Season 50 Playoffs...semis Game 1...San Jose at Philadelphia

 San Jose 97, Philadelphia 91

DEFENDING CHAMPS STEAL OPENER

PHILADELPHIA -- The defending champion San Jose Fighting Amigos out-scored the home team Philadelphia Phobia 97-91 in an uninhibited playoff encounter that saw both teams shoot over 60 percent from the field. 

Among the winning buckets for the visitors were 9 treys (Philly had 5) and 20 made foul shots out of 24.

Despite the fact that two Phobia starters and one reserve fouled out, the home team hung in and was down just 3 points with 14 ticks remaining in the contest. It was then that Fighting Amigos substitute forward Cheetah Vajajay (formerly of Philly) went to work. First, he force-missed a good short shot by Wawa Wewa, then drove to the hole and slammed one home on his team's next posession, putting the Amigos up 5 with 7 left. Vajayjay then blocked a good down low shot by Wewa and followed up with a swish from short that fouled out Wewa. He sank the free throw, putting San Jose up 8 with 3 ticks left. 

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Philadelphia center TACO TOOSDAE had a magnificent game for the losing Phobia, scoring a game-high 27 points and pulling down a game-high 6 rebounds. He added 1 assist. The 6-11 Toosdae was a smoking 13 for 16 from the floor with 3 slam dunks and was 1 for 4 from the foul line.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Hall of Fame guard Jesse Shershot of San Jose did rookie guard Ehhy Table of Philly dirty, pouring in a team-high 26 points and fouling out the defensive-minded newcomer in the process. The league-leading scorer pumped in four treys in the process and was a perfect 10 for 10 from the foul line. The four-time All-MBA guard also pulled down 3 boards, had 1 assist and 1 steal.

-- Veteran San Jose center Twinkles Spatula used his specialty, the slam dunk, to help him accumulate 18 points in the win. He added 3 boards and 1 assist.

-- Seventh year San Jose forward Cheetah Vajayjay came up huge off the bench to score 23 points, bombing away a trio of treys, grabbing 4 rebounds, handing out 1 assist and getting the big block on Wewa late. He scored the first 7 points of the game for the victors and got the team off to a great start with 10 first-quarter points.

-- Playing in his first playoff game, Philadelphia's classy second-year forward D Fenestration dominated Eddie Creamer of San Jose with a 17-point game that included 5 rebounds.

NEXT UP: The favorites to win it all, the Los Angeles Big One, take on the Milwaukee Greyhounds in Game 1 of their Semifinal match. The Big One destroyed Milwaukee in their cross-over meeting during the regular season by a score of 92-60, with Great Gruncle Terry of L.A. earning the POG. The slaughter rule was enforced in what turned out to be the biggest massacre of the season. 

Regular Season Stats for Season 50...part II...including team stats for playoff teams

NEXT UP: GAME ONE OF SEMIFINALS ... SAN JOSE AT PHILADELPHIA

 

Season 50 Regular Season stats, leaders, All-MBA, MVP, Rookie of the Year etc.

Next....position leaders...top 10 GVP...playoff team stats

 

Season 50 Featured Game No. 10...San Jose at Los Angeles...with two Golden Bonuses

Los Angeles 116, San Jose 80 (slaughter rule enforced)

BIG ONE DESTROYS AMIGOS 

LOS ANGELES -- The Los Angeles Big One captured their first West Division crown since their title year in Season 45 with a 116-80 mauling of the defending champion San Jose Fighting Amigos.

In winning their eighth consecutive game before a Hollywood crowd that roared its approval, L.A. demonstrated why they were picked as the top team in the most recent power rankings.

Shooting at a stratospheric 81.7 percent, the Big One came within two points of the single-game scoring record set by Seattle in Season 21 and set an MBA record for team assists in one game with 25 helpers. The previous record of 24 was shared by three teams, the last being Charleston over Seattle in Season 40. The others were Season 23 Sacramento and Season 28 Oklahoma City. 

Christ Almighty (bench players were in early) had a chance to get L.A. the single-game scoring record, but missed a 3-pointer at the horn. 

