Season 57 Featured Game No. 3...Charleston at Philadelphia

CHARLESTON 95, PHILADELPHIA 70 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

MOUNTAINEERS POUND PHOBIA

PHILADELPHIA -- Charleston's starting guards went off for a combined 53 points as the visiting Mountaineers (now 2-1) routed the previously unbeaten Philadelphia Phobia 95-70. Philly is now also 2-1.

Philadelphia came into the game allowing a stingy league-best 54 points per contest in the young season, but Charleston bombed away from deep with 9 of 18 treys in a game they never trailed. The victory by the Mountaineers evened the series between the two teams, with Philly having edged Charleston 69-64 in their previous meeting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

36 GVP...After his running mate, Famichiki Whiskey, starred in the first half, Charleston point guard KOPI LUWAK exploded in the second half, scoring 12 points in the third quarter to put the game way out of reach for Philadelphia. The 6-2 long-range specialist bombed in 6 treys in 8 attempts from deep, going 11 for 16 from the field and 2 for 2 from the foul line for a game-high 30 points. The sixth-year star added 6 rebounds in this important win.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Philadelphia small forward Phillip Mianus...2nd career triple-double...16 points...7 rebounds...7 blocked shots...1 assist.

27 GVP...Charleston shooting guard Famichiki Whiskey...23 points (3 treys)...2 rebounds...2 assists.

24 GVP...Charleston center Flatfoot Floogie...12 points...7 rebounds...4 assists...1 steal.

21 GVP...Philadelphia center Blob Dylan...17 poinrs...3 rebounds...1 assist

20 GVP...Philadelphia point guard Flufferton Springs...16 points...2 rebounds...2 assists.

POINTS PREVENTED

Charleston...12

Philadelphia...8

TOPS IN POINTS PREVENTED

Fudge Pies Deli, Charleston...6

7 tied with 2

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………2-0

PHILADELPHIA………2-1

CHARLESTON……….2-1

OKLAHOMA CITY…..1-2

MILWAUKEE………..1-2

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….3-0

LOS ANGELES….2-1

GILLETTE…………1-2

SAN JOSE…………0-2

SACRAMENTO… 0-3

NEXT UP:  Expect a massacre as Dallas, now in first place in the East, takes on the old, rickety lineup of win-less San Jose in a cross-over to conclude bracket number 3.

Season 57 Featured Game 2...Seattle at Los Angeles...PLUS BONUS

 

SEATTLE 76, LOS ANGELES 75

SEATTLE RUINS L.A. HOME OPENER

LOS ANGELES -- The Seattle Stampede ambushed the Los Angeles Big One on the latter's home court, 76-75 in a pulse-pounding victory to take early possession of first place in the West. The win for Seattle came despite a combined 49-point performance by the L.A. guard tandem of Vicious Hick and Pinky Toe.

The winning bucket came on a tip-in with 5 ticks left by 7-1, second-year Stampede center Hooza Goodboi after a frenzied fourth quarter that saw 6 lead changes and an early 9 point burst by the home team that put them back into the game.

The Seattle victory comes on the heels of its 108-point opening game win against San Jose and is a clarion call for the rest of the MBA that the Stampede is a team worth watching in Season 57. 

PLAYER OF THE GAME

35 GVP...Fourth-year shooting guard PINKY TOE of Los Angeles shrugged off the tough defense of Seattle's Hilbee Juggleboy and registered a game-high 31 points in a tough loss to the visiting Stampede. Toe, who scored the first 10 points of the game for L.A.,  used all four scoring zones to accumulate his points, going 13 for 21 from the floor, including 3 for 8 from deep. He was 2 for 4 from the foul line. The 6-2 star added 2 rebounds, 1 assist and a steal. Two games into the season, Toe is averaging 26 points per game.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

27 GVP...Los Angeles point guard Vicious Hick...18 points (4 treys)...6 rebounds...3 assists.

25 GVP...Seattle center Hooza Goodboi...16 points (3 slams)...7 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

23 GVP...Seattle rookie forward J.J. "Jake" Pickle...11 points...5 blocks...4 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal

22 GVP...Seattle power forward Erik A. Crocidale...18 points (4 slams)...2 rebounds...1 steal...1 assist.

21 GVP...Seattle point guard King Czardines...13 points...6 assists...1 steal...1 rebound.

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

MILWAUKEE………..1-0

PHILADELPHIA………1-0

DALLAS…………………1-0

CHARLESTON………. 0-1

OKLAHOMA CITY…..0-1

 

WEST DIVISION

SEATTLE………….2-0

LOS ANGELES….1-1

GILLETTE…………1-1

SACRAMENTO… 0-1

SAN JOSE…………0-2

NEXT UP: Dallas goes for consecutive win number 10 dating back to last season as it travels to Oklahoma City.

BONUS

HALL OF FAMERS WHO NEVER WON A CHAMPIONSHIP

Usually, if you get a Hall of Fame player on a roster, a title eventually follows that player.

