Season 35 Predictions

EASTERN DIVISION
1. Chicago Gale: Made playoffs last season for first time in 17 seasons and are now knocking on destiny’s doorstep. Lost nobody to retirements and nobody to preseason dispersal draft while picking up Harold Arlen, the best player on Seattle’s team, in the draft. Arlen is a one-time All-MBA forward elected to two All Star Games. He is among the best rebounders in the game and makes Chicago a formidable club on the boards. His 15 points per game scoring is also most welcome. (Predictions—D-1st, T-1st)
2. Houston Iguanas: Last year’s champions lost power forward Stone Flinthorn to the dispersal draft and saw All-MBA and Hall of Fame guards Hrundi V. Bakshi and Ching-Chong Chung pick up fouling tendencies thanks to advancing age. Chung was, almost, unbelievably cut from the club and will play out the string in Philadelphia. Tyler managed to sneak a much-needed forward (Rogersaurus Adamson) onto the defending champs, who still have enough firepower to challenge for the title again. (D-2nd, T-2nd).
3. Philadelphia Phobia: Lost great Hall of Famer Cheetos Jones but got unexected boost when newly minted Hall of Famer Ching-Chong Chung became available. They grabbed him, despite his declining skills. They still have one of the best centers in the game in Ama Spikie and rookie point guard Jitter Bugg looks like a keeper. (D-4th, T-3rd)
3. Charleston Mountaineers: Lost shot blocking demon Jimsy Redfern at forward and top scorer Chucky “Swishcat” Sellegren seems to have lost a step, but the Charleston team will be interesting because of rookie forwards B. Quiet and Buck Naked, who both show great promise. (D-3rd, T-4th)
5. Milwaukee Greyhounds: Back with exact starting lineup as last season when they finished fourth at 5-5. If they were in the West, they would be serious playoff contenders. Might still in the East. (D-5th, T-5th)
WESTERN DIVISION
1. Oklahoma City Lariats: A finals playoff team last season, the Lariats added one of the most heralded centers in the MBA in Max Payne as well as defensive/rebounding specialist Stone Flinthorn, making them quite possibly the toughest defensive team in the league. Should have no trouble making playoffs in the West, and with players like Lemon Jell-o, Walt White and Taylor Quackstick, are eyeing the first title in franchise history. (D-1st, T-1st)
2. San Jose Fighting Amigos: The Amigos suffered a rare playoff miss last season, but should be right back in the mix this time around. They lost a good shot-blocking center in Gottum Gupta, but picked up an adequate replacement in Kevin Mickle in the cut draft. Power forward Gato Do Mato is one award away from the Hall of Fame and after an off season last campaign, should be ready to get this team back into the playoffs. (D-2nd, T-4th)
2. Seattle Stampede: The Stampede lost rebounding madman and one-time All-MBA forward Harold Arlen to the draft (and to Chicago) and added no one of significance to its lineup. Still, Tyler picks them second in the West. They did get rookie center Two-Lipps Bulbz who is a slight improvement over the pair of mopes they had last season. And who knows, in the West, making the playoffs is a possibility for anyone. (D-4th, T-2nd)
4. Dallas Demons: Added one of the two best rookies in the draft in center Naceg Gecan, a furious 6-10 rebounder. But their lack of talent has them starting another rookie Joe “Blue” Pulaski at small forward, a guy who is also a great rebounder but little else. Getting Gecan was good, but losing potential Hall of Fame center Max Payne to the dispersal draft was probably worse in the short term. (D-5th, T-3rd).
5. Sacramento River Dogs: Added nobody of any significance to team that somehow, some way, made the playoffs last season. The clock has got to strike midnight for the Dogs sometime soon. (D-3rd, T-5th)

Season 35 Rookies Report ... aka...you asked for it Phil

Based on 5 star rating system

EASTERN DIVISION

Milwaukee Greyhounds
No rookies

Houston Iguanas
6-3 guard Snarkey Comment *** (starter) excellent passer will run offense for defending champs
6-7 forward Kipchak Turk ** nothing special, but may beat out Fud Livingston for first forward off the bench

CHICAGO GALE
No rookies

PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA
6-0 guard Jitter Bugg *** (starter) Will start at point for Phobia...good offensively, but zero defense
6-2 guard Simon Barsinister *** Better than average defender, average offensively
7-0 center Q-Bert McGuffin *** Efficient scorer, good passer, good rebounder, not much defense, won't dislodge Ama Spikie

CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS
6-7 forward B. Quiet ****1/2 (starter)One of two rookie stars of the draft...will fill it up offensively from everywhere on the court...slasher to the basket, outstanding defender with tendency to foul...not a great rebounder
6-7 forward Buck Naked ***1/2 Just a few steps behind Quiet in scoring ability. Outstanding near the basket scorer. Below average rebounder and fouls too much.


WESTERN DIVISION

OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS
No rookies

SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS
No rookies

DALLAS DEMONS
6-10 center Naceg Gecan ****1/2 (starter) The other rookie star of the draft. A madman rebounder who continues the tradition of great Dallas centers (Hall of Famer Tom Kondla and Max Payne). He will score, especially off of put-backs. Weakness is defending the shot.
6-6 forward Joe "Blue" Pulaski ** (starter) Best asset is passing. Can score some but weak down low and against the shot defensively.
6-8 forward Davis Phillips ** Can rebound with the best forwards in the game, but hacks like a mother.

SEATTLE STAMPEDE
6-9 center Two-Lipp Bulbz ** (starter) Will probably score in double-digits but likely to give up more than he scores. Not a good rebounder either.
6-4 guard Yipeekayee Masterfalcon ** Good sized guard who will score points and rebound but refuses to play defense.

SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS
No rookies

CUT PILE
6-3 guard Jibbers Crabst ** Has good size, will rebound and play good defense, but has no outside shot to speak of.
6-1 guard Jesus Moron Joseph **1/2 Decent rebounder and defender. good ballhandler, OK shot, hacks you. but not bad.
6-7 forward Harry Verducci *** Best forward in the cut pile. Does many things well but nothing great.
6-5 forward Adnon Syed **1/2 Probably second best forward in cut pile. Too small to be of help on the boards, but and gets swallowed up offensively down low, but a really tenacious defender with a knack for shot blocking.