Season 57 All Star Game...Bracket 6 Preview...Power Rankings at the Hal

WEST 84, EAST 64

WEST DESTROYS EAST

SEATTLE -- The West came charging out of the starting blocks with a 13-0 run that was never headed on the way to its first win in four seasons, an 84-64 victory that hit the slaughter rule with two time units remaining in the contest.

The East leads the series 36 to 21.

Star forward Satan Israel of the Sacramento River Dogs broke the All Star single-game rebounding record by hauling down 12 caroms. The record was previously held by Hall of Fame center Bart Pitbull of Houston with 11 in Season 20's star affair.

There was one injury for one game in the contest, as Zippy Wunderslug of the East was felled in the first quarter. Milwaukee will have to go to the cut pile to fill his spot for their next game.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

28 GVP...Just named to the MBA Hall of Fame, Los Angeles' fourth year point guard supreme VICIOUS HICK doubled down during the All Star gathering by capturing his first All Star Game Most Valuable Player Award. The 6-2 superstar, playing in this third All Star contest, knocked down a game-high 21 points while handing out a game-high 4 assists. The former Dallas Demon was 8 for 12 from the field, bombing away at a 5 for 7 clip from behind the arc before fouling out. He becomes just the second  L.A. player to win the coveted honor and the first since Hall of Fame point guard Dr. Marcus Brody turned the trick in Season 48.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

27 GVP...Retiring Los Angeles center Chat Bot...18 points...5 blocked shots...3 rebounds...1 steal.

25 GVP...Sacramento power forward Satan Israel...11 points...12 rebounds...1 assist...1 steal

25 GVP...Seattle rookie forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...12 points...7 blocked shots...4 rebounds...2 assists.

22 GVP...Milwaukee shooting guard Itstha Bishop...16 points...4 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

21 GVP...Retiring Charleston point guard Kopi Luwak...18 points (4 treys)...2 rebounds...1 steal.

BRACKET 6 PREVIEW

The second half of the season starts with a cross-over between Oklahoma City at Seattle as the Stampede tests its new starting center, the veteran Laughing Boy Lasso.

The FEATURED GAME of the bracket will be the fourth one...a second meeting between Philadelphia at Mighty Dallas, this time at Dallas. The unbeaten Demons managed to out-last the Phobia 67-64 in a defensive tussle. POG in that game was Philly forward Phillip Mianus. Dallas has won 13 in a row dating back to last season. They hold the record of 18 straight victories.

POWER RANKINGS AT HALFWAY MARK (previous rating in parentheses)

1. Dallas Demons (1)

2. Los Angeles Big One (2)

3. Philadelphia Phobia (4)

4. Charleston Mountaineers (6)

5. Seattle Stampede (3)

6. Milwaukee Greyhounds (5)

7. Oklahoma City Lariats (8)

8. Sacramento River Dogs (9)

9. Gillette Humps (7)

10. San Jose Fighting Amigos (10)

Season 57 All Star rosters announced...one is the latest Hall of Famer

 

ALL STAR GAME FACTOIDS

-- Seattle is host

-- East has won 36 times, West 20...East has won last 3 in a row and 5 of last 6

-- WITH HIS SELECTION TO THE ASG, VICIOUS HICK OF LOS ANGELES BECOMES THE 63RD MEMBER OF THE MBA HALL OF FAME

-- 10 repeat all stars from last season's squads

-- Three teams have three all stars, but Los Angeles' trio are all starters.

-- Center Blob Dylan of Philadelphia is the only player with a GVP over 20 to not make the squad.

-- Lone rookie to make the game is J.J. "Jake" Pickle, Seattle forward.

-- Last season's ASG MVP, forward Phillip Mianus of Philadelphia is back in the game. The other all star who has won MVP of the game is Eddie "The Milkman" Creamer of San Jose

-- If the MVP of the first half of the season was a thing, it would be retiring Dallas center Biggus Dickus, who is having his finest campaign of an excellent career.

-- Every franchise is represented by at least one all star.

-- Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus of San Jose is now tied for sixth place in most ASG appearances with 8.

-- There are six first-time all stars and three first-time starters.

-- Conspicuous by his absence is Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn, picked unanimously to win the regular season MVP award.

Previous All Star Games held in Seattle

Season 47...East 66, West 60...MVP Chip Battoe, Dallas, Top Scorer, Chip Battoe 24

Season 39...West 71, East 69...MVP Naf Naf, Oklahoma City, Top Scorer, Naf Naf 26

Season 26...East 79, West55...MVP Boone Doggle, Chicago, Top Scorer, Deafman Glance, Milwaukee 19

Season 17...West 86, East 59...MVP Streetcar Johnny Masterson, Oklahoma City, Top Scorer Streetcar Johnny Masterson and Bart Pitbull of Philadelphia, each with 20

Season 6...East 79, West 76...MVP Soul Duran of Houston, Top Scorer Soul Duran 23

Season 57 First Half Team Stats and individual stats leaders

 

Bracket 5 react

THE EAST

Three teams changed their position in the standings

Charleston moved from fourth into second, thanks to a differential tie-breaker with Philly.