Almost 89 percent of the current 62 members of the MBA Hall of Fame have won championships, meaning that just 7 were never able to have a championship ring affixed to their cards.

 

Four of that number, including one active player, are centers. Read into that what you will.

 

The four centers are:

Diamond Dallas Paige

Big Bill Rustler

Tom “the Bomb” Kondla

and the currently active Chochky Galumpkus

 

The other three are:

Gato Do Mato, a forward

Soul Duran, a guard

Silo Chamberlain, a guard

 

Paige, a six-time All MBA center In seven seasons, was a two-time scoring champ who set the single-season rebound mark for 8 per game in his final campaign in Season 18. He presided over three 9-1 teams, an 8-2 team and a 10-0 club in his last season. The Lariats finished first five of his seven seasons, and his teams went to the Finals three times but never won it. Seasons 13 and 14 saw Paige suffer injuries that took him out of the playoffs both campaigns. Snakebit.

 

Rustler, an MBA original, captured three MVP awards, including MVP of the Season 10 playoffs for Seattle. But he was defeated by Houston in the Finals. His first 8 seasons were with Charleston, which went to the post-season 6 times, including Season 8 when Big Bill won his second MVP in a row. Philly won it that season.

 

Kondla played for four franchises in his six short seasons. He went to the Finals as a rookie in Season 28 with Seattle (lost to Dallas) but never got that close to a ring again.

 

Do Mato’s Milwaukee teams finished first twice in his three seasons there, reaching the Finals in Season 32 where they lost to Philly. Four more seasons in San Jose netted two more playoffs but no rings.

 

Duran, who played six seasons for two franchises and led his team in scoring in every one of those campaigns, got to two Finals with Houston but was thwarted by Milwaukee in his rookie season of Season 3 and Philadelphia in Season 5.

 

5-10 Chamberlain, the first MVP in MBA history, spent all six of his seasons with Charleston, where the team went to four playoffs but were constantly blocked by the two powers of the time, Philadelphia and Milwaukee.

 

Meanwhile, Galumpkus, who has toiled valiantly in the post for Oklahoma City (two stints, three seasons each), Dallas (three seasons), Seattle (two seasons), made it to the Finals two consecutive times with the Lariats in Seasons 54 and 55 where they were slapped down by the current Dallas dynasty. He’s now in San Jose for his 12^th season, where this is next to no hope of sniffing a ring.

Season 57 Featured Game 1

DALLAS 92, GILLETTE 72

CHAMPS OUT OF THE GATE FAST

DALLAS -- Hall of Fame great Juzan Djinn swished a 3-point shot on the first time unit of Season 57, setting off a slaughter rule, 92-72 win over visiting Gillette in the cross-over opener.

Mighty Dallas then rode its 13-point first-quarter lead to its ninth consecutive victory dating back to last season, including its 5-0 playoff run.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

35 GVP...Tied for fifth place all time in MBA award rankings, eighth-year Hall of Famer JUZAN DJINN kicked off the new campaign in style as he assaults Curly Hogbottom's No. 1 position at the top of the pyramid. Fresh off his third Playoff MVP honor, this monster guard delivered a game-high 26 points, led everyone in assists with 4 and tied for most blocked shots with 4. Additionally, this two-way star posted the best numbers in points prevented with 8, blocking a pair of 3-pointers by the man he dominated, Joey Shamadu, Jr. The 6-2 Djinn was 10 for 15 from the floor, splashing home a trio of treys in 5 deep attempts while going 3 for 3 from the foul line. His 15 first-quarter points shot the Demons into the lead. Dallas fans showed their appreciation for Djinn throughout the contest, giving the man who almost got away via free agency a rousing ovation when he was removed from the game halfway into the last quarter.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Gillette point guard Maboroshi No Hotcake...25 points (5 for 5 from deep)...3 rebounds...3 assists.

23 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...18 points...3 rebounds...2 assists.

21 GVP...Gillette power forward Grand Demur Fuyacho...12 points...4 rebounds...4 blocks...1 assist.

POINTS PREVENTED

Gillette...6

Dallas....14

TOP POINT PREVENTERS

Juzan Djinn, Dallas...8

Pete Marzano, Dallas 4

 

MBA Standings … Season 57

EAST DIVISION

DALLAS…………………1-0

MILWAUKEE………..

OKLAHOMA CITY…..

PHILADELPHIA………

CHARLESTON……….

WEST DIVISION

SAN JOSE…………

LOS ANGELES….

SEATTLE………….

SACRAMENTO…

GILLETTE…………0-1

 

NEXT UP:.Los Angeles and its new superstar Vicious Hick, favored to win the West, travel to Sacramento where the R-Dogs hope to improve on their last-place effort of last season.

Season 57 MBA Preview and Predictions

 Demons ... but less dominant

The East 

Last season ... Dallas 8-2, Milwaukee 6-4, Oklahoma City 4-6, Philadelphia 4-6, Charleston 3-7. 

