DALLAS 96, CHARLESTON 58 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)
OH, THE HUMANITY
DALLAS -- The execution of the Charleston Mountaineers in this Season 55 Finals took one game as the three time-defending champion Dallas Demons rained down a bloodbath on the visitors in the Series opener, dominating with a 96-58 victory.
That makes three Slaughter Rule victories in three playoff games for the Demons this post-season.
A 24-8 second-quarter blitz by Dallas broke things wide open for the Demons who were never challenged thereafter. They led by 18 at the half, which happened to be the number of points accumulated to that point by last season's playoff MVP, Vicious Hick of the victors.
Things got worse, as Charleston's main offensive threat, Kopi Luwak, became the second Mountaineers starter to be lost to injury. He was hurt halfway through the third quarter for the rest of the game and all of the next game, joining starting center Johnny Bananas in street clothes.
The 38-point win was still well short of the 42-point victory playoff record set in Season 52 by Dallas over Milwaukee in the Finals.
With the cut pile for guards at slim pickings, Charleston recruited third-year turd Swifty Twitch to replace Luwak on the roster for the next game.
PLAYER OF THE GAME
44 GVP...Making his bid for a second consecutive Playoff MVP award, second-year Dallas point guard VICIOUS HICK was a bombadier personified in this win, dropping in 7 long ones in 9 attempts on the way to a game-high 32 points. Let's be clear...there is nobody at the guard position on Charleston who can guard Hick when he sets up shop behind the arc. The 6-2 Hick notched the third triple-double of his career by adding a game-high 7 assists and pulling down 5 rebounds. Together with fellow guard Juzan Djinn, the Dallas guard tandem had as many rebounds as the entire Charleston team. Hick sank 12 of his 15 shots and was 1 for 1 from the foul line.
Other 20-plus GVP performers
27 GVP...Hall of Fame Dallas shooting guard and MBA MVP Juzan Djinn...16 points...6 rebounds...2 assists...2 blocked shots...1 steal.
25 GVP...Charleston rookie power forward Nick Kenpoop...17 points...4 rebounds...4 assists.
23 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...16 points...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 blocked shot.
20 GVP...Dallas power forward Satan Israel...16 points...4 rebounds.
NEXT UP: The teams travel to Charleston for what will be the only home game for Mountaineer fans. With two Charleston starters out, this is no longer a remotely competitive championship series.
MOST PLAYOFF MVPS
3...Cappy Gambol
3...Stu Nod
2...Chip Battoe
2...Dan Mann
2...Curly Hogbottom
2...Saggital Occlusal
2...Jonny Cockaroo
2...Boone Doggle
2...Hrundi V. Bakshi
2...Cock A. Doodledoo
2...Beezow Bop-Bop
2...Diss Reflexia
2...Juzan Djinn (active
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