Philadelphia, despite a big win over L.A., dropped from second to third due to that win being a cross-over.

Milwaukee, nearly giving Dallas its first loss, dropped from third to fourth.

Dallas finishes the first half with two close wins. I'm convinced they'll lose somwhere along the way, but will finish first. Everyone else in the East has demonstrated capabilities of getting that second playoff spot.

THE WEST

Everyone retained their same spot in the standings despite the two top teams in the standings, Los Angeles and Seattle, both losing.

Seattle, however, lost its starting center for the season, which gives hope to Sacramento and Gillette to stay in the playoff hunt.

San Jose is giving up 92.6 points per game and is really the only team I am eliminating from the playoff race at the halfway mark.

Season 57...Featured Game 5...Dallas at Milwaukee

DALLAS 75, MILWAUKEE 74

DEMONS IN A SQUEAKER

MILWAUKEE -- It came down to a short jumper with 2 ticks left by the league's leading scorer, Itstha Bishop of Milwaukee, which would have given the home team Greyhounds the lead. But not only was Bishop's shot off the mark, it was blocked by Dallas Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn, and in a familiar conclusion, the five-time-defending-champs had their 13th consecutive win dating back to last season.

For the second game in a row, Mighty Dallas escaped with a close victory, (having just bested Philadelphia by 3 in their previous win) and once again go into the halftime break with a perfect 5-0 mark, perched atop the East Division. 

The win in this game came with a less-than-scintillating 51.6 percent shooting (0 for 11 from deep), built on a strong performance of the Dallas front court and a ball-popping 22 assists. 

Dallas may have lost last season's league MVP Vicious Hick to free agency, but they seem to be winning with pure muscle memory.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

36 GVP...Fresh off of announcing his retirement at the end of this season, the best center in Dallas history, BIGGUS DICKUS, dominated Milwaukee's helpless rookie center Dave Cowhand, scoring a team-high 26 points on 12 of 13 shooting (2 for 2 at the foul line). The reliable 7-footer, who has played a major role in every one of his team's five most recent titles, is having his best season in the pivot in this, his sixth campaign. His 19.2 scoring average is by far his best ever (best previous was 13.5), as the big guy has taken up the scoring slack left by the departed Hick. Always a clutch defender, Dickus led everyone in this game with 8 points prevented and was also the game's top rebounder with 7. He added 1 steal, 1 blocked shot and 1 assist. He's currently in a brutal battle to get his first All-MBA foil star with Oklahoma City's Poop-Rupiah 3000, and is a clinch to make his fourth All Star Game. The ASG honor would give him 9 awards, one short of Hall of Fame status. A championship ring would secure that vaunted status.

Other 20-plus GVP performances

33 GVP...Milwaukee power forward Zippy Wunderslug...27 points...5 rebounds...1 steal.

26 GVP...Milwaukee shooting guard Itstha Bishop...20 points...5 rebounds...1 assist.

22 GVP...Dallas power forward Nick Kenpoop...9 points...6 assists...3 rebounds...2 steals...2 blocks.

20 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame small forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano...11 points...5 rebounds...2 assists...2 blocked shots.

POINTS PREVENTED BY QUARTERS

Dallas...8...0...4...2...Total=14

Milwa...0...7...2...2...Total=11

TOPS IN POINTS PREVENTED

1. Biggus Dickus, Dallas...8

2. Ehhy Table, Milwaukee.5

3. Pete Marzano, Dallas....4

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………5-0

CHARLESTON……….3-2

PHILADELPHIA………2-2

OKLAHOMA CITY…..2-3

MILWAUKEE………..2-3

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES….3-1

SEATTLE………….3-1

SACRAMENTO… 1-3

GILLETTE…………1-3

SAN JOSE…………0-4

NEXT UP: Sacramento at Seattle in a rematch of this season’s lone buzzer-beater game, won on a medium shot at the horn by Seattle’s Eric A. Crocidale. Seattle is the favorite in this one, fighting for first in the West. But Sacramento’s last two games, the aforementioned close loss to Seattle and victory over Gillette, give them a semblance of hope.

Season 57 Retirements announced

Fourteen MBA players announced their retirements, which will take place at the end of this 57th season.

The hardest hit team was the five-time-defending champion Dallas Demons; the only team to lose two starters and the only club to lose a Hall of Fame player. Forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano is the Hall of Famer and stalwart center Biggus Dickus is the other player who will be leaving the starting lineup of the Dallas dynasty.

Five other teams lost one starter, with only Charleston (2 players lost total) joining Dallas as the other team to lose more than one player. 

Sacramento and Gillette lost one reserve player each.

Two teams did not lose a single player. Those two were Milwaukee and San Jose. The Fighting Amigos, despite having six players up for retirement, including four starters, managed to make it through the process with no players retiring.