1. DALLAS DEMONS (unanimous): They lose the league MVP Vicious Hick to free agency, add nobody of note, but are still favored to win not only the East, but the whole ball of wax for a record six consecutive titles. They still have Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn, who returned to the team from free agency and the MBA's newest Hall of Famer, forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, as well as rock-solid center Biggus Dickus. Third-year guard Mini Carfartt will replace Hick at the point. Great team depth too.

2. PHILADELPHIA PHOBIA (T-2nd, D-3rd): Addition of free agent center Blob Dylan gives Philly outrageous defensive front line as he joins forwards Leonard Pinth-Garnel and Phillip Mianus. Rookie guard Mel A. Tonin pairs with veteran Flufferton Springs, a small combo that could be tested by opposing shooters and rebounders. Weak bench, but could be enough to end five-season playoff drought.

3. OKLAHOMA CITY LARIATS (T-4th, D-2nd): Traded top-scorer and franchise mainstay King Czardines, replacing him at point with dependable Bellybutton Inquisition while adding veteran power forward defender Kevin Duran-Duran. All-MBA  center Poop-Rupiah 3000 has upped his passing game.

4. CHARLESTON MOUNTAINEERS (T-4th, D-3rd): Loss of fine second-year power forward  Grand Demur Fuyacho to free agency makes league's youngest lineup less talented. But they could surprise behind new head coach Curly Hogbottom.

5. MILWAUKEE GREYHOUNDS (unanimous): Lost center Johnny Bananas with bad rookie replacements. 

The West 

Last season...San Jose 8-2, Gillette 6-4, Los Angeles 6-4, Seattle 4-6, Sacramento 1-9

1. LOS ANGELES BIG ONE (unanimous): Getting MVP Vicious Hick in free agency makes L.A. the West favorite. Also gained potential Rookie of the Year in forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis and San Jose hotshot guard Donny Dupons, who will come off the bench behind team MVP Pinky Toe. The Toe-Hick guard combo is now the top backcourt in the MBA. Chat Bot has the potential to improve on his 8th place GVP finish among centers. And Big Blue Bottle is a better passer at forward. 

2. GILLETTE HUMPS (T-2nd, D-3rd): Lost top player in franchise history, Blob Dylan, to free agency, but got pair of tough free agents in second-year forward Grand Demur Fuyacho and center Brother Jasper, the latter a proven scorer in the post. They will miss defense of Lefty Scavenger at guard, but backcourt combo of Maboroshi No Hotcake and Joey "Joe Joe" Shamadu, Jr. will score big.

3. SEATTLE STAMPEDE (T-4th, D-2nd): Big trade and draft changed roster 60 percent from last season. Youngsters Hooza Goodboi at center and rookie J.J. "Jake" Pickle at forward are untested but talent-laden. King Czardines at the point brings passing and scoring magic. Should contend for playoffs.

4. SACRAMENTO RIVER DOGS (T-4th, D-3rd): Free agent point guard Rabbit Munchers is the only newcomer to last season's bottom feeders. He has the greenlight to bomb away for the R-Dogs.

5. SAN JOSE FIGHTING AMIGOS (unanimous): Oldest starting lineup in MBA history will gasp to finish last.

INDIVIDUAL AWARD PREDICTIONS

MVP -- Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn (unanimous)

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR -- J.J. "Jake" Pickle, Seattle forward (unanimous)

ALL MBA FIRST TEAM

Guard--Vicious Hick, Los Angeles (unanimous)

Guard--Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn, Dallas (unanimous)

Center--Poop-Rupiah 3000, Gillette (Dave) or Hall of Famer Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose (Tyler)

Forwards--Satan Israel, Gillette (Dave), Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose (Dave), Erik A. Crocidale, Seattle (Tyler), Hall of Famer Pete "the Steakman" Marzano, Dallas (Tyler) 

4 ACTIVE HALL OF FAMERS THIS SEASON...most in a while

21 awards...Juzan  Djinn, Dallas

13 awards...Crentis Dentist, Seattle

10 awards...Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose

10 awards...Pete "the Steakmam" Marzano, Dallas

ON THE VERGE OF THE HALL

9 awards...Vicious Hick, Los Angeles

8 awards...Biggus Dickus, Dallas

8 awards...Al A. Orden, San Jose

8 awards...Satan Israel, Sacramento

8 awards...Kopi Luwak, Charleston

8 awards...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer

6 awards...Johnny Bananas, Oklahoma City

6 awards...Piping Plover, Charleston

5 awards...Blob Dylan, Philadelphia

5 awards...Flufferton Springs, Philadelphia

5 awards...King Czardines, Seattle

5 awards...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

10 OR MORE SEASOMS

17...Al A. Orden, Sam Jose

15...Hurricane Furrwizard, Dallas

14...Chai Walla (cut pile)

13...Eddie "the Milkman" Creamer, San Jose (all with Amigos)

12...Chochky Galumpkus, San Jose

12...F.P. Pompeo (cut pile)

12...Ray "Big Ticket" Matuzzi (cut pile)

