Sunday, November 30, 2008

Season 24 Regular Season Final

East Division
1st-Philadelphia Phobia 9-1 (in playoffs) (top overall defensive team yielding just 62.3 points pg)
2nd-Houston Iguanas 4-6 (in playoffs by tiebreaker)
3rd-Charleston Rebels 4-6
4th-Milwaukee Greyhounds 4-6
Last-Chicago Gale 2-8

West Division
1st-Dallas Demons 7-3 (in playoffs)
2nd-Sacramento River Dogs 6-4 (in playoffs by tiebreaker) (top rebounding team at 22.1 pg)
3rd-Oklahoma City Lariats 6-4 (top overall scoring team at 84 points per game)
4th-Seattle Stampede 5-5
Last-San Jose Fighting Amigos 3-7

Top Scorers
1. Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City 26.7 ppg (MBA record)
2. Horn E. Goatweed, Milwaukee 23.5 ppg
3. Jonny Cockaroo, Charleston 19.5
4. Boone Doggle, Dallas 19.2
5. Leapin' Lizzard, Seattle 18.0

Top Rebounders
1. Dean Wormer, Sacramento 5.8 per game
2. Beer Keg Carlisle, Sacramento 5.1
2. Curly Hogbottom, Philadelphia 5.1

Assist Leaders
1. California Dan Masterson, Dallas 4.7 per game
2. Pug Nose Flatface, Houston, 3.6
3. Nipple Rings Raguski, Seattle 3.4

Steals
1. Mamadou Zongo, Philadelphia 11
1. Nipple Rings Raguski, Seattle 11
3. Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City 9
3. Jinx Bluezemen, Houston 9

Blocked Shots
1. Davis Mastersoy, Houston 27
2. Jake Spoon, Seattle 21
2. Jonny Cockaroo, Charleston 21
2. Sammy Zazooch, Milwaukee 21

3-Point Shooting
1. Horn E. Goatweed, Milwaukee 91.1 percent...41 made (MBA Record)
2. Mamadou Zongo, Philadelphia 76.5 percent...26 made
3. Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City 58.1 percent...43 made

Free Throw Shooting
1. Ross "Cement Head" Harris, Philadelphia 89.7 percent...35 made
2. Titfur Tatt, Oklahoma City, (rookie) 95 percent...19 made
3. Peepers Pupswell, Milwaukee 100 percent...11 made

Top Scoring Games
1. Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City vs. Sacramento (50 points) breaking old record of 44 tied by himself in Season 21 while with Chicago and originally set by Soul Duran of Chicago in Season 7. (included record-setting 10 3-pointers)
2. Horn E. Goatweed, Milwaukee vs. Houston (49 points)
3. Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City vs. Dallas (35 points)
4. Horn E. Goatweed, Milwaukee vs. Chicago (34 points)

All-League Team
Guard-Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City, seventh year in league, fourth time all league
Guard-Horn E. Goatweed, Milwaukee, fifth year in league, second time all league
Center-Jonny Cockaroo, Charleston, seventh year in league, second time all league
Forward-Boone Doggle, Dallas, second year in league, first time all league
Forward-Sammy Zazooch, Milwaukee, fourth year in league, first time all league

League MVP--Tommy Zoop, Oklahoma City (last season...retiring)
second in voting Jonny Cockaroo, Charleston
third in voting Boone Doggle, Dallas

Rookie of the Year--Titfur Tatt, Oklahoma City, center
second in voting Bisquiero Cutoff, Charleston, forward
third in voting Funsy Van Slochum, San Jose, guard

Playoff matchups Round one, best of three
Philadelphia Phobia vs. Sacramento River Dogs
Dallas Demons vs. Houston Iguanas

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Goatweed's 3 Pt Column (it's monstrous)

In answer to Tyler's question as to what Horn E. Goatweed's 3 pt column looks like (since he went 8 for 8 from beyond the arc for a playoff record), it is the following:
2-good (circled)
3-good
4-no good
5-good (circled)
6-good
7-good (circled)
8-good
9-good (circled)
10-good
11-no good
12-good

Monday, June 16, 2008

Philadelphia Wins Ninth MBA Crown

Game 5--Finals
Philadelphia 86, Dallas 79 (overtime)

