Season 47 Finals Game 2...Dallas at Sacramento

Dallas 69, Sacramento 61 

15th straight puts Demons one away from title

SACRAMENTO -- The Dallas Demons, trailing by as much as 13 points in the first half, used a 26-9 third quarter on the way to a 69-61 victory and commanding 2-0 Finals lead over the Sacramento River Dogs.

It was the 15th consecutive win for the franchise, a record dating back to last season's championship game and puts Dallas one more win away from the first perfect season in the 47-season history of the MBA. Charleston in Season 42 won 14 in a row before losing Game 3 in the Finals. 

Unlike the offensive firepower on display by both teams in Game 1, this contest showed why these two teams were first and second in the league in defense during the regular season. 

Sacramento forced Dallas into 15 turnovers in the game, while the Demons answered by holding the R-Dogs to just 49.1 percent shooting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Hall of Fame forward and the MBA's MVP, CHIP "THE CRIP" BATTOE again proved to be the difference for the Dallas Demons in this win. Battoe again dominated fellow All-MBA forward Doo-rag Dripp of Sacramento, scoring a game-high 22 points, tying for game-high in blocked shots with 3, grabbing 4 rebounds, getting 1 assist and 1 steal. He was 10 for 15 from the floor, including 1 for 2 from deep and 1 for 1 from the foul line in yet another display of overwhelming efficiency.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- For the second consecutive Finals game, the big man on the boards was Dallas center GoToo Grot,  who cleaned the glass a game-high 8 times while scoring 10 points, adding 1 blocked shot and 1 assist.

-- Dallas forward Tiger Masterson completed the front court dominance for Dallas, scoring 21 points, grabbing 5 boards, blocking 1 shot, dishing 1 assist and making 1 steal as he smoked Pap Smearz of Sacramento. 

-- Sacramento point guard Great Gruncle Terry easily out-played Louie Subgum of Dallas, scoring a team-best 15 points, blocking 2 shots, assisting on 2 and grabbing 1 rebound while causing Subgum to foul out. 

NEXT UP: It's looking like a quick Finals as Dallas goes after the fifth title in team history and the first back-to-back by the Demons since they turned the trick in Seasons 20 and 21. They will shoot for the first clean slate in history before their home fans. Coach Frankie Pantangeli of Sacramento has vowed to cut his wrist and bleed to death like a Roman if his team comes back to win three in a row. 

Season 47 MBA Finals Game 1...Sacramento at Dallas

Dallas 88, Sacramento 82

Demons answer R-Dogs' challenge 

DALLAS -- The Dallas Demons, trailing by 8 points at the half, used a 32-point third quarter to propel them to a Game 1 Finals victory, 88-82 over the Sacramento River Dogs.

The top two defensive teams in the league (Dallas at No. 1) were intense but hard-pressed to stop the excellent shooting of their opponents. Sacramento shot a blistering 64.9 percent for the game, and Dallas nearly matched that with 63.2 percent. The main difference came at the foul line, where the victorious Demons held an 8-point edge, that included a technical foul on Sacramento coach Frankie Pantangeli. The Sicilian Maestro complained long and hard about the long halftime show which kept his team waiting in the lobby, and finally drew the 'T' early in the third quarter.

The Dallas pressure defense, which Sacramento absorbed efficiently in the first half, began causing turnovers immediately at the start of the third quarter, leading to the almost instantaneous score reversal and a lead that Dallas never yielded.

The game was,however, closer than the final score indicated, since Dallas forward Tiger Masterson threw a long desperation shot at game's end that went in for three points. It was Masterson's tip-in, following his own miss, that put the game out of reach for Sacramento with just a few ticks remaining. 

The victory by Dallas gives them 13 consecutive wins without a defeat for Season 47 and 14 in a row dating back to Season 46. That ties the mark previously held by Charleston, which had 14 wins in a row in Season 42 

Charleston holds the record for most consecutive wins in one season with 14 in a row in Season 42. Dallas can tie that mark with a win in the next game and establish a new record of 15 consecutive wins over two seasons. 

Dallas and Charleston hold the record for most consecutive regular season wins in a row (13), which is still alive for Dallas entering Season 48.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Dallas' 7-2 center GOTOO GROT took full advantage of the absence of Sacramento pivot Tree Fiddy to rack up a game-high 25 points on the way to capturing his second consecutive Player of the Game award in the post-season. The big man also led everyone in rebounds with 6 and added 1 steal and 1 assist. He was 11 for 15 from the floor and potted his first trey of the season (1 for 2 in that department), also slamming home one dunk. He was perfect from the foul line at 2 for 2.

