MBA Season 31 Preview, Predictions and current standings

Season 31 rookies have been created (with Seema Masterson again making rookies), veteran dispersals completed, the draft held, improvements and deprovements and final roster cuts made, and the new campaign is already underway. Here, then are the team by team breakdowns following the predictions of both league owners. Keep in mind, the Phobia was not even picked to make the playoffs last season and won it all.

THE WEST

1st or 2nd (Dave 1st, Tyler 2nd) Seattle Stampede:
Previous Year: Fourth place 2-8
Retirements: none
Dispersal losses: Starting point guard Bull Bunson, reserve guard Fat Bob Herzfeld
Draft wins: Exceptional two guard Cock A. Doodledoo from San Jose
Picking up the shut down defender Doodledoo is enough to shoot the Stampede to the head of the class in the very weak West. In addition to his defensive prowress, Doodledoo was third in the league in scoring with a 19.3 ppg average last season. The team’s leading scorer from last season, Smokey Talisker, also looks vastly improved . The last time Seattle finished first was in Season 10.

1st or 2nd (Tyler 1st, Dave 2nd) San Jose Fighting Amigos:
Previous year: Second place 8-2, lost in finals to Philadelphia 3 games to 1
Retirements: Reserve guard Dutch Pettis (no big loss)
Dispersal losses: Cock A. Doodledoo (huge loss) team’s top scorer past two seasons.
Draft wins: Nobody of exception to speak of.
The Fighting Amigos have been a force in the West for the past six seasons and should continue to be in Season 31, despite the costly loss of Doodledoo, mainly because the West is very weak. Word is that superstar forward Sagittal Occlusal has lost a step, but second-year forward L.B. Damned is on the upswing. The Amigos, always the best defensive team, will not be as dominant in that department.

3rd (consensus) Oklahoma City Lariats:
Previous year: Last place 1-9
Retirements: Reserve guard Boss Driver
Dispersal losses: Team MVP of previous year, guard Jerry Curl
Draft wins: Rookie center Dr. Gottum Gupta, guard Bull Bunson from Seattle
Despite losing their best player from a year ago, Jerry Curl, the Lariats should produce a better record than the putrid one they posted last season, and should challenge for a playoff spot. Bunson, who tied the record for assists, and Gupta, a favorite for rookie of the year, should add offense and defense.

4th (consensus) Sacramento River Dogs:
Previous year: 3rd Place 4-6
Retirements: None
Dispersal Losses: Top scorer guard Wes Montgomery, reserve guard Schweaty Ballz
Draft wins: Defensive specialist forward Bisquiro Cutoff from Dallas and guard Zingo Mamaluke from Philadelphia
Losing Montgomery hurt, but adding Cutoff to go with forward Kuch-Kuch Hotahey will make it difficult for opposing forwards to get off a shot. The big question is: who will put points on the board for Dogs?

5th (consensus) Dallas Demons:
Previous year: 1st Place 9-1, lost in first round of playoffs to Philadelphia 2 games to 1
Retirements: Starting guard Tipsy O’Sullivan, guard Hacksaw Rooney
Dispersal losses: Hall of Fame guard and leading scorer Mamadou Zongo and 4-time all-star forward Bisquiro Cutoff
Draft wins: All-MBA center Tom Kondla
Decimated by retirements and dispersal losses, and getting Kondla forces league’s other great center Max Payne to the bench. In Season 30, Dallas did not change one single player on its roster from the previous campaign. In Season 31, all five of their starters have changed.


THE EAST

1ST (consensus): Milwaukee Greyhounds
Previous year: 1st Place 8-2, lost in first round of playoffs to San Jose 2 games to 1
Retirements: None
Dispersal losses: None
Draft wins: Rookie forward Bruno Patanal
The Greyhounds have slowly put together a killer team, adding a pair of top-flight rookie forwards in the past two drafts and transforming themselves from a weak rebounding to a strong rebounding club. The 6-7 Bruno Patanel joins last season’s outstanding addition Gato Do Mato to start at forward. Two seasons ago they added two-time league MVP and scoring champ Hrundi V. Bakshi. The best news, however, may be that Bakshi’s playoff nemesis, Cock A. Doodledoo of San Jose, who has blocked the team’s playoff advancement the past two seasons, is no longer on that squad.

