Season 55 Featured Game No. 1 plus bonus look at the rosters

SEATTLE 80, SACRAMENTO 59 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

STAMPEDE CRUSHES R-DOGS IN OPENER

SEATTLE -- Picked unanimously to finish first in the West in preseason predictions, the Seattle Stampede and its new center, Chochky Galumpkus, did not disappoint, dealing out an 80-59 slaughter-rule thrashing of the visiting River Dogs to open Season 55.

Utilizing a defense that prevented 7 points in the first quarter, Seattle rushed out to a 25-17 lead that they never came close to surrendering.

By halftime they had prevented 11 points to 0 for Sacramento on the way to a 13-point halftime lead.

In the third-quarter, the Stampede poured it on, increasing the margin to as many as 23-points to put the game totally out of reach. 

The only weakness they demonstrated in the win came in their 3-point shooting, (2 for 16) echoing last season's worst behind-the-arc team (16.8 percent) that was part and parcel to Seattle finishing in last place. 

As for the River Dogs, their two stars, Karma Chameleon and Kevin Duran-Duran seemed to be the only Sacramento players to show up.

Points prevented by quarters

Sacramento...0...0...2...8   Total=10

Seattle...........7...4...4...2   Total= 17

Tops in points prevented...Kevin Duran-Duran of Sacramento with 6 (three others tied with 4).

PLAYER OF THE GAME

32 GVP...CHOCHKY GALUMPKUS...game-high 23 points...tied for game-high with 5 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal...1 blocked shot.

Coming over from Oklahoma City as a free agent via the draft, the league's tallest player at 7-1 couldn't have asked for a much better debut. The two-time All-MBA star, now in his 10th season, gave Sacramento rookie center Bing Bong a rude welcome to the league with a 9 for 14 effort (0 for 3 from deep) that included a perfect 5 for 5 from the foul line. He is a major upgrade from Harry Merdaio and should assure that the team will not finish last in scoring as they did last season, when they also bottomed out in the standings.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

23 GVP... Seattle two-guard Hilbee Juggleboy...15 points...3 assists...3 rebounds...1 steal...1 blocked shot

23 GVP...Sacramento guard Karma Chameleon...15 points (3 3s)...5 rebounds...2 steals...1 assist

22 GVP...Sacramento power forward Kevin Duran-Duran...15 points...5 rebounds...1 block...1 assist...game-high 6 points prevented

20 GVP...Seattle forward Erik A. Crocidale...12 points...5 rebounds...2 assists...1 blocked shot

MBA Standings … Season 55

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS………………….

OKLAHOMA CITY…..

CHARLESTON……….

PHILADELPHIA………

MILWAUKEE………..

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE…………..1-0

LOS ANGELES…..

GILLETTE………….

SAN JOSE…………

SACRAMENTO… 0-1

 

NEXT UP: Los Angeles unveils its new-look team to the home fans as Pinky Toe and company host visiting Gillette.

BONUS: A look at the Season 55 rosters

YOUNGEST STARTING LINEUPS (combined ages of starters)

1.      Charleston…17…0 up for retirement

2.      Sacramento…19…1 up for retirement

3.      San Jose…20…1 up

4.      Dallas…21…1 up

5.      Los Angeles…23…1 up

6.      Gillette…24…2 up

7.      Oklahoma City…25…3 up

8.      Philadelphia…26…3 up

9.      Seattle…29…2 up

10.  Milwaukee…35…2 up

 

 

YOUNGEST ROSTERS (combined ages)

1.      Philadelphia…43…4 up for retirement

2.      Sacramento…45…4 up for retirement

3.      Los Angeles…45…2 up

4.      Seattle…46…3 up

5.      Dallas…47…2 up

6.      Oklahoma City…47…4 up

7.      San Jose…51…4 up

8.      Gillette…53…5 up

9.      Charleston…57…3 up

10.  Milwaukee…65…4 up

 