OTHER 20-PLUS GVP PERFORMERS

-- Dallas forward Tiger Masterson used an excellent fourth-quarter to score a majority of his 15 points. The 6-8 veteran also tied for most blocks in the game with 3 and pulled down 4 rebounds. His tip-in off his own missed shot sealed the deal in the waning moments.

-- The mere presence of Dallas forward Chip Battoe kept Sacramento's top scorer Doo-rag Dripp from shooting the ball (held to 2 points). The Hall of Famer still tied for game-high in blocks with 3 while scoring 19 points, grabbing 4 rebounds and tying for game-high in steals with 2. 

-- Sacramento point guard Great Gruncle Terry was superb in a losing effort, dominating his man Louie Subgum. Terry scored 19 points, led his team in blocks with 2, handed out 3 assists and snagged 2 boards.

-- Before fouling out with 50 time units left in the game (and his team down by 4), Sacramento shooting guard Potus Obama had already put together some nice numbers that included 17 points, 3 assists and 2 steals (which tied for game-high).

-- Pressed into service as Sacramento's starting center for the first time in his two-season career, the 6-8 Quick Tink responded brilliantly, leading his team in scoring with 21 points as he waged gruesome warfare with the giant Grot. Tink also led his team in rebounding with 5 boards.

NEXT UP: The teams travel to Sacramento where the River Dogs will re-gain the services of injured center Tree Fiddy. Nobody can bitch about the job Tink did, espcially offensively, but coach Pantangeli is hoping the Tree can slow down Grot's scoring barrage in this season's playoffs.

 

Season 47 Semifinals Game 2...Dallas at Los Angeles

Dallas 72,  Los Angeles 60

Demons 'D' too much for the Big One

LOS ANGELES -- The defending champion Dallas Demons extended their Season 47 winning streak to 12 games, eliminating the Los Angeles Big One 72-60 and moving on to the MBA Finals where they will face the Sacramento River Dogs for the second consecutive season.

As in Game 1 of this Semifinals, The Big One led at halftime by a slight margin, 34-32. But the Big One could not capitalize on a golden opportunity in the third quarter when both starting forwards for Dallas were force-rested for a minimum of 59 time units. With Chip Battoe and Tiger Masterson on the pines, the Demons, led by center GoToo Grot,  took the lead and increased it to double-digits, 57-47.

Los Angeles again failed to shoot 50 percent in the contest, with the subpar effort of All-MBA point guard and league scoring leader Dr. Marcus Brody standing out. Brody, who scored 22.8 ppg during the regular season, was held to just 13 points on 5 for 17 shooting to go with his 12-point effort in Game 1.

POINTS PREVENTED PER QUARTER

Dallas...4...0...2...2  Total=8

L. A......4...0...2...5  Total=11

TOPS IN POINTS PREVENTED

4 points prevented each for Meat Pants Masterson and Chip Battoe of Dallas and Dr. Marcus Brody and Tomm Foolerie of Los Angeles

TURNOVERS CAUSED BY QUARTERS

Dallas...2...0...2...1  Total=5

L.A.......1...4...0...1  Total=6

TOPS IN TURNOVERS CAUSED

Louie Subgum, Dallas 3

3 others with 2

PLAYER OF THE GAME

The big behemoth, 7-2 center GOTOO GROT of Dallas stepped up big time in the third quarter when two Demons starters were on the bench. The fifth-year giant dominated his man, Twinkles Spatula, scoring a game-high 18 points, grabbing 4 rebounds, blocking 2 shots, dishing 1 assist and making 1 steal. He missed just one shot the entire game, going 9 for 10 from the floor, while causing 2 turnovers.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Dallas point guard Louie Subgum out-scored the league scoring leader again in this game, netting 14 points before fouling out early in the fourth quarter.  The cagey 12-season veteran also caused a game-high 3 turnovers, all against Brody, while grabbing 3 rebounds, handing out 2 assists and blocking 1 shot. 

-- Demons shooting guard Meat Pants Masterson scored 10 points (5 below his season average), but snagged a team-high 6 rebounds with his 5-11 frame and blocked 2 shots. He also stopped 4 L.A. points defensively. 

