Featured Game No. 3...Los Angeles at San Jose

Los Angeles 89, San Jose 63
THE BIG ONE BREEZES PAST SAN JOSE TO REMAIN UNBEATEN
SAN JOSE -- The Los Angeles Big One completed their West Coast road sweep with an 89-63 thrashing of the young San Jose Fighting Amigos. After easily knocking off Seattle, then besting the defending champions of San Jose by a point, L.A. completed the sweep with a no-doubt-about-it defensive strangulation of the Fighting Amigos.

The Big One, which came into the game with the best defensive average in the league(66.5 yielded per game), cut off San Jose's offensive oxygen with a stunning 17 points prevented and 3 turnovers in the first quarter alone. Before the game was over, Los Angeles added 9 more points prevented for a grand total of 26 wiped from San Jose's side of the ledger.

Los Angeles is now 3-0 while San Jose drops to 1-2.

POINTS PREVENTED BY LOS ANGELES ...26 ( with 17 in the first quarter)
POINTS PREVENTED BY SAN JOSE...10

INDIVIDUAL LEADERS POINTS PREVENTED
1. Norman Conquest, Los Angeles 10
2. Chutcher Mouthchair, Los Angeles 8
2 tied with 4

TURNOVERS CAUSED BY LOS ANGELES ...10
TURNOVERS CAUSED BY SAN JOSE...1

INDIVIDUAL LEADERS IN TURNOVERS CAUSED
1. Norman Conquest, Los Angeles 5
2. Baba Brinkman, Los Angeles 2

PLAYER OF THE GAME
Tyler called it, as eight-year Los Angeles small forward BABA BRINKMAN torched his counterpart Cam Caldwell for a game-high 36 points, the high water mark for any MBA player this season. Brinkman, who had 30 points with 19 time units still remaining in the third quarter and 33 going into the fourth, was spectacular, going 16 for 23 from the floor, potting 3 of 7 from downtown and slamming home a trio of buckets. He was 1 for 4 from the foul line. Additionally, he pulled down 5 rebounds, registered 2 steals and blocked 2 shots. This is his second POG this season, tying him with Chip Battoe of Philadelphia and Pap Smearz of Sacramento for most in the league. Brinkman's points total was one shy of tying his career best, set as a member of Milwaukee in Season 42, also against San Jose.

Other 20-plus GVP performers
-- Los Angeles point guard Dr. Marcus Brody lorded it over his opponent Cha-Cha Bamba, allowing just 2 points while scoring 19 of his own, including a trio of treys. Brody also pulled down 6 rebounds to lead his team in that department, dished 2 assists and blocked 1 shot.

-- Fifth-year two guard Norman Conquest led the defensive charge for Los Angeles, accounting for a game-high 10 points prevented that equaled the opponents' total. The 6-2 Conquest also led everyone in turnovers caused with 5, four of those being a game-high in steals. Conquest also produced offensively with 16 points and 2 assists, adding 1 rebound. His 6 steals this season in three games already matches his career high for one season.

-- After getting a total of 10 shots in the first two games, San Jose center Hunk R. Down was the object of the Amigos' offensive thrust, scoring a team-high 18 points. The big 7-footer also pulled down 5 rebounds and had 2 assists.

NEXT UP: Kansas City (0-2) travels to Charleston (2-0) where the home team Mountaineers look to remain undefeated and match L.A.'s record.

Featured Game No. 2...Milwaukee at Dallas

Dallas 74, Milwaukee 68
FURIOUS GREYHOUNDS RALLY IN FOURTH FALLS SHORT
DALLAS -- The Dallas Demons, led by Chip Battoe's 32-point performance, surged to a 13-point halftime lead then held off the visiting Milwaukee Greyhounds to win their second consecutive Featured Game, 74-68. They are now 2-0 on the season, while Milwaukee falls to 1-1.

It was all Battoe in the first half, as the Demons forward accounted for 21 points at the break. Milwaukee looked to be dead in the water as the the third quarter came to an end, with the home team comfortably in control 58-44.

But withe 63 time units remaining in the game, Dallas point guard Louie Subgum fouled out. Dallas led by 10 at the time, but the loss of Subgum, who was constantly thwarting every ball-handling move by Milwaukee point guard Fatty McButterpants, soon became apparent.

