NOTEWORTHY IMPROVEMENTS
SACRAMENTO -- Veteran star power forward and team MVP Satan Israel loses a foul on 6, meaning he won't be coming off the court as much with foul trouble.
PHILADELPHIA -- Power forward Leonard Pinth Garnel, one of the best passing forwards in the league and the top assist man for Phobia last season improves from a 7 to an 8 passer. And backup free agent center Harry "Big Stink" Merdaio improved three times, twice against the dribble while adding a big deny shot on 7 against the shot. Those improvements, plus the addition of free agent center Blob Dylan, led to the cutting of last season's top scorer and top rebounder, center Brother Jasper, who was immediately scooped up by Gillette to be their starter.
SEATTLE -- Guard Hilbee Juggleboy improves his passing froma 4 to a 5.
OKLAHOMA CITY -- All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000 improves his passing from a 4 to a 5.
LOS ANGELES -- Forward Big Blue Bottle improves his passing skills twice, going from a 4 to a 6 and also improves against the dribble on defense from a 2 to a 3.
MILWAUKEE -- Both forwards, who were a key to a surprising playoff appearance last season, get strong improvements. Zippy Wunderslug ups his passing game from a 4 to a 5 and is now a 5 on defense against the pass, which will mean some steals will come his way. Fellow forward Scobee Bryant, who led the league in free throwing last season with a perfect 14 for 14, made his free-throw ability even better.
DALLAS -- Third-year guard Mini Carfartt, who will replace departed superstar Vicious Hick as the starting point guard, improved his passing ability from a 5 to a 6.
NOTEWORTHY REGRESSIONS
PHILADELPHIA -- Team MVP, small forward Phillip Mianus, got worse against both the dribble and the pass, becoming a zero at the latter.
OKLAHOMA CITY -- Veteran two guard Ol' Roy lost on-the-ball defensive abilities against both the dribble and the pass, resulting in a zero on the latter skill. And Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist took some four big hits, losing 2 points against the pass, downgrading his forced miss on 8 against the shot to a deny and cutting back on his tendency to take a short shot. He was immediately traded (see below).
NOTEWORTHY CUT PILE DRAFT ADDITIONS
GILLETTE -- Desperate for a center, the Humps were able to grab Philadelphia's starting center Brother Jasper, who was the Phobia's top scorer and rebounder (see Philly improvements above).
SAN JOSE -- Decimated by retirements and free agent wanderings, the Fighting Amigos snagged guard Old Man Mahoffer, who was immediately assigned to the two guard in the starting lineup.
THE BIG TRADE
Only one trade so far, but it was a doozy.
Oklahoma City sent longtime star point guard and their top scorer King Czardines, along with Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist and promising second-year 7-1 backup center Hooza Goodboi to Seattle.
Seattle, in turn, sent the Lariats their longtime point guard Bellybutton Inquisition, veteran defensive power forward Kevin Duran-Duran and rookie forward Count Sackula.
Inquisition and Duran-Duran will be starters for Oklahoma City.
Czardines will man the point for the Stampede, but at this point it's unclear whether Goodboi or perennial backup Laughing Boy Lasso will start in the middle. Similarly, it's unknown whether Dentist will be starting at small forward or the number 1 rated rookie forward J.J. Pickle will beat the Hall of Famer out for the job.
FINAL NOTE: Only two of the 16 rookies...guards Mr. Poodie and Pete Gushi failed to make an MBA roster.
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