12...Nicholas Pickles (cut pile)

11...Tootie Heathcliffe (cut pile)

11...Joe Momsawhore, San Jose

11..Josepah Gecan, San Jose

NOTE: 5 of the 6 actives are on San Jose...4 of them start

THE DEAN OF COACHES IS AXED

After 39 seasons, Bill Rustler is being replaced by

Curly Hogbottom for Charleston 

His record was 210-180 (.538) in regular season 

9 division titles

5 championships (the only 5 in Charleston history)

with titles in Seasons 26, 27, 36, 39 and 42

15 post seasons

10 Finals

42-32 postseason record .568

252-212 combined .543

NEXT UP: Season 57 gets started with a featured

game...a cross-over hosted by five-time defending

champion Dallas against the team they beat 

handily in last season's playoff Semifinals,

the Gillette Humps. 

---

Season 57 Improvements/Regressions...Cut Pile Draft...A Big trade

NOTEWORTHY IMPROVEMENTS

SACRAMENTO -- Veteran star power forward and team MVP Satan Israel loses a foul on 6, meaning he won't be coming off the court as much with foul trouble.

PHILADELPHIA -- Power forward Leonard Pinth Garnel, one of the best passing forwards in the league and the top assist man for Phobia last season improves from a 7 to an 8 passer. And backup free agent center Harry "Big Stink" Merdaio improved three times, twice against the dribble while adding a big deny shot on 7 against the shot. Those improvements, plus the addition of free agent center Blob Dylan, led to the cutting of last season's top scorer and top rebounder, center Brother Jasper, who was immediately scooped up by Gillette to be their starter.

SEATTLE -- Guard Hilbee Juggleboy improves his passing froma 4 to a 5.

OKLAHOMA CITY -- All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000 improves his passing from a 4 to a 5.

LOS ANGELES -- Forward Big Blue Bottle improves his passing skills twice, going from a 4 to a 6 and also improves against the dribble on defense from a 2 to a 3.

MILWAUKEE -- Both forwards, who were a key to a surprising playoff appearance last season, get strong improvements. Zippy Wunderslug ups his passing game from a 4 to a 5 and is now a 5 on defense against the pass, which will mean some steals will come his way. Fellow forward Scobee Bryant, who led the league in free throwing last season with a perfect 14 for 14, made his free-throw ability even better.

DALLAS -- Third-year guard Mini Carfartt, who will replace departed superstar Vicious Hick as the starting point guard, improved his passing ability from a 5 to a 6. 

NOTEWORTHY REGRESSIONS

PHILADELPHIA -- Team MVP, small forward Phillip Mianus, got worse against both the dribble and the pass, becoming a zero at the latter. 

OKLAHOMA CITY -- Veteran two guard Ol' Roy lost on-the-ball defensive abilities against both the dribble and the pass, resulting in a zero on the latter skill. And Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist took some four big hits, losing 2 points against the pass, downgrading his forced miss on 8 against the shot to a deny and cutting back on his tendency to take a short shot. He was immediately traded (see below). 

NOTEWORTHY CUT PILE DRAFT ADDITIONS

GILLETTE -- Desperate for a center, the Humps were able to grab Philadelphia's starting center Brother Jasper, who was the Phobia's top scorer and rebounder (see Philly improvements above). 

SAN JOSE -- Decimated by retirements and free agent wanderings, the Fighting Amigos snagged guard Old Man Mahoffer, who was immediately assigned to the two guard in the starting lineup. 

THE BIG TRADE

Only one trade so far, but it was a doozy.

Oklahoma City sent longtime star point guard and their top scorer King Czardines, along with Hall of Fame forward Crentis Dentist and promising second-year 7-1 backup center Hooza Goodboi to Seattle.

Seattle, in turn, sent the Lariats their longtime point guard Bellybutton Inquisition, veteran defensive power forward Kevin Duran-Duran and rookie forward Count Sackula.

Inquisition and Duran-Duran will be starters for Oklahoma City.

Czardines will man the point for the Stampede, but at this point it's unclear whether Goodboi or perennial backup Laughing Boy Lasso will start in the middle. Similarly, it's unknown whether Dentist will be starting at small forward or the number 1 rated rookie forward J.J. Pickle will beat the Hall of Famer out for the job.

FINAL NOTE: Only two of the 16 rookies...guards Mr. Poodie and Pete Gushi failed to make an MBA roster.

 

Season 57 MBA Draft Report

The Season 57 MBA draft started and finished heavily in favor of Tyler teams, with both available superstars (Dallas free agents Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn and league MVP and scoring champ Vicious Hick) both getting drafted by Tyler teams. 

The highlight for Tyler was Djinn returning to his home with the Dallas Demons, courtesy of the trade two seasons ago with Charleston that sent Kopi Luwak from Dallas to the Mountaineers. That trade gave Dallas rights to the first Charleston pick (which happened to be the second overall pick in the draft this season). As it turned out, the one in six chance for that pick to be a prime pick rolled the Demons' way. That made it a prime pick, in which the team doing the selecting names a player they are going after. They must then roll a 1 or 6 on one die. Tyler named Djinn, and the 33.3 percent chance went his way, so the five-time All-MBA star returned to Dallas.

