (*****)

 

Cut Pile-Type Centers

6-9 Meethorp Bleepbloop Zandar (**)

6-7 Bukkake Nightmare (*)

 

Greates All-MBA Teams of All time

 

GREATEST ALL-MBA TEAMS IN HISTORY

(To qualify…teams must have all Hall of Fame players. Ranking is based on total awards earned by players in their career.)

Only eight of the 48 All-MBA teams have the distinction of being made up of all Hall of Fame Players. Here is that hallowed list.

 

No. 1 Season 27

Guard…Mamadou Zongo, Chicago

Guard…Ching-Chong Chung, Milwaukee

Center…Max Payne, Dallas

Forward…Boone Doggle, Charleston

Forward…Sagittal Occlusal, San Jose…MVP

 

No. 2 Season 30

Guard…Hrundi V Bakshi, Milwaukee…MVP

Guard…Cheetos Jones, Philadelphia

Center…Tom “The Bomb” Kondla, Chicago

Forward…Boone Doggle, Philadelphia

Forward…Sagittal Occlusal, San Jose

 

 

No. 3 Season 13

Guard…Uncle Bob Masterson, Philadelphia

Guard…Stu Nod, Philadelphia

Center…Diamond Dallas Paige, Oklahoma City

Forward…Guru Gannon, Chicago

Forward…Marshall Stax, Milwaukee…MVP

 

No. 4 (tie) Season 22

Guard…Tommy Zoop, Chicago

Guard…Joey Two-Tones, Dallas

Center…Jonny Cockaroo, Charleston

Forward…Curly Hogbottom, Philadelphia…MVP

Forward…Shooter Flatch, Dallas

 

No. 4 (tie) Season 9

Guard…Uncle Bob Masterson, Philadelphia

Guard…Doc Watson, Huston

Center…Bill Rustler, Seattle…MVP

Forward…Tarjetas Indice, Philadelphia

Forward…Link Lennex, Houston

 

No. 6 Season 12

Guard…Doug Fresh, Dallas

Guard…Doc Watson, Houston

Center…Diamond Dallas Paige, Oklahoma City

Forward…Guru Gannon, Chicago

Forward…Link Lennex, Houston…MVP

 

No. 7 (tie) Season 20

Guard…Tommy Zoop, Milwaukee

Guard…Shucks Oyster, Dallas

Center…Bart Pitbull, Houston…MVP

Forward…Curly Hogbottom, Philadelphia

Forward…Shooter Flatch, Dallas

 

No. 7 (tie) Season 10

Guard…Dan Mann, Milwaukee

Guard…Doc Watson, Houston

Center…Rip Slamjam, San Jose

Forward…Link Lennex, Houston…MVP

Forward…Marshall Stax, Oklahoma City

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Methuselahs...the song...plus cut pile improvements

 

THE METHUSELAHS 

(players who out-smarted the cube of chance to play 15 or more seasons)

15 seasons
Cyd Lash
Doug Fresh (Hall of Famer)
Rip Slamjam (Hall of Famer)
Shag Bark

Kip Robinson
Larry Large
Motts Biondi
Joe Dokes

16 seasons
Buzz Kill (only "active" player on this list...buried deep in the cut pile

Jalapa Valley (all in cut pile...MFC of the MBA...most futile career)
Wayan Garuda

Funsy Van Slochum
Gulemon Mon-Mon

Steve Carter

17 seasons
Chuck Rysz
Slats Southpaw
Max Payne (Hall of Famer)
Mamadou Zongo (Hall of Famer)

18 seasons
Moe Bandy (tied for most consecutive active seasons at 18)
Achilles Heel (tied for most consecutive active seasons at 18)

20 seasons
Tubes Mullard (tied for most consecutive active seasons at 18)

24 seasons
Kirin Connor (10 in cut pile)

29 seasons
Pug Mahone (22 in cut pile)

19 players of the 812 who have been created for the MBA made it to their 15th season and beyond. Only one has a song. (see below). Penned by the Cole Porter of the MBA, Phil Davia.

 

 

Pug Mahone song

 

He is one of the MBA legends!!!!!!     His record is a 10,000 - 1 chance!!!
The fans have a song about him.................

Oh it's Pug Mahone,
It's Pug Mahone!

When the Cut-pile calls
Please pick up the phone!

Look at the Records,
It's never been done,
He's 10,000  to Onnnnnne!!!!!!!

          That's Pug!

He's Ten Thousaaaaaaaannd   to Oooooooooonnnnnnnneeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 CUT PILE GUYS ALL STILL SUCK (except maybe for Larga)

Nothing to write home about when it comes to cut pile improvements/regressions. Biggest change is to best player in cut pile, Carga Larga, who now has a block on his card.

 

 

Season 49 Free Agents

FREE AGENT FACTOIDS

-- 17 players, the same number as last season, declared for free agency prior to the start of Season 49...this means that, with 16 rookies added, there will be 33 players in the draft, a minimum of three draft picks for each team and four picks for the three worst teams (Gillette, Dallas and Charleston)

-- Four teams lost 1 player

-- Two teams lost 2 players

-- Three teams lost 3 players 

-- Only one team, the Dallas Demons, escaped unhurt by free agency. But they were pretty much decimated by retirements.

-- Five teams lost 1 starter

-- One team, Charleston, lost 3 starters

-- Tyler ranks the best free agents thusly:

1. Great Gruncle Terry of Sacramento

2. Chochky Galumpkus of Oklahoma City

3. Charles Broccoli of Seattle

4. Mister Methane of San Jose

5. Cat Timol of Charleston

I pretty much concur, with maybe some changes in the order depending on what team would be selecting them in the draft.

-- 8 starting players declared for free agency this season. Six declared last season.

-- Free agents, by position are: 8 guards (5 starters), 5 forwards (2 starters) and 4 centers (1 starter...although Castanza made All-MBA when he last started for Seattle). 

-- Oklahoma City's star center Chochky Galumpkus declared for free agency two seasons ago and returned to the Lariats in the draft.

-- Teams hit the hardest by free agency were Charleston, which lost three starters, Oklahoma City, which lost Galumpkus and Sacramento, which lost the point guard (Great Gruncle Terry) who has been at the heart of the team's success since entering the MBA five seasons ago.

-- Dave teams lost 10 players (5 starters) while Tyler teams lost 7 players (2 starters)

-- Two free agents, both centers...Galumpkus and Seven Castanza of Seattle...have made All-MBA teams.

-- Six of the 17 free agents have been good enough to make All Star teams.

-- The loss of Great Gruncle Terry to free agency plus the retirement of his running mate at guard, Potus Obama, means Sacramento has lost both players who made up the best guard combo in the league.

-- Milwaukee is looking golden for this upcoming season. The Greyhounds are coming off two consecutive playoff seasons, the most recent one making it all the way to the Finals. Barring any trades, they return all five starters from those playoff teams for the third season in a row. It's the same pattern Sacramento had such success with. But the Greyhounds will have four of those five starters up for retirement at the end of the season.