Here's the ranking of the new rookies, who can be divided into six categories.
BY FAR THE BEST NEWCOMER
1. Chip "the Crip" Battoe, 6-8 forward....Will be an immediate star. The prize of the class is a shot-blocking maniac, an excellent rebounder and an immediate starter on whatever team gets him. Should score at least 15 points per game. Tyler ranks him 1st, Dave ranks him 1st.
ANY TEAM WOULD WELCOME THESE TWO
2. Willie Carry McCoffee, 7-0 center....Plays above average defense and is a top-flight rebounder. Can score from three different zones, although he is unselfish to a fault as far as taking the shot is concerned. One of three excellent young pivots in the draft. Tyler ranks him 2nd, Dave ranks him 2nd.
3. Dr. Marcus Brody, 6-1 guard....Best guard in the draft, hands down. Above average 3-point shooter who can get off his shot from downtown. Also plays great defense, hits the boards and handles the ball well enough to play either guard position. Future is bright. Tyler ranks him 3rd, Dave ranks him 3rd.
THEIR STRENGTHS ARE ALLURING
4. Tomm Foolerie, 7-0 forward....First 7-foot forward in the league since Baba Ghanouj. Not a great rebounder for his size, but plays really good defense. Not super aggressive offensively and kind of weak near the basket. But he'll make a team and contribute right away. Tyler ranks him 4th, Dave ranks him 5th.
5. GoToo Grot, 7-2 center....Biggest man to enter the league in some time is a monster on the boards and the best rebounder in the rookie class. He will score a lot, especially on put-backs. Is fast, passes very well, but plays little defense against the shot. Tyler ranks him 5th, Dave ranks him 6th.
6. General Horseplay, 6-8 center...Third rookie center in the top six newcomers. The most offensive-minded of the trio who has great moves and should score a bundle down low. A superb passer. Not a great rebounder and just a perfunctory defender. Tyler ranks him 8th, Dave ranks him 4th.
SOMEWHAT INTRIGUING, SHOULD MAKE A TEAM
7. James "Cherry Challenge" Payne, 6-7 forward...Distant relative of just-retired Hall of Fame star Max Payne. Probably the best ball hawk among rookies and above-average defender against the shot. A weak rebounder who can shoot but is a reluctant scorer. Tyler ranks him 6th, Dave ranks him 7th.
8. Hurricane Furrwizard, 5-11 guard...Undersized guard is second-best at his position in a bad year for that spot. Can score but has only a nodding acquaintance with defense and almost no rebounding ability. Tyler ranks him 7th, Dave ranks him 8th.
9. Mortimer Masterson, 6-6 forward....Token Masterson is really good defender who can pass the ball with the best of them. Rebounding is so-so and his shooting leaves much to be desired. Tyler ranks him 9th, Dave ranks him 9th.
LIMITED ABILITY, BORDERLINE HANGERS-ON
10. Tweedle D. Dee, 6-1 guard....Average shot, good ball handler. If he does anything defensively against the shot its only to foul. Tyler ranks him 11th, Dave ranks him 10th.
11. Junior Dabas, 5-10 guard....Another undersized guard who can shoot a little but has defensive skills that are well hidden against the shot. Quick and will steal the ball. Tyler ranks him 10th, Dave ranks him 12th.
12. Hassan Fourstar, 6-8 forward....The best ball handler in the draft, including guards. Decent rebounder but will struggle to score. Is a terrible Lyft driver in his spare time. Tyler ranks him 13th, Dave ranks him 11th.
13. Anass Rammer, 5-11 guard....Impressed some scouts early on, but upon closer inspection, general consensus is that he will be a buster. Yet another small guard. Can pass well but can score consistently only in the short zone. Yet, he takes a lot of shots. Tyler ranks him 12th, Dave ranks him 13th.
MADE TO BE CUT
14. Pombazo, 6-5 forward....Smallest forward and easily the worst of the lot. To say he is a reluctant rebounder is an understatement. He sucks at it. Only redeeming attribute is a really nice short jump shot. But he loves to launch 3-pointers and has the worst possible chance at making them. Pitiful. Tyler ranks him 16th, Dave ranks him 14th.
15. Broccli Boy, 6-2 guard....So bad even his name is spelled wrong. He has the distinction of being the tallest of this season's crop of small rookie guards. Not much else is on his side. Tyler ranks him 15th, Dave ranks him 15th.
16. Jolly Mon Singh, 5-9 guard....The most diminutive player in the draft and the smallest of a set of small guards. Plays some defense, is fast and can shoot the medium shot okay. Ball handles pretty well. A weak shot in three of the four zones. Sunny disposition. He'll need it in the cut pile. Tyler ranks him 14th, Dave ranks him 16th.
NEW UNIFORMS
Check out the new computerized digital uniforms introduced by the MBA's rookies this season. We selected the top three rookies to model them. They are clean, sleek and spittle-proof.
THIS WILL BE THE SEASON 43 DRAFT ORDER
1. Los Angeles Big One
2. Chicago Gale
3. Milwaukee Greyhounds
4. Sacramento River Dogs
5. Philadelphia Phobia
6. San Jose Fighting Amigos
7. Seattle Stampede
8. Oklahoma City Lariats
9. Dallas Demons
10.Charleston Mountaineers
TWO NEW COACHES
-- Los Angeles hired Hall of Famer Hrundi V. Bakshi to replace Jinx Bluzemen, who lasted three seasons. Bluzemen was hired when Houston moved its franchise to the West Coast. He finished fourth his first year, then last his next two. Overall record was 9-21. This will be the first head coach job for Bakshi. His goal is to avoid a third consecutive last-place finish and another roll at changing the team's location.
-- Chicago turned to Vic Hitler to replace Mamadou Zongo, who lasted just one season with the Gale. Hitler has shown some good leadership qualities in his playing career, but insiders say he may have a dictatorial streak. But maybe that is what Chicago needs to keep them out of last place for the fourth consecutive season. It won't be easy, since they will be without two draft picks, traded away last season. Zongo finished 2-8 as a Gale coach. The franchise is teetering on leaving the city, which they almost did after last season. Heil Victor!
COMING SOON: Announcement of each team's free agents who will join the rookies in the draft.
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