Season 57...Feature Game No. 9...Oklahoma City at Dallas on Pete Marzano Day

DALLAS 70, OKLAHOMA CITY 61 (PETE 'THE STEAKMAN" MARZANO DAY)

DALLAS SWATS WAY TO WIN

DALLAS -- Oklahoma City (4-5) shooters had to feel like houseflies as the Dallas Demons (now 8-1) swatted away a record 18 shots on the way to a 70-61 victory that secured home court for them for the entire playoffs.

The previous record was 15 blocked shots, held by three teams:

-- Season 27s Seattle team vs. Charleston

--Season 49s Seattle team, also against Charleston

--Season 53s Dallas team vs. this same Oklahoma City franchise

Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn led the way with 6 blocks, center Biggus Dickus had 5, forwards Nick Kenpoop and Hall of Famer Pete Marzano each had 3 and substitute guard Wrinkly Tinkly Toe added 1. 

The Demons, who prevented 15 points by Oklahoma City, held the visiting Lariats to 40.3 percent shooting, including an 0 for 17 goose from beyond the arc. Just why the Lariats, who came into the contest a woeful 21 percent from three, decided to bomb away is a mystery, unless one considers that they might have been sick of having their shots blocked back into their faces.

It was a close first half, but the Demons broke it open in the third quarter, then led by as many as 18 before finally settling for the 9-point triumph.

Tyler needs to replace Wrinkly Tinkly Toe with a cut pile guard for the final game of the regular season due to injury. Could be important for some poor cut pile slob, in that it could involve a championship ring for his card.

Points prevented

Oklahoma City 9

Dallas 15

Tops in points prevented

1. Oblio Assbag, Oklahoma City 7

2. Biggus Dickus, Dallas 6

3. Pete Marzano, Dallas 4

PLAYER OF THE GAME

32 GVP...One of the greats in the history of the MBA, Hall of Famer JUZAN DJINN of Dallas, was having a tough season coming into this game, averaging a season-low 11.8 points per game. He left the contest averaging 12.8, still his low-water mark but more confident in his game as the playoffs approach. The 6-2 Djinn tied for game-high in scoring with 21 points on 7 of 13 shooting, going 2 for 4 from deep and 5 for 5 from the foul line. His 6 blocked shots led everyone in that department, and he pulled down 3 boards while assisting twice. The eighth-year man probably won't be getting any regular season honors, but the three-time playoff MVP may be ready to seize the post-season by storm yet again.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

26 GVP...Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt...21 points...3 rebounds...2 assists.

26 GVP...Oklahoma City guard Bellybutton Inquisition...18 points...5 rebounds...3 assists.

21 GVP...Oklahoma City point guard Oblio Assbag...8 points...4 rebounds...4 assists...3 steals...2 blocks...tops in points prevented.

20 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...10 points...5 blocked shots...4 rebounds...1 assist.

FANS BID ADIEU TO "THE STEAKMAN"

Retiring Hall of Fame forward Pete “the Steakman” Marzano was honored at halftime for his brief (six seasons) but brilliant MBA career.

  Originally drafted by Sacramento in Season 52, he was acquired in a trade by Dallas for Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan. It was, for the Demons, a most fortuitous exchange. The fact that Dallas’ run of five consecutive championships coincides with Marzano’s arrival to the franchise is proof positive of his effectiveness in the Demons lineup.

 Oft-times compared with that bastard NBA league’s defensive wizard Draymond Green, “The Steakman” has turned off the offensive spigot on many an opponent, specializing in steals and especially blocked shots. And although he has never been a huge scorer, the 6-8 Marzano has delivered many a clutch hoop for the Dallas dynasty. Coming into this season he’s averaged between 12.2 per game to a career-best 16.5 ppg during his MVP campaign of Season 53. This season he’s at 13.3 per contest. He’s led the league in steals once and blocked shots once, while leading his club in steals three times and blocked shots twice. He’s never been below 20 blocked shots in any season.

 He’s the player every opponent loves to hate…”the Steakman,” Pete Marzano.

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………8-1 (Clinched Playoff spot) (Clinched first place)

PHILADELPHIA………4-4

OKLAHOMA CITY…..4-5

CHARLESTON……….4-5

MILWAUKEE………..2-6 (eliminated)

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES….6-3

GILLETTE…………6-3

SEATTLE………….6-3

SAN JOSE…………2-7 (eliminated)

SACRAMENTO… 2-7 (eliminated)

NEXT UP: Bracket 9 ends with Philadelphia at Milwaukee as the Phobia seeks to claim second place in the East while the Greyhounds still entertain a slim chance to get out of the cellar. Philly snuffed out Milwaukee earlier this season 67-44. Both the teams that the Phobia were tied with entering this bracket, Oklahoma City and Charleston, lost, leaving second place up for grabs.

