1 star - terrible
2 stars - bonafide bench
3 stars - good bench poor starter
4 stars - solid starter
5 stars - leader
2 stars - bonafide bench
3 stars - good bench poor starter
4 stars - solid starter
5 stars - leader
- 1 star
- G - Sneeeky Baybee - This guy has very few redeeming qualities and will kill you with an inclination to fire up threes with a sub 10% chance of hitting them. He'll also hack the fuck out of you
- 2 stars
- G - Butterbean Sweetshot - Shoots threes, cant make them, an OK shot, wont kill you on D, but probably shoots way too much at a 40% or less rate.
- F - Fyodor Maximov - Big boy, can rebound and is the best passer in the class, but cannot hit the broad side of the barn from beyond 3 feet. Also plays matador defense other than poking the ball away from behind on the dribble.
- F - Caster Gobbler - interesting guy, cant do anything great but nothing really terrible. He might actually prove decent but never start on a +500 team. 6-11 with incredible range but doesnt take any shots or rebound for his size, or play D. I guess he'll make a team. Maybe the highest rated 2 star.
- F - Popple Tittynope - another giant that will hack you and play no D at all. Devastating from the elbow but dont get too close or too far away from the rim, he will brick it. OK rebounder for Power F
- G - Luka Brasi - This guy is the epitome of a mediocre bench contributor. A wasted draft pick for sure, but will make a team because he can shoot OK from most spots and might hit a 3 every now and then.
- 3 stars
- F - Spiritus Sanctus - An intriguing small forward with a developing skillset. Needs to improve ball handling and defense but has the tendency and tools to be a strong starter with some improvements. Can really score from inside FT line.
- F - Muscle Shoals - The PROS: Another F with range, and an incredible leaper at the Small F. Can score from all zones and pass a bit. The CONS: An absolute zero on D. Wont hack or defend any component of the game. Not sure he's an efficient enough scorer to make up for that. Will definitely make a team, probably more appropriately a first off the bench guy.
- G - PD Jazz - Another player that can ONLY foul you on defense, really not great. PD will help you out with his rebounding at the guard and his ballhandling. He can shoot REALLY well from the important zones for a 2G but he wants to drive to the hole where he's hot garbage. He might start in a league starved for guard depth, but he's a painful starter.
- C - Juji Mufu - Bodybuilder and offensive sympathizer, Juju Mufu has the best name of the bunch and is the draft's best shooter. He is going to need to be stopped if he doesn't stop himself by military pressing his luck with the refs. He has a religious aversion to clean D and will spend more time on the bench in the game as well as at the gym because of it
- F - Helmut Noodles - another RANGY forward with the best 3pter in the bunch and can LEAP at 6-9. Wont help you on D but looks to be ready to put up 12-15 ppg on decent shooting in the high 50%s. Not a solid starter yet, but might improve his handling and D to become one.
- 4 stars
- C - Swordfish Willie Shingles - The third player created of the rookies, and thought to be likely the prize of the litter until the 5 stars put him in his place. Shingles can do it all: rebound, world class defender, and shoot in the zones he needs to. A little under performing down low will hurt him against powerful defenders but his +/- will stay strong given his defensive assets. Strong starter.
- G - Oblio Assbag - A young rookie with a man's body. Can already handle and defend like a player in his prime. Pair that maturity with a high arching shot that's hard to stop, and strong % shooting from most zones and a nice assisting tendency, Oblio will be a boon to whomever drafts him, off the bench or as a solid starter with some strong upside-potential seasons down the line.
- 5 stars
- F - Charles Broccoli - Big meatless 6'10 body has some raw veggie talent that can still ripen, but he would start on every team. He can rebound and defend at an elite level and from inside the FT line he needs to be stopped. May struggle a bit moving with the ball but his +/- will be undeniable as a defender, rebounder, and % shooter. Would start on every team.
- G - Handsy Joe Potato - my pick in the draft because of the value of guards relative to their replacements. Handsy Joe can DO IT ALL, with a little room to improve on the handles, and a little hacky will cost him minutes. A rebounder and big defensive positional guard that can play point or 2. He's said to model his game after Naf, and will take 50+ threes every year of his career and challenge the league leadership in scoring. He can shoot with efficiency from EVERY zone which is almost non-existent at guard. A breaker when he pulls up from 3, or taking it the length. He might lead his team in blocks as well. a wow player.
- C - Lothario Fartlek - The scouts were not impressed when they saw this 6-10' center do his vertical leap. And he seems to have no idea how to judge the caram of the ball off the offensive glass, many scouts went on break waiting to see Gobbler who was up next - boy did they miss out. Although he cannot jump for a board, Lothario's defensive timing will ensure that he will contend for the block title as soon as Battoe retires, and then as soon as he steps inside the arch, you better put a hand in his face and even then, Jokic-like release makes his midrange game hard to stop. Maybe the best short shot we've ever seen. He wont take a ton of those, but when he moves in a step, you better make him miss.
All in all, one of the best classes of rookies ever seen. The Rookie team would content for the title, which is pretty unlikely:
G - Assbag
G - Potatoe
C - Fartlek
F - Broccoli
F - Sanctus
Would go 6-4 / 7-3 and contend for the finals.