LEAST ROSTER CHANGES

1.      Sacramento…1

2.      Dallas…2

3.      Seattle…2

4.      Milwaukee…2

MOST

San Jose…5

Charleston…5

 

LEAST CHANGES IN STARTING LINEUP

1.      Dallas…0

2.      Oklahoma City…1

3.      Sacramento…1

4.      Seattle…1

5.      Gillette…1

MOST

San Jose…3

 

 

 

Season 55 Preview

THE EAST

DALLAS DEMONS

Prediction: First place...unanimous

Last Season: First Place and MBA Champs third straight season...10-0, 5-0

Last Playoff Appearance: Last Season...third in a row

Last Championship: Last Season...third in a row...8th overall

Big Losses: 7-award guard Kofi Luwak

Big Additions: Rookie guard Mini Carfartt, who will be first guard off the bemch

Summary: With three straight championships under their belt, the Demons look more like a lock for another title than ever. Plus, they can set the record for consecutive wins (which would be 17) in their first game this season (against Philadelphia). They return their entire starting lineup, which is probably the best im MBA history and still younger than half the teams in the league. What other team could possibly trade a young, one-time league scoring champ without missing a beat. All five starters are  All-MBA candidates, again led by Hall of Fame madman Juzan Djinn.

OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS

Prediction: Second Place (tied) DM-2nd; TM-3rd

Last Season: Second Place...7-3, 2-3...swept by Dallas in Finals

Last Playoff Appearance: Last Season...second in a row

Last Championship: Season 41

Big Losses: Center tag team of Chochky Galumpkus amd Chat Bot

Big Additions: Highly-touted rookie center Poop-Rupiah 3000

Summary: The window appears to be closing as far as title con tention goes for the Lariats. They miraculously replaced their tandem centers lost to free agemcy with the top rookie pivot, 3000, in the draft. But although they return all four of the other starters, age regression hit three of them hard. Still, there is enough there to challenge for the second playoff spot in the rugged East. Charleston is, however, breathing down their neck with the addition of Kofi Luwak.

CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS

Prediction: Second Place (tied) TM-2nd; DM-3rd

Last Season: Third Place...6-4

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 49

Last Championship: Season 42

Big Losses: Longtime guard Splash Gordon

Big Additions: Former league scoring leader and All-MBA guard Kofi Luwak in trade with Dallas; top rookie forward in draft Nick Kenpoop.

Summary: After narrowly missing the post-season in Season 54, the Mountaineers appear to be ready to mount an even more serious challenge for second place in the East. Plus, with the league's youngest starting lineup, they should be able to sustain their bigger presence in the division. They return All-MBA players center Johnny Bananas and forward Piping Plover and with the two new starters, should be a top scoring team. Passing abilities feature an 8, two 7s, a 6 and a 5, so the ball should move. Defense is the big question.

PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA

Prediction: Fourth place ... unanimous

Last Season: Fourth place...2-8

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 51

Last Championship: Season 43

Big Losses: None

Big Additions: Two guard Splash Gordon

Summary: Defense (79.2 ppg yielded) last season was a problem for Phobia, and they went out and got one of the best defenders in the league in Splash Gordon and fine second-year forward Leonard Pinth Garnel is also an improved stopper. They still, however, lack a rim protector at center. The glory days of the franchise are still a ways off, but this team will jump up and bite someone this season.

MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS

Prediction: Last place...unanimous...which would be third season in a row

Last Season:  Last place...2-8

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 52

Last Championship: Season 18

Big Losses: None

Big Additions: Rookie guard Rabbit Munchers could surprise off the bench.

Summary: Having guard Ehhy Table for an entire season will absolutely help. The team is strong at guard with Table, Itstha Bishop and the aforementioned Munchers. But the starting forwards are extremely weak. This team should be rolling for a possible new location following this campaign.