Season 57, Featured Game No. 8...Charleston at Dallas on Biggus Dickus Day...plus Hall of Fame bonus

DALLAS 85, CHARLESTON 80 (Biggus Dickus Day)

CHAMPS FIRST TO CLINCH PLAYOFF SPOT

DALLAS -- As if there was any doubt, the five-time defending champion Dallas Demons (now 7-1) became the first MBA team to clinch a playoff spot in Season 57. The Mighty Demons used 12 blocked  shots, 8 steals and 63.9 percent shooting to outlast a strong-willed Charleston Mountaineer (now 4-4) club.

Most appropriately, Dallas center Biggus Dickus led the way in the clinching game on what had been declared as his day. 

The visitors from Charleston, who dropped from second to third place with the loss, got off to a sparkling start and led 25-18 after one quarter. But the veteran champions from Dallas never panicked, and by halftime led by three and held off a late Charleston fourth-quarter charge to get the victory.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

29 GVP...Honored at halftime as "the greatest center in franchise history," Demons retiring mainstay BIGGUS DICKUS  put an exclamation point on that distinction with his fourth POG of the season, tying him for the league lead in that department with fellow center Poop-Rupiah 3000 of Oklahoma City. As was noted in the ceremony, Dallas began its string of championships the same season that Dickus first joined the team and they have not stopped winning since. Five championship rings and four All Star Game appearances have the 7-footer just one award shy of Hall of Fame status. Another ring would do the trick. This season, his best as a Demon, is typical of the Dickus touch. He has always been among the top centers in the game, but has been beaten out for the All-MBA foil star by someone having a better campaign every season. This year he is battling 3000 for the right to wear foil. As a gesture of their love for the big lug, Dallas gave away autographed codpieces to the first 10,000 fans to attend Biggus Dickus Day. As for the game itself, the big guy led his team in scoring with 20 points, hitting his first 10 shots before finally missing in the fourth quarter. He led everyone in the game with 6 rebounds and was one of four Demons to lead in blocked shots with 3. He is currently averaging 18 points per game, far and away the best scoring season of his career.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

26 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano...18 points...3 rebounds...3 blocked shots...1 steal...1 assist.

26 GVP...Charleston rookie small forward Cheech Aborte...18 points (4 slams)...4 rebounds...2 blocked shots...1 steal...1 assist. 

24 GVP...Retiring Charleston point guard Kopi Luwak...21 points (4 treys)...2 rebounds...1 assist.

22 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame shooting guard Juzan Djinn...12 points...3 blocked shots...3 rebounds...3 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt...15 points...4 assists...2 rebounds. 

21 GVP...Charleston center Flatfoot Floogie...14 points...5 rebounds...2 assists.

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS………………7-1 (Clinched Playoff spot)

PHILADELPHIA………4-3

CHARLESTON……….4-4

OKLAHOMA CITY…..3-4

MILWAUKEE………..2-6 (eliminated)

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….5-2

LOS ANGELES….5-3

GILLETTE…………4-3

SACRAMENTO… 2-5

SAN JOSE…………1-6 (eliminated)

NEXT UP: The stage is set for Philadelphia to push past Charleston into second place. The Mountaineers lost to Dallas, and the Phobia are hosting a banged up Oklahoma City team that is missing two starters. This is the first of two remaining meetings between these teams. Should Oklahoma City somehow overcome its injuries and beat Philly, three teams in the East would be 4-4 going into the final two brackets.

BONUS

Thirty seven of the 57 rookie classes in MBA history have produced at least one of the 60 players to gain the exalted Hall of Fame status. 

Not counting the first season's class of rookies, where 8 Hall of Famers came out of the six original teams (everyone was a rookie that season), the following seasons used 16 rookies to come up with multiple Hall of Fame players.

Season 5 (three)

Center Alex Pal

Center Rip Slamjam

Guard Dan Mann

Season 18 (three)

Guard Joey Two-Tones

Guard Tommy Zoop

Center Jonny Cockaroo

Season 6 (two)

Center Mable Reed

Guard Stu Nod

Season 7 (two)

Forward Marshall Stax

Forward Link Lennex

Season 15 (two)

Forward Cam Bodia

Guard Mamadou Zongo

Season 17 (two)

Center Bart Pitbull

Guard Shucks Oyster

Season 19 (two)

Guard Benny Gumm

Forward Shooter Flatch

Season 25 (two)

Forward Tug Hershorts

Forward Sagittal Occlusal

Season 26 (two

Guard Ching Chong Chung

Center Max Payne

Season 28 (two)

Center Tom "the Bomb" Kondla

Guard Cheetos Jones

Season 29 (two)

Center Ama Spikie

Guard Hrundi V. Bakshi

Season 30 (two)

Guard Lemon Jell-o

Forward Gato DoMato

Season 34 (two)

Forward Art Vandelay

Guard Beezow Bop-Bop

Season 37 (two)

Forward Pap Smearz

Guard Naf Naf

Season 38 (two

Center J.J. Gargantuan

Forward Baba Brinkman

Season 43 (two)

Forward Chip "the Crip" Battoe

Guard Dr. Marcus Brody

None of the 14 rookie classes since Season 43 have yielded multiple Hall of Fame players.