Milwaukee cut the lead to 8 soon thereafter, then the difference remained fairly stagnant until, with 31 time units left in the game, Subgum's replacement, Bootlace Barnaby, was injured and forced to sit the remainder of the contest. Still, the Demons were up by 11 and appeared to be coasting.

But Milwaukee was getting better shots now, and worked their way to within 5 points of the lead with 6 time units left when rookie center Papa Popcorn grabbed an offensive rebound and put it back in.

The lead was reduced to 3 points when Milwaukee's Walter Sobchack missed the front end of a 1-and-1 free throw, but slammed home his own miss.

Alas, there was but one time unit remaining, which Dallas used to feed Bingo Bango for a late-game trey for the final 74-68 score.


POINTS PREVENTED FOR MILWAUKEE--9 (4 in the final quarter)
POINTS PREVENTED FOR DALLAS--10 (4 in the first quarter)

TOP INDIVIDUALS IN POINTS PREVENTED
1. Papa Popcorn, Milwaukee center...4 points
2. Lannigan Lord Hobo, Milwaukee guard...3 points
6 with 2

PLAYER OF THE GAME
CHIP "THE CRIP" BATTOE earned his second POG in as many games with a dominant performance, netting a game-high 32 points that is the highest mark recorded by a player this season. The third-year small forward was 15 for 23 from the floor (0 for 1 from 3-Point Land) and 2 for 2 from the foul line. He added a team-high 5 rebounds, a team-high 2 blocked shots and 2 assists. His value to the team can be seen in the fourth quarter, when he finally cooled off after scoring 29 points through three quarters. When Battoe failed to score at a ridiculous pace, Milwaukee made its move.

Other 20-plus GVP performances
-- Second-year Milwaukee point guard Fatty McButterpants again led his team in scoring with 19 points, pulling down 3 rebounds and adding 1 assist.

-- Despite having to go up against Battoe and his shot-batting prowess, 9-year Milwaukee forward Walter Sobchack came up with an excellent effort, scoring 16 points, blocking a game-high 3 shots, tying for game-high in steals with 2 and pulling down 3 rebounds.




UP NEXT: Philadelphia (0-1) at Charleston (1-0) in a big early season game for both. The Mountaineers took down the Phobia by 5 points in a hard-fought openerand could get an early two-game playoff lead on the perennial contenders if they can sweep the season series.

Season 45 Featured Game No. 1...Sacramento at Dallas

Dallas 89, Sacramento 69
Dallas waltzes home with fourth-quarter beat-down
DALLAS -- In a rematch of last season's playoff semifinals, the Dallas Demons demonstrated that they are a force to be reckoned with in the Season 45 championship race, besting the defending champion Sacramento River Dogs 89-69 in a highly anticipated cross-over of two powers.

The home team, eliminated 2 games to 1 in the playoff semifinals by Sacramento last season, led from start to finish in this game, getting off to a 9-2 early advantage that they never yielded. Dallas led after every quarter, and by 7 points headed into the fourth. They then exploded for a 29-point quarter in the decisive last frame to win going away.

Dallas exhibited balanced scoring and tough on-the-ball defense, demonstrating why they were the pre-season pick to win the West for the first time in seven seasons and a good bet to go all the way. Last season's No. 1 scoring team seems to have retained its firepower, getting 89 points despite a low-scoring game from usually potent Bingo Bango.

The Demons got especially strong play from their massive front court, including 6-10 newcomer at power forward, Egg Yolk Carpaccio and the much improved monster, 7-2 center Gotoo Grot, to go along with two-time MVP, 6-8 Chip "the Crip" Battoe. They also got a big lift off the bench by guard Bootlace Barnaby, the longest tenured Demon, who contributed 13 points.

The game featured a second-quarter fight between Barnaby and Sacramento substitute forward James Payne, the latter issuing a "cherry challenge" which subsequently resulted in his removal from the contest.

PLAYERS OF GAME (Recalculated to be a tie)
7-2 behemoth Dallas center GOTOO GROT, now in his third season, thoroughly out-classed Tree Fiddy, the defending All-MBA center and the man he used to back up in Sacramento. Grot scored 19 points on 9 of 13 shooting, including 2 slam dunks and a length-of-the-court 3-point desperation heave that ended the game. The Dallas big man also pulled down a game-high 7 rebounds, dished out 2 assists and blocked 1 shot.