THE WEST 

SEATTLE STAMPEDE

Prediction: First Place...unanimous

Last Season: Last Place...3-7

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 53

Last Championship: Season 37

Big Losses: None

Big Additions: Center Chochky Galumpkus

Summary: The West is up for grabs this season, but acquiring veteran center Chochky Galumpkus in the draft to replace Harry Merdaio is a humongous upgrade. Galumpkus, a two-time All-MBA pivot, has shared his position with Chat Bot for the past three seasons with Oklahoma City but will be a full-timer with the Stampede. He will definitely score more than the 8.4 ppg Merdaio contributed last season. Eric Crocidale is one of the MBA's bright young forwards and point guard Bellybutton Inquisition, the team's top scorer (15.7 ppg), became a better passer in the off-season. 

SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS

Prediction: Second Place...DM-2nd; TM-3rd

Last Season: First Place...8-2, 0-2

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 54

Last Championship: Season 48

Big Losses: None

Big Additions: Rookie center Bing Bong

Summary: The River Dogs surprised the hell out of the experts last season who picked them unanimously to finish last. They strengthened their center position with rookie Bing Bong, who will definitely score more than Dave Tesh (8.0 ppg) did last season. The R-Dogs have the second-youngest starting lineup, but aside from forward Kevin Duran-Duran, they lack defenders. Last season Sacramento won all three of its barn-burner games. Repeating that will be difficult.

LOS ANGELES BIG ONE 

Prediction: Third Place...TM-2nd; DM-4th

Last Season: Second Place...5-5, 0-2

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 54

Last Championship: Season 51

Big Losses: Forward D. Fenestration

Big Additions: Center Chat Bot and rookie forward Big "Blue" Bottle

Summary: Led by sensational second-year guard Big Toe, who was Rookie of the Year, All-MBA and the league's top scorer (22.1 ppg), the Big One could easily finish on top in the West. Plus, Toe arguably improved the most of any player in the off-season. He pretty much single-handedly led his team to the playoffs last season and his supporting cast is much stronger with the addition of Bot and the rookie Bottle. Both of these additions should improve a defense that yielded over 80 points a game last campaign.

SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS

Prediction: Fourth Place...DM-3rd; TM-4th

Last Season: Fourth Place...3-7

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 52

Last Championship: Season 49

Big Losses: Starting center Sky Masterson and starting forward and team MVP Charles Broccoli

Big Additions: Rookie guard Donny "Diaper" Dupons

Summary: After a first-half of playoff contention, the Amigos lost five consecutive games to close out last season. They then suffered the most retirement losses of any team. Still, there is some optimism in San Jose as they went from one of the oldest teams to one of the youngest, adding possible star rookie guard Donny Dupons. If Dupons shines, this team could really surprise. 

GILLETTE HUMPS

Prediction: Last Place...unanimous

Last Season: Third Place...4-6

Last Playoff Appearance: Season 53

Last Championship: Never

Big Losses: 3-time rebounding champ, forward Sheetrock Hudson

Big Additions: Nothing significant in starting lineup

Summary: Gillette is not much worse than the rest of this division, but unfortunately for them, their two cross-over games with the East are killers against Dallas and Oklahoma City. They managed to get star free-agent center Blob Dylan to return, but he's really the only rebounder they have.

All-MBA Predictions from Tyler

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Center...Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City

Forward...Eric Crocidale, Seattle

Forward...Satan Israel, Dallas

All-MBA Predictions from Dave

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Center...Chat Bot, Los Angeles

Forward...Nick Kenpoop, Charleston

Forward...Satan Israel, Dallas

League MVP Prediction

Juzan Djinn, Dallas...unanimous pick

Rookie of the Year Prediction

Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City (Tyler pick)

Nick Kenpoop, Charleston (Dave pick)

HALL OF FAME WATCH

13 awards...J.J. Gargantuan, Milwaukee center...already in

13 awards...Juzan Djinn, Dallas guard...already in

12 awards...Crentis Dentist, Oklahoma City forward...already in

                                                                                                        