-- Chip Battoe spent a lot of time on the bench with two long forced rests, but still contributed 10 points, 4 rebounds, 1 assist, and his specialty, a game-high 5 blocked shots. He prevented 4 points in the win. 

-- Playing the final game of his fine MBA career, Dallas two guard Norman Conquest was high man in the game with 5 assists, scored 11 points, blocked a team-high 3 shots and pulled down 2 rebounds in the losing cause. 

-- Los Angeles fans can take some consolation away despite being swept in the series. Rookie forward Sheetrock Hudson played two solid games. In this one he led The Big One in scoring with 14 points and yanked down a game-high 7 rebounds while swiping a game-high 2 steals. He also had 2 assists and caused 2 turnovers.

NEXT UP: A rare back-to-back Finals rematch with the unbeaten steam-rolling Demons tangling with a Sacramento team that was a buzzer-beating 3-pointer away from also going undefeated. Both clubs dispatched their Semifinals opponents without a loss. The betting edge has to go to Dallas, with its superior points differential (+18.3 to +12.3), especially in Game 1 where Dallas is home and Sacramento is without starting center Tree Fiddy. 

These are the top two defensive teams in the MBA, with Dallas No. 1. at 61.8 per game and Sacramento at 63.0.

Dallas led the league in offense for the fourth consecutive season, this time averagin 80.1 ppg.

Sacramento averaged 75.3 ppg, fourth in the league. 

Last season they finished the regular season both 9-1.

This season Dallas was 10-0 and Sacramento again 9-1.

Although the Demons won last season's Finals 3-1, it was not a cake walk, especially in the first two games, won by Dallas by a combined total of 3 points.

The games were:

Game 1--Dallas 64, Sacramento 62

Game 2--Dallas 83, Sacramento 82

Game 3--Sacramento 80, Dallas 70

Game 4--Dallas 71, Sacramento 53

This season's finals features the same two teams, who have a combined win-loss record of 23-1, the best pair to lock horns in MBA history. 

Plus...can  Dallas become the first team to finish with a totally clean slate? 

   

 

Season 47 Playoffs...Semifinals Game 2...Sacramento at Milwaukee

 

Quick Tink should also have a block on the Sacramento side. It was apparently cut off when scanned. That gives the R-Dogs an even 10 blocks in the game.

Sacramento 88, Milwaukee 69

River Dogs sweep Greyhounds, return to finals

MILWAUKEE -- The Sacramento River Dogs left their scent all over the Milwaukee arena tonight, dominating this battle of canines by completing a two-game sweep of the Greyhounds 88-69. Milwaukee fans had not seen playoff basketball in seven seasons, and for a hot first-quarter they were delighted as they led the visitors 25-23 in an up-and-down free-for-all that soon turned against them. Once more the visiting R-Dogs put their balanced offense on display, with all five starters scoring between 13 and 16 points. 

The win puts Sacramento in the MBA Finals for the third time in the past four seasons as they await the winner of the other Semifinals, where Dallas leads Los Angeles 1 game to 0.

There was bad news for Sacramento, however, as oft-injured center Tree Fiddy was felled by one of his previous four hurts early in the fourth quarter and had to be removed from the game. The 9-season veteran, who has navigated the past three campaigns without incident, will now miss the first game of the finals. The starting job will go to second-year man Quick Tink and Fiddy's place on the roster for the one game will be taken by Pat "Bubkis" Moore.

Fans who made the trip from the West Coast to the Midwest were heard singing the River Dogs Fight Song in the pubs of foamy Milwaukee all night long.

The R-Dogs,

The R-Dogs,

Everybody loves the R-Dogs!

 

The R-Dogs,

The R-Dogs,

The Greatest Team Around!

 

They Might, Just, Never be Good

But We Don't Care

Give That Dog A Bone

 

They Are the ONLY TEAM for US

The Greatest Team Ara-ounnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd!

(the above song was written by Phil Davia from a prison ship in Sacramento harbor at the conclusion of a particularly uninspiring River Dogs season)

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Milwaukee point guard FATTY MCBUTTERPANTS could not connect on any of the six 3-pointers he took in this loss, but otherwise had a productive game (and playoffs) in his first taste of the post season. The 6-7 fourth-year player scored 16 points on 7 of 16 shooting (2 for 4 from the foul line) while pulling down 2 rebounds. His biggest contribution was his 9 assists, just one shy of tying a playoff record held jointly by Bullet Bob Sixgun and Tubes Mullard.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Sacramento point guard Great Gruncle Terry hit the first three treys he took in this game, on the way to a 13-point effort that included 6 assists, 2 blocked shots and 1 rebound.