For the record, here are the eight players from Season 1 who had Hall of Fame careers

Rowdy Ron Clutch

Oscar Mudcat

Silo Chamberlain

Bub Wright

Doug Fresh

Bill Rustler

Raisin Sport

Cappy Gambol

 

 

 

Season 57 Featured Game No. 7...Milwaukee at Dallas...with a couple of bonuses tacked on

DALLAS 96, MILWAUKEE 91

DEMONS OUTLAST GREYHOUNDS

DALLAS -- They came into the game ranked as the two top defenses in the MBA, but before it was all over Mighty Dallas (now 6-1) was forced to put up its highest point total of the season and 70 percent shooting before finally nailing down a 96-91 victory over last-place Milwaukee (now 2-5).

It started out like a laugher for the first-place Demons, who sprinted off to a 32-20 first-quarter lead that eventually ballooned to 19 early in the second quarter.

But the gritty Greyhounds, who dropped a 1-point decision to Dallas earlier this season, put together a 50-point second half that saw them tie the game early in the fourth before finally going down in a relentless offensive show by both teams.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

34 GVP...Enjoying the finest season in this, the finale of his career, Dallas center BIGGUS DICKUS nailed down his third POG of the campaign (the second in as many games against Milwaukee) with a game-high 22 points. The stalwart 7-footer also tied for game-high with 6 rebounds and led everyone with 3 blocked shots, while handing out 3 assists. He was 11 for 13 from the floor, and every time Milwaukee drew close getting the ball to  Dickus in the post led to a big bucket. He's now tied for the most POGs this season and is averaging 17.7 points per game as the leading scorer for Dallas, far eclipsing his best scoring season of 13.5ppg three campaigns ago. He upped his scoring game at a time when last season's leading scorer Vicious Hick defected to Los Angeles and Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn is suffering through his least effective season.

Other 20-plus GVP performances

27 GVP...Dallas power forward Nick Kenpoop...16 points (3 slams)...6 assists...4 rebounds...1 blocked shot.

24 GVP...Milwaukee point guard Ehhy Table...Triple-double (5th of career)...14 points...5 rebounds...5 assists.

24 GVP...Milwaukee shooting guard Itstha Bishop...19 points...4 assists...1 rebound.

23 GVP...Milwaukee rookie center Dave Cowhand...16 points...6 rebounds...1 assist.

22 GVP...Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt...19 points (3 slams)...2 steals...1 rebound.

21 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano...17 points...2 rebounds...2 assists.

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………6-1

CHARLESTON……….4-2

PHILADELPHIA………4-3

OKLAHOMA CITY…..2-4

MILWAUKEE………..2-5

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….5-2

LOS ANGELES….4-3

GILLETTE…………4-3

SACRAMENTO… 2-5

SAN JOSE…………1-6

NEXT UP: Bracket 7 concludes with Charleston at Oklahoma City as the Mountaineers hope to improve their grasp on second in the East while the Lariats struggle to stay out of the cellar. Charleston, behind the POG performance of rookie forward Cheech Aborte, won their last meeting 78-71.

BONUS #1

 

Talent in the middle abounds

For the last number of seasons the center position in the MBA has provided the most concentrated talent of any in the league. This season is no exception, with 7 of the 10 teams boasting pivots who are averaging 20-plus GVPs. Here is their current ranking.

n         Third-year 6-9 Oklahoma City center Poop-Rupiah 3000…27.6 GVP…20 ppg…9 blocks…100 percent from the foul line (11 for 11) … 83.1 percent shooter.

n        Retiring sixth-year 7-foot Dallas center Biggus Dickus…25.8 GVP…team and career best 17.7 ppg…4.7 rpg…10 blocks

n        Third-year 6-11 Charleston center Flatfoot Floogie…24.4 GVP…13.5 ppg…league-leading 7.7 rebounds per game…team-best 2.2 assists per game…74 percent shoorter…100 percent at line.

n       7-1 San Jose Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus in his 12^th season…22.8 GVP…team-best 16.1 ppg…4.6 rebounds per game

n       Retiring 6-9, sixth-year pivot from Los Angeles Chat Bot…22.0 GVP… league-leading 26 blocked shots…12 ppg…4 rebounds per game…2 assists per game

n       6-11 Philadelphia center Blob Dylan…21.0 GVP…14.7 ppg…3.6 rpg…12 blocks

n       6-8 Gillette center Brother Jasper…20.7 GVP…15.6 ppg…4.7 rpg.

 

Add Hooza Goodboi, the 7-1, second-year center for Seattle who was on his way to a 20-plus GVP season before being felled by injury. Laughing Boy Lasso has proven a solid replacement.

Oklahoma City is so deep at center that two-time All-MBA player Johnny Bananas sits the bench.

It’s no coincidence that the teams lacking competitive pivots…Milwaukee…Sacramento…are struggling to stay relevant.

All of this talent and just two centers remain in the cut pile

 

BONUS #2

Longest Playoff Droughts

5 Seasons…Philadelphia Phobia

2 Seasons….Sacramento River Dogs

2 Seasons…Los Angeles Big One

2 Seasons…Oklahoma City Lariats

1 Season…Charleston Mountaineers

1 Season…Seattle Stampede

Season 57 Featured Game No. 6...Philadelphia at Dallas

PHILADELPHIA 75, DALLAS 73 (BUZZER BEATER!!!)