2nd (consensus) Philadelphia Phobia
Previous year: MBA Champions—7-3, second place, then 5-2 in post-season, beating Dallas, then San Jose in title series.
Retirements: Top reserve forward Rickety Rack
Dispersal losses: Two guard Zingo Mamaluke and backup center Bascomb Ducksnort
Draft wins: Excellent second-year two guard Jerry Curl and veteran two-guard sharpshooter Pismo Beach.
The Phobia, like Milwaukee, seems able to fill in the holes in its starting lineup at will. They lost starter Mamaluke but replaced him with Curl, who is bigger, younger and better in every way. Hall of Fame forward Boone Doggle appears to have lost a step, but playing in the league’s tallest front line with Ama Spikie at center and Tug Hershorts at the other forward, Doggle’s advancing years may not be noticed. And of course, there’s two-time All-MBA point guard Cheetos Jones. The Phobia are again strong contenders to get a third straight title, a feat only they have achieved in MBA history. We somehow picked them third in their division last year and they won it all.

3rdor 4th (Tyler 4th, Dave 3rd) Charleston Mountaineers
Previous year: Fourth place, 4-6
Retirements: Starting center Trey Bon
Dispersal losses: No one to speak of
Draft wins: Hall of Fame point guard Mamadou Zongo and superb rookie shooting guard Chucky “Swishcat” Sellegren.
Zongo enters his 17th season in the league and will be bringing his formidable skills to his sixth MBA stop. The best 3-point shooter in history is slightly deproved, but rookie Sellegren will fill in for the veteran if needed. The Mountaineers also return heady, do-everything guard Lemon Jell-O, last season’s Rookie of the Year and one of the best shut-down defending forwards in Jimsy Redfern. Second-year center Muito Bom and veteran Soh Cah Toa are 6-11 and 6-10, respectively, and both can hit the boards.If they were in the West, Charleston would be the best team in the division. But they will be in a dogfight to beat out Milwaukee and Philadelphia for a playoff spot.


3rd or 4th (Tyler 3rd, Dave 4th) Houston Iguanas
Previous year: Last place, 2-8
Retirements: None
Dispersal Losses: Starting two guard Pismo Beach
Draft wins: Two-time MBA scoring champion guard Wes Montgomery from Sacramento, center Bascomb Ducksnort from Philadelphia, and rookie guard Julio Ganatra.
The Iguanas have a potent scoring pair at guard with Ching-Chong Chung and newly acquired Montgomery, although neither is much in the rebounding department. Philadelphia backup Ducksnort will get a chance to prove he is worthy of a starting position. The Iguanas still have four good forwards, two of whom will have to step up to seize starting roles for good. Rogersaurus Adamson, Stone Flinthorn, Looky Whos and Deafman Glance are all potentially good forwards who could start on more than a few teams, but none of them played solid ball last season. Backup rookie guard Ganatra enters the league as the tallest player ever at his position, 6-foot, 8-inches. The Iguanas could be in the hunt.

5th (consensus) Chicago Gale
Previous Year: 3rd place, 5-5
Retirements: Starting forward and three-time all-star Bunson Burner
Dispersal Losses: All-MBA center Tom Kondla and backup center Montezuma Rico
Draft wins: Rookies Nobby Nabob, a forward and guard Poppy Poppalucco, who both show some promise and center Gene Wrangler from the cut pile.
The one guy the Gale could not afford to lose, all-everything center Tom Kondla, they lost. As a result, the 13 consecutive seasons without a playoff appearance will undoubtedly stretch to 14, especially since Chicago is in the powerful East Division. They have about eight decent players, interchangeable in their roles, but no real star to bank on. Gale fans, therefore, must hunker down to watch yet another scrappy team fall short on their eternal wait until next year.

At this writing, the Season 31 league standings are as follows:

East
1st Houston 2-1
2nd Charleston 2-1
3rd Philadelphia 2-1
4th Milwaukee 1-2
5th Chicago 1-2

West
1st Sacramento 3-0
2nd San Jose 2-1
3rd Oklahoma City 2-1
4th Dallas 0-3
5th Seatttle 0-3