Sacramento, which had the first pick in the entire draft, also rolled for and got a prime pick to start things out. They thus had shots at both Djinn and Hick, but had to name 10 different players before actually connecting on their man. 

Hick did not go until the 16th pick in the draft, where he was selected with a random roll by Los Angeles, where he will pair with another star guard, Pinky Toe.

With those picks, Los Angeles and Dallas became the most successful teams in the Season 57 Draft, with both being favorites to vie for the upcoming championship.

Add center Blob Dylan going from Gillette to Philadelphia, and Tyler teams got the concensus top three players in the drafrt.

Here's our ranking of how the teams fared in the draft.

1. Los Angeles

2. Dallas

a gap

3. Philadelphia

another gap

4. Sacramento

5. Oklahoma City

6. San Jose

7. Seattle

8. Gillette

9. Charleston

10. Milwaukee 

Philadelphia and Los Angeles both picked up two likely starters. Philly got both Dylan and the MVP of the Rookie Game, guard Mel A. Tonin. Los Angeles, nailed down Hick and rookie forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis.

Every other team, with the exception of Milwaukee, picked up at least one projected starter. The Greyhounds may be forced to start rookie center pick Dave Cowhand, since he is their lone center at this time. 

The top 6 players in the draft went to:

-- Hall of Fame guard Juzan Djinn...returned to Dallas with 2nd pick as described earlier.

-- League MVP and scoring leader guard Vicious Hick went to Los Angeles with random pick 16.

-- Center Blob Dylan went to Philadelphia with pick No. 23, which was the fourth overall prime pick...Tyler hit on his first roll for Dylan.

-- Hall of Fame center Chochky Galumpkus went to San Jose with the 28th overall pick, which was the 8th prime pick. Dave hit on his first roll for Galumpkus. 

-- Two-time All-MBA center Johnny Bananas went to Oklahoma City with the fifth overall pick, a random pick, which was pretty much a waste since the Lariats' best player is All-MBA center Poop-Rupiah 3000.

-- Third-year guard Donny Dupons went to Los Angeles with pick No. 26, which turned into the 6th prime pick...Tyler got him on his second roll.He won't even start for them, since they have Hick and Toe.

NEXT UP: Player improvements (and regressions) followed by the Cut Pile draft to fill out the rosters.

 

Season 57 Rookie Game

 

ROOKIES 69, CUT PILE 61

ROOKIES OUTLAST CUT PILE BOYS

WAUKEGAN -- Season 57 rookies used a strong third quarter to build a 10-point lead going into the final frame on the way to a 69-61 triumph over the still win-less representatives from the cut pile.

   The dregs of the MBA fought valiantly in the fourth quarter, getting within three points of the Rookies, but just could not overcome paltry 39.6 percent shooting.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

31 GVP...The last rookie made in the 57th season crop, MEL A. TONIN, won game honors with a brilliant performance that included game-highs in both scoring and rebounding. SLEEPY started out like his nickname in the first half, accumulating just 4 points, but came on strong late to finish with 22 on 9 of 15 shooting, including 4 of 5 from the foul line. The 6-2 rookie demonstrated an uncanny knack for gathering rebounds, grabbing 9 caroms, including a couple over the cut pile's 7-foot center Dave Tesh. Tyler commented that Tonin could be Rookie of the Year if he lands on a team where he gets playing time, and Sleepy Mel justified that assessment in this outing.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

25 GVP...Cut pile guard Old Man Mahoffer...16 points...6 rebounds...3 assists.

20 GVP...Rookie forward Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...18 points...1 rebound...1 assist. 

NEXT UP: The 57th MBA Draft

 

Class of 57 Rookies Atrocious

 Let's not pull any punches. MBA franchise owners agree that this is the most appallingly repulsive class of rookies in memory.

The players with size have very little skills and the players with skills have no size. There doesn't look to be a Hall of Fame berth in any of the new guys' futures.

As you can see...the forwards lead the way in the talent department, which would be welcome in a league looking for fresh forward ability. But even the best forward, J.J. "Jack" Pickle has glaring rebounding and passing deficiencies, although he's projected to be a fine scorer.

Here's the breakdown according to Tyler's off-the-cuff rankings by position. (5 stars is best)

GUARDS

6-2 Mel A. Tonin "Sleepy"...3 stars

6-0 Lumpy Grits...2 stars

5-11 Mr. Poodie...2 stars

6-3 Peter Francis Geraci...2 stars

6-6 Dirt Mann...2 stars

6-2 President Comacho...1.5 stars

6-1 Pete Gushi...1.5 stars

FORWARDS

6-6 J.J. "Jake" Pickle...4.5 stars

6-7 Rumpy Pumpy Lewis...3.5 stars

6-9 Jack "Guzzler" Masterson...3 stars

6-5 Smirking Fuckface...2.5 stars

6-6 Cheech Aborte...2.5 stars

6-5 Count Sackula...2 stars

CENTERS

6-9 Doggie Barkinsons...2.5 stars

6-10 Krackey Krakatoa...2 stars

6-7 Dave Cowhand...2 stars

These guys will be taking on a team from the Cut Pile prior to the draft. Could the Cut Pile challenge for a change. It's dubious.