7 awards...Chochky Galumpkus, Seattle center

7 awards...Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, Dallas forward

7 awards...Kofi Luwak, Charleston guard

6 awards...Al A. Orden, Dallas forward

6 awards...Satan Israel, Dallas forward

6 awards...Frog Morton, Seattle forward

5 awards...Flufferton Springs, Philadelphia guard

5 awards...Wawa Wewa, Charleston forward

5 awards...Biggus Dickus, Dallas center

5 awards...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose forward

5 awards...Johnny Bananas, Charleston center

Oldest Players entering Season 55

18 seasons...J.J. Gargantuan, Milwaukee center (HOF)

17 seasons...Ape Con Myth, Milwaukee forward

15 seasons...Al A. Orden, Philadelphia forward

15 seasons...Wawa Wewa, Charleston forward

12 seasons...Frog Morton, Seattle forward

12 seasons...Hurricane Furrwizard, Los Angeles guard

12 seasons...Chai Walla, cut pile guard

11 seasons...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose forward

11 seasons...Phillip Mamoufwifarts, cut pile guard

11 seasons...Dreamy Ray Wilson, cut pile forward

10 seasons...Chochky Galumpkus, Seattle center

10 seasons...Ray "Big Ticket" Natuzzi, Charleston guard

10 seasons...Charles "FP" Pompeo, cut pile guard

10 seasons...Nicholas Pickles, cut pile forward

NEXT UP: Season 55 begins with a bang as Sacramento visits Seattle in the FEATURED GAME

of Bracket No. 1. The River Dogs won the West last season and Seattle is picked to top the division this season. They split their two meetings last season.

The Season 55 Draft and Improvements/Regressions and ONE GIGANTIC TRADE

DRAFT ANALYSIS

Based on my (Dave's) rankings of the available 29 draft picks, with the top-ranked player getting 29 points and the worst player getting 1, this is how the teams fared. Ranking points only added if player stays with the team that drafted them. Player cut from team that drafted him and picked up in cut draft by another team is added points-wise to the team he ends up with.

1. With 64 total points...SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS...picked up two starters in rookies Donny Dupons, the top-rated rookie guard and rookie center St. Ides. Middling rookie forward Tweed Bassman and cut pile draftee Ed Balls also both stuck with the team.

2. With 60 total points...LOS ANGELES BIG ONE...Two of their three picks in the regular part of the draft will start in the Big One's front court for Season 55. Veteran center Chat Bot was one of the most talented players in the draft and rookie forward Big "Blue" Bottle was POG of the rookie game. 

3. With 56 total points...CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS...Picked up a starter in rookie forward Nick Kenpoop, perhaps the top overall forward in the draft. Got fine backup center in rookie Flatfoot Floogie as insurance for oft-injured Johnny Bananas, and added veteran forward Wawa Wewa for bench strength.

4. With 55 total points...OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS...Counting two players it got in cut draft, the Lariats came away with four additions to their roster, the biggest being their new starting center, highly-rated rookie 3000, who was kind of a miracle pick. Second-year center Harry Merdaio, a starter last season for Seattle, will back him up. Rookie guard Paul Majewski is a capable shooter but will be No. 4 at his position. Vito Andolini filled out the roster in the cut draft. 

5. With 41 total points...SEATTLE STAMPEDE...Big upgrade at center with Chochky Galumpkus taking the spot held by Harry Merdaio last season. The other draftee who stuck is rookie forward Professor Suggon-Deeznuts, who will come off the bench.

6. With 40 total points...GILLETTE HUMPS...Free-agent center Blob Dylan returns to the fold, which was a big relief to the Humps. Rookie guard Wakey Loop adds bench depth.

7. With 34 total points...PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA...Biggest get was two-way guard Splash Gordon, who is coming off his finest season, ranking as third-best guard in the league. He's a major upgrade at the two guard for Phobia. The other two picks will be subs.