-- Sacramento shooting guard Potus Obama loves the playoffs. He showed out in this game with a team-high 7 assists, a game-high (tied) 2 steals and 2 rebounds.

-- All-MBA forward Doo-rag Dripp of Sacramento led his team in scoring with 16 points, tied for game-high in steals with 2, posted a game-high 3 blocked shots and pulled down 2 rebounds. 

-- Shooting guard Lannigan Lord Hobo of Milwaukee led all scorers with 17 points while snaring 4 rebounds and handing out 2 assists.

-- Second-year Milwaukee forward Wardy Joubert III had another good playoff game, especially in the rebound department where he coralled a game-high 9. He added 9 points, 1 assist and his team's only blocked shot.

NEXT UP: The Dallas Demons continue their scorched earth march through the MBA as they head to Los Angeles to complete a Semifinals sweep of a game Los Angeles Big One team. The Demons have now won 11 contests without a loss this season (12 in a row dating to the championship victory last season). L.A. needs more offense from point guard Dr. Marcus Brody, the league's scoring leader, to stand a chance of derailing this runaway train. 

Season 47 Playoff Semifinals Game 1...Los Angeles at Dallas

Dallas 65, Los Angeles 61

Demons comeback thwarts L.A. upset bid

DALLAS -- A 25-10 fourth-quarter scramble by the home team Demons salvaged a Game 1 playoff victory for the defending champions who escaped with a 65-61 victory.

It was the 11th straight win this season for L.A., which now has a 12-game winning streak dating back to last season's championship clincher. 

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Notching the 10th triple-double of his brilliant career, Dallas forward CHIP BATTOE scored 11 of his game-high 19 points in the final comeback quarter, including the last 4 points for the victors. The big bucket was a medium jumper with just 5 time units remaining that gave his team a 4-point advantage. The MBA's MVP did not have his best shooting day, going 9 for 16 from the field (1 for 2 from the foul line), but his points came when it mattered the most. The 6-8 Battoe also pulled down 5 rebounds, and the shot-blocker supreme swatted away a game-high (tied) 5. He added 1 steal to the mix. 

Other 20-plus GVP performances

-- 12-year Dallas point guard Louie Subgum came through big time before fouling out late, out-scoring the league's leading point-getter Dr. Marcus Brody, grabbing 3 boards, handing out 3 assists, blocking 1 shot and getting 1 steal.

-- Dallas shooting guard Meat Pants Masterson had a rough shooting day against defensive specialist Norman Conquest. But "Meaty," despite scoring just 6 points, contributed 5 rebounds, a game-high 6 assists, 2 blocked shots and 1 steal in getting the better of Conquest.

-- The big 7-2 Dallas center GoToo Grot tied for game-high with 6 rebounds while scoring 17 points. The 5th season veteran came up with a game-high 2 steals and added 1 assist.

-- Los Angeles center Twinkles Spatula, replacing the injured Jonk Vanderdonk, had an excellent game, especially early. The cut-pile pick-up scored a team-high 14 points, grabbed 5 boards and had his team's only steal. 

-- 7-foot L.A. forward Tomm Foolerie played outstanding defense all game long, tying Battoe for game-high in blocked shots with 5 and leading his team in assists with 4. Foolerie contributed 8 points and 3 rebounds as well.

-- 6-9 Big One rookie forward Sheetrock Hudson came up against Battoe for the first time in his career and fared about as well as one could hope. Hudson came out of the gate scoring 9 of his 13 points in the first quarter. The league's third-best rebounder also tied for game-high glass-cleaning honors with 6 caroms while blocking 3 of Battoe's shots. 

NEXT UP: Sacramento travels to Milwaukee with an eye on finishing off the Greyhounds and returning again to the Finals.

Season 47 Playoff Semifinals Game 1...Milwaukee at Sacramento

Sacramento 83, Milwaukee 77

R-Dogs hold upset-minded Greyhounds at bay

 SACRAMENTO -- The favored Sacramento River Dogs withstood a first-quarter barrage from visiting Milwaukee, then used their usual offensive balance to slowly take control of the game, coming away with an 83-77 Game 1 victory in this best of three semifinals. 