Season 57 Free Agents

DEMONS LOSE 2 SUPERSTARS

The prayers for breaking up the five-time defending champion Dallas Demons have apparently been answered as both All-MBA starting guards Vicious Hick and Juzan Djinn declared themselves free agents for the Season 57 draft.

Hick was the league-leading scorer and regular season MVP in Season 56 and Djinn, a Hall of Famer on track to become the best player in league history, was the Playoff MVP.

Seventeen players in all declared for free agency, with 8 of those players being starters. That means that, adding the 16 rookies, there will be 33 players in the upcoming draft...enough for three full rounds, with three teams getting a fourth player.

Only two teams; last-place Sacramento and Philadelphia, escaped unscathed in the free agent declarations. 

Six of the league's 10 teams lost valuable starters, with San Jose matching Dallas with two starters lost.

Dallas added the all-time championship ring winner Al A. Orden for a total of three free agents lost. Milwaukee and Gillette also contributed three. 

Three superb starting centers will be available in the draft as Hall of Famer Chochky Galumpkus leaves Seattle, Blob Dylan leaves Gillette (for the third time...they got him back twice) and Johnny Bananas departs Milwaukee after one season.

No matter what the caliber of incoming rookies, this upcoming draft will be well worth watching, thanks to the stars leaving their respective teams.

 

A LOOK AT LAST SEASON'S PREDICTIONS

Both Dave and Tyler got two correct in individual honors predictions. Each selected Juzan Djinn for All-MBA and Famichiki Whiskey for Rookie of the Year.

 ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS(from Dave)

Guard...Hall of Famer Juzan Djinn of Dallas

Guard...Rookie Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston

Center...Chochky Galumpkus of Seattle

Forward...Satan Israel of Sacramento

Forward...Hall of Famer Crentis Dentist of Oklahoma City

 

ALL-MBA PREDICTIONS (from Tyler)

Guard...Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Guard...Pinky Toe, Los Angeles

Center...Biggus Dickus, Dallas

Forward...Satan Israel, Sacramento

Forward...Erik A. Crocidale, Seattle

 

Actual All-MBA team

Guard…Juzan Djinn, Dallas

Guard…Vicious Hick, Dallas

Center…Poop-Rupiah 3000, Oklahoma City

Forward.Eddie “the Milkman” Creamer, San Jose

Forward.Piping Plover, Charleston

 

MVP Predictions

Center Chochky Galumpkus of Seattle (Dave)

Guard Pinky Toe of Los Angeles (Tyler)

 

Actual MVP

Vicious Hick, Dallas

 

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Guard Famichiki Whiskey of Charleston (both Dave and Tyler)

 

THE STEAKMAN MAKES HALL

 

Marzano gets "sneak" induction

While adding championship rings to the Dallas Demons individual cards, it was surprisingly determined that five-year forward Pete “the Steakman” Marzano has achieved Hall of Fame status.

The 6-8 defensive specialist has five championship rings, three all star game honors, a Season 53 All-MBA foil star and a Season 53 regular season MVP award, adding up to the required 10 to gain Hall of Fame status.

He snuck up on us, admittedly.

Marzano becomes the 62^nd member of the MBA Hall of Fame, joining Chochky Galumpkus as the Season 56 entries into the vaunted ranks.

He will join teammate Juzan Djinn as one of four active Hall of Fame players for Season 57, the others being Galumpkus of Seattle and Crentis Dentist of Oklahoma City.

This induction into the Hallowed Hall is the first time since Season 44 when J.J. Gargantuan and Colquit Croix went in, that more than one player has achieved Hall of Fame status in the same season. Strangely enough, Dallas got their hands on Marzano when Sacramento traded “the Steakman” to the Demons for Hall of Fame center Gargantuan.

The 10 most recent Hall of Famers are:

Season 56…Pete “the Steakman”Marzano and Chochky Galumpkus

Season 55…Pap Smearz (via veterans committee)

Season 54…Juzan Djinn

Season 53…Crentis Dentist

Season 52…Great Gruncle Terry

Season 51…Dr. Marcus Brody (via veterans committee)

Season 50…Jesse Shershot

Season 49…Doo-rag Dripp

Season 48…Tree Fiddy

Season 56 Their Place in the MBA Universe

 

Season 56 Playoffs Summary with MVP and stat leaders

-- Third Playoff MVP honor (in last 5 seasons) ties him for most ever with Cappy Gambol and Stu Nod

-- Jumps from 12th most-honored player of all time to tied for fifth with Uncle Bob Masterson...both with 21 awards...four players ahead of him are 1. Curly Hogbottom (25 awards) 2.Naf Naf (23) 3.Max Payne 22  3.Chip Battoe (23)

-- He now ranks 9th all time in playoff scoring with 513 points. First is Dan Mann with 768.