Four of the teams will be losing starting point guards (Charleston, Philadelphia, Oklahoma City, Seattle), two are losing solid centers (Dallas and Los Angeles) with only Dallas losing a starting forward.

Cut Pile retirees saw just four out of the 23 possible who were candidates hang it up. All four are forwards. Unless they are picked up by someone due to injury before this season is over, both Ichie Boobies and Mic Mack Moose will have spent their entire "careers" in the cut pile, each languishing for eight seasons.
 

Season 57 Featured Game No. 4...Dallas at Philadelphia

DALLAS 67, PHILADELPHIA 64

DEMONS IN A SQUEAKER

PHILADELPHIA -- This 12th win in a row for Dallas (now 4-0) was the closest the five-time defending champions have had in their long victory streak, with defense ruling the day for both team in a 67-64 triumph against Philadelphia (now 2-2).

PLAYER OF THE GAME

32 GVP...Philadelphia small forward PHILLIP MIANUS is having a career season, as demonstrated by this performance where he captured his second POG of the campaign while dominating Hall of Famer Pete "the Steakman" Marzano. Mianus went right at Marzano and his tough defense, scoring a team-high 22 points while continuing to lead the league in rebounding with 7 per contest, the number of game-high caroms he coralled in this contest. Additionally, he prevented the second-most points in the game with 7, blocked 2 shots and handed out 1 assist. He was 10 for 15 from the field (0 for 1 from deep and 2 for 4 from the foul line). Known more for his defense, Mianus is the leading scorer on this Philly team, which has struggled to put points on the board. He is averaging a career-best 15.8 ppg at the moment.

Other 20-plus performers

29 GVP...Dallas point guard Mini Carfartt...24 points...3 rebounds...2 assists. 

27 GVP...Philadelphia substitute guard Tut "the Pharoah" Ankhamun...18 points (3 treys)...4 rebounds...4 assists...1 steal.

24 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...13 points...4 rebounds...4 blocked shots...2 steals...1 assist.

Points prevented by quarters

Dallas...4...6...2...4  Total=16

Philly...2...6...11...0  Total-19

Tops in points prevented

1. Biggus Dickus, Dallas 8

2. Phillip Mianus, Philly  7

3. Leonard Pinth Garnel 6

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………4-0

PHILADELPHIA………2-2

MILWAUKEE………..2-2

CHARLESTON……….2-2

OKLAHOMA CITY…..1-2

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….3-0

LOS ANGELES….2-1

GILLETTE…………1-2

SACRAMENTO… 0-3

SAN JOSE…………0-3

NEXT UP: Another battle between the top two teams in their division…this time the West, as Los Angeles (minus superstar Vicious Hick) and unbeaten Seattle (minus two guard Hilbee Juggleboy). Seattle won the previous meeting this season in the closest finish of any contest this season, 76-75, with Pinky Toe as the POG for The Big One with a 31-point performance.

Season 57 Featured Game No. 3...Charleston at Philadelphia

CHARLESTON 95, PHILADELPHIA 70 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

MOUNTAINEERS POUND PHOBIA

PHILADELPHIA -- Charleston's starting guards went off for a combined 53 points as the visiting Mountaineers (now 2-1) routed the previously unbeaten Philadelphia Phobia 95-70. Philly is now also 2-1.

Philadelphia came into the game allowing a stingy league-best 54 points per contest in the young season, but Charleston bombed away from deep with 9 of 18 treys in a game they never trailed. The victory by the Mountaineers evened the series between the two teams, with Philly having edged Charleston 69-64 in their previous meeting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

36 GVP...After his running mate, Famichiki Whiskey, starred in the first half, Charleston point guard KOPI LUWAK exploded in the second half, scoring 12 points in the third quarter to put the game way out of reach for Philadelphia. The 6-2 long-range specialist bombed in 6 treys in 8 attempts from deep, going 11 for 16 from the field and 2 for 2 from the foul line for a game-high 30 points. The sixth-year star added 6 rebounds in this important win.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Philadelphia small forward Phillip Mianus...2nd career triple-double...16 points...7 rebounds...7 blocked shots...1 assist.

27 GVP...Charleston shooting guard Famichiki Whiskey...23 points (3 treys)...2 rebounds...2 assists.

24 GVP...Charleston center Flatfoot Floogie...12 points...7 rebounds...4 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Philadelphia center Blob Dylan...17 poinrs...3 rebounds...1 assist

20 GVP...Philadelphia point guard Flufferton Springs...16 points...2 rebounds...2 assists.

POINTS PREVENTED

Charleston...12

Philadelphia...8

TOPS IN POINTS PREVENTED

Fudge Pies Deli, Charleston...6

7 tied with 2

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………2-0

PHILADELPHIA………2-1

CHARLESTON……….2-1

OKLAHOMA CITY…..1-2

MILWAUKEE………..1-2

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….3-0

LOS ANGELES….2-1

GILLETTE…………1-2

SAN JOSE…………0-2

SACRAMENTO… 0-3

NEXT UP:  Expect a massacre as Dallas, now in first place in the East, takes on the old, rickety lineup of win-less San Jose in a cross-over to conclude bracket number 3.