Milwaukee, making its first playoff appearance in seven seasons, got off to a rousing start, led by an 11-point first quarter from center Sabado Gigante to take a 23-14 advantage. 

Sacramanto came back strong in the second quarter to take the lead, but the Greyhounds were still in the game at crunch time, trailing by just five points with 18 time units remaining in the contest. 

Both teams shot over 60 percent for the game, with Milwaukee scoring at a 61.8 percent clip despite Lannigan Lord Hobo going just 2 for 10; while the victors from Sacramento shot 63.3 percent, with all five starters scoring between 14 and 19 points and each taking between 10 and 13 shots each.

POINTS PREVENTED BY QUARTERS

Milwaukee.....2...4...2...0 Total=8

Sacramento ...0...4...2...2 Total=8

Top players, points prevented

3 tied with 4 points prevented each: Tree Fiddy and Doo-rag Dripp of Sacramento and Sabado Gigante of Milwaukee.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Milwaukee's team MVP during the regular season, center SABADO GIGANTE, was a handful all game for the Sacramento River Dogs, especially in the first quarter when his 11 points got his team a 9-point lead. Gigante and Tree Fiddy of Sacramento knocked heads all night, with the 6-9 Gigante scoring a game-high 22 points, pulling down a team-high (tied) 5 rebounds, adding 1 assist and his team's lone steal while blocking 1 shot. His 4 points prevented tied for the most in the game. The fourth-season pivot, who came to Milwaukee in a trade with Charleston, was 9 for 13 from the floor, going 2 for 3 from beyond the arc (the same numbers he posted during the regular season) and showing off his array of dunks (4) around the hoop. He was also 2 for 2 from the foul line.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Sacramento point guard Great Gruncle Terry started at the two but was soon switched back, and the league's top assist man distributed a game-high 7 helpers in the win while scoring 14 points to boot.

-- Terry's running mate at guard Potus Obama contributed 17 points, 4 rebounds, 5 assists and a game-high 2 steals (he led the league in that department again this season) in a strong showing for the River Dogs.

-- Longtime R-Dogs center Tree Fiddy answered the Gigante challenge with 16 points, a game-high 6 rebounds, 1 assist and 1 blocked shot, while tying for most points prevented. The home team went to him down low numerous times in the home stretch and he answered every time. 

-- Retiring 11-season veteran Pap Smearz led his Sacramento team with 19 points while pulling down 4 rebounds.

-- Second-year forward Wardy Joubert III had a fine game at the small forward position for the Greyhounds, scoring 18 points and tying for team-high in rebounds with 5. He also hit a desperation full-court trey to end the game. 

NEXT UP: Game 1 of the other Semifinals, with Los Angeles (8-2) traveling to unbeaten Dallas (10-0).  They did not meet in the regular season. The game features the top two MVP finishers -- Hall of Fame winner Chip Battoe of Dallas and the league's top scorer, Dr. Marcus Brody of L.A. The Big One beat Dallas in the semis two seasons ago on the way to the championship in a thrill-packed 2 of 3 first-round win that concluded with an over time win in which both teams hit triple digits in scoring.

RANDOM MBA FACTS: 

Although it will not garner an award on the player's card, we have started naming the Most Improved Player beginning with this season. Potatoes O'Gratin, the top 3-point shooter in the league and Seattle's team MVP and top scorer, capped this season's initial honor.

Half of the playoff coaches are rookies at their position, the two being Naf Naf for Milwaukee and Naceg Gecan for Los Angeles. Meanwhile, Dallas' head man Country Slaughter has never been replaced since coaches were first installed 31 seasons ago. He is, obviously, the longest tenured coach in the MBA. Sacramento's Frankie Pantangeli is in his 9th season at the helm.

No team has ever had more than two Mastersons on their roster simultaneously until this season's Dallas team. The defending champions have starters Meat Pants Masterson and Tiger Masterson as well as substitute forward Goodbar "Muddy" Masterson.