The 116 points was, however, enough to wrest the team scoring title away from San Jose for Season 50, with L.A. finishing with an 82.1 points per game average to the Amigos' 81.5. 

The Big One wasted little time to begin their onslaught, laying 31 points on the defending champs in the first quarter. In trying to keep up, San Jose registered a more-than-respectable 46 at the half, but Los Angeles had bombarded its way to 63 at the break and never let up, scoring 32 points in the fourth quarter.

San Jose finished the season 8-2 in second place in the West. 

This sets up the Season 50 playoff semifinals matches which will have 

-- San Jose vs. Philadelphia

-- Milwaukee vs. Los Angeles

PLAYERS OF THE GAME 

The 31-point show put on by Los Angeles center QUICK TINK nails down the first All-MBA center star for the fifth-year man and undoubtedly gives the 6-8 sharpshooter the regular season MVP award. Taking advantage of feeds into the post from point guard Great Gruncle Terry (who sewed up a record 5th assist title), Tink went 13 for 14 from the field, his lone miss coming from beyond the arc, where he was 1 for 2 for the game. He was 4 for 4 from the foul line. Tink also pulled down a game-high 5 rebounds. This stellar performance gives him a career best 18.8 points per game average, second in the league to Jesse Shershot of San Jose.

And 

The 29-point performance of Los Angeles forward CRENTIS DENTIST nailed down the first All-MBA season for the second year star. The 6-6 Dentist was 13 for 14 from the floor, his only miss coming from downtown (where he was 2 for 3). Dentist was also 1 for 2 from the foul line, pulled down 3 boards, had 3 assists and his team's only steal. He finished the season with a scoring average of 16.6 points per game, besting his rookie year average of 16.0.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Ten-year veteran guard Cat Timol of Los Angeles came off the bench for rookie star Flufferton Springs when the latter was plagued by foul trouble. All the 5-10 mighty mite did was score 16 points, block a game-high 3 shots and dish out 3 assists.

-- San Jose's Hall of Fame shooting guard Jesse Shershot nailed down his third consecutive scoring title and fourth straight All-MBA foil star in as many seasons with a sterling performance in a losing effort. Shershot rippled the twine for a team-high 26 points, including 5 long-distance bombs. He added 2 rebounds and 1 assist. He finished his fourth campaign with a 19.6 points per game average. Only four MBA players in the 50-season history of the league had begun their careers with four straight All-MBA seasons. Shershot is now the fifth.

MBA Standings … Season 50

EAST DIVISION (FINAL STANDINGS )

PHILADELPHIA…..7-3 (clinched playoff berth and division title)

MILWAUKEE……. 5-5 (clinched playoff berth)

CHARLESTON…… 5-5

OKLAHOMA CITY 5-5

DALLAS………………4-6 (clinched last)

 

WEST DIVISION

LOS ANGELES…..9-1 (clinched playoff berth and division title)

SAN JOSE………….8-2 (clinched playoff berth)

SACRAMENTO….3-6

GILLETTE…………..2-7

SEATTLE……………1-9 (clinched last)

 

Next Game: The Golden Anniversary regular season concludes with Gillette at Sacramento and a chance for the Humps to finish in the dizzying heights of the middle of the pack in the West. Gillette got one of its two wins this season against this same Sacramento team, 80-64, courtesy of a POG by Freddy Gooch. But this will be Doo-rag Dripp Day in Sacramento, so don’t expect the R-Dogs to come up with any negative canine tricks, such as rolling over.

Season 50 Golden Anniversary Bonus

MOUNT RUSHMORE 

OF EACH FRANCHISE

TENTH IN A SERIES...BASED ON NUMBER OF AWARDS GARNERED BY A PLAYER WHILE PLAYING FOR THIS TEAM.

Seattle Stampede

NIPPLE RINGS RAGUSKI, guard

GINGER VAMPIRE, guard

JAKE SPOON, center

M.E. “LOU” HARRIS, guard

                                                                                         

2nd Golden Bonus: 👎

The 10 Lowest-ranked players in MBA History

No. 10 (Worst career ever) 

Some index card will have to really be regrettably inadequate with unprecedented optimism and staying power to take the place of the number one worst career ever in the MBA, which belongs to the champion of the deficient….Jalapa Valley.