Season 57 Featured Game 2...Seattle at Los Angeles...PLUS BONUS

 

SEATTLE 76, LOS ANGELES 75

SEATTLE RUINS L.A. HOME OPENER

LOS ANGELES -- The Seattle Stampede ambushed the Los Angeles Big One on the latter's home court, 76-75 in a pulse-pounding victory to take early possession of first place in the West. The win for Seattle came despite a combined 49-point performance by the L.A. guard tandem of Vicious Hick and Pinky Toe.

The winning bucket came on a tip-in with 5 ticks left by 7-1, second-year Stampede center Hooza Goodboi after a frenzied fourth quarter that saw 6 lead changes and an early 9 point burst by the home team that put them back into the game.

The Seattle victory comes on the heels of its 108-point opening game win against San Jose and is a clarion call for the rest of the MBA that the Stampede is a team worth watching in Season 57. 

PLAYER OF THE GAME

35 GVP...Fourth-year shooting guard PINKY TOE of Los Angeles shrugged off the tough defense of Seattle's Hilbee Juggleboy and registered a game-high 31 points in a tough loss to the visiting Stampede. Toe, who scored the first 10 points of the game for L.A.,  used all four scoring zones to accumulate his points, going 13 for 21 from the floor, including 3 for 8 from deep. He was 2 for 4 from the foul line. The 6-2 star added 2 rebounds, 1 assist and a steal. Two games into the season, Toe is averaging 26 points per game.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

27 GVP...Los Angeles point guard Vicious Hick...18 points (4 treys)...6 rebounds...3 assists.

25 GVP...Seattle center Hooza Goodboi...16 points (3 slams)...7 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

23 GVP...Seattle rookie forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...11 points...5 blocks...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal

22 GVP...Seattle power forward Erik A. Crocidale...18 points (4 slams)...2 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

21 GVP...Seattle point guard King Czardines...13 points...6 assists...1 steal...1 rebound.

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

MILWAUKEE………..1-0

PHILADELPHIA………1-0

DALLAS…………………1-0

CHARLESTON………. 0-1

OKLAHOMA CITY…..0-1

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….2-0

LOS ANGELES….1-1

GILLETTE…………1-1

SACRAMENTO… 0-1

SAN JOSE…………0-2

NEXT UP: Dallas goes for consecutive win number 10 dating back to last season as it travels to Oklahoma City.

BONUS

HALL OF FAMERS WHO NEVER WON A CHAMPIONSHIP

Usually, if you get a Hall of Fame player on a roster, a title eventually follows that player.

Almost 89 percent of the current 62 members of the MBA Hall of Fame have won championships, meaning that just 7 were never able to have a championship ring affixed to their cards.

 

Four of that number, including one active player, are centers. Read into that what you will.

 

The four centers are:

Diamond Dallas Paige

Big Bill Rustler

Tom “the Bomb” Kondla

and the currently active Chochky Galumpkus

 

The other three are:

Gato Do Mato, a forward

Soul Duran, a guard

Silo Chamberlain, a guard

 

Paige, a six-time All MBA center In seven seasons, was a two-time scoring champ who set the single-season rebound mark for 8 per game in his final campaign in Season 18. He presided over three 9-1 teams, an 8-2 team and a 10-0 club in his last season. The Lariats finished first five of his seven seasons, and his teams went to the Finals three times but never won it. Seasons 13 and 14 saw Paige suffer injuries that took him out of the playoffs both campaigns. Snakebit.

 

Rustler, an MBA original, captured three MVP awards, including MVP of the Season 10 playoffs for Seattle. But he was defeated by Houston in the Finals. His first 8 seasons were with Charleston, which went to the post-season 6 times, including Season 8 when Big Bill won his second MVP in a row. Philly won it that season.

 

Kondla played for four franchises in his six short seasons. He went to the Finals as a rookie in Season 28 with Seattle (lost to Dallas) but never got that close to a ring again.

 

Do Mato’s Milwaukee teams finished first twice in his three seasons there, reaching the Finals in Season 32 where they lost to Philly. Four more seasons in San Jose netted two more playoffs but no rings.

 

Duran, who played six seasons for two franchises and led his team in scoring in every one of those campaigns, got to two Finals with Houston but was thwarted by Milwaukee in his rookie season of Season 3 and Philadelphia in Season 5.

 

5-10 Chamberlain, the first MVP in MBA history, spent all six of his seasons with Charleston, where the team went to four playoffs but were constantly blocked by the two powers of the time, Philadelphia and Milwaukee.

 

Meanwhile, Galumpkus, who has toiled valiantly in the post for Oklahoma City (two stints, three seasons each), Dallas (three seasons), Seattle (two seasons), made it to the Finals two consecutive times with the Lariats in Seasons 54 and 55 where they were slapped down by the current Dallas dynasty. He’s now in San Jose for his 12^th season, where this is next to no hope of sniffing a ring.