-- 

SEASON 47 REGULAR SEASON ROUND-UP

 

SEASON 47 LEADERS

 

SCORING

Dr. Marcus Brody, Los Angeles 22.8 ppg

Chip Battoe, Dallas……………… 21.2 (Hall of Fame)

Jesse Shershot, San Jose……….18.7 (rookie)

Doo-rag Dripp, Sacramento……  17.6

Chochky Galumpkus, Okl. City..   17.1

 

 

REBOUNDING

Chochky Galumpkus, Oklahoma City 6.2 per game

Eddie Creamer, San Jose……………… 6.0

Sheetrock Hudson, Los Angeles………. 5.5 (rookie)

 

ASSISTS

Great Gruncle Terry, Sacramento 6.2 per game (second time)

Red Repartee, Oklahoma City……  5.9 (retiring)

Hurricane Furrwizard, Charleston..  4.5

 

3-POINT SHOOTING

Potatoes O’Gratin, Seattle 96.9…76.9% + 20 made

Dr. Marcus Brody, L.A. …… 91.7…52.7% + 39 made

Meat Pants Masterson, Dal. 72.0…60.0% + 12 made

 

STEALS

Potus Obama, Sacramento 15 (fourth time)

Louie Subgum, Dallas………   9

GoToo Grot, Dallas………….   9

 

BLOCKED SHOTS

Chip Battoe, Dallas 44 (Hall of Fame) (5th time)

J.J. Gargantuan, Ch. 24 (Hall of Fame)

M.P. Masterson, Dal. 23

 

FREE THROWING

Ape Con Myth, Milwaukee 124.6…96.6% + 28 made

Jesse Shershot, San Jose…120.4…85.4% + 35 made

Pap Smearz, Sacramento….116.0…100% + 16 made (retiring)

 

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Chip Battoe, Dallas 7 times (Hall of Fame)

Dr. Marcus Brody, L.A 4 times

Doo-Rag Dripp, Sac.   4 times

 

 

TIMES FOULED OUT

Louie Subgum, Dallas 8

Joe Momsawhore, K.C. 6

Potus Obama, Sac. 3

Fake Sosume, Charl. 3 (retiring)

 

TOP SCORING GAMES

34 - Dr. Marcus Brody, Los Angeles

32 - Chip Battoe, Dallas (Hall of Fame)

31 - Frog Morton, Charleston

30 - Dr. Marcus Brody, Los Angeles

 

TRIPLE DOUBLES

3 - Wawa Wewa, Philadelphia (4th, 5th & 6th)

2 - Chochky Galumpkus, Oklahoma City (1st & 2nd)

2 - Reed Lemur Seattle (1st & 2nd)

1 - Hunk R. Down, San Jose (1st)

1 - Chip Battoe, Dallas (9th) (Hall of Fame)

1 - Great Granule Terry, Sacramento (5th)

1 - Hurricane Furrwizard, Charleston (1st)

1 - Tom Foolerie, Los Angeles (1st)

1 - Benji Ballou, San Jose (1st)

1 - Dick Papers, Philadelphia (1st) (rookie) 

 

RECORDS SET OR TIED

— assists one game, 13, tied by Great Grunkle Terry, Sacramento vs. Oklahoma City (previously set by Dun Gonewrong, Seattle vs. Sacramento in Season 25)

— most blocks one game, 15, tied by Dallas vs. Kansas City (previously set by Seattle vs. Charleston in Season 27)

— most consecutive regular season wins, 13, tied by Dallas, Seasons 46 and 47 (previously set by Charleston in Seasons 41 and 42)

—     Most assists by a team in one season…Charleston Mountaineers…163 (16.3 per game) beating old record of 15.8 per game set by Philadelphia in Season 18

Featured Game Season 47 No. 10...San Jose at Dallas

Dallas 84, San Jose 67 (Tiger Masterson Day)

DEMONS GO PERFECT WITH A FLOURISH

DALLAS -- With its home crowd screeching its approval through the entire game, the Dallas Demons crushed the San Jose Fighting Amigos 84-67 to complete a 10-0 regular season, becoming only the fourth team in the MBA's 47-season history to do so. This comes on the heels of last season's championship in which they went 9-1 in the regular season before going 5-1 on their playoff run.

A check of the records indicates that not only did Dallas achieve perfection, but they tied Charleston's record for most consecutive regular seasons wins (13), established in Seasons 41 and 42.

(The record for most wins...including playoff games...in a single season is 14 by Charleston in Season 42.)

The Dallas cross-over win over San Jose, achieved on Tiger Masterson Day, was never in doubt after the first  quarter. The Demons victory made the final cross-over tally West 6, East 4.