Dallas 12 26 48 77 79
Phila. 18 34 54 77 86

PHILADELPHIA -- Everyone in the City of Brotherly Love has this, well, Phobia, about the team not being able to retain their particular level of excellency. But on (of all days) Friday the 13th, the Philadelphia Phobia bested the Dallas Demons in a thrilling overtime contest to win their ninth MBA title. It was the second consecutive championship for the Phobia and the second year in a row that Dallas finished runner-up, the only time the same two teams met in consecutive years.
It appeared early on that the Phobia would run away with this one, jumping out to an overwhelming 18-4 lead before Dallas recovered and began slowly working itself back into the game. Once again it was Philadelphia small forward, Hall of Famer Cam Bodia, leading the early surge with 10 points, three rebounds and a blocked shot in the first quarter. He would go on to score 23 points to be named player of the game.
Joey Two-Tones, named Season 23's Playoff MVP to go with his regular season MVP award, led all players with 25 points in a losing effort. With the score tied at 75 and just three time units left, it was Two-Tones who drove the lane and hit a short jumper to give the Demons the lead. Two-Tones sat out most of the second quarter with an injury and appeared bound for Heroesville with that shot, but the great Curly Hogbottom of Philly answered with a game-tying short jumper of his own at the buzzer to send the game into overtime. From there, the Phobia clamped down defensively and dominated the extra session to earn yet another championship.
Two-Tones, playing in his final MBA game, had the season of his career as is the wont of so many retiring MBA players. The Playoff MVP award gave him his 10th MBA honor and put him into the Hall of Fame. He will be difficult for Dallas to replace. In honor of his name, we'll say it again. He will be difficult for Dallas to replace.
Also playing in his final year was Philadelphia center Hawk Redtail, a four-time all-star game selection who began his career with the San Jose Fighting Amigos and ended up winning three rings with the Phobia

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

MBA Questions YOU Want to Know

In answer to queries by Philly we have the following:

--Curly Hogbottom, in eight seasons, has already compiled a record 23 honors on his card, surpassing the legendary Uncle Bob Masterson's 21, which the point guard racked up in his 10-season career.
Hogbottom has been in eight all-star games, won the rookie of the year award, was Season 19 and Season 22 MVP and Season 19 and Season 22 Playoff MVP and has earned first-team All MBA a record 7 times. Additionally, he has three championship rings and seems to be on his way to his fourth.
For the record, the next four top honor-gatherers after Uncle Bob are:
--Cappy Gambol, who nabbed 19 honors in 7 seasons
--Link Lennex, 17 honors in just 6 short seasons
--Stu Nod, 17 honors in 12 campaigns (the first seven coming off the bench for Tyler Masterson)
--Doc Watson, 15 honors in 9 seasons split between Houston and Chicago

Cutpile Perusal

Who, Philly asks, has spent the most time in the cutpile?
I will answer this in more than one way. Remember, we are in Season 23.
Believe it or not, the optimistic, sturdy KIRIN CONNOR, who we all laughed at lo those many years ago for posting a career 3-point shooting percentage of something ridiculous like 2 percent, is STILL in the cut pile, refusing to give up the ghost. Connor, who began his career in Season 4 with Oklahoma City, played in the MBA for 13 seasons before hitting the cut pile in Season 17. He has not emerged since, and his card has deproved to an emaciated shell of his former self. But still, he hangs on, hoping for one more shot on the table. Retirements have been rolled for already, so he will be back in the cut pile again this coming season.
The longest time in the cut pile by someone still there is PUG MAHONE, the old Irish center, whose Gaelic name translates to "Kiss My Ass." Mahone has been in the cut pile, off and on, 12 different seasons. He's played three full seasons in the MBA and had cups of coffee in three others. He actually last saw action in Season 20, when he was on the Milwaukee roster as a backup all season long and averaged 2.5 points per game in four contests, never missing a shot from the field or the free throw line. Mahone started his career in Season 9.
Guard JALAPA VALLEY has been in the cut pile the entire 6 seasons of his existence.
Guard RIVERS JORDAN came up for MBA air twice in an eight-season "career." He came up in Season 16, spent two years in the cut pile, played a partial season with Dallas (averaging 6 points in two games), joined the Philadelphia club the following year for the playoffs and picked up a championship ring. It was then all downhill...four more years in the cut pile and retiring after this season.
6-7 forward WA WA CHUCKLES joined the league in Season 18 and is still waiting for his first call-up...six seasons of futility. He's no longer laughing.
EPI PHONE...now here's a guy Chuckles can relate to. Phone came in the league in Season 17, spent seven years in the cut pile and is retiring after this season. Oh, the humanity!
And finally, BUDDY MILLER...who never missed a shot in the MBA, shooting a perfect 100 percent from the field and free throw line for the Sacramento River Dogs in Season 16 (1.9 points per game in 7 games) is retiring after spending the next 7 seasons amongst the non-wanted. In total, he had 9 years in the reject envelope. But ah, that one glorious year. He'll go back to Nashville where he is the best damned guitar player Emmylou Harris ever had.

AND FINALLY...the final Philly question as to the career of Buck-Buck Bagaak.
The 6-6 forward is alive and well, currently in his third MBA season, all spent on the roster of the great Philadelphia Phobia. He hasn't seen much action in that time period, but let's face it, the Phobia are the only team in the history of the MBA to start two Hall of Fame forwards in the same lineup (Curly Hogbottom and Cam Bodia). At least the back-up has garnered a championship ring in his limited action and may get a second. He's been good enough to stick on one of the best rosters in history, and considering the above players in the cut pile entry, it would be safe to say that the career of Buck-Buck, does not suck-suck.