-- Al A. Orden now has the most championship rings in history with 7. He's also in 9th place for most playoff games, having participated in 40. Max Payne holds the record with 51 games.

NEXT UP: Season 56 retirees assigned their places in the MBA universe

Season 56 Finals ... Game 3...Milwaukee at Dallas

DALLAS 88, MILWAUKEE 68 (Slaughter Rule Enforced)

DEMONS WALK IT HOME

DALLAS -- The Dallas Demons swept through their third straight post-season, concluding with their biggest offensive output of the playoffs; an 88-68 victory over Milwaukee that secured the team's record-tying fifth title in a row and 10th overall.

As is their custom, the champs detonated their opponent in one of the quarters, scoring a scorching 34 points in the second to break open what had been a 19-19 deadlock after the first.

Head coach Buzzy Bazinski, who has known nothing but championship seasons since coming aboard five campaigns ago, used just six players, resulting in the only Slaughter Rule game of the post-season...and that came on a last time unit bucket by Vicious Hick.

This marked the 16th consecutive playoff victory for the franchise, which now looks ahead to a record-breaking sixth championship next season. This current title ties the record for most in a row held by Philadelphia.

Break up the Demons! That's the battle cry for the rest of the MBA.

The visiting Greyhounds did manage to have one of their players tie a playoff record, as Milwaukee guard Ehhy Table doled out 10 assists in the losing cause. He joins a list of four others who shared the mark previously. They are:

Season 5...Bullet Bob Sixgun of Charleston against Philadelphia

Season 28...Tubes Mullard of Houston against Seattle

Season 50...Hall of Famer Great Gruncle Terry of Los Angeles against Philadelphia

Season 51...Flufferton Springs of Los Angeles against San Jose

PLAYER OF THE GAME

38 GVP...MVP of the Playoffs the past two seasons, Dallas point guard VICIOUS HICK waited until the final game to deliver the highest point total for a single contest as he bombed Milwaukee for 30 points. The league's leading scorer during the regular season got to 30 on the final time unit, a medium jumper that kicked sand in the face of Milwaukee, making it a 20-point win, and thus, a Slaughter Rule Game. The All-MBA guard went 10 for 18 from the field, hitting 6 of 10 from downtown and going a perfect 4 for 4 from the foul line. He swooped in for 6 rebounds and added a pair of assists. He was trailing teammate Juzan Djinn for Playoff MVP honors entering the game, and as of this writing it's unclear whether he has enough to get his third in a row. If he pulled it out...the third-year man would be the MBA's newest member of the Hall of Fame. 

Other 20-plus GVP performers

32 GVP...Dallas forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano...23 points...4 rebounds...2 steals...2 assists...1 blocked shot.

26 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame two guard Juzan Djinn...15 points...7 rebounds...2 assists...1 steal...1 blocked shot.

26 GVP...Milwaukee forward Scobee Bryant...17 points...4 rebounds...4 assists...1 blocked shot.

22 GVP...Milwaukee forward Zippy Wunderslug...18 points...3 rebounds...1 steal.

21 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...12 points...4 rebounds...3 blocked shots...1 steal...1 assist.

21 GVP...Milwaukee substitute guard Rabbit Munchers...13 points...4 assists...2 steals...1 blocked shot...1 rebound.

NEXT UP: Tallying of the Post-Season stats and leaders and naming of the Playoff MVP.

Expecting a victory, the Demonettes cheerleaders sang a specially composed song by superfan Al Insignificant following the championship clincher. It went a little something like this:

Title: "Demons Dynasty"

(Victory Anthem of the Dallas Demons)

Dallas Demons, hear the roar!
Champions now, forevermore!
Blood, sweat, fire—we ignite,
Five-time kings, shining bright!

🏀 Verse 2:
From the first tip, we take control,
Breaking records, crushing goals.
No surrender, no retreat,
The Demons can’t be beat!

🚀 Bridge:
History’s ours, the banners fly,
Legends forged beneath the sky.
Demons never back away—
We own the court, we run the play!

🎶 Final Chorus:
Dallas Demons, hear the roar!
Champions now, forevermore!
Blood, sweat, fire—we ignite,
Five-time kings, shining bright!

 

Season 56 Finals Game 2...Dallas at Milwaukee

 DALLAS 66, MILWAUKEE 62

DEMONS 'D' WINS SQUEAKER

MILWAUKEE -- The Mighty Dallas defense slowly increased the pressure as this game progressed, coming up with 15 points prevented in the second half and delivering its best effort (8 points prevented) in the final quarter on the way to a 66-62 road win.

That puts the four-time defending champs one win away from a fifth consecutive MBA championship, which would tie with Philadelphia for the most titles in a row.

