THE EAST
DALLAS DEMONS
Prediction: First place...unanimous
Last Season: First Place and MBA Champs third straight season...10-0, 5-0
Last Playoff Appearance: Last Season...third in a row
Last Championship: Last Season...third in a row...8th overall
Big Losses: 7-award guard Kofi Luwak
Big Additions: Rookie guard Mini Carfartt, who will be first guard off the bemch
Summary: With three straight championships under their belt, the Demons look more like a lock for another title than ever. Plus, they can set the record for consecutive wins (which would be 17) in their first game this season (against Philadelphia). They return their entire starting lineup, which is probably the best im MBA history and still younger than half the teams in the league. What other team could possibly trade a young, one-time league scoring champ without missing a beat. All five starters are All-MBA candidates, again led by Hall of Fame madman Juzan Djinn.
OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS
Prediction: Second Place (tied) DM-2nd; TM-3rd
Last Season: Second Place...7-3, 2-3...swept by Dallas in Finals
Last Playoff Appearance: Last Season...second in a row
Last Championship: Season 41
Big Losses: Center tag team of Chochky Galumpkus amd Chat Bot
Big Additions: Highly-touted rookie center Poop-Rupiah 3000
CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS
Prediction: Second Place (tied) TM-2nd; DM-3rd
Last Season: Third Place...6-4
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 49
Last Championship: Season 42
Big Losses: Longtime guard Splash Gordon
Big Additions: Former league scoring leader and All-MBA guard Kofi Luwak in trade with Dallas; top rookie forward in draft Nick Kenpoop.
Summary: After narrowly missing the post-season in Season 54, the Mountaineers appear to be ready to mount an even more serious challenge for second place in the East. Plus, with the league's youngest starting lineup, they should be able to sustain their bigger presence in the division. They return All-MBA players center Johnny Bananas and forward Piping Plover and with the two new starters, should be a top scoring team. Passing abilities feature an 8, two 7s, a 6 and a 5, so the ball should move. Defense is the big question.
PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA
Prediction: Fourth place ... unanimous
Last Season: Fourth place...2-8
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 51
Last Championship: Season 43
Big Losses: None
Big Additions: Two guard Splash Gordon
Summary: Defense (79.2 ppg yielded) last season was a problem for Phobia, and they went out and got one of the best defenders in the league in Splash Gordon and fine second-year forward Leonard Pinth Garnel is also an improved stopper. They still, however, lack a rim protector at center. The glory days of the franchise are still a ways off, but this team will jump up and bite someone this season.
MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS
Prediction: Last place...unanimous...which would be third season in a row
Last Season: Last place...2-8
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 52
Last Championship: Season 18
Big Losses: None
Big Additions: Rookie guard Rabbit Munchers could surprise off the bench.
Summary: Having guard Ehhy Table for an entire season will absolutely help. The team is strong at guard with Table, Itstha Bishop and the aforementioned Munchers. But the starting forwards are extremely weak. This team should be rolling for a possible new location following this campaign.
THE WEST
SEATTLE STAMPEDE
Prediction: First Place...unanimous
Last Season: Last Place...3-7
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 53
Last Championship: Season 37
Big Losses: None
Big Additions: Center Chochky Galumpkus
Summary: The West is up for grabs this season, but acquiring veteran center Chochky Galumpkus in the draft to replace Harry Merdaio is a humongous upgrade. Galumpkus, a two-time All-MBA pivot, has shared his position with Chat Bot for the past three seasons with Oklahoma City but will be a full-timer with the Stampede. He will definitely score more than the 8.4 ppg Merdaio contributed last season. Eric Crocidale is one of the MBA's bright young forwards and point guard Bellybutton Inquisition, the team's top scorer (15.7 ppg), became a better passer in the off-season.
SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS
Prediction: Second Place...DM-2nd; TM-3rd
Last Season: First Place...8-2, 0-2
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 54
Last Championship: Season 48
Big Losses: None
Big Additions: Rookie center Bing Bong
Summary: The River Dogs surprised the hell out of the experts last season who picked them unanimously to finish last. They strengthened their center position with rookie Bing Bong, who will definitely score more than Dave Tesh (8.0 ppg) did last season. The R-Dogs have the second-youngest starting lineup, but aside from forward Kevin Duran-Duran, they lack defenders. Last season Sacramento won all three of its barn-burner games. Repeating that will be difficult.