Raised in the rich tobacco growing area of Nicaragua, Jalapa managed somehow to find himself in the running for a spot on an MBA team, despite the fact that he could neither dribble nor pass, nor shoot nor defend, nor even make a free throw with any consistency.

His optimistic attitude saved/doomed him to a record 16 seasons in the cut pile where he was never, at any time, even considered as a possible pick-up by even the most desperate MBA team.

His career is a beacon of farcical ineptitude and a dire warning for those who overestimate their MBA capabilities.

Season 50...Featured Game No. 9...Milwaukee at Philadelphia...plus two Golden Year bonuses

 Philadelphia 71, Milwaukee 54

PHOBIA SECURES PLAYOFFS

PHILADELPHIA -- The Philadelphia Phobia became the third MBA team to clinch a playoff berth, doing so with a resounding victory over the visiting Milwaukee Greyhounds, 71-54.

Philly's win leapfrogged them over the Greyhounds into first place in the hotly-contested East Division and leaves Milwaukee and Charleston as the last contenders for the fourth and final post-season berth.

Milwaukee and Philly came into this game tied in lifetime wins against the other...58-58, but the Phobia rocketed out of the gate in this important game to seize a 26-14 lead that was never headed.

The pair will meet again in the final bracket, with Milwaukee at home and Charleston breathing down their neck.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

Uber-talented rookie guard EHHY TABLE met the big-game status with the finest performance of his young career. The 6-5 defender supreme delivered the initial triple-double of his career, doing so against fellow rookie Thomas Thomas Thomas of Milwaukee. Table tickled the twine for a game-high 27 points on 11 of 17 shooting that included 5 for 6 from the foul line. He also led everyone in assists with 5 and pulled down 6 rebounds, adding a steal for good measure. Thomas fouled out trying to guard him.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- Before fouling out for a league-leading fifth time, Philadelphia point guard Little Dickie Papers turned in an excellent performance, scoring 14 points, snagging a game-high 7 rebounds, stealing a game-high 2 and adding 1 assist. 

-- Milwaukee point guard Fatty McButterpants had the only game of note for the losing team. The 6-7, seventh-year man scored a team-high 18 points, adding 3 rebounds and 1 assist as he and Papers duked it out.

MBA Standings … Season 50

EAST DIVISION

PHILADELPHIA…..6-3 (clinched playoff berth)

MILWAUKEE……. 5-4

CHARLESTON…… 5-4

OKLAHOMA CITY 3-5 (eliminated from playoff contention)

DALLAS…………..3-6 (eliminated from playoff contention)

 

WEST DIVISION

SAN JOSE………….7-1 (clinched playoff berth)

LOS ANGELES…..7-1 (clinched playoff berth)

SACRAMENTO….3-5

GILLETTE…………..2-6

SEATTLE……………1-7

 

Next Game:.Cross-over pits two Dave teams desperate to finish out of last place lest they have to roll for a new location. Gillette visits Oklahoma City, and although a loss would not push either into last place at the moment, a win would clinch fourth place for the Humps, moving them out of the danger zone for this season.

Season 50 Golden Anniversary Bonus

MOUNT RUSHMORE 

OF EACH FRANCHISE

NINTH IN A SERIES...BASED ON NUMBER OF AWARDS GARNERED BY A PLAYER WHILE PLAYING FOR THIS TEAM.

GILLETTE HUMPS (formerly Kansas City)

FREDDY GOOCH, guard

HI-HO “TRAILUS” BOOTWHIP, forward

GENERAL HORSEPLAY, center

FREDDY CHEPUZZO, guard

                                                                                         

2nd Golden Bonus: 👎

The 10 Lowest-ranked players in MBA History

No. 9 (2nd worst career ever)

When you are christened with the name "Grumbles," there is no getting away from a doomed MBA career. Crabby, eternally pissed off, untrustworthy and totally disloyal, Williamson would have been a difficult fit on any MBA roster. Pair that with an over-agressive tendency to foul and a declining ability to advance a basketball by bouncing it and you have 10, count 'em, 10 long, arduous seasons in the cut pile beginning with Season 12. The constant complaining was too much even for those limited-ability index cards who were forced to share the envelope of deficiency with him, and finally, after Season 22, Grumbles Williamson was given the boot.