The other POG in this contest, also from Dallas, was defending two-time MVP forward CHIP "THE CRIP" BATTOE, who started his defense as the league's top scorer with a game-high 22 points. The third-year superstar was 10 for 13 from the floor, hitting his lone 3-point attempt and going 1 for 2 at the foul line. He added 2 rebounds, 1 steal, 1 assist and a game-high 3 blocked shots. Doo-rag Dripp, his counterpart, was left in the dust with just 8 points.

Other 20-plus GVP performers
-- Dallas' new power forward, Egg Yolk Carpaccio, showed why he could be a difference maker coming from San Jose. Carpaccio scored 16 points, had 2 rebounds, 1 assist and 1 blocked shot in the big win.

-- Second-year Sacramento point guard "Great" Gruncle Terry scored a team-high 17 points, tied for game-high in assists with 4, grabbed 1 rebound and tied for team-high with 2 blocked shots in the loss.

-- Fourth-year Sacramento shooting guard Potus Obama had a solid game with 15 points, 3 rebounds, a game-high 2 steals, a team-high 2 blocks and tied for game-high in assists with 4.

STANDINGS AFTER FIRST BRACKET (and first game of bracket No. 2)

WEST
1st -- Oklahoma City 1-0 (points differential tie-breaker)
2nd -- Los Angeles 1-0
3rd -- San Jose 1-1
4th -- Seattle 0-1 (points differential tie-breaker)
Last - Sacramento 0-1

EAST
1st -- Charleston 1-0 (points differential tie-breaker)
2nd -- Milwaukee 1-0 (division wins tie-breaker
3rd -- Dallas 1-0
4th -- Philadelphia 0-1
Last - Kansas City 0-2

UPCOMING GAMES ... BRACKET NO. 2
-- FEATURED GAME Milwaukee at Dallas in an early season clash of undefeated clubs. Can the young Greyhounds make a statement with a giant road win?
-- Philadelphia visits Charleston in the second of two back-to-back games to open the season. The Mountaineers won the opener in overtime and can put Phlly in an early hole with another victory.
-- Oklahoma City at Seattle...the Lariats surprised everyone with a 92-point outburst in their opening win and are looking to sneak into a 2-0 start.
-- Los Angeles at Sacramento...the schedule-makers have not been kind to the defending champions as the River Dogs open up at home against their toughest foe in the West after getting tagged in their season debut by East Division power Dallas.

Trades prior to Season 45...Season 45 Schedule....Awards Predictions...Oldest Players...Players with Most Awards

RATING THE CROSS-OVERS HARDEST TO EASIEST
The way this worked out, the best teams seem to have the toughest cross-overs, especially Dallas and the defending champion Sacramento River Dogs.
Oklahoma City and the new kid on the block, Kansas City, have the easiest cross-over games, but probably don't have the talent to take advantage of that.


Hardest cross-over schedules
1. Dallas...plays Sacramento and Los Angeles
1. Sacramento...plays Dallas and Charleston
3. Philadelphia...plays Seattle and Los Angeles
3. Los Angeles...plays Dallas and Philadelphia
5. Charleston...plays San Jose and Sacramento
6. Seattle...plays Philadelphia and Milwaukee
6. San Jose...plays Kansas City and Charleston
8. Milwaukee...plays Oklahoma City and Seattle
9. Oklahoma City...plays Milwaukee and Kansas City
9. Kansas City...plays San Jose and Oklahoma City


All-MBA Team Prediction
Guard--Colquitt Croix, Philadelphia
Guard--Dr. Marcus Brody, Los Angeles
Center--Hunk R. Down, San Jose
Forward--Chip Battoe, Dallas
Forward--Doo-Rag Dripp, Sacramento

LEAGUE MVP--Chip Battoe, Dallas

Rookie of the Year--Mister Methane, San Jose (guard)


Oldest players
15 seasons--center Wayan Garuda (cut pile)
12 seasons--forward Shag Bark, Los Angeles
12 seasons--center Buzz Kill (cut pile)
10 seasons--guard Louie Subgum, Dallas (oldest starter)
10 seasons--guard Pricklebush Tickletush (cut pile)