PHOBIA TRIUMPHS AT HORN

DALLAS -- Philadelphia center Blob Dylan slammed home the game-winning bucket on the final time unit as the visiting Phobia dealt the Dallas Demons their first loss in 13 games, 75-73.

The win split the season series between the first and second place teams in the East; Dallas having won the first meeting, a hard-fought 67-64 contest.

The Mighty Demons, down by 10 at the start of the quarter, came back with a familiar urgency witnessed time and again by MBA fans. The home team stood poised to win the game on the final posession, but with the game tied, "The Pharoah" Tut Ankhamun stole the ball from Dallas guard Wrinkly Tinkly Toe. One time unit later Dylan delivered his game-winning dunk.

Dallas is now 5-1 while Philadelphia, in second in the East, is now 4-2.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

24 GVP...Winding down his brilliant Hall of Fame career, Dallas' reliable forward PETE "THE STEAKMAN" MARZANO delivered his second POG of the season, leading his team with 16 points, grabbing 4 boards, assisting twice and blocking 2 shots. He was 5 for 6 from the floor and connected on all 6 of his free throws. It was a bit of revenge for Marzano, whose man, Phillip Mianus, took POG honors in their last meeting. Marzano is now averaging 11.8 per contest this season, but wise MBA fans know that those numbers do not represent his value to the five-time-defending champions.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

23 GVP...Philadelphia's retiring point guard Flufferton Springs...19 points (4 treys)...2 rebounds...2 assists.

22 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame two guard Juzan Djinn...14 points...3 rebounds...3 blocked shots...2 assists.

21 GVP...Philadelphia's rookie shooting guard "Sleepy" Mel A. Tonin...18 points...2 rebounds...1 assist.

21 GVP...Philadelphia power forward Leonard Pinth Garnel...8 points...6 assists...6 rebounds...1 blocked shot. Third in points prevented.

Points prevented by quarters

Philadelphia...2...9...6...2  Total=19

Dallas.............4...6...6...0  Total=16

Tops in points prevented

1. Blob Dylan, Philadelphia...10

2. Biggus Dickus, Dallas...8

3. Leonard Pinth Garnel, Philadelphia 6

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………5-1

PHILADELPHIA………4-2

CHARLESTON……….3-2

MILWAUKEE………..2-3

OKLAHOMA CITY…..2-4

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….4-2

LOS ANGELES….3-3

GILLETTE…………3-3

SACRAMENTO… 2-4

SAN JOSE…………1-5

NEXT UP: Charleston at Milwaukee concludes bracket No. 6 and it’s another big one for both teams. A Greyhounds loss all but eliminates them from playoff contention. The Mountaineers need the win to keep pace with second-place Philly, which put an exclamation mark on their playoff hopes with their win over Dallas. In their last meeting, Milwaukee handled Charleston easily, 86-72, with Itstha Bishop's explosive 40-point game leading the way.

Season 57 All Star Game...Bracket 6 Preview...Power Rankings at the Hal

WEST 84, EAST 64

WEST DESTROYS EAST

SEATTLE -- The West came charging out of the starting blocks with a 13-0 run that was never headed on the way to its first win in four seasons, an 84-64 victory that hit the slaughter rule with two time units remaining in the contest.

The East leads the series 36 to 21.

Star forward Satan Israel of the Sacramento River Dogs broke the All Star single-game rebounding record by hauling down 12 caroms. The record was previously held by Hall of Fame center Bart Pitbull of Houston with 11 in Season 20's star affair.

There was one injury for one game in the contest, as Zippy Wunderslug of the East was felled in the first quarter. Milwaukee will have to go to the cut pile to fill his spot for their next game.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

28 GVP...Just named to the MBA Hall of Fame, Los Angeles' fourth year point guard supreme VICIOUS HICK doubled down during the All Star gathering by capturing his first All Star Game Most Valuable Player Award. The 6-2 superstar, playing in this third All Star contest, knocked down a game-high 21 points while handing out a game-high 4 assists. The former Dallas Demon was 8 for 12 from the field, bombing away at a 5 for 7 clip from behind the arc before fouling out. He becomes just the second  L.A. player to win the coveted honor and the first since Hall of Fame point guard Dr. Marcus Brody turned the trick in Season 48.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

27 GVP...Retiring Los Angeles center Chat Bot...18 points...5 blocked shots...3 rebounds...1 steal.

25 GVP...Sacramento power forward Satan Israel...11 points...12 rebounds...1 assist...1 steal

25 GVP...Seattle rookie forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...12 points...7 blocked shots...4 rebounds...2 assists.

22 GVP...Milwaukee shooting guard Itstha Bishop...16 points...4 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

21 GVP...Retiring Charleston point guard Kopi Luwak...18 points (4 treys)...2 rebounds...1 steal.

BRACKET 6 PREVIEW

The second half of the season starts with a cross-over between Oklahoma City at Seattle as the Stampede tests its new starting center, the veteran Laughing Boy Lasso.