San Jose, the youngest team in the league, finished the season 4-6 after a promising start that came crashing to a halt when its star center Hunk R. Down went down to injury for the second campaign in a row. 

The Dallas win gives them home court advantage throughout the playoffs.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Although he didn't officially sew up MVP No. 5, CHIP "THE CRIP" BATTOE'S performance in this historic contest will make it nigh-impossible for Dr. Marcus Brody of Los Angeles to catch him for the coveted honor. The Hall of Fame Dallas forward captured his seventh POG this season with a game that included the following: a game-high 25 points, tied for game-high 7 rebounds, a game-high 2 blocked shots (giving him a 5th consecutive league leadership in that category with 44. The 6-8 Battoe was 9 for 15 from the floor and a perfect 7 for 7 from the foul line. His 25 points gives him a season scoring average of 21.2 points per game, which is his personal best mark, exceeding the two 21.0 ppg averages he compiled to lead the league in scoring in his second and third seasons in the league. 

Other 20-plus GVP performances

-- He waited seven seasons to get a starting job on the Dallas Demons, but once given the position as shooting guard with the retirement of Bingo Bango, Meat Pants Masterson manned the post like a champion. In this game he scored 19 points, going a perfect 3-for-3 from deep and treating his opposite man Mister Methane like a bad aroma. He also pulled down 3 rebounds, had 2 assists and stayed in the top 3 in the league in blocked shots by adding one more, his 23rd of the season.

-- The Demons own ogre of the key, 7-2 center GoToo Grot was way too much for the 6-7 Benji Ballou. Grot scored 21 points, grabbed 6 rebounds, distributed a team-high 3 assists and swiped a game-high 3 steals to complete another beastly regular season for the defending champions.

-- Season 47's unofficial Rookie of the Year as well as All-MBA team guard Jesse Shershot of San Jose finished his virgin voyage through the league with a team-high 23 points, grabbing 5 rebounds and adding 1 assist as he blew Louie Subgum out of the water. 

NEXT UP:  The Sacramento River Dogs (8-1) can clinch another West Division first-place finish as they travel to Seattle (3-6) a team they beat 80-76 the first time out. It will be Stu Gatz Day in Seattle.

TIGER MASTERSON HONORED AT HALFTIME IN THE BIG D

Dallas fans paid tribute to one of its favorites, power forward Tiger Masterson, during a moving halftime ceremony in which the nine-year player was led to center stage by a leash and collar and told (in no uncertain terms) to "sit."

His deeds as an important piece of the Dallas dominance, where he came to life as a fine forward in his latter years after seven seasons as a journeyman, were recounted in detail. This included stops in five different cities and a short stint in the cut pile before being claimed prior to last season via free agency from lowly Kansas City...he then proceeded to score 17.1 points per game.

Following that career re-cap, Tiger then entertained the fandom with a bevy of tricks, discounting the old adage that new ones can't be learned by advanced-age performers who are about to retire from the game. 

Among those activities performed for the last time by the 6-8 Masterson were:

-- sprinting the length of the court to ring a small bell;

-- balancing a purple painted pig on his head FOR ONE SOLID MINUTE;

-- "speaking"...not just randomly...but on the emcee's command.

-- laying down when ordered, even though it was apparent he was not the least bit tired.

-- offering arbitrary members of the audience in the first row a rope, which he proceeded to successfully pull away from each of them, snarling and growling with intense fierceness.

But the pantomime that brought the entire crowd to its feet, roaring as one, was when Tiger Masterson, (up on his tip-toes now) responded to a fake gunshot sound by grabbing his chest, twirling  around like a dervish and dropping to the floor with a convincing thud that put the crowd in a concerned state of total silence before he jumped to his feet and bowed deeply.

Then came the traditional three retirement gifts: 

-- A Superhero Printable Cube of The Flash, which, according to his roommates, he loves to tear up upon having it pieced together.

-- A retirement plaque addressed to the new identity (Charles Minyard) he will assume at the end of  Season 47 in order to avoid the clamoring fans who have made his life pure dogshit.
 

-- Lastly, sponsorship of an acre of rainforest, purchased in his name in northwest Ecuador. Since Tiger is rarely able to visit the parks near where he lives due to any number of unspecified "incidents," this gift panders to his love of the great outdoors and love for the environment. Plus, the frequent rains will make plastic bags and gloves totally unnecessary.