Season 57 Featured Game 1

DALLAS 92, GILLETTE 72

CHAMPS OUT OF THE GATE FAST

DALLAS -- Hall of Fame great Juzan Djinn swished a 3-point shot on the first time unit of Season 57, setting off a slaughter rule, 92-72 win over visiting Gillette in the cross-over opener.

Mighty Dallas then rode its 13-point first-quarter lead to its ninth consecutive victory dating back to last season, including its 5-0 playoff run.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

35 GVP...Tied for fifth place all time in MBA award rankings, eighth-year Hall of Famer JUZAN DJINN kicked off the new campaign in style as he assaults Curly Hogbottom's No. 1 position at the top of the pyramid. Fresh off his third Playoff MVP honor, this monster guard delivered a game-high 26 points, led everyone in assists with 4 and tied for most blocked shots with 4. Additionally, this two-way star posted the best numbers in points prevented with 8, blocking a pair of 3-pointers by the man he dominated, Joey Shamadu, Jr. The 6-2 Djinn was 10 for 15 from the floor, splashing home a trio of treys in 5 deep attempts while going 3 for 3 from the foul line. His 15 first-quarter points shot the Demons into the lead. Dallas fans showed their appreciation for Djinn throughout the contest, giving the man who almost got away via free agency a rousing ovation when he was removed from the game halfway into the last quarter.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Gillette point guard Maboroshi No Hotcake...25 points (5 for 5 from deep)...3 rebounds...3 assists.

23 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...18 points...3 rebounds...2 assists.

21 GVP...Gillette power forward Grand Demur Fuyacho...12 points...4 rebounds...4 blocks...1 assist.

POINTS PREVENTED

Gillette...6

Dallas....14

TOP POINT PREVENTERS

Juzan Djinn, Dallas...8

Pete Marzano, Dallas 4

 

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………1-0

MILWAUKEE………..

OKLAHOMA CITY…..

PHILADELPHIA………

CHARLESTON……….

WEST DIVISION

SAN JOSE…………

LOS ANGELES….

SEATTLE………….

SACRAMENTO…

GILLETTE…………0-1

 

NEXT UP:.Los Angeles and its new superstar Vicious Hick, favored to win the West, travel to Sacramento where the R-Dogs hope to improve on their last-place effort of last season.

Season 57 MBA Preview and Predictions

 Demons ... but less dominant

The East 

Last season ... Dallas 8-2, Milwaukee 6-4, Oklahoma City 4-6, Philadelphia 4-6, Charleston 3-7. 

1. DALLAS DEMONS (unanimous): They lose the league MVP Vicious Hick to free agency, add nobody of note, but are still favored to win not only the East, but the whole ball of wax for a record six consecutive titles. They still have Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn, who returned to the team from free agency and the MBA's newest Hall of Famer, forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, as well as rock-solid center Biggus Dickus. Third-year guard Mini Carfartt will replace Hick at the point. Great team depth too.

2. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA (T-2nd, D-3rd): Addition of free agent center Blob Dylan gives Philly outrageous defensive front line as he joins forwards Leonard Pinth-Garnel and Phillip Mianus. Rookie guard Mel A. Tonin pairs with veteran Flufferton Springs, a small combo that could be tested by opposing shooters and rebounders. Weak bench, but could be enough to end five-season playoff drought.

3. OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS (T-4th, D-2nd): Traded top-scorer and franchise mainstay King Czardines, replacing him at point with dependable Bellybutton Inquisition while adding veteran power forward defender Kevin Duran-Duran. All-MBA  center Poop-Rupiah 3000 has upped his passing game.

4. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS (T-4th, D-3rd): Loss of fine second-year power forward  Grand Demur Fuyacho to free agency makes league's youngest lineup less talented. But they could surprise behind new head coach Curly Hogbottom.

5. MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS (unanimous): Lost center Johnny Bananas with bad rookie replacements. 

The West 

Last season...San Jose 8-2, Gillette 6-4, Los Angeles 6-4, Seattle 4-6, Sacramento 1-9

1. LOS ANGELES BIG ONE (unanimous): Getting MVP Vicious Hick in free agency makes L.A. the West favorite. Also gained potential Rookie of the Year in forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis and San Jose hotshot guard Donny Dupons, who will come off the bench behind team MVP Pinky Toe. The Toe-Hick guard combo is now the top backcourt in the MBA. Chat Bot has the potential to improve on his 8th place GVP finish among centers. And Big Blue Bottle is a better passer at forward. 

2. GILLETTE HUMPS (T-2nd, D-3rd): Lost top player in franchise history, Blob Dylan, to free agency, but got pair of tough free agents in second-year forward Grand Demur Fuyacho and center Brother Jasper, the latter a proven scorer in the post. They will miss defense of Lefty Scavenger at guard, but backcourt combo of Maboroshi No Hotcake and Joey "Joe Joe" Shamadu, Jr. will score big.