The FEATURED GAME of the bracket will be the fourth one...a second meeting between Philadelphia at Mighty Dallas, this time at Dallas. The unbeaten Demons managed to out-last the Phobia 67-64 in a defensive tussle. POG in that game was Philly forward Phillip Mianus. Dallas has won 13 in a row dating back to last season. They hold the record of 18 straight victories.

POWER RANKINGS AT HALFWAY MARK (previous rating in parentheses)

1. Dallas Demons (1)

2. Los Angeles Big One (2)

3. Philadelphia Phobia (4)

4. Charleston Mountaineers (6)

5. Seattle Stampede (3)

6. Milwaukee Greyhounds (5)

7. Oklahoma City Lariats (8)

8. Sacramento River Dogs (9)

9. Gillette Humps (7)

10. San Jose Fighting Amigos (10)

Season 57 All Star rosters announced...one is the latest Hall of Famer

 

ALL STAR GAME FACTOIDS

-- Seattle is host

-- East has won 36 times, West 20...East has won last 3 in a row and 5 of last 6

-- WITH HIS SELECTION TO THE ASG, VICIOUS HICK OF LOS ANGELES BECOMES THE 63RD MEMBER OF THE MBA HALL OF FAME

-- 10 repeat all stars from last season's squads

-- Three teams have three all stars, but Los Angeles' trio are all starters.

-- Center Blob Dylan of Philadelphia is the only player with a GVP over 20 to not make the squad.

-- Lone rookie to make the game is J.J. "Jake" Pickle, Seattle forward.

-- Last season's ASG MVP, forward Phillip Mianus of Philadelphia is back in the game. The other all star who has won MVP of the game is Eddie "The Milkman" Creamer of San Jose

-- If the MVP of the first half of the season was a thing, it would be retiring Dallas center Biggus Dickus, who is having his finest campaign of an excellent career.

-- Every franchise is represented by at least one all star.

-- Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus of San Jose is now tied for sixth place in most ASG appearances with 8.

-- There are six first-time all stars and three first-time starters.

-- Conspicuous by his absence is Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn, picked unanimously to win the regular season MVP award.

Previous All Star Games held in Seattle

Season 47...East 66, West 60...MVP Chip Battoe, Dallas, Top Scorer, Chip Battoe 24

Season 39...West 71, East 69...MVP Naf Naf, Oklahoma City, Top Scorer, Naf Naf 26

Season 26...East 79, West55...MVP Boone Doggle, Chicago, Top Scorer, Deafman Glance, Milwaukee 19

Season 17...West 86, East 59...MVP Streetcar Johnny Masterson, Oklahoma City, Top Scorer Streetcar Johnny Masterson and Bart Pitbull of Philadelphia, each with 20

Season 6...East 79, West 76...MVP Soul Duran of Houston, Top Scorer Soul Duran 23

Season 57 First Half Team Stats and individual stats leaders

 

Bracket 5 react

THE EAST

Three teams changed their position in the standings

Charleston moved from fourth into second, thanks to a differential tie-breaker with Philly.

Philadelphia, despite a big win over L.A., dropped from second to third due to that win being a cross-over.

Milwaukee, nearly giving Dallas its first loss, dropped from third to fourth.

Dallas finishes the first half with two close wins. I'm convinced they'll lose somwhere along the way, but will finish first. Everyone else in the East has demonstrated capabilities of getting that second playoff spot.

THE WEST

Everyone retained their same spot in the standings despite the two top teams in the standings, Los Angeles and Seattle, both losing.

Seattle, however, lost its starting center for the season, which gives hope to Sacramento and Gillette to stay in the playoff hunt.

San Jose is giving up 92.6 points per game and is really the only team I am eliminating from the playoff race at the halfway mark.

Season 57...Featured Game 5...Dallas at Milwaukee

DALLAS 75, MILWAUKEE 74

DEMONS IN A SQUEAKER

MILWAUKEE -- It came down to a short jumper with 2 ticks left by the league's leading scorer, Itstha Bishop of Milwaukee, which would have given the home team Greyhounds the lead. But not only was Bishop's shot off the mark, it was blocked by Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn, and in a familiar conclusion, the five-time-defending-champs had their 13th consecutive win dating back to last season.

For the second game in a row, Mighty Dallas escaped with a close victory, (having just bested Philadelphia by 3 in their previous win) and once again go into the halftime break with a perfect 5-0 mark, perched atop the East Division. 

The win in this game came with a less-than-scintillating 51.6 percent shooting (0 for 11 from deep), built on a strong performance of the Dallas front court and a ball-popping 22 assists. 