 

Featured Game No. 9...Los Angeles at Sacramento

SACRAMENTO 61, LOS ANGELES 38 (on Pap Smearz Day)

R-Dogs squash Big One in revenge game

SACRAMENTO -- The Sacramento River Dogs avenged their only loss this season at the hands of the Los Angeles Big One by holding the visitors to the lowest score of any team in the MBA this season. The final score of 61-38 moved the R-Dogs past Los Angeles into first place in the West Division with an 8-1 record (L.A. is now 7-2).

The two teams entered the fray boasting the Nos. 2 and 3 defenses in the MBA and demonstrated as much. Sacramento held Los Angeles to 29.4 percent shooting as a team and allowed the Big One just four points in the fourth quarter. 

The lopsided final score all but assures Sacramento of their third first-place finish in the West in the past four seasons, since the best Los Angeles can hope for is a R-Dogs loss in their last game and a win by L.A. That would even up everything in wins, division wins and head-to-head and make the tie-breaker points differential, where Sacramento now holds a decided edge.

L.A. is now looking at the unenviable task of taking on unbeaten Dallas in the first round of the playoffs.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

One of five MBA centers in close competition for the All-MBA star, Sacramento pivot TREE FIDDY put himself in nice position going into the final bracket of games with his second POG of the campaign. The 9-season veteran dominated late-season cut-pile sensation Twinkles Spatula, holding the youngster who had been averaging 20.5 per contest in his first two games to just 4 points. Meanwhile, the 6-8 Fiddy scored 15 and cleaned the glass for 13 rebounds, the most seen in the MBA since Season 38 when Pippi Pippistrelli became the sixth player to corral 14 boards. The fourteen mark has long been considered the "sound barrier" for rebounding in one game and it is believed that no index card can physically get beyond that mark. (The Slaughter Rule removed Fiddy from the game with 14 time units left, eliminating a chance at the all-time mark. His replacement, Quick Tink, nabbed a rebound that would have been Fiddy's.) For the game, Fiddy was 7 for 15 from the floor, including 1 for 2 from 3-Point range. He also led his team with 2 blocked shots and added 1 assist.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- After fouling out against Los Angeles in the 1-point loss earlier in the season, Sacramento's star point guard Great Gruncle Terry stayed for the duration to harass the league's leading scorer, Dr. Marcus Brody, into 35 percent shooting. Meanwhile, Terry scored 12 points, snared 7 rebounds and added to his league-leading assist total with a game-high 4. (He needs 6 assists to tie and 7 to break the record of 63 assists in one season in his final game). Terry also blocked 1 shot.

-- One of two candidates for league MVP, Dr. Marcus Brody of Los Angeles was practically the entire offense for his team in this loss. Despite being guarded by the incessant defense of Great Gruncle Terry, Brody managed to score a game-high 17 points, with 15 coming in the first half. The fifth-year point guard played some good D of his own with a game-high 3 blocked shots, grabbed 3 rebounds and tied for team-high in assists with 2. 

R-DOG FANS BID SMEARZ ADIEU

As the first of the longtime 5-starter lineup of the Sacramento River Dogs to call it quits (following this season), popular forward Pap Smearz was honored at halftime of this, the team's final regular season home game. 

Smearz came to Sacramento in a Season 43 trade from Seattle as one of the final two pieces of the puzzle that turned the team from despair into a championship contender and title team in Season 44. His steady play throughout his career, and especially during his stay in Sacramento, have proven invaluable. In his 7 seasons as a starter, he has averaged over 14 points a game 5 times and 13 one time, all while taking a minimum number of shots. He's led his team in shooting percentage four times, three time at over 70 percent. He's led the league in rebounds and free throwing and is just one award away from the MBA Hall of Fame, despite his low-key approach. He's made five All-Star Games and been on four championship teams for four different franchises (three titles in three seasons for three different teams).

During the halftime ceremony, Pap Smearz was presented with a gold speculum engraved with the names of all the Sacramento players. 

Other presents included an automatic pan stirrer (since Pap has been known to stir up some shit in the lockerrooms) and a set of textured balls for sensory exploration.

Next up: Oklahoma City (1-7) at San Jose (4-4). The Amigos won the last meeting 89-79, with Eddie Creamer as POG>