MOST AWARDS ENTERING SEASON 45 (5 or more, putting them in range for Hall of Fame)
11 awards--Colquitt Croix, Philadelphia (Hall of Fame)
10 awards--J.J. Gargantuan, Charleston (Hall of Fame)
7 awards--Chip Battoe, Dallas
7 awards--Baba Brinkman, Los Angeles
7 awards--Pap Smearz, Sacramento
6 awards--Sloppy Dollop, Philadelphia
6 awards--Tree Fiddy, Sacramento
6 awards--Pietro Destroyer, Deattle


Tyler Picks
standings - same as yours but swap Philly/Milwaukee and Seattle and San Jose

All League
Croix
McButterpants
Down
Battoe
Brinkman

MVP
Battoe (3 in a row)

Season 45 Preview

THE WEST

1. LOS ANGELES BIG ONE (Last season 6-4, third place)
In its sixth season in Los Angeles, this could be the year The Big One finally reaches the playoffs. Veteran forward Sloppy Dollop, picked up as free agent in the draft, is an upgrade from Anurag Dickshit at the power position. Defensive-minded guard Norman Conquest is back after suffering two injuries last season and will replace the retired Steve Carter at the two guard. Look for third-year point guard Dr. Marcus Brody to return to his rookie form when he made the All-MBA team. He dipped from 18.1 ppg his first year to 14.2 ppg last season, but because he does so many other things well, was still voted his team's MVP. Small forward Baba Brinkman is good for 15-plus points per game and center Chutcher Mouthchair had a 20.1 GVP last season. One of league's deepest benches.

2. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS (Last season 7-3, 5-1 in playoffs, first place and MBA champs)
The only team in the league returning its starting lineup intact, the River Dogs will be challenged for the division crown by L.A. but appear to be a lock for the playoffs. After shining in the playoffs, second-year point guard "Great" Gruncle Terry looks to improve his regular season scoring average while continuing to direct the team offense and lead the team in assists. All-MBA center Tree Fiddy made it through the season missing just one game, and if he does that again the Dogs will bark. Forward Pap Smearz may be slowing but is still a glue guy and small forward Doo-Rag Dripp will fill it up as usual. If shooting guard Potus Obama can replicate his playoff performance of last season, Sacramento will repeat as division champs.

3. SEATTLE STAMPEDE (Last season 3-7, fourth place)
The Stampede lost mainstay point guard Bob Kittle and his team-leading 15.5 ppg to retirement along with top rebounder, forward Bougainvillea Hedge. But they picked up one of the league standouts at forward, Pietro Destroyer, who became available in the draft when Chicago disbanded its team. (However, rumor has it that Destroyer has lost a step). Center Seven Castanza surprised everyone last season, finishing as the league's fourth-rated pivot in his rookie year. Seattle added a couple of good looking guards in rookies Don Barzini and AnDamian Wayne.

4. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS (Last season 7-3, 0-2 in playoffs, second place)
Perennial contenders have a ton of question marks with the retirements of longtime guards Dayshotta Leo and YourMajesty Lumpkins. The Amigos went for youth in the draft and came up with two of the top three rated rookies in guard Mister Methane, who will put points on the board if he can stay out of foul trouble and the workmanlike forward Eddie "The Milkman" Creamer. They still have one of the top scoring and rebounding centers in the league in Hunk R. Down. May surprise.

5. OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS (Last season 2-8, last place)
Advance scouting reports say third-year man Willie Carry McCoffee is ready to challenge as the top center in the league. But the Lariats added very little in terms of supporting their big man.

THE EAST

1. DALLAS DEMONS (Last season 7-3, 1-2 in playoffs, second place)
In a wide-open league, the Dallas Demons appear to have as much talent as anyone. Dallas strengthened its starting lineup, replacing power forward Al A. Orden with the more versatile 6-10 Egg Yolk Carpaccio. Two-time MBA MVP Chip "the Crip" Battoe returns for his third campaign as the league's unquestioned best forward, coming off his first scoring title and leading the league in blocks again by a wide margin. The big giant, 7-2 Gotoo Grot, improved four times at center and scoring guard Bingo Bango gives Dallas the best 1-2 scoring punch, along with Battoe, in the game. Orden moves to the pines where he joins a very deep bench that now includes defensive forward Kyle Sherwood and longtime guard Bootlace Barnaby. Always in the hunt, this could be Dallas' year.

2. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS (Last season 7-3, third place)
Still stinging after missing the playoffs with a 7-win campaign, the Mountaineers return with a bigger, more offensive-minded team. Gone is point guard Red Reparee, ball-handler supreme who stirred the offense with his league-leading assist average of 5 per game. In his place at the point is the acquired veteran Lapiz Lapiz Boligrafo, the MBA's top 3-point shooter last season. His running mate will be either standout defender and rebounder Akbar Zagobia, plucked in free agency from Philadelphia or the smaller Cat Timol, who blossomed with a 15.7 ppg average last campaign. Hall of Fame center J.J. Gargantuan mans the center post for the eighth straight season. Charleston will be pressed by Philly and Milwaukee but should have enough to return to the playoffs.

3. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA (Last season 8-2, 2-3 in playoffs, first place)
Everyone in the City of Brotherly Love breathed a sigh of relief when Hall of Fame guard Colquitt Croix, in the draft as a free agent, returned to the fold. However, the Phobia did lose starters Akbar Zagobia and Sloppy Dollop. Of the two, Zagobia will be harder to replace, with veteran scorer Guy "the Eye" Clark filling the gap with points instead of defense and rebounds. Don't feel too sorry for Philly. They are still a playoff contender in the tough East.

4. MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS (Last season 2-8, fourth place)
The Greyhounds are much improved, adding excellent sophomore guard Lannigan Lord Hobo and good-looking rookie center, the 7-2 Papa "Pupa" Popcorn to go along with last season's Rookie of the Year Fatty McButterpants, who led the team in scoring, rebounding and assists. Milwaukee is dangerous, but probably still a year away.

5. KANSAS CITY BASTARD ANGELS (New to the League)
The Bastard Angels have a veteran lineup of players who have all started at one time or another in the MBA, but they'll be hard-pressed to escape the cellar in this always-rough division.

SEASON 45 Draft and improvements...and new team logo

The big story was that Philadelphia got back its Hall of Fame guard Colquitt Croix in the draft after multiple teams had chances to snag him. He lasted until the 36th pick, when the Phobia, using the pick it got from Charleston last season in a trade, snared him with a premium pick, which, in retrospect, it did not rightfully have. But, whatever, they got him back.

Six teams had good drafts, including:
Milwaukee--which snared the top center in the draft, 7-2 gargantuan rookie Papa Popcorn, which they earned with a trade with expansion Kansas City. They also got second-year guard Lord Lanigan Hobo and last season's assist leader, guard Red Reparee.

Seattle--which grabbed standout forward Pietro Destroyer with the fourth pick in the draft using its premium pick.

Los Angeles--got better by snaring forward Sloppy Dollop with its first pick (fifth overall) using its premium pick.

Charleston--One of the league's main contenders added serious guard talent with defense-minded Akbar Zagobia (premium pick at No. 6 overall) and Lapiz Lapiz Boligrafo, who led the MBA in 3-point shooting last season.

San Jose--Picked up rookie sharpshooting guard Mister Methane on its first pick, a premium pick at No. 7. He was the best rookie guard. They also got the best rookie forward in Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer with pick No. 27 in the draft.

Dallas--The Demons added San Jose free agent forward Egg Yolk Carpaccio with its premium pick at No. 18 overall, after adding defensive expert forward Kyle Sherwood.







NOTABLE IMPROVEMENTS
-- Third-year 7-foot center Willie Carry McCoffee of Oaklahoma City, already the best player on his team, improved the maximum 4 times, improving twice against the shot, against the dribble and adding to his defensive rebounding ability. One of the best centers in the league, especially defensively, just took a giant leap forward.

-- Third-year center GoToo Grot of Dallas, at 7-2 already the biggest player in the league, also improved 4 times. He got better twice on defensive rebounding, making his 25 number there the highest in the history of the MBA. He also sharpened his passing skill and his ability against the pass.

-- One of the hardest off-season workers in the MBA, 9-year veteran point guard Lapiz Lapiz Boligrafo improved his scoring ability for the third straight season, adding a medium swish on 7 to his offensive arsenal and improving to a +2 against the pass for his new team, the Charleston Mountaineers.