Dallas may have lost last season's league MVP Vicious Hick to free agency, but they seem to be winning with pure muscle memory.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

36 GVP...Fresh off of announcing his retirement at the end of this season, the best center in Dallas history, BIGGUS DICKUS, dominated Milwaukee's helpless rookie center Dave Cowhand, scoring a team-high 26 points on 12 of 13 shooting (2 for 2 at the foul line). The reliable 7-footer, who has played a major role in every one of his team's five most recent titles, is having his best season in the pivot in this, his sixth campaign. His 19.2 scoring average is by far his best ever (best previous was 13.5), as the big guy has taken up the scoring slack left by the departed Hick. Always a clutch defender, Dickus led everyone in this game with 8 points prevented and was also the game's top rebounder with 7. He added 1 steal, 1 blocked shot and 1 assist. He's currently in a brutal battle to get his first All-MBA foil star with Oklahoma City's Poop-Rupiah 3000, and is a clinch to make his fourth All Star Game. The ASG honor would give him 9 awards, one short of Hall of Fame status. A championship ring would secure that vaunted status.

Other 20-plus GVP performances

33 GVP...Milwaukee power forward Zippy Wunderslug...27 points...5 rebounds...1 steal.

26 GVP...Milwaukee shooting guard Itstha Bishop...20 points...5 rebounds...1 assist.

22 GVP...Dallas power forward Nick Kenpoop...9 points...6 assists...3 rebounds...2 steals...2 blocks.

20 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame small forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano...11 points...5 rebounds...2 assists...2 blocked shots.

POINTS PREVENTED BY QUARTERS

Dallas...8...0...4...2...Total=14

Milwa...0...7...2...2...Total=11

TOPS IN POINTS PREVENTED

1. Biggus Dickus, Dallas...8

2. Ehhy Table, Milwaukee.5

3. Pete Marzano, Dallas....4

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………5-0

CHARLESTON……….3-2

PHILADELPHIA………2-2

OKLAHOMA CITY…..2-3

MILWAUKEE………..2-3

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES….3-1

SEATTLE………….3-1

SACRAMENTO… 1-3

GILLETTE…………1-3

SAN JOSE…………0-4

NEXT UP: Sacramento at Seattle in a rematch of this season’s lone buzzer-beater game, won on a medium shot at the horn by Seattle’s Eric A. Crocidale. Seattle is the favorite in this one, fighting for first in the West. But Sacramento’s last two games, the aforementioned close loss to Seattle and victory over Gillette, give them a semblance of hope.

Season 57 Retirements announced

Fourteen MBA players announced their retirements, which will take place at the end of this 57th season.

The hardest hit team was the five-time-defending champion Dallas Demons; the only team to lose two starters and the only club to lose a Hall of Fame player. Forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano is the Hall of Famer and stalwart center Biggus Dickus is the other player who will be leaving the starting lineup of the Dallas dynasty.

Five other teams lost one starter, with only Charleston (2 players lost total) joining Dallas as the other team to lose more than one player. 

Sacramento and Gillette lost one reserve player each.

Two teams did not lose a single player. Those two were Milwaukee and San Jose. The Fighting Amigos, despite having six players up for retirement, including four starters, managed to make it through the process with no players retiring.

Four of the teams will be losing starting point guards (Charleston, Philadelphia, Oklahoma City, Seattle), two are losing solid centers (Dallas and Los Angeles) with only Dallas losing a starting forward.

Cut Pile retirees saw just four out of the 23 possible who were candidates hang it up. All four are forwards. Unless they are picked up by someone due to injury before this season is over, both Ichie Boobies and Mic Mack Moose will have spent their entire "careers" in the cut pile, each languishing for eight seasons.
 

Season 57 Featured Game No. 4...Dallas at Philadelphia

DALLAS 67, PHILADELPHIA 64

DEMONS IN A SQUEAKER

PHILADELPHIA -- This 12th win in a row for Dallas (now 4-0) was the closest the five-time defending champions have had in their long victory streak, with defense ruling the day for both team in a 67-64 triumph against Philadelphia (now 2-2).

PLAYER OF THE GAME

32 GVP...Philadelphia small forward PHILLIP MIANUS is having a career season, as demonstrated by this performance where he captured his second POG of the campaign while dominating Hall of Famer Pete "the Steakman" Marzano. Mianus went right at Marzano and his tough defense, scoring a team-high 22 points while continuing to lead the league in rebounding with 7 per contest, the number of game-high caroms he coralled in this contest. Additionally, he prevented the second-most points in the game with 7, blocked 2 shots and handed out 1 assist. He was 10 for 15 from the field (0 for 1 from deep and 2 for 4 from the foul line). Known more for his defense, Mianus is the leading scorer on this Philly team, which has struggled to put points on the board. He is averaging a career-best 15.8 ppg at the moment.

Other 20-plus performers

29 GVP...Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt...24 points...3 rebounds...2 assists. 

27 GVP...Philadelphia substitute guard Tut "the Pharoah" Ankhamun...18 points (3 treys)...4 rebounds...4 assists...1 steal.

24 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...13 points...4 rebounds...4 blocked shots...2 steals...1 assist.

