SEASON 34 PREDICTIONS SEE PHOBIA FINALLY LOSING IRON GRIP ON MBA

THE EAST

1. HOUSTON IGUANAS – With Philadelphia finally on the decline, the path is clear for Season 33’s runner-up to finally nail down their first championship since Season 12. Basically, the same aggregation that finished 7-3 in the rugged Eastern Division, returns this campaign. Wes Montgomery, the third guard scoring machine is replaced by standout rookie T. Kanes Masterson, who will back up Hall of Famer Hrundi V. Bakshi and old reliable Ching-Chang Chung, who is the veteran on this team entering his ninth campaign. Although neither starting guard is an accomplished passer, the Iguanas are blessed with two forwards who can jump start the offense in Stone Flinthorn and Looky Whos. Third-year center Sanjay Patel is the weak link in this quintet, but actually stepped up his game in the championship series vs. Philly.
Predictions: Dave 1st, Tyler 1st.

2. CHICAGO GALE – The Gale got the best player in the draft, 6-1 guard Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppity Bop Bop-Bop, who can play at either guard position, and along with third-year man Didger A’doo, gives Chicago an explosive back court. Bop-Bop appears to have no weakness, other then maybe being a little too unselfish. Questions remain in the front line. Chicago, the youngest team in the league, might finally make the playoffs for the first time since Season 17.
Predictions: Dave 2nd, Tyler 3rd.

3. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA – After five consecutive years of championships and reigning of terror on the MBA, the Phobia finally appear ready to yield the crown to another. Tug Hershorts and Cock A. Doodledoo, two superb performers, are being replaced by lesser talents in Feranmi Okanlami and Pismo Beach. Hall of Famer Cheetos Jones and Ama Spikie will carry the load.
Predictions: Dave 4th, Tyler 2nd.

4. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS –They finished 7-3 last season but out of the playoffs by one single point. The Mountaineers essentially replaced their best player, guard Lemon Jell-o (gone to Oklahoma City) with defensive specialist Azher Merchant from the cut pile. They still have a talented crew, but will it be enough to break through in the East? It’s dubious.
Predictions: Dave 3rd, Tyler Last

5. MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS – Just ubstitue rookie small forward Art Vandelay for retired Chi City Maine and the Greyhounds return basically the same club as last season’s surprising 6-4 bunch. This is a solid team that could overachieve again. They would be a playoff team in the West.
Predictions: Dave Last, Tyler 4th.

THE WEST

1. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS – No major changes for the Amigos, who have finished first in the West 7 of the last 9 seasons, including last campaign. San Jose has had a dominant strong forward during that entire run; first Hall of Famer Sagittal Occlusal and now Gato Do Mato, the 6-11 multi-skilled big man who will surely be the league’s next to join the HOF ranks. In just four seasons, The Big Cat has racked up an MVP award, made three All-MBA teams and four All Star Games. His forward running mate L.B. Damned can fill it up, and center Gottum Gupta is an above average defender. But can guards Totes McGoats and Schweaty Ballz step up their game?
Predictions: Dave 1st, Tyler 2nd

2. (Tied) DALLAS DEMONS – Not many teams can lose one of the greatest centers to ever play the position, last season’s MVP and Hall of Famer Tom “the Bomb” Kondla, but the Demons replace him with 7-footer Max Payne, who has two All-MBA stars on his card as well as four All-Star Game appearances and a championship ring from Season 28. Payne, the second best center in the league when Kondla was around, has spent the last three seasons on the Demons bench behind the spectacular big man. Now it’s Payne’s turn to be dominant, and as a ninth-season veteran he looks as good as ever. He will be joined on the Dallas front line by last season’s Rookie of the Year, Puddles Pondhopper, who left Oklahoma City. If the Demons can get anything at all from 6-8 guard Julio Ganatra, they could be a playoff team once again.
Predictions: Dave 4th, Tyler 1st.

2. (Tied) OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS – The Lariats finished 4-1 in the second half last season and picked up superb guard Lemon Jell-o from Charleston, the second-most desired player in the draft. Jell-o, who is a defensive terror and led the league in steals with 18 last season, is above average in just about every category and joins old teammate Walt White at the guard position. White led the league in scoring with 18.5 per game last season and was All-MBA. The Lariats lost Rookie of the Year Puddles Pondhopper in the draft, but were four-deep at the forward position anyway. Starters are the solid Abe Binder at big forward and flashy Taylor Quackstick at small. Seventeen-season vet Achilles Heel may just have enough left for a playoff run.
Predictions: Dave 2nd, Tyler 3rd.

4. SEATTLE STAMPEDE – The only one of Tyler’s teams without a title will remain that way through Season 34. They got solid guard Jerry Curl from Philadelphia in the draft, but who would believe that they will miss the much-maligned Heer Kitty-Kitty at center. They will.
Predictions: Dave 3rd, Tyler 4th.

5. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS – A really horrible team. A unanimous pick for last in the worst division in the MBA. The saluting dog will be thankful if they can match last season’s 3-7 mark. But they lost defensive specialist Bisquiero Cutoff to retirement and got no help in the draft.
Predictions: Dave Last, Tyler Last.