8. With 33 total points...MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS...All three of their picks will be backups, with exciting rookie guard Rabbit Munchers the best of the three.

9. With 29 total points...SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS...Rookie center Bing Bong will add more offense at that position than Dave Tesh's 8 points per game. Their prime pick was used to return forward Fish Face Finseca to the team and the starting lineup. 

10. With 20 points...DALLAS DEMONS...Defending champions rated as lowest draft class, but they needed less than anyone to begin with. They only got two picks and just one of those stuck with the team. Rookie guard Mini Carfartt joins a talented roster and with the trade of Kofi Luwak, will be a factor this season as the first guard off the bench. 

IMPROVEMENTS/REGRESSIONS NOTES

-- No earth-shattering improvements or regressions to speak of.

-- After a fine rookie season, Philly forward Leonard Pinth Garnel improved three times, with the biggest upgrade a deny shot on 6 that fills in the box defensively for him. 

-- Second-year San Jose forward Scobee Bryant increases his already potent dribbling ability to an 8, which should add points to his scoring average.

-- Big One got big improvements to two starters. Rookie of the Year and All-MBA guard Pinky Toe will be an improved passer (a 6) from his point guard position, will shoot more from down low where he is already the best at his position in the league, and will rebound more.

Third-year forward Philibuck Davia goes to his third team where he will start for Los Angeles. Two rebounding improvements will help, as will upgrade against the pass, giving him a 3 and probably some steals.

-- Karma Chameleon improved against the pass to a 3, which improves the team's point defense. Second-year forward Mordle Sinn got the rare increase in 3-point shooting tendency, where he makes roughly a third of those bombs.

-- Oklahoma City saw regressions in starters King Czardines, Handsy Joe Potatoe and Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist.

-- Although still a young team, powerhouse Dallas did not take advantage of improvement possibilities, with all three front court players standing pat. League MVP and Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn lost some speed, which might have him taking his least effective shot (a 3-pointer) more. Playoff MVP and point gurd Vicious Hick, going into his second season, will come away with more offensive rebounds to improve on his already impressive 3.8 rebounding average of last season.

THE BIG TRADE

   After much haggling, the Dallas Demons and Charleston Mountaineers settled on a trade that could have major repurcussions for many seasons. 

   The Demons traded star guard Kofi Luwak to Charleston for a Mountaineers draft pick that will go to Dallas after every season Luwak completes for Charleston. The details are somewhat complex and we will not go into them here. Suffice to say that Dallas will get a second pick from Charleston next season and a first pick from Charleston every season thereafter for every campaign Luwak stays with Charleston. 

   Luwak was Rookie of the Year in Season 52 and led the champion Demons in scoring (17.7 ppg). The next season he was All-MBA and led the league in scoring at 18.9 ppg.  Last season he was relegated to the bench with the drafting of rookie standout Vicious Hick, who took his place in the starting lineup. Still, Luwak managed to score 7.3 per game and shot his best percentage at 63 percent. He is a welcome addition to Charleston's offense

 

Season 55 Rookie game

 

ROOKIES 81, CUT PILE 53 (Slaughter rule enforced)

NEWCOMERS ROMP OVER REJECTS

Season 55's incoming rookies demonstrated their ball-hawking ability on the way to a 28-point win against the over-matched refugees from the cut pile.

The final score of 81-53 included 12 steals by the MBA newbies, which would have tied a league record had this been a regular season game. Every starter on the rookie squad purloined at least one ball.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

30 GVP...Rookie forward BIG "BLUE" BOTTLE was everpresent in this victory, scoring a game-high 19 points, tying for most steals with 3, pulling down 7 rebounds and blocking 1 shot. Bottle was 7 for 14 from the floor (0 for 3 from deep) while going 5 for 7 from the foul line. Scouting reports had him primarily as a fine defender, but he showed a little more than just that in this win.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

29 GVP...6-9 rookie center Poop-Rupiah 3000...18 points...10 rebounds...1 steal.

25 GVP...6-2 rookie guard Donny "Diaper" Dupons...16 points...4 assists...3 rebounds...2 steals.

23 GVP...6-10 rookie forward Nick Kenpoop...12 points...3 rebounds...3 assists...3 steals...2 blocks.

22 GVP...6-5 cut pile forward Ed "Horsehead" Henderson...13 points...6 rebounds...2 steals...1 assist.

NEXT UP: The Season 55 Draft...followed by improvements and regressions.