Points prevented by quarters

Dallas...4...6...2...4  Total=16

Philly...2...6...11...0  Total-19

Tops in points prevented

1. Biggus Dickus, Dallas 8

2. Phillip Mianus, Philly  7

3. Leonard Pinth Garnel 6

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………4-0

PHILADELPHIA………2-2

MILWAUKEE………..2-2

CHARLESTON……….2-2

OKLAHOMA CITY…..1-2

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….3-0

LOS ANGELES….2-1

GILLETTE…………1-2

SACRAMENTO… 0-3

SAN JOSE…………0-3

NEXT UP: Another battle between the top two teams in their division…this time the West, as Los Angeles (minus superstar Vicious Hick) and unbeaten Seattle (minus two guard Hilbee Juggleboy). Seattle won the previous meeting this season in the closest finish of any contest this season, 76-75, with Pinky Toe as the POG for The Big One with a 31-point performance.

Season 57 Featured Game No. 3...Charleston at Philadelphia

CHARLESTON 95, PHILADELPHIA 70 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

MOUNTAINEERS POUND PHOBIA

PHILADELPHIA -- Charleston's starting guards went off for a combined 53 points as the visiting Mountaineers (now 2-1) routed the previously unbeaten Philadelphia Phobia 95-70. Philly is now also 2-1.

Philadelphia came into the game allowing a stingy league-best 54 points per contest in the young season, but Charleston bombed away from deep with 9 of 18 treys in a game they never trailed. The victory by the Mountaineers evened the series between the two teams, with Philly having edged Charleston 69-64 in their previous meeting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

36 GVP...After his running mate, Famichiki Whiskey, starred in the first half, Charleston point guard KOPI LUWAK exploded in the second half, scoring 12 points in the third quarter to put the game way out of reach for Philadelphia. The 6-2 long-range specialist bombed in 6 treys in 8 attempts from deep, going 11 for 16 from the field and 2 for 2 from the foul line for a game-high 30 points. The sixth-year star added 6 rebounds in this important win.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Philadelphia small forward Phillip Mianus...2nd career triple-double...16 points...7 rebounds...7 blocked shots...1 assist.

27 GVP...Charleston shooting guard Famichiki Whiskey...23 points (3 treys)...2 rebounds...2 assists.

24 GVP...Charleston center Flatfoot Floogie...12 points...7 rebounds...4 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Philadelphia center Blob Dylan...17 poinrs...3 rebounds...1 assist

20 GVP...Philadelphia point guard Flufferton Springs...16 points...2 rebounds...2 assists.

POINTS PREVENTED

Charleston...12

Philadelphia...8

TOPS IN POINTS PREVENTED

Fudge Pies Deli, Charleston...6

7 tied with 2

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………2-0

PHILADELPHIA………2-1

CHARLESTON……….2-1

OKLAHOMA CITY…..1-2

MILWAUKEE………..1-2

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….3-0

LOS ANGELES….2-1

GILLETTE…………1-2

SAN JOSE…………0-2

SACRAMENTO… 0-3

NEXT UP:  Expect a massacre as Dallas, now in first place in the East, takes on the old, rickety lineup of win-less San Jose in a cross-over to conclude bracket number 3.

Season 57 Featured Game 2...Seattle at Los Angeles...PLUS BONUS

 

SEATTLE 76, LOS ANGELES 75

SEATTLE RUINS L.A. HOME OPENER

LOS ANGELES -- The Seattle Stampede ambushed the Los Angeles Big One on the latter's home court, 76-75 in a pulse-pounding victory to take early possession of first place in the West. The win for Seattle came despite a combined 49-point performance by the L.A. guard tandem of Vicious Hick and Pinky Toe.

The winning bucket came on a tip-in with 5 ticks left by 7-1, second-year Stampede center Hooza Goodboi after a frenzied fourth quarter that saw 6 lead changes and an early 9 point burst by the home team that put them back into the game.

The Seattle victory comes on the heels of its 108-point opening game win against San Jose and is a clarion call for the rest of the MBA that the Stampede is a team worth watching in Season 57. 

PLAYER OF THE GAME

35 GVP...Fourth-year shooting guard PINKY TOE of Los Angeles shrugged off the tough defense of Seattle's Hilbee Juggleboy and registered a game-high 31 points in a tough loss to the visiting Stampede. Toe, who scored the first 10 points of the game for L.A.,  used all four scoring zones to accumulate his points, going 13 for 21 from the floor, including 3 for 8 from deep. He was 2 for 4 from the foul line. The 6-2 star added 2 rebounds, 1 assist and a steal. Two games into the season, Toe is averaging 26 points per game.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

27 GVP...Los Angeles point guard Vicious Hick...18 points (4 treys)...6 rebounds...3 assists.

25 GVP...Seattle center Hooza Goodboi...16 points (3 slams)...7 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

23 GVP...Seattle rookie forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...11 points...5 blocks...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal

22 GVP...Seattle power forward Erik A. Crocidale...18 points (4 slams)...2 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

21 GVP...Seattle point guard King Czardines...13 points...6 assists...1 steal...1 rebound.

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

MILWAUKEE………..1-0

PHILADELPHIA………1-0

DALLAS…………………1-0

CHARLESTON………. 0-1

OKLAHOMA CITY…..0-1

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….2-0

LOS ANGELES….1-1

GILLETTE…………1-1

SACRAMENTO… 0-1

SAN JOSE…………0-2

NEXT UP: Dallas goes for consecutive win number 10 dating back to last season as it travels to Oklahoma City.