Season 50 Featured Game No. 8...Charleston at Philadelphia...plus two Golden Year bonuses

PHILADELPHIA 74, CHARLESTON 65

PHOBIA DIMS CHARLEY PLAYOFF HOPES

CHARLESTON -- The Philadelphia Phobia's 74-65 home triumph over visiting Charleston puts the post-season aspirations of the Mountaineers in serious jeopardy. 

Philly is now 5-3, tied in wins with Milwaukee but trailing the Greyhounds 5-4 in division wins, the first tie-breaker. Meanwhile, Charleston's loss makes them 4-4 with just 2 division wins. Charleston finishes with two games against division rival Dallas, while Milwaukee and Philadelphia face off against each other twice.

The 9-0 sprint by Philadelphia to start the game against Charleston was too much for the Mountaineers to overcome.

The teams split their 2-game series this season.

PLAYERS OF THE GAME

Having by far the best offensive output of his 10-season career, longtime Philly favorite WAWA WEWA continued to shine in Season 50, having his way with Sheetrock Hudson of Charleston on the way to a game-high 24-point performance. The small forward shot a blistering 11 for 14 from the floor, going 2 for 4 beyond the arc, while pulling down 3 boards, hading out 1 assist and blocking 1 shot. He's averaging a career-best 15.6 ppg this season and is in line for his first foil All-MBA star at this point. This was his first POG this season.

The biggest man in the MBA at 7-2, PAPA "PUPA" POPCORN of Charleston stepped up his offensive numbers while maintaining his defensive and rebounding presence. The big center dominated Taco Toosdae with a game-high 4 blocked shots, a game-high 7 rebounds, a team-high 15 points , 2 assists and 1 steal.The 6th-year man was 6 for 8 from the floor and 3 for 3 from the foul line to snag his second POG of the season.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

-- After fouling out with just 2 points in their previous blowout loss to Charleston, Philadelphia point guard Little Dickie Papers regrouped for a stellar 21-point performance in this big win for the Phobia. He dominated Don Barzini. Among those points was a perfect 3-for-3 day from downtown. The fourth-year man added 2 rebounds, 2 assists and 1 steal.

MBA Standings … Season 50

EAST DIVISION

MILWAUKEE……. 5-3

PHILADELPHIA…..5-3

CHARLESTON…… 4-4

OKLAHOMA CITY 3-5 (eliminated from playoff contention)

DALLAS……………3-5

 

WEST DIVISION

SAN JOSE………….6-1 (clinched playoff berth)

LOS ANGELES…..6-1 (clinched playoff berth)

SACRAMENTO….3-5

GILLETTE…………..2-5

SEATTLE……………1-6

 

Next Game:  Los Angeles travels to Seattle, as the visiting Big One fights San Jose for first in the West. L.A., behind the POG debut of Flufferton Springs, won the first meeting 71-62.

Season 50 Golden Anniversary Bonus

MOUNT RUSHMORE 

OF EACH FRANCHISE

EIGHTH IN A SERIES...BASED ON NUMBER OF AWARDS GARNERED BY A PLAYER WHILE PLAYING FOR THIS TEAM.

OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS

DIAMOND DALLAS PAIGE, Hall of Fame center

NAF NAF, Hall of Fame guard

MAX PAYNE, Hall of Fame center

YIPEEKAYEE MASTERFALCON, Hall of Fame guard

                                                                                         

2nd Golden Bonus: 👎

The 10 Lowest-ranked players in MBA History

No. 8

Stumpy Stewart came into the league in Season 7 and, despite high hopes for the college dropout, went immediately into the Cut Pile where he stayed for 11 seasons before finally giving up the ghost and becoming a personal trainer. At age 65 he retains his short, stubby appearance, despite it being a detriment to his profession, saying that people would not recognize him from his MBA days were he to get in shape. The ironic thing is that nobody ever recognized Stumpy anyway. His best basketball assets involved on-the-ball defense where his enormous width made it nigh impossible to dribble around him.