Season 55 Free Agents and Rookies

 SEASON 55 FREE AGENTS

The more time goes on in the MBA the more things stay the same. 

Three-time defending champ Dallas lost just one player to free agency...their fourth rated guard who rarely played. We (the rest of the league) needed them to lose two top players...or at least one...to give us some semblance of hope.

Meanwhile, Oklahoma City, the main competition for Dallas...lost not one of their fine centers, but both of them. So much for having insurance at that position.

Gillette also lost its center...the excellent Blob Dylan.

Charleston lost its team MVP and the third-rated guard in the MBA last season, Splash Gordon.

Thirteen free agents declared this season, with only Milwaukee hanging on to all of its players. That means there will be 29 players in the upcoming draft. Thirteen free agents and 16 rookies. Everyone will get three draft picks except for Dallas, which will get two.

SEASON 55 ROOKIES

Another fine crop of rookies joining the MBA this upcoming season. Centers are especially good, and combined with the free agent centers will make for one of the most talented center drafts in history.

The rankings of the rookies (combined Dave and Tyler) are as follows:

10...6-9 center Poop-Rupiah 3000

10...6-10 forward Nick Kenpoop

9.5...6-2 guard Donny "Diaper" Dupons

8.5...5-10 guard Mini Carfartt

8.5...6-11 center Flatfoot Floogie

8.0...6-3 guard Rabbit Munchers

8.0...6-9 center Bing Bong

7.5...6-8 forward Big "Blue" Bottle

7.0...6-5 forward Professor Suggon-Deeznuts

6.5...6-8 forward Tweed Bassman

6.5...6-9 center St. Ides

5.5...5-11 guard Paul Majewski

5.5...6-0 guard Wakey Loop

4.0...6-5 center Williemays Masterson

4.0...6-7 center Louie DiMartino

3.0...6-6 guard Malcom Merriweather III

MBA Coach Firings, Hirings Annouced

COACHING CHANGES

MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS fire head coach Frank Pettis after five seasons, replacing him with Pap Smearz for Season 55.

Pettis compiled a regular season record of 20-30 in his five seasons, starting his tenure with the team with three consecutive playoff appearances in Seasons 50, 51 and 52. The Greyhounds had their best season under his tutelage in Season 51 when they went 6-4. Their best playoff appearance came in Season 52 when they made it all the way to the Finals before losing in five games to the Dallas Demons Whiz Kids. Their playoff record under Pettis was 4-7.

The last two seasons, Milwaukee finished in last place with identical 2-8 records. 

Smearz will be tasked with avoiding a third consecutive basement finish in the rugged East, which would bring the cube of chance into play for the team to possibly switch cities or be dissolved altogether.

The Milwaukee franchise, with seven titles, holds the longest championship drought, with their last title coming in Season 18.

SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS reluctantly let go of 18-season head coach Augustus McCrae. Manning the wheel this upcoming campaign will be Louie Subgum.

McCrae's regular season record with San Jose was 94-85, including 8 playoff appearances, 3 Finals appearances and one championship in Season 49. His teams finished first in the West four times.

The Fighting Amigos had three 8-2 campaigns under his direction, but Season 49's title came after a regular season record of 6-4. 

His playoff record with the Amigos was 11-18 and included four consecutive post-season appearances beginning with the championship season of Season 49.

San Jose finished last season with five consecutive losses to go 3-7.