BONUS

HALL OF FAMERS WHO NEVER WON A CHAMPIONSHIP

Usually, if you get a Hall of Fame player on a roster, a title eventually follows that player.

Almost 89 percent of the current 62 members of the MBA Hall of Fame have won championships, meaning that just 7 were never able to have a championship ring affixed to their cards.

 

Four of that number, including one active player, are centers. Read into that what you will.

 

The four centers are:

Diamond Dallas Paige

Big Bill Rustler

Tom “the Bomb” Kondla

and the currently active Chochky Galumpkus

 

The other three are:

Gato Do Mato, a forward

Soul Duran, a guard

Silo Chamberlain, a guard

 

Paige, a six-time All MBA center In seven seasons, was a two-time scoring champ who set the single-season rebound mark for 8 per game in his final campaign in Season 18. He presided over three 9-1 teams, an 8-2 team and a 10-0 club in his last season. The Lariats finished first five of his seven seasons, and his teams went to the Finals three times but never won it. Seasons 13 and 14 saw Paige suffer injuries that took him out of the playoffs both campaigns. Snakebit.

 

Rustler, an MBA original, captured three MVP awards, including MVP of the Season 10 playoffs for Seattle. But he was defeated by Houston in the Finals. His first 8 seasons were with Charleston, which went to the post-season 6 times, including Season 8 when Big Bill won his second MVP in a row. Philly won it that season.

 

Kondla played for four franchises in his six short seasons. He went to the Finals as a rookie in Season 28 with Seattle (lost to Dallas) but never got that close to a ring again.

 

Do Mato’s Milwaukee teams finished first twice in his three seasons there, reaching the Finals in Season 32 where they lost to Philly. Four more seasons in San Jose netted two more playoffs but no rings.

 

Duran, who played six seasons for two franchises and led his team in scoring in every one of those campaigns, got to two Finals with Houston but was thwarted by Milwaukee in his rookie season of Season 3 and Philadelphia in Season 5.

 

5-10 Chamberlain, the first MVP in MBA history, spent all six of his seasons with Charleston, where the team went to four playoffs but were constantly blocked by the two powers of the time, Philadelphia and Milwaukee.

 

Meanwhile, Galumpkus, who has toiled valiantly in the post for Oklahoma City (two stints, three seasons each), Dallas (three seasons), Seattle (two seasons), made it to the Finals two consecutive times with the Lariats in Seasons 54 and 55 where they were slapped down by the current Dallas dynasty. He’s now in San Jose for his 12^th season, where this is next to no hope of sniffing a ring.

Season 57 Featured Game 1

DALLAS 92, GILLETTE 72

CHAMPS OUT OF THE GATE FAST

DALLAS -- Hall of Fame great Juzan Djinn swished a 3-point shot on the first time unit of Season 57, setting off a slaughter rule, 92-72 win over visiting Gillette in the cross-over opener.

Mighty Dallas then rode its 13-point first-quarter lead to its ninth consecutive victory dating back to last season, including its 5-0 playoff run.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

35 GVP...Tied for fifth place all time in MBA award rankings, eighth-year Hall of Famer JUZAN DJINN kicked off the new campaign in style as he assaults Curly Hogbottom's No. 1 position at the top of the pyramid. Fresh off his third Playoff MVP honor, this monster guard delivered a game-high 26 points, led everyone in assists with 4 and tied for most blocked shots with 4. Additionally, this two-way star posted the best numbers in points prevented with 8, blocking a pair of 3-pointers by the man he dominated, Joey Shamadu, Jr. The 6-2 Djinn was 10 for 15 from the floor, splashing home a trio of treys in 5 deep attempts while going 3 for 3 from the foul line. His 15 first-quarter points shot the Demons into the lead. Dallas fans showed their appreciation for Djinn throughout the contest, giving the man who almost got away via free agency a rousing ovation when he was removed from the game halfway into the last quarter.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Gillette point guard Maboroshi No Hotcake...25 points (5 for 5 from deep)...3 rebounds...3 assists.

23 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...18 points...3 rebounds...2 assists.

21 GVP...Gillette power forward Grand Demur Fuyacho...12 points...4 rebounds...4 blocks...1 assist.

POINTS PREVENTED

Gillette...6

Dallas....14

TOP POINT PREVENTERS

Juzan Djinn, Dallas...8

Pete Marzano, Dallas 4

 

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………1-0

MILWAUKEE………..

OKLAHOMA CITY…..

PHILADELPHIA………

CHARLESTON……….

WEST DIVISION

SAN JOSE…………

LOS ANGELES….

SEATTLE………….

SACRAMENTO…

GILLETTE…………0-1

 

NEXT UP:.Los Angeles and its new superstar Vicious Hick, favored to win the West, travel to Sacramento where the R-Dogs hope to improve on their last-place effort of last season.