NOTABLE REGRESSIONS
-- He's still the best guard in the MBA, but Hall of Fame sensation Colquitt Croix, who tested the free agent waters but returned to Philadelphia, got markedly worse as a ball-handler, regressing in both passing and dribbling.

-- All-MBA forward Flip Testerton of Charleston, who made his bones on defense and rebounding, got worse in both areas, seriously compromising his effectiveness.

-- Star center Hunk R. Down of San Jose is now a zero against the pass and lost a bit on one of his strengths, offensive rebounding.

-- One of the league's top forwards, Pietro Destroyer, may find it difficult to remain on the court for his new team, the Seattle Stampede. He added a foul on 8 against the shot to go along with his already-present foul on 6.


The new team replacing Chicago in the East...envelope, logo and name unveiled.

Tyler ranks the Season 45 Rookies

Subject: My Season 45 Rookie Ratings

Not the best class, not the worst class (but close to it). Two major notable outcomes: almost every player is a hacker, and there is no one classified as excellent.

That being said, here goes. Line breaks of quality are

Great pick 1
Good pick 2-3
Speculative 4-7
Wasted pick 8-12
Fire your GM 13-16
bF - Eddie "The Milkman" Creamer - big man has all the tools. A little weak in the short zone and a little hacky, but will be a perennial starter, probably a all star on occasion if he improves.
G - Mister Methane - Has all the offensive tools, hold ball handling, to be a 20+ point scorer, but will foul out most games. I think he ends up the most exciting player here, and will sell the most jerseys this year. KC would love to have him. Good rebounder
C - Papa "Pupa" Popcorn - Solid everywhere, will be the most consistent player in the schizophrenic rookie pile. Great D, Reb, Offense, pass. Struggles in the short zone
G - AnDamian Wayne, great Reb, volume shooter, can defend a bit, his value depends what team he's on. Could be as low as 6th on a team with a strong front court.
sF - Hi-Ho Bootwhip, hacker with no D, good ball skills, great shot. This guy will score
G - Don Barzini, looks like a defensive minded, good rebounding, passer. Low shooting % should be expected, but not a shooter
G - Buddy Flakes - All american boy has some nice skills that could make him a contributor somewhere. Defense against shot is lacking and hacky but can rebound and shoot from the mid zone
C - Asiago Cheese - pretty solid all around. Struggles from the short zone where he shoots it, but will be a nice bench player to have.
G - Oil Pan Phelps. Great rebounds, good ball handler, amazing from 3, but Im not sure where this guy could play. He cant make too many shots and he plays zero def (hack on seven). Basically barzini with worse defense. Stands to be an allstar if he improves his 3pt tendency
F - Odell Taters - not gonna kill you anywhere
C - Waylan Pillsbury - No defense AT ALL, but otherwise can get the job done off the bench
G - Phillip Mamouf-Wifarts - wont kill you, a little hacky, but can make some shots and defend a little.
C - Chick "the preacher" Blades - hacker, sucks at most things
sF - Billy Bowel - all around trash with a block on 7
F - Rudy Schmegagas III - pure hacky garbage - with a block on 7
F - Dreamy "the possession ender" Ray Wilson - a shooter the like's we've never seen. Rolled the highest shooting tendency possibly for a forward, will shoot immediately no less than 60% of the time he gets the ball, and has no business in any zone doing so. Also super hacker with no rebounding or ball skills. utter garbage

Season 45 Free Agents Declarations

COLQUIT CROIX LEADS EXCITING GROUP OF FREE AGENTS INTO SEASON 45
The Philadelphia Phobia got hammered in free agency declarations leading into Season 45. The Phobia, one of the top teams in the East, lost Hall of Fame guard Colquitt Croix and two other starters, Sloppy Dollop and Akbar Zagobia.

Oklahoma City, last in the West in Season 44, lost two starters, but neither are comparable to starters lost by Philly or any other team for that matter.

Defending champion Sacramento lost no starters, and Los Angeles goes into the upcoming draft in the best position of any team, going unscathed in free agent declarations.

Eight former Chicago players will also enter the draft as free agents, four of them starters.

NEXT UP: The making of the rookie class of Season 45.