POINTS PREVENTED BY QUARTERS

Dallas...2...2...7...8...Total of 19 points prevented

Milwaukee...2...4...2...0...Total of 8 points prevented

Top Points Prevented Players

1. Juzan Djinn of Dallas...7 points prevented

2. Johnny Bananas of Milwaukee...6 points prevented

The back-breaking bucket for Dallas came with 6 ticks remaining as the Demons All-MBA point guard Vicious Hick drove to the short zone where he shook all defenders and canned the shot that gave his team a 4-point lead.

This was a game that demonstrated the versatile dominance of Dallas, a team that again finished first in the league in offense and second defensively. Despite shooting just 49.1 percent from the floor, the Demons hunkered down to hold Milwaukee to a paltry 38.2 percent accuracy, blocking 11 shots along the way. 

Meanwhile, Milwaukee yakked up 68 shots, and despite its low shooting percentage, the high-volume strategy served them well almost to the very end. 

Milwaukee started the game like gangbusters, shooting out of the gate with an 11-0 start that had Greyhounds fans on their feet howling like harpies.

But the result that followed was a familiar one...the fourth defeat of the season at the hands of Dallas, and the 15th consecutive playoff triumph for the Demons over the past three seasons.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

33 GVP...Milwaukee small forward SCOBEE BRYANT did a number on Pete Marzano of Dallas, scoring 19 points on 8 of 12 shooting (3 of 4 from deep) and hauling down a game-high 8 rebounds. The third-year man tied for game-high in assists with 3 and in steals with 2, adding a blocked shot to his final GVP total.

Other 20-plus GVP performers

31 GVP...Milwaukee substitute guard Rabbit Munchers...20 points (3 treys)...5 rebounds...3 assists...2 steals...1 blocked shot.

26 GVP...Dallas center Biggus Dickus...16 points...7 rebounds...2 assists...1 blocked shot.

24 GVP...Dallas point guard Vicious Hick...20 points (4 treys)...3 rebounds...1 assist.

21 GVP...Dallas Hall of Fame two guard Juzan Djinn...10 points...4 rebounds...4 blocked shots...2 assists...1 steal...tops in points prevented with 7

NEXT UP: Back to Big D where Demons faithful can watch their team win a fifth consecutive title. 

Season 56 MBA Playoffs...Finals Game 1...Milwaukee at Dallas

DALLAS 76, MILWAUKEE 62

DEMONS KEEP ROLLING

DALLAS -- Make that 14 consecutive post-season wins for the Dallas Demons, who opened the Season 56 MBA Finals with a decisive 76-62 win over the Milwaukee Greyhounds.

As is often the case, the victorious outcome for Mighty Dallas hinged on the four-tme defending champions dominating one of the four quarters. In this case, it was the third, in which they broke open a 1-point halftime lead with a 22-11 third-quarter surge.

Both teams came into the game riding 4-game winning streaks, and for a while it looked like the upstarts from Milwaukee might be able to hang. But once Dallas got its offense untracked in the second half (with Vicious Hick hitting all four of his treys) it was all over.

A couple of interesting stats....Dallas did not even attempt a free throw...and the Demons out-assisted Milwaukee 15-2.

PLAYER OF THE GAME

26 GVP...He came into these Finals as the leader in the Playoff MVP race, and with this performance Dallas Hall of Fame two guard JUZAN DJINN seems well on his way to capturing his third such honor in a career that will likely put him at the top of the pyramid as far as guards are concerned, with a real chance to be the best player ever. In this game he shut down the top Milwaukee scorer Itstha Bishop while scoring 18 points on his own. Djinn went an efficient 8 for 13 from the floor, going 2 for 3 from deep. He added 4 assists, grabbed 3 rebounds and blocked 1 shot. Now in his seventh season, the 6-2 star has racked up 19 career awards, having passed such luminaries at his position as Jesse Shershot and Stu Nod this season. He is currently tied with guard greats Cappy Gambol and Hrundi V. Bakshi with only Uncle Bob Masterson (21 awards) and Naf Naf (23 awards) ahead of him. A Playoff MVP and championship ring would tie him with Masterson and place him 5th All Time in the Hall of Fame rankings behind golden gods Curly Hogbottom (25), Naf Naf (23), Max Payne (22) and Chip Battoe (22).

Other 20-plus GVP performers

25 GVP...Dallas point guard Vicious Hick...22 points (4 treys)...3 rebounds.

24 GVP...Milwaukee power forward Zippy Wunderslug...17 points...7 rebounds.

20 GVP...Dallas power forward Nick Kenpoop...6 points...6 assists...5 blocked shots...3 rebounds.

20 GVP...Dallas small forward Pete "the Steakman" Marzano...14 points...3 rebounds...2 assists...1 blocked shot.

20 GVP...Milwaukee point guard Ehhy Table...15 points (3 treys)...3 rebounds...2 steals. 

NEXT UP: The Finals move to Milwaukee for Game 2 where the Greyhounds hope to halt the ridiculous playoff winning streak of Mighty Dallas.