Dallas Stays Alive With Blowout Win

Dallas 89, Philadelphia 70

Philadelphia 19 37 50 70
Dallas ...........20 50 72 89

DALLAS -- The front line of the Dallas Demons played spectacularly in a must-win game as the home team lived to play another day. Buzzy Bazinski (14 points, 4 blocked shots and 5 rebounds), forward Boone Doggle (18 points, game-high 6 assists) and Ed Masterson (game-high 22 points) led the way as Dallas blew the contest open in the second quarter. Dallas coach Country Slaughter proved to be a genius by starting Masterson at small forward in place of Shooter Flatch.
Philadelphia coach Oscar Mudcat, incensed by what he perceived as home town reffing in the second quarter, picked up two technicals in a short time span and got the boot.
The Phobia was led in scoring by center Hawk Redtail, playing in his last series before retirement. The big guy had 16 points and blocked three shots.
Philadelphia held Joey Two-Tones (also retiring after this series) to 12 points, but the point guard for the winners grabbed five boards and blocked four shots along the way.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Defending Champs In Command, win Game 2

Philadelphia 78, Dallas 70

Dallas 23 28 53 70
Philadelphia 18 42 62 78

PHILADELPHIA -- Veteran center Buzzy Bazinski of the Dallas Demons was leading his team in scoring and his team was enjoying a second quarter lead when The Buzz went down with a concussion. He did not return, and the quarter turned into a disaster for the Demons as the Phobia of Philadelphia outscored Dallas 25-5 on the way to a commanding 2-0 finals series advantage.
One more win and the championship, which would be a league-high ninth, will return to The City of Brotherly Concerns.
The best player in the history of the MBA, Curly Hogbottom of the Phobia, put it to his old team with a game-high 26 points, scoring repeatedly off of Dallas rookie Boone Doggle as the two 6-10 power forwards went at it. Sixth-man Ross "Cement Head" Harris came off the bench for Philly to score 16, playing a key role in the victory.

Phobia gives Demons fits in Game 1 of finals

Finals--Game 1
Philadelphia 87, Dallas 77

Phobia 29 43 68 87
Dallas 17 41 54 77

DALLAS -- Hall of Famer Cam Bodia of the Philadelphia Phobia had what was possibly the best quarter any MBA player ever had to start game 1 of the MBA finals, spurring the defending champs to a 87-77 victory and a 1-0 series advantage in the best of five championship series.
Bodia, a 6-6 small forward playing his 9th season, scored 15 points, grabbed five rebounds, had two steals and two assists in sparking his team to a 29-17 first-quarter lead. Eight-year veteran Frank Pettis chipped in with 10- first-quarter points for Philly.
The win by Philadelphia ended the Demons 10-game winning streak, but not before regular-season MVP Joey Two-Tones of the Dallas scored a game-high 26 points and broke a playoff record for steals in one game by swiping 6 balls. The previous record of five was shared by Dan Mann of Milwaukee in Season 11 and Streetcar Johnny Masterson with the same number in season 18.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

MBA Playoffs

June 5, 2008 --Round 1, Game 2
Philadelphia 85, Seattle 62
The Philadelphia Phobia used a 25-9 third quarter to break open a close game and complete a two-game sweep of the Seattle Stampede, setting up a rematch in the championship series against the Dallas Demons.
Center Hawk Redtail was the MVP of the game for the Phobia, scoring 24 points. The game marked the final contest in the excellent career of Stampede leading scorer Pumpkins Galore, who will be retiring to his patch in upper Washington state.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

MBA Season 23 Playoffs

Round 1 --Dallas vs. Milwaukee...best of 3

Game 2 Dallas 77, Milwaukee 74
MILWAUKEE -- The Dallas Demons moved into their record-setting fourth consecutive MBA finals despite a record-breaking 37-point performance by sharpshooting Milwaukee guard Horn E. Goatweed and his 37 points. Goatweed hit eight three-pointers in as many attempts, breaking a playoff record jointly held by himself (Season 22) when he played for the Oklahoma City Lariats and Cappy Gambol of Milwaukee from way back in Season 3.


Game 1 Dallas 81, Milwaukee 58
DALLAS -- The Dallas Demons (8-2) regular season blasted the Milwaukee Greyhounds (5-5) 81-58 behind the 24-point game-high performance of 5-9 guard Major Hassle and stellar play of center Buzzy Bazinski, the game's MVP (19 points, 4 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 blocked shots, 2 steals.)
The Greyhounds were led by Horn E. Goatweed's 23 points and a 7-rebound game by Sammy Zazooch.

Round 1 -- Philadelphia vs Seattle...best of 3

Game 1 Philadelphia 81, Seattle 58
PHILADELPHIA -- Point guard Tipsy O'Sullivan went off for 29 points, driving to the hole repeatedly and slam-dunking four times as the defending champion Phobia (7-3) easily dispatched the Seattle Stampede (7-3) in game one. Seattle, which tied the MBA turnaround record by winning six more games than in the previous season, were within 7 at halftime, then all hell broke loose.