LOS ANGELES BIG ONE
Prediction: Third Place...TM-2nd; DM-4th
Last Season: Second Place...5-5, 0-2
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 54
Last Championship: Season 51
Big Losses: Forward D. Fenestration
Big Additions: Center Chat Bot and rookie forward Big "Blue" Bottle
Summary: Led by sensational second-year guard Big Toe, who was Rookie of the Year, All-MBA and the league's top scorer (22.1 ppg), the Big One could easily finish on top in the West. Plus, Toe arguably improved the most of any player in the off-season. He pretty much single-handedly led his team to the playoffs last season and his supporting cast is much stronger with the addition of Bot and the rookie Bottle. Both of these additions should improve a defense that yielded over 80 points a game last campaign.
SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS
Prediction: Fourth Place...DM-3rd; TM-4th
Last Season: Fourth Place...3-7
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 52
Last Championship: Season 49
Big Losses: Starting center Sky Masterson and starting forward and team MVP Charles Broccoli
Big Additions: Rookie guard Donny "Diaper" Dupons
Summary: After a first-half of playoff contention, the Amigos lost five consecutive games to close out last season. They then suffered the most retirement losses of any team. Still, there is some optimism in San Jose as they went from one of the oldest teams to one of the youngest, adding possible star rookie guard Donny Dupons. If Dupons shines, this team could really surprise.
GILLETTE HUMPS
Prediction: Last Place...unanimous
Last Season: Third Place...4-6
Last Playoff Appearance: Season 53
Last Championship: Never
Big Losses: 3-time rebounding champ, forward Sheetrock Hudson
Big Additions: Nothing significant in starting lineup
Summary: Gillette is not much worse than the rest of this division, but unfortunately for them, their two cross-over games with the East are killers against Dallas and Oklahoma City. They managed to get star free-agent center Blob Dylan to return, but he's really the only rebounder they have.
All-MBA Predictions from Tyler
Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles
Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas
Center...Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City
Forward...Eric Crocidale, Seattle
Forward...Satan Israel, Dallas
All-MBA Predictions from Dave
Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles
Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas
Center...Chat Bot, Los Angeles
Forward...Nick Kenpoop, Charleston
Forward...Satan Israel, Dallas
League MVP Prediction
Juzan Djinn, Dallas...unanimous pick
Rookie of the Year Prediction
Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City (Tyler pick)
Nick Kenpoop, Charleston (Dave pick)
HALL OF FAME WATCH
13 awards...J.J. Gargantuan, Milwaukee center...already in
13 awards...Juzan Djinn, Dallas guard...already in
12 awards...Crentis Dentist, Oklahoma City forward...already in
7 awards...Chochky Galumpkus, Seattle center
7 awards...Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, Dallas forward
7 awards...Kofi Luwak, Charleston guard
6 awards...Al A. Orden, Dallas forward
6 awards...Satan Israel, Dallas forward
6 awards...Frog Morton, Seattle forward
5 awards...Flufferton Springs, Philadelphia guard
5 awards...Wawa Wewa, Charleston forward
5 awards...Biggus Dickus, Dallas center
5 awards...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose forward
5 awards...Johnny Bananas, Charleston center
Oldest Players entering Season 55
18 seasons...J.J. Gargantuan, Milwaukee center (HOF)
17 seasons...Ape Con Myth, Milwaukee forward
15 seasons...Al A. Orden, Philadelphia forward
15 seasons...Wawa Wewa, Charleston forward
12 seasons...Frog Morton, Seattle forward
12 seasons...Hurricane Furrwizard, Los Angeles guard
12 seasons...Chai Walla, cut pile guard
11 seasons...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose forward
11 seasons...Phillip Mamoufwifarts, cut pile guard
11 seasons...Dreamy Ray Wilson, cut pile forward
10 seasons...Chochky Galumpkus, Seattle center
10 seasons...Ray "Big Ticket" Natuzzi, Charleston guard
10 seasons...Charles "FP" Pompeo, cut pile guard
10 seasons...Nicholas Pickles, cut pile forward
NEXT UP: Season 55 begins with a bang as Sacramento visits Seattle in the FEATURED GAME
of Bracket No. 1. The River Dogs won the West last season and Seattle is picked to top the division this season. They split their two meetings last season.
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