3. SEATTLE STAMPEDE (T-4th, D-2nd): Big trade and draft changed roster 60 percent from last season. Youngsters Hooza Goodboi at center and rookie J.J. "Jake" Pickle at forward are untested but talent-laden. King Czardines at the point brings passing and scoring magic. Should contend for playoffs.

4. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS (T-4th, D-3rd): Free agent point guard Rabbit Munchers is the only newcomer to last season's bottom feeders. He has the greenlight to bomb away for the R-Dogs.

5. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS (unanimous): Oldest starting lineup in MBA history will gasp to finish last.

INDIVIDUAL AWARD PREDICTIONS

MVP -- Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn (unanimous)

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR -- J.J. "Jake" Pickle, Seattle forward (unanimous)

ALL MBA FIRST TEAM

Guard--Vicious Hick, Los Angeles (unanimous)

Guard--Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn, Dallas (unanimous)

Center--Poop-Rupiah 3000, Gillette (Dave) or Hall of Famer Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose (Tyler)

Forwards--Satan Israel, Gillette (Dave), Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose (Dave), Erik A. Crocidale, Seattle (Tyler), Hall of Famer Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, Dallas (Tyler) 

4 ACTIVE HALL OF FAMERS THIS SEASON...most in a while

21 awards...Juzan  Djinn, Dallas

13 awards...Crentis Dentist, Seattle

10 awards...Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose

10 awards...Pete "the Steakmam" Marzano, Dallas

ON THE VERGE OF THE HALL

9 awards...Vicious Hick, Los Angeles

8 awards...Biggus Dickus, Dallas

8 awards...Al A. Orden, San Jose

8 awards...Satan Israel, Sacramento

8 awards...Kopi Luwak, Charleston

8 awards...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer

6 awards...Johnny Bananas, Oklahoma City

6 awards...Piping Plover, Charleston

5 awards...Blob Dylan, Philadelphia

5 awards...Flufferton Springs, Philadelphia

5 awards...King Czardines, Seattle

5 awards...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

10 OR MORE SEASOMS

17...Al A. Orden, Sam Jose

15...Hurricane Furrwizard, Dallas

14...Chai Walla (cut pile)

13...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose (all with Amigos)

12...Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose

12...F.P. Pompeo (cut pile)

12...Ray "Big Ticket" Matuzzi (cut pile)

12...Nicholas Pickles (cut pile)

11...Tootie Heathcliffe (cut pile)

11...Joe Momsawhore, San Jose

11..Josepah Gecan, San Jose

NOTE: 5 of the 6 actives are on San Jose...4 of them start

THE DEAN OF COACHES IS AXED

After 39 seasons, Bill Rustler is being replaced by

Curly Hogbottom for Charleston 

His record was 210-180 (.538) in regular season 

9 division titles

5 championships (the only 5 in Charleston history)

with titles in Seasons 26, 27, 36, 39 and 42

15 post seasons

10 Finals

42-32 postseason record .568

252-212 combined .543

NEXT UP: Season 57 gets started with a featured

game...a cross-over hosted by five-time defending

champion Dallas against the team they beat 

handily in last season's playoff Semifinals,

the Gillette Humps. 

---

Season 57 Improvements/Regressions...Cut Pile Draft...A Big trade

NOTEWORTHY IMPROVEMENTS

SACRAMENTO -- Veteran star power forward and team MVP Satan Israel loses a foul on 6, meaning he won't be coming off the court as much with foul trouble.

PHILADELPHIA -- Power forward Leonard Pinth Garnel, one of the best passing forwards in the league and the top assist man for Phobia last season improves from a 7 to an 8 passer. And backup free agent center Harry "Big Stink" Merdaio improved three times, twice against the dribble while adding a big deny shot on 7 against the shot. Those improvements, plus the addition of free agent center Blob Dylan, led to the cutting of last season's top scorer and top rebounder, center Brother Jasper, who was immediately scooped up by Gillette to be their starter.

SEATTLE -- Guard Hilbee Juggleboy improves his passing froma 4 to a 5.

OKLAHOMA CITY -- All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000 improves his passing from a 4 to a 5.

LOS ANGELES -- Forward Big Blue Bottle improves his passing skills twice, going from a 4 to a 6 and also improves against the dribble on defense from a 2 to a 3.

MILWAUKEE -- Both forwards, who were a key to a surprising playoff appearance last season, get strong improvements. Zippy Wunderslug ups his passing game from a 4 to a 5 and is now a 5 on defense against the pass, which will mean some steals will come his way. Fellow forward Scobee Bryant, who led the league in free throwing last season with a perfect 14 for 14, made his free-throw ability even better.

DALLAS -- Third-year guard Mini Carfartt, who will replace departed superstar Vicious Hick as the starting point guard, improved his passing ability from a 5 to a 6. 

NOTEWORTHY REGRESSIONS

PHILADELPHIA -- Team MVP, small forward Phillip Mianus, got worse against both the dribble and the pass, becoming a zero at the latter. 

