SEASON 36 PREVIEW

A killer draft that included a deep and talented rookie class and a number of proven veterans changed the landscape of the MBA coming into Season 36, making for a dispersal of talent that leaves the league without any patsies and a possible power shift from the East to the West.



THE EASTERN DIVISION

1. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS: Went into the draft needing to replace four of five starters and ended up getting three of the top four rated players. Team was 3-7 last season and in last place in very competitive East. Not only did they get back last season’s Rookie of the Year forward B. Quiet (who they lost in dispersal draft), but they added All-MBA center and latest Hall of Famer Max Payne from Oklahoma City as well as excellent third-year guard from Chicago, Beezow Doo-Doo Zopitty Bop Bop-Bop. Second year forward Buck Naked improved tremendously and will play next to Quiet.

2. CHICAGO GALE: One win away from winning a championship last season, the Gale lost their glue guy, guard Beezow Bop-Bop in the draft, along with solid starting center Wayan Garuda. But they replaced Garuda with 6-11 rookie Magnus Dragonhof, who is somewhat of a mirror image of his predecessor. Veteran power forward Nobby Nabob improved greatly in the off-season, and if League MVP (both regular season and playoffs) and scoring leader Didger A’doo can come close to repeating his superb season, Chicago could make the playoffs for the third straight season and challenge for the title again.

3. HOUSTON IGUANAS: Houston has been in the playoffs three consecutive seasons, with one title, since Hall of Famer Hrundi V. Bakshi joined the team. In a shocking move by coach Tyler Masterson, the fifth-ranked (tie) player of all time will be replaced at the two guard by third-year forward T. Kanes Masterson. But Bakshi or Masterson, the Iguanas will be hard-pressed to continue their playoff streak, thanks to the loss of both starting forwards to retirement following last season. An influx of three solid rookies in the draft (center Hodor, forwards Vic Hitler and Blue “Rondo” Alaturk) as well as second-year forward Harry Verducci softens that loss somewhat. Center Sanjay Patel , who followed his All-MBA season of two years ago with a runner-up spot last season, will have to continue scoring and rebounding at a high rate. Houston has talent and depth, but do they have enough?

4. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA: The Phobia fell one win short (5-5) of a playoff spot last season, but lost starting guard and Hall of Famer Ching-Chong Chung to San Jose in the draft. Patchy Fogg or Ted Hose will have to replace Chung in the starting lineup and neither has a track record that indicates they can match even a declining Chung’s effectiveness. Ama Spikie is coming off his finest scoring season, having led the Phobia and all centers with a 15.1 average last season. He is one award away from the Hall of Fame. Sunny Osiris and Gabba Penton are solid forwards and Jitter Bugg scored 13 per game at the point as a rookie but lacks defending skills.


5. MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS: The Greyhounds were right there again last season with a 5-5 record in the tough East, but they lost two key pieces in their starting lineup. Benny Lava, a fixture at point guard for nine consecutive seasons finally hung up his Nikes and last season’s leading scorer Art Vandelay (15.9 ppg) was lost to Chicago in the draft. Fourth-year man Ruby Rickio has Lava’s ball handling skills at offense, but can new starting forward Timm Brrrr replace Vandelay’s points? Longtime starters Steve Carter, Heat R. Vanmeter and Bruno Pantanal are back, but getting long in the tooth.


THE WESTERN DIVISION

1. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS: Since Season 25 the Amigos have been a playoff fixture, finishing first seven times and second twice in the West. They lost a good scorer Schweaty Ballz and starting center Kevin Mickle from last season’s 7-3 team, but picked up two veteran guards in the draft and actually look better overall. Jerry Curl and Hall of Famer Ching-Chong Chung are both getting older, but might have enough left to make San Jose serious title contenders. Hall of Famer Gato DoMato was All-MBA for the fourth time last season and his running mate at forward L.B. Damned was second in the league in scoring with a 17.5 average. Seven-footer George Gershwin will have to play as big as his size in the middle . The rebounding specialist is the youngest starter on this squad, starting his fifth season. In other words, San Jose is old and needs to get it done now.

2. SEATTLE STAMPEDE: The polar opposite of San Jose in playoff success, Seattle has gone without a post-season appearance in the last seven seasons. They went 4-6 last season thanks to a 4-1 second half of the campaign and appear ready to build on that momentum. The Stampede had an excellent draft, concentrating on rookies and nabbing a trio of good ones. Center Diss Reflexia is a 6-7 dynamo and will be a key starter immediately along with 6-9 forward Sven Marquardt. Rookie guard Wimsy Greenfoyle can shoot with the best of them but plays no defense, so Seattle went and got under-achieving guard Julio Ganatra to be a starter next to veteran Ginger Vampire. And of course, late-blooming star Smokey Talisker, a first-team All-MBA forward and the team’s leading scorer (16.1) returns, but at a new position, small forward.

3. DALLAS DEMONS: The Demons are ready to make a giant leap from last season’s 2-8 cellar finish and should be one of three teams contending for the second playoff spot in the West. Talented second-year center Naceg Gecan will be joined on the front line by a pair of newcomers to the team, veteran 6-11 power forward Gulemon Mon-Mon and dynamic rookie small forward Danke “Donkey” Shame, who is amazing offensively around the basket despite his 6-5 size and plays really good defense to boot. Veteran point guard Fat Bob Herzfeld moves back into the starting point guard post with the departure of Jerry Curl. He will be joined by the team’s top scorer, Troells Rasmussen (16 points per game) at the two guard.

4. OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS: The defending champions lost two giants from their title team of a season ago, having lost the league’s leading rebounder and solid defender Stone Flinthorn at forward and Hall of Fame All-MBA center Max Payne to Charleston in the draft. They will still be in the thick of it in the suddenly competitive West, thanks to a talented rookie class that allowed them to snatch 6-8 forward Reckless Abandon, rated the No. 2 newcomer. He should fill in nicely for Flinthorn, but the Lariats were forced to replace the runner-up MVP Payne with cut pile center Phuc Mailife. Mr. Everything, guard Lemon Jell-o returns as the team’s top scorer with 16.2 per game, having won the steals title in the MBA three years running. Taylor Quackstick (15.9 ppg) returns his exciting forward play. If point guard Walt White (13.0 per game) can return to his big scoring ways, Oklahoma City could be right in the hunt again.

5. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS: After over-achieving with three playoff seasons in four campaigns, the bubble finally burst for the talent-bereft River Dogs last season, as the team went 3-7 to finish fourth. But although we have them dropping to last in the division this coming season, the Sacramento team will be much improved, adding four new starters to go with their best returning player, Alejandro Lemieux. Funsy Van Slochum, in his 13th season, comes over from Charleston to start for his fourth different team. Solid 6-3 guard Achtu Meinlieber, a fourth-season reserve for Houston, will man the other backcourt spot. Center Wayan Garuda comes over from Chicago and is another good addition, as is 6-8 forward Bruce Hammer, who scored 14.9 for Seattle last season. Sacramento might contend yet again in the West, only this time, it won’t be as much of a surprise.


THE ROOKIES

No. 1 MBA fan Phil Davia likes to know the rookies joining the league each season, so here we go. This is one of the most talented influx of new guys we’ve ever had. For example, last season only three rookies started for their respective teams. This season seven of the 16 new guys will be starters, with more right on the verge. The top three will battle for rookie of the year and are projected as immediate stars. In roughly ranking order, the Season 36 rookies are:
1. Diss Reflexia, 6-7 center, Seattle, will start and be in running for rookie of the year … powerful rebounder for small pivot; plays good defense, has scorer’s mentality and is superb shooter with down-low moves.

2. Reckless Abandon, 6-8 forward, Oklahoma City, will start for defending champs and be in ROY running … not a great rebounder for his size, but plays excellent defense and is best rookie in the draft on driving to hoop; great passer, excellent shooter with range.

3. Danke “Donkey” Shame, 6-5 forward, Dallas, will start and be in running for rookie of year … will bring Dallas fans out of their seats with down-low moves and dunking ability for a small forward; also plays superb defense.

4. Blue “Rondo” Alaturk, 6-9 forward, Houston, will start … tough defender, good passer

5. Sven Marquardt, 6-9 forward, Seattle, will start … excellent rebounder, can score down low

6. Hodor, 6-8 center, Houston…will back up fixture Sanjay Patel but is immediately top-flight sub

7. Magnus Dragonhof, 6-11 center, Chicago, will start … great size, great rebounder, can score some

8. Vic Hitler, 6-7 forward, Houston, won starting job, steady player, does everything fairly well

9. Wimsy Greenfoyle, 6-2 guard, Seattle, sharpshooter will be first guard off bench, plays no defense


THEY MADE THE LEAGUE, BUT BARELY

Pricklebush Tickletush, 5-11 guard, Chicago, will be fourth guard on team … excels at on-ball defense
Chas Witkowski, 6-0 guard, Dallas, fourth guard on team, decent ball handler, shoots a little, hacker
Louie Subgum, 6-4 guard, Milwaukee, fourth guard on team, good passer, good shot, hacker
Ceasar Seizure, 6-7 forward, San Jose, fourth forward, can’t rebound, good defensively

STRAIGHT TO THE CUT PILE
Verbal Kent, 6-2 guard, aggressive rebounder, too-aggressive defender, hacks like hell
Moshi Moshi, 6-0 guard, best ball-handling guard among rookies but plays little D with no shot
Pelton Crane, 6-0 guard , can’t dribble or pass or shoot…plays decent defense and rebounds OK

OPENING GAMES

Dallas at Oklahoma City....Season starts out with a bang as improved Dallas meets defending champs in what could be a telling game in the West

Philadelphia at Chicago...home team begins long playoff run against once-dominant franchise fallen on hard times

Milwaukee at San Jose...Projected best in West against projected worst in East

Seattle at Houston...Let's see if excitement about the Stampede is warranted as they go on road against tough Houston. (boldface equals biggest upcoming game)

Sacramento at Charleston ... Pre-season favorite Mountaineers host rebuilt Sacramento team in crossover.

Their Place in the MBA Pantheon

Every season, as MBA commissioner, I place retired players into envelopes based on the (1) the number of awards they have won and (2) their overall scoring average.

The best of these, of course, go into the MBA Hall of Fame. The rest are distributed within the envelopes and between the players where they are ranked.

Currently, besides the Hall of Fame, there are five envelopes, with the top players not in the Hall of Fame in the envelope marked "Tier 1." The worst envelope, is, of course, the dreaded Tier 5.

So for the first time, I make these retirement placements public. Maybe you will enjoy the final placements and smile at the names of the past where these new retirees are surrounded.





As an added sidenote: Boo Radley, who turned the tide in the MBA Finals, coming from the cut pile to shut down Chicago's Didger A'doo for eventual champion Oklahoma City, was originally cut at the beginning of the season by, who else, Chicago.