OKLAHOMA CITY -- Veteran two guard Ol' Roy lost on-the-ball defensive abilities against both the dribble and the pass, resulting in a zero on the latter skill. And Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist took some four big hits, losing 2 points against the pass, downgrading his forced miss on 8 against the shot to a deny and cutting back on his tendency to take a short shot. He was immediately traded (see below). 

NOTEWORTHY CUT PILE DRAFT ADDITIONS

GILLETTE -- Desperate for a center, the Humps were able to grab Philadelphia's starting center Brother Jasper, who was the Phobia's top scorer and rebounder (see Philly improvements above). 

SAN JOSE -- Decimated by retirements and free agent wanderings, the Fighting Amigos snagged guard Old Man Mahoffer, who was immediately assigned to the two guard in the starting lineup. 

THE BIG TRADE

Only one trade so far, but it was a doozy.

Oklahoma City sent longtime star point guard and their top scorer King Czardines, along with Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist and promising second-year 7-1 backup center Hooza Goodboi to Seattle.

Seattle, in turn, sent the Lariats their longtime point guard Bellybutton Inquisition, veteran defensive power forward Kevin Duran-Duran and rookie forward Count Sackula.

Inquisition and Duran-Duran will be starters for Oklahoma City.

Czardines will man the point for the Stampede, but at this point it's unclear whether Goodboi or perennial backup Laughing Boy Lasso will start in the middle. Similarly, it's unknown whether Dentist will be starting at small forward or the number 1 rated rookie forward J.J. Pickle will beat the Hall of Famer out for the job.

FINAL NOTE: Only two of the 16 rookies...guards Mr. Poodie and Pete Gushi failed to make an MBA roster.

 

Season 57 MBA Draft Report

The Season 57 MBA draft started and finished heavily in favor of Tyler teams, with both available superstars (Dallas free agents Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn and league MVP and scoring champ Vicious Hick) both getting drafted by Tyler teams. 

The highlight for Tyler was Djinn returning to his home with the Dallas Demons, courtesy of the trade two seasons ago with Charleston that sent Kopi Luwak from Dallas to the Mountaineers. That trade gave Dallas rights to the first Charleston pick (which happened to be the second overall pick in the draft this season). As it turned out, the one in six chance for that pick to be a prime pick rolled the Demons' way. That made it a prime pick, in which the team doing the selecting names a player they are going after. They must then roll a 1 or 6 on one die. Tyler named Djinn, and the 33.3 percent chance went his way, so the five-time All-MBA star returned to Dallas.

Sacramento, which had the first pick in the entire draft, also rolled for and got a prime pick to start things out. They thus had shots at both Djinn and Hick, but had to name 10 different players before actually connecting on their man. 

Hick did not go until the 16th pick in the draft, where he was selected with a random roll by Los Angeles, where he will pair with another star guard, Pinky Toe.

With those picks, Los Angeles and Dallas became the most successful teams in the Season 57 Draft, with both being favorites to vie for the upcoming championship.

Add center Blob Dylan going from Gillette to Philadelphia, and Tyler teams got the concensus top three players in the drafrt.

Here's our ranking of how the teams fared in the draft.

1. Los Angeles

2. Dallas

a gap

3. Philadelphia

another gap

4. Sacramento

5. Oklahoma City

6. San Jose

7. Seattle

8. Gillette

9. Charleston

10. Milwaukee 

Philadelphia and Los Angeles both picked up two likely starters. Philly got both Dylan and the MVP of the Rookie Game, guard Mel A. Tonin. Los Angeles, nailed down Hick and rookie forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis.

Every other team, with the exception of Milwaukee, picked up at least one projected starter. The Greyhounds may be forced to start rookie center pick Dave Cowhand, since he is their lone center at this time. 

The top 6 players in the draft went to:

-- Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn...returned to Dallas with 2nd pick as described earlier.

-- League MVP and scoring leader guard Vicious Hick went to Los Angeles with random pick 16.

-- Center Blob Dylan went to Philadelphia with pick No. 23, which was the fourth overall prime pick...Tyler hit on his first roll for Dylan.

-- Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus went to San Jose with the 28th overall pick, which was the 8th prime pick. Dave hit on his first roll for Galumpkus. 

-- Two-time All-MBA center Johnny Bananas went to Oklahoma City with the fifth overall pick, a random pick, which was pretty much a waste since the Lariats' best player is All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000.

-- Third-year guard Donny Dupons went to Los Angeles with pick No. 26, which turned into the 6th prime pick...Tyler got him on his second roll.He won't even start for them, since they have Hick and Toe.

NEXT UP: Player improvements (and regressions) followed by the Cut Pile draft to fill out the rosters.

 

Season 57 Rookie Game

 

ROOKIES 69, CUT PILE 61

ROOKIES OUTLAST CUT PILE BOYS

WAUKEGAN -- Season 57 rookies used a strong third quarter to build a 10-point lead going into the final frame on the way to a 69-61 triumph over the still win-less representatives from the cut pile.

   The dregs of the MBA fought valiantly in the fourth quarter, getting within three points of the Rookies, but just could not overcome paltry 39.6 percent shooting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

31 GVP...The last rookie made in the 57th season crop, MEL A. TONIN, won game honors with a brilliant performance that included game-highs in both scoring and rebounding. SLEEPY started out like his nickname in the first half, accumulating just 4 points, but came on strong late to finish with 22 on 9 of 15 shooting, including 4 of 5 from the foul line. The 6-2 rookie demonstrated an uncanny knack for gathering rebounds, grabbing 9 caroms, including a couple over the cut pile's 7-foot center Dave Tesh. Tyler commented that Tonin could be Rookie of the Year if he lands on a team where he gets playing time, and Sleepy Mel justified that assessment in this outing.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

25 GVP...Cut pile guard Old Man Mahoffer...16 points...6 rebounds...3 assists.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...18 points...1 rebound...1 assist. 

NEXT UP: The 57th MBA Draft

 

Class of 57 Rookies Atrocious

 Let's not pull any punches. MBA franchise owners agree that this is the most appallingly repulsive class of rookies in memory.

The players with size have very little skills and the players with skills have no size. There doesn't look to be a Hall of Fame berth in any of the new guys' futures.

As you can see...the forwards lead the way in the talent department, which would be welcome in a league looking for fresh forward ability. But even the best forward, J.J. "Jack" Pickle has glaring rebounding and passing deficiencies, although he's projected to be a fine scorer.

Here's the breakdown according to Tyler's off-the-cuff rankings by position. (5 stars is best)

GUARDS

6-2 Mel A. Tonin "Sleepy"...3 stars

6-0 Lumpy Grits...2 stars

5-11 Mr. Poodie...2 stars

6-3 Peter Francis Geraci...2 stars

6-6 Dirt Mann...2 stars

6-2 President Comacho...1.5 stars

6-1 Pete Gushi...1.5 stars

FORWARDS

6-6 J.J. "Jake" Pickle...4.5 stars

6-7 Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...3.5 stars

6-9 Jack "Guzzler" Masterson...3 stars

6-5 Smirking Fuckface...2.5 stars

6-6 Cheech Aborte...2.5 stars

6-5 Count Sackula...2 stars

CENTERS

6-9 Doggie Barkinsons...2.5 stars

6-10 Krackey Krakatoa...2 stars

6-7 Dave Cowhand...2 stars

These guys will be taking on a team from the Cut Pile prior to the draft. Could the Cut Pile challenge for a change. It's dubious.

Season 57 Free Agents

DEMONS LOSE 2 SUPERSTARS

The prayers for breaking up the five-time defending champion Dallas Demons have apparently been answered as both All-MBA starting guards Vicious Hick and Juzan Djinn declared themselves free agents for the Season 57 draft.

Hick was the league-leading scorer and regular season MVP in Season 56 and Djinn, a Hall of Famer on track to become the best player in league history, was the Playoff MVP.

Seventeen players in all declared for free agency, with 8 of those players being starters. That means that, adding the 16 rookies, there will be 33 players in the upcoming draft...enough for three full rounds, with three teams getting a fourth player.

Only two teams; last-place Sacramento and Philadelphia, escaped unscathed in the free agent declarations. 

Six of the league's 10 teams lost valuable starters, with San Jose matching Dallas with two starters lost.

Dallas added the all-time championship ring winner Al A. Orden for a total of three free agents lost. Milwaukee and Gillette also contributed three. 

Three superb starting centers will be available in the draft as Hall of Famer Chochky Galumpkus leaves Seattle, Blob Dylan leaves Gillette (for the third time...they got him back twice) and Johnny Bananas departs Milwaukee after one season.

No matter what the caliber of incoming rookies, this upcoming draft will be well worth watching, thanks to the stars leaving their respective teams.

 

A LOOK AT LAST SEASON'S PREDICTIONS

Both Dave and Tyler got two correct in individual honors predictions. Each selected Juzan Djinn for All-MBA and Famichiki Whiskey for Rookie of the Year.

 ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS(from Dave)

Guard...Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn of Dallas

Guard...Rookie Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston

Center...Chochky Galumpkus of Seattle

Forward...Satan Israel of Sacramento

Forward...Hall of Famer Crentis Dentist of Oklahoma City

 

ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS (from Tyler)

Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Center...Biggus Dickus, Dallas

Forward...Satan Israel, Sacramento

Forward...Erik A. Crocidale, Seattle

 

Actual All-MBA team

Guard…Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Guard…Vicious Hick, Dallas

Center…Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City

Forward.Eddie “the Milkman” Creamer, San Jose

Forward.Piping Plover, Charleston

 

MVP Predictions

Center Chochky Galumpkus of Seattle (Dave)

Guard Pinky Toe of Los Angeles (Tyler)

 

Actual MVP

Vicious Hick, Dallas

 

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Guard Